Sorry this took so long! Thank you SO MUCH to everyone who reviewed! Enjoy!

Chapter 11

Renji woke pressed against a lean chest, surrounded in warmth and the comforting embrace of Shuuhei's arms. He breathed in the musky scent and nuzzled Shuuhei's neck. The skin right below his jaw was so soft Renji couldn't resist leaving soft kisses on the pale flesh. He worked his way down to the junction between the neck and shoulder.

Shuuhei sighed softly and ducked his head underneath Renji's chin switching their positions. Renji chuckled and pulled back to get an eyeful of the sleeping shinigami. He ran his fingers through the dark hair and gazed at Shuuhei's tranquil face. Every feature was sharp and defined. His eyes were an exotic shape that women for centuries had tried desperately to emulate with cosmetics or plastic surgery. His skin was flawless save for the three scars over his eye on the right side. His jaw was chiseled like the stone statues of ancient warriors Renji had seen in books. He was so hansom; so masculine.

Renji's eyes moved to Shuuhei's lips which were rough, but could produce the softest kisses imaginable. He ached to kiss him now, but didn't want to disturb his peaceful sleep.

He slowly extricated himself from the other man's arms and slipped off the futon. Renji looked out the window, and saw the sun was barely rising over the edge of the horizon. He felt refreshed; he had slept well last night, better than he had in several months. He decided to use the morning to its fullest and head down to the training grounds.

He retrieved his discarded haori, and dressed himself before picking up Zabimaru and his waraji from the floor. He slid the door shut behind him and made his way down the hall.

(It's too early to train Abarai… Go back to sleep…)

Renji looked down at Zabimaru. "Oh, you're talking to me again? What brought this on?"

The Zanpakuto made a sound not unlike a sigh and Renji felt Zabimaru's energy stretch sleepily.

(This is the first morning in quite a while that your reiatsu hasn't made me want to kill myself…)

Renji looked away ashamed. "I'm sorry for the way I've been treating you Zabimaru; I've been really selfish."

(It's alright… I'm glad to see you've stopped being such an idiot… Zangetsu is alright, but he's still an old geezer… It's nice to talk to someone else for a change… I always thought the Wolf Man was a better mate for you anyway…)

"Wolf Man?" Renji frowned as they entered the kitchen.

(Ah, I've said too much… I'm going to get a scolding…)

"Abarai!" a voice startled from the stove. "You're up early!"

Renji abandoned the questions he had for his Zanpakuto, and turned to see Kira in sweats and a S.K.I.N. t-shirt. He was warming something in the microwave and was finishing off the last bit of rice ball in his hand.

"Ah, yeah," Renji ran his hand through his hair, "went to bed at like five or something last night."

Kira nodded. "Why aren't you in your gigai?"

"I'm going to go down to the training grounds for a while; thought I would make the most of the morning."

The microwave beeped, and Kira turned around. "So no breakfast?"

"No," Renji replied. "Thanks, I'm good."

Kira took his bowl and moved to set it on the table, but stopped as he passed Renji. He turned his head toward the red head but his eyes never left the floor.

Renji noted the peculiar expression on the blonds face. "You okay, Kira?"

Kira startled, but shook himself out of it and moved to the table. "Y-yes Abarai, I'm fine."

(He's lying…)

"I'm not stupid Kira," Renji said as he moved closer. "What the hell was that look for?"

Kira turned around and folded his arms over his chest. Bringing his eyes up he met Renji's gaze with a look so cold it turned the red head's blood to ice.

"You smell like Hisagi…"

Renji was taken aback; Kira was never this forward. He usually respected boundaries and never dug into other people's personal matters unless invited. What was his problem? Was he jealous?

"So what if I smell like Hisagi?" Renji tried to keep the growl from his voice. "I spend a lot of time with him."

Kira shook his head and moved closer. "No, Abarai," his voice was almost a whisper, "I'm not saying you smell like his hair or his clothes… I'm saying you smell like… him…"

Woa, okay. How the fuck does he know… Kira's mouth was awfully close to his chin, and Renji couldn't stop the growl from escaping his throat.

"Back up off me, Kira," Renji barked. "How the fuck is this any business of yours?"

Kira did not back down. In fact, his energy flared and his eyes became dark with anger.

"I am his best friend Abarai, it is absolutely my business! Don't you know how broken Shuuhei is? Do you have any idea what you could do to him?" Kira's voice hissed venom, "I will not going to just stand around and watch him be hurt again!"

Renji dropped his guard and moved back a step; the shock was evident on his face. That was so far from what he had expected Kira to say, that his head was spinning. Broken? Shuuhei? Renji had never thought of Shuuhei as anything but strong, composed, a respected leader. What the hell was Kira saying?

"Hurt him?" Renji blinked. "Kira, what are you talking about? What happened? Who hurt Shuuhei?"

Kira dropped his guard also, and relaxed his stance. He took a few steps back and sat at the table.

Sighing, he looked at the floor and whispered, "I did…"

Renji didn't know what to say, he didn't even know what to think. There was so much implied in those two words that the red head decided to just bite his tongue and wait to see if Kira would explain. He leaned against the wall and watched the blond run his fingers through his hair.

