"BEHIND THE CLOSED DOOR"

CHAPTER FIVE - "Honesty"

Mick held me for a moment, then looked at me and I at him. We both started laughing—this was pretty funny—wanting to make love and not one bed in the whole place! I nuzzled his ear and whispered, "I don't care where you take me, as long as you TAKE me, lover!" I felt him jerk, as though the words hit him physically. He took two steps and laid me on the couch.

"Do you want to do this, honey, or are you still hurting?"

I laughed softly. "I'm still a little tender, but I want you so badly I'm going to start shivering again any second!"

He nodded his head. "Okay. But practically speaking, you haven't eaten since breakfast—are you going to go faint on me? Should we get you something to eat first?"

I put my finger in the little dent in his chin and smiled up at him, all concerned about me. I was touched that he'd think of feeding me before taking his pleasure.

"I don't honestly think I could eat a thing right now, Mick. All I can think about is the taste of you on my tongue. . ."

His eyes started to glaze, then he shook his head, as if to clear his thoughts. "You know, you're going to drive me crazy, talking like that—I need to get the pillows and blanket--you stay right here—I'll be back in a second!"

I waved at him. "Okay! I'll be here when you get back!"

"Yeah, like I can trust you! Have you ever just stayed where I asked you to stay?"

I heard him chuckle to himself as he took off up the stairs so quickly that he looked like a blur. Definitely a speedy vampire on a mission! In a few seconds he was back with the comforter and pillows I had left on the floor by his freezer. He tucked one pillow under my head and told me to lift up. The other pillow he placed under my hips. I watched as he took off his shirt and jeans and stood before me, his mood obviously in sync with mine!

Kneeling down next to me, he began to slowly unbutton the shirt he'd loaned me, stopping at every button or so to kiss my flushed skin. I simply let him do whatever he would do. I was having a little trouble breathing, not sure if it was due to his amazing mouth on mine or the fact that my heart was practically beating out of my chest! I was reassured by the thought that he knew CPR. My shirt ended up on the floor with Mick's oher clothes, and he gracefully got up onto the couch, straddling me, his eyes searching mine.

"Ah, Beth—finally I have you alone again!" His hand touched my cheek, then he tucked a lock of hair behind my ear, then he leaned over and kissed my forehead softly as I let myself relax into the pillow, enjoying the mere wonderful nearness of him, this amazing man, now kissing my cheek, my closed eyelids, my lips, murmuring over and over, "Beth, My Beth! I love you so. . .

My body rose of its own volition, as though trying to close the space between us as he hovered over me, making me pant with wanting. I touched his beautiful face, softly, caressing his cheeks, his chin. Looking into his eyes, glazed with love, lust, and need.

"I love you too, Mick. I don't think it's possible for anyone to love anyone as much as I love you."

His smile was so sweet, and I watched his lips move as he spoke. "You're wrong about that, honey—I love you more."

I shook my head and put a finger over his lips. "No—I love YOU more."

He kissed the my finger on his lips, looked at me directly, filling me with the heat his eyes radiated. "Should we call it a draw? We love each other—very deeply." He took my hand and kissed my palm, licking it lightly, then he put my thumb in his mouth, sucking, before he took it out and sucked each of my fingers in turn. I groaned and writhed under him. I felt wet, hot and limp with desire. His eyes never left mine as he finished with my pinkie finger. "I need you Beth," he said in a very low, soft voice, "I need you right now—"

The way he said it matched the way I felt. By the way he was looking at me, and the way I felt myself responding to him, I was pretty sure this encounter would be fast and furious. After all, we hadn't made love for--hours!

"Me too," I sighed and pulled his face to mine as he found me ready and filled me quickly and with amazing accuracy, causing me to sigh loudly; well, so loudly it might have been bordering on a shout. As soon as he was inside of me, he began to thrust, urgently and at a hurried pace. I met him each time, feeling the pressure build inside of me as he drove me past the point where I was aware of any soreness from last night to the place where I simply connected with him; that magic place that was ours alone. He brought me closer to that place with every thrust of his body, so hard and so powerful against me. I started to whimper, which I thought sounded lame, but I couldn't help myself. He had reduced me down to the level of an invertebrate, a jellyfish, whimpering and quivering under his command. I'd follow him anywhere he took me, and the places he was taking me! "AHHHHHHHHH!" I heard myself say, surprised that it came out of me so unexpectedly--and so LOUDLY!

"Oh, baby, I love to hear the sounds you make when I love you," he said huskily. "Tell me—tell me how you feel—"

"I can't. . .help. . .it! AH! Oh, Mick, oh, yeah! My hips were elevated and he was so deep inside of me that I felt completely inhabited, completely given over to him, so taken by this tide he had swept me up in. I wasn't even aware of what sounds I was making now—only that he was encouraged by hearing them.

"Beth, honey—don't hold back anything—give me all of you—I want all of you! Oh sweetheart!" He was almost savage in his thrusting, and I welcomed it, for I needed the feel of him inside of me more than I needed air or food.

My God! How could I feel this intensely? What was it about this love that made it so. . .