"Shuuhei has an almost voracious need to help people," Kira began softly. "He can't stop himself, its part of whatever it is that makes him… whatever he is. After Aizen's betrayal, Shuuhei put aside all of his abandonment issues, all of his hurt and engrossed himself into getting his division back together. The constant activity… the constant fixing of things made it easier to deal with his anxiety…"

When Kira's gaze started to lose its focus, Renji tried to bring him back to topic.

"What does this have to do with you?" he asked.

Kira looked up at him, pain evident in his eyes. "I was one of those things he tried to fix," he whispered. "He came to me because he could see how fucked up I was. He gave me what I needed, and never asked for anything in return."

Renji nodded. "Shuuhei never asks for anything in return."

Kira nodded back and reached for his cup, taking a long drink of the bitter liquid. He lowered the cup and stared into the dark circle. "I was an idiot and took advantage of his kindness. I used him for over a year, and when I ended it, I used the excuse that he didn't really love me- he was just fixing me… and you can't base a relationship on that."

"Fuck, Kira," Renji hissed. He leaned his head against the wall and studied the ceiling. He was beginning to understand a little; why Shuuhei was so hesitant with him. Why they both knew they needed each other, but Shuuhei wouldn't let it happen.

"He did love you though, didn't he?" Renji whispered.

Kira was silent for a few seconds before he sighed, "Yes…"

He had been so blind. He had thought Shuuhei was protecting him, when really Shuuhei was terrified of walking into another situation that would end up in his own heartbreak. He would never admit it of course. Renji suddenly wondered if Shuuhei had admitted it to himself.

Have I always been this self-absorbed; this selfish? Or have I just been so blinded by Ichigo that I lost sight of everyone else?

He looked back down to find Kira studying him intently. Renji shifted uncomfortably under his scrutinizing gaze.

"This situation isn't much different than before…" Kira said. "Your heart is broken, and Shuuhei is trying to fix you. You are walking a very thin line right now Abarai. You need to decide what you're going to do quickly before Shuuhei loses himself again."

Kira stood suddenly and moved to bring his lips close to Renji's ear, startling the red head.

"You need to let Ichigo go…" Kira whispered.

Renji had brutally underestimated the blond Vice Captain. He had always seen Kira as the weakest of their group; frail physically. He had always seemed a little detached from the affairs of his fellow officers, uncaring and even snobbish at times. Renji had never bothered to notice that, underneath his aloof exterior, how calculating Kira really was; how he noticed every detail in his and others interactions. The blond had seen through the mess that was Shuuhei and Renji's relationship. He had shoved all the proverbial garbage out of the way to find the heart of their problems and shove it in Renji's averse but desperate face.

Renji took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, trying to calm his nerves. All the new information was fighting for room in his aching skull. That, and the fact that Kira had just voiced his most intimate secret aloud, was giving him the impression the room was spinning. He closed his eyes as he fought for control of his errant thoughts.

Then the world tilted as Kira brushed his lips against his neck.

"I can smell his sweat…" Kira whispered. "I can smell his come on you Abarai…"

Renji almost whimpered, but gripped Kira's arm and pushed him back. "Stop," he choked out.

Kira's eyes swam back into focus as Renji's blunt nails ground into his flesh. He gasped softly and a deep scarlet line made its way across his cheeks.

"Oh gods," he breathed.

Half hard and trying desperately to calm his breathing, Renji let go of Kira and watched as the smaller man covered his mouth with his hands. He didn't know whether to be angry at his friend, or comfort the obviously distressed shinigami.

Thankfully, Kira understood and backed away even further. He lowered his hands and forced himself into a calm stance.

"I'm sorry, Abarai," he said. "I lost control… I'm alright now. Go and train, I'll make you something to eat when you come back up."

With that, he dismissed the red haired Vice Captain and turned back to his cooling breakfast.

Renji wasted no time moving toward the back of the shop. He opened the hatch to the underground training cavern, and lowered himself down the ladder.

Holy shit, it's not even six o'clock and already and my day is fucked up…

(I feel bad for that one…)

"I know," Renji replied. "He's been through a lot. I just… wasn't expecting…"

(You didn't know they were lovers?)

"How could I?" Renji landed on the hard dirt of the training grounds, and made his way toward his favorite practice spot. "I was in the real world! The only times I saw them the first year after the betrayal were when we were fighting Arrancar!"

(I suppose…)

As he made his way around large boulders and jumped over familiar cracks in the floor, he sensed a familiar reiatsu and almost stopped in his tracks.

(Well, he's up early… I wonder what he's doing here…)

Renji ignored Zabimaru, and fought the urge to rush back to the ladder, and make a b-line right back into bed with Shuuhei.

(Let's go… You wanted to train; this is a good opportunity…)

Renji sighed, but moved forward until he saw the familiar black of a uniform thrown over a boulder. He shrugged out of his own, and laid his own top with it, along with his sash. He made his way forward until he saw a streak of orange, followed by a loud crash and the familiar laugh that sounded as if it were under water.