"AHHHHHH!" I was falling, and quickly. "Oh, oh, oh, omigod, oh, omiGOD!" I was over the edge and falling, feeling the strong contractions of my orgasm squeezing him, all of the pleasure washing through me as he pressed in to me, hard and fast, unrelenting, then pushing so powerfully I had to grab the arm of the couch to keep my head from hitting it so hard that my neck would break!

The growl in his throat started low, guttural, like a something hurt deep inside of him, then rose in pitch as the wave swept him along with me. He came powerfully inside of me, causing me to begin to quiver and come with him once again, as together we fell into that state of abandonment of self and into the giving and taking of another that is so complete that it feels almost as though you are freed from the bonds that hold you to earth. The quickness and intensity of the encounter left us both gasping and shuddering, quaking as aftershocks took us back again and then again back to the extreme pleasure our bodies shared.

When at last we floated back to earth, neither of us moved or spoke, not wanting to break the spell. This was beyond us—this was something so extraordinary that I couldn't even think of how I could put it into words. Mick reached down to the floor for the comforter, slid down beside me, throwing the blanket over both of us, and laid his head next to mine on the pillow, still breathing hard, looking at me so intently I dared not blink.

"What WAS that? Beth! This thing between us—it seems to be getting stronger. . ."

He closed his eyes and breathed in and out, struggling for control. I lay there looking at him, wondering myself what this was. This was more than sex! Maybe this was the "intense affair" he spoke of? I didn't know, and I didn't care, as long as I never had to live without it!

I buried my face in his chest, loving the feel of the soft hair on my lips and my face. "I don't know," I whispered almost reverently, "You're older than I am—I thought you'd know—maybe this is how it is to love a vampire?" His arms went tight around me, and he pulled me up so my face was a hair's breadth from his. His eyes looked through me, as if they were looking into my heart. I had no doubt he could do that!

"Honey, I don't want you to think that this has ever happened to me before. I mean, I don't know if you feel it like I do, but it's more than a physical thing—it's like a union of spirits. I don't know! I can't say it right—there are no words, but it's only you. I've never felt the way I feel with you. Not ever."

A chill suddenly hit me and I shivered.

"What is it, Beth?" Oh, how well he could read me!

"Mick—I'm afraid." He held my eyes, and I saw his gaze soften.

"It's nothing to fear, sweet Beth. It's a miracle. I think it means we're just meant to be together—so don't be afraid of it, honey, enjoy it. I'm overwhelmed by this, but I've never felt so--great!" He smiled and kissed the tip of my nose.

"Mick—I'm not afraid of IT—whatever IT is—I'm afraid of losing you. I feel like I can't ever go back to how it was before. I feel completely changed in just a day! Now I understand what loss would be—loss—of this—you—Mick—I'd die, I think. You've given me something I just can't live without. I felt the tears threaten to come to the surface and blinked them back."

We held each other tightly. I never wanted to let go. "You'll have me for all of your life—as long as you want me."

"But that's just it! I want you forever, Mick! I can't ever leave you! Not now that I know what it's like to love you!" I knew the implication lay there between us like the proverbial elephant in the room. I was beginning to wonder if I wanted him to "turn" me because I did truly want forever with him. I totally understood now. It took his love to show me how Jackson had felt when he had asked Emma to turn him—how Simone must feel. Maybe this was the part that was "difficult and dangerous?" I didn't know. "Mick?"

He sighed and put his forehead firmly against mine. "Let's just enjoy the moment, and we can figure all of it out later."

"Okay. We can talk sometime. We have lots of time, right?"

"Absolutely. Beth, I'm not going anywhere. Like it or not, I'm WITH you. With you to the end of—whatever is the end, okay? Let's just let it be for now."

"All right. This is enough for me right now Mick. If nothing good ever happened to me again in my life, I'd be grateful for this day."

"Me too," he whispered as he kissed me lightly. "Let's be practical now--I'm thinking you must be starving."

I felt my stomach roll a little. "I probably should eat something, but you don't have food. Want to come over to my place?"

"That would be good. I'll throw some things together. You have to work tomorrow—it would be easier to go to your place."

"Mick?"

"Yes, Beth?"

"Why didn't you bite? I mean, that was pretty fast, but unless I was wrong, it was very—"

"Intense? Yeah, it was that, for sure! He paused for a few seconds. Then quietly he said, "I bit my arm."

"You did what?" I rose up on an elbow to see him better. "Why? Why would you do that?"

"I didn't want to bite up my leather couch and I didn't want to bite you—so I bit my arm." He said it simply and looked at me matter-of-factly.

"Oh. Uh, is it okay now?"

"It's all healed. What, Beth? What's wrong?"

I hung my head and shook it. I didn't want to say anything and I knew I'd cry if I did. I felt the damned tears fill my eyes. Mick picked my head up by the chin to look at me closely. He seemed a bit worried.

"I think—I—wanted—I guess I wanted to feel your. . .I don't know! Mick I don't get this! A week ago I was repulsed to think you would want to taste my blood! I mean, the desert was just—survival!"

He looked at me very intensely. "Was it Beth? Was it just survival? Or was it more?" His low, soothing voice prompted me to feel less upset. I knew we had to have this conversation. As lovers now, it had to be out in the open.

He waited patiently, watching the conflicting emotions inside of me plainly show on my face. He didn't press me, just waited. Stroking my hair.

"It was more," I said, voice catching in my throat. "It was. We both knew something passed between us, you said you knew it, and I knew it too. I didn't want those feelings at the time, and maybe you didn't either, but you're right. You fed on me to survive, and ever since then, I've felt some kind of connection to you that wasn't there before."

"Okay, that makes this easier to talk about—you felt that happen in a situation that wasn't sexual at all. So, what is troubling you now, Beth? Are you feeling angry that I bit my arm instead of you?"

I looked up quickly, seeing those eyes, and I felt I was drowning in the kindness and love and patience I found there. "It's stupid, isn't it? I. . .I somehow feel jealous. . . or like. . ."

"Like by biting my own arm, I was cheating you out of that pleasure that you've experienced now, once in the desert, and again last night. Am I right?"

I felt so silly, but he was so sweet and understanding about this. "Simone told me once that she felt the, the—feeding? She felt it was 'intimate.' That's what she said."

"Okay, and how do YOU feel about it, Beth? How do you really feel now?"

A tear slid down my cheek just then. "I felt left out, Mick, I didn't know you bit yourself! Honestly—I thought it just didn't happen! But I was—waiting for it! I was! And it didn't happen, so I thought, okay! You don't need to bite every time!"

"I don't—only when I can't help myself."

"Okay! So you were feeling that way, and you didn't. . ."

"I didn't, Beth, because we never talked about it. I didn't want to do something you don't like. I only wanted to please you. Honey, that's all I ever want! Just to please you when I love you!" He kissed my cheeks, kissed away my tears. "It's okay, we're new to each other—this way, I mean—we have to say what we want. Tell me what you want, Beth."

I looked into his eyes again, loving the way they caressed me and made me feel that nothing would ever be wrong as long as he looked at me like that.

"Remember? Best friends? You have to tell me, otherwise I won't know what to do."

"I don't want to miss out on anything, Mick. I want everything from you. When you didn't bite me, when I thought maybe you would, I—I don't know—it felt strange, and. . ."

"Just say it, Beth."

"Okay. Mick—Bite me!"

His smile was leering. "You got it! Right now? Or did you want to wait?"

"Ah, we can wait—until next time."

He smiled and kissed my hand, got up, held a hand out for me and I took his, allowing him to pull me to my feet. He embraced me, firmly, our bare skin touching everywhere. I felt like I was both a protected child and a wanton woman at the same time. I smiled up at him. "You feel sooooo good!"

"You too, but first things first. Let's go get you fed!"

He took me to a little place I hadn't known of before. It was Italian. He ordered two glasses of wine for us and I ordered a chicken salad—no garlic.

"You can eat garlic with me, you know." He said with a smirk.

"I know! I didn't want any garlic!"

"It was supposed to be a chicken Caesar salad, Beth—it'll be bland without the garlic!"

I blushed. "Well, okay. Honesty: I don't want to have garlic breath when I kiss you!"

His head bent back in that cute little gesture he did when he laughed. He looked back at me and smiled. "Okay, thank you." He kept smiling at me, melting me. Would I ever get used to having him look at me like that? I hoped not! It made me feel warm all up and down my body. I shivered.

"Are you cold?"

"No—just wondering if I'd ever get used to the way you look at me that makes me feel like I'm melting, and like my insides turn all to jelly."

"Oooooh. I do that to you? Really?" His eyebrow went up and I giggled.

"Really."

"Whew! Well now, that's a power I didn't even know I had!" He smiled again just as the waiter set the wine down in front of us, along with fresh bread and a dipping oil. I tore off a large hunk of the bread, dipping it in the spiced olive oil. I was so hungry. Mick was watching me chew.

"You have no idea the powers you have!" I said, munching happily on the bread. "Wow! I didn't know I was so hungry!"

"I guess you'll have to fill me in, on all of those powers I don't know I have."

I laughed again and shook my head slightly. "I guess maybe I should learn to keep my mouth shut! I'm giving away all of my secrets!" He lifted his glass, and I did so in turn.

"To our secrets, then."

"Yes, may they always be this wonderful!" He smiled and so did I.

We each took a sip. For some reason, the wine tasted a little off.

"Mick, is your wine okay? Mine tastes kind of funny."

"Oh, really? Mine tastes fine. Let me try yours—you might have gotten the last of an opened bottle. Here, try mine."

We exchanged glasses, then looks, then sipped. We both said at the same time in unison, "This tastes exactly the same."

"Maybe I should order something different." I said. "This just tastes sour to me."

Mick hesitated, swirling his wine around, watching it as it lightly coated the sides of his glass. I watched the sparkle of his ring in the soft light. Such beautiful hands. When I raised my head to look at him again, he was scrutinizing me, looking at me with a very piercing gaze.

In a soft but very serious voice he said, "Maybe you shouldn't be ordering wine, Beth."