He thrust the tip of Zabimaru into the ground and pulled his hair back, securing it with an elastic band. He waited for the hollow to notice him. He had learned over the years that when Ichigo was in his half form, it was best not to interrupt him.

He watched the quick movements of the young man's arms; the flex and strain of his lithe torso as he hurled yet another cero into the wall. Renji took his Zanpakuto and threw it over his shoulder in mock annoyance, as the hollow Ichigo turned to face him.

"Abarai!" the hollow sneered. "You're up late!"

Renji rolled his eyes. The hollow Ichigo was twice as annoying as the real Ichigo, and always managed to rile him up twice as fast.

"It's actually early jackass," Renji said. "You've been up all night?"

The hollow snickered. "Ichi couldn't sleep… poor baby's got too much on his mind."

Renji moved forward. The comment had sparked his interest but he knew if he wanted something from the hollow, the best course of action was to feign indifference.

"Ah, okay. Guess I'll just train on my own, if you're not up to it."

Hollow Ichigo threw back his head and cackled. "Ah Abarai! If only you knew the thoughts that have been rattling around in this pathetic head!"

Renji moved away, his heart hammering but keeping the mask of indifference on his face.

"Pfft, why would I care about some stupid shit floating around in Ichigo's head? The kid is nuts."

Finding a suitable spot to stretch his muscles, Renji placed the tip of Zabimaru in the ground again. Keeping his back to the hollow, the tattooed shinigami lifted his arms over his head pulling at the tension in his shoulders.

"He knows Abarai…" the hollow hissed.

Renji froze.

X x X x X

Shuuhei woke slowly, letting himself become fully aware of his surroundings before he opened his eyes. The space next to him was warm, and he could smell the spicy scent of Renji's hair still lingering on the pillow. Shuuhei turned to bury his face in the fabric. Breathing deeply, he let his thoughts drift back to the night before. He thought of Renji's hair between his fingers, his hands touching him, exploring his body. His kisses on his skin, his mouth- oh gods his mouth- So hot, so fucking perfect…

A flash of reiatsu and a strong spiritual pulse jarred Shuuhei from his peaceful awakening. The shinigami recognized the energy and his eyes snapped open; his body tensing so hard his jaw began to ache. The pulse gave way to a low hum, and Shuuhei could feel the tips of his fingers and the back of his neck prickle.

Shuuhei slowly sat up keeping his eyes straight ahead, his gaze fixed on the wall. He felt the other across the room, but didn't turn to look. Shuuhei knew what he would see, and he wasn't ready for it.

Silence hung thick in the air like moisture; Shuuhei felt if he reached out he could touch it. Tension stretched on for long minutes until Shuuhei's nerves we so frayed he wanted to claw his eyes out.

"What do you want?" Shuuhei finally asked.

There was movement; a soft ruffling of heavy fur and claws clicking on the wooden floors. Shuuhei felt the spirit move closer to him with strong steady strides.

(I was told I should speak to you…)

"Oh really," Shuuhei pulled his legs in and crossed them. "Told by whom?"

(Zabimaru…)

Shuuhei almost snickered. "You haven't spoken to me in almost ten years. I meditate and meditate until I feel like my brain is going to fall out my ears and you give me nothing. But the second Zabimaru suggests you speak to me, you show up… No offence or anything but fuck you."

The spirit was silent, and for a moment Shuuhei thought he was going to disappear again. But the clicking of claws on the wood began again as the dark form moved closer to the futon.

(If I had my way, I would still be sleeping peacefully… But the baboon has been at me for days with his constant nagging… The snake is even worse… Sometimes his trill voice makes me want to bite its chattering little head off…)

"Oh well shit," Shuuhei closed his eyes and crossed his arms, "let me muster up some sympathy for you… Oh nope, sorry. I can't."

(Still a child I see…)

"And you're still an asshole."

Shuuhei felt hot breath on his arm as the spirit sighed, and the futon shifted as a weight settled next to him. He remembered when that weight had been a constant comfort; the coarse fur had surrounded him to make him feel warm and safe.

After another few minutes of strained silence, the spirit spoke again. He was quieter this time; softer.

(The baboon said I should apologize to you…)

Shuuhei's eyes shot open. His fingers dug into the flesh of his biceps and he swallowed thickly.

"Apologize for what?"

(That was not quite clear… I couldn't remember why we were bickering, so he just said to apologize… in general…)

Shuuhei sat for a moment barely breathing, waiting for the spirit to continue. He didn't remember why they had been at each other's throats either, and now hearing Zabimaru's stupidly simple solution… the whole thing seemed rather ridiculous.

"Don't apologize…" Shuuhei said softly, "just stop being distant…"

(I never said I was actually going to apologize…)

Shuuhei growled, finally turning to meet blood red eyes and the grinning maw of a massive black wolf. Silver streaked across its face and down its muscular back. Silver hoops glinted in its ears; colorful leather bracelets wrapped its legs, and around its neck hung a leather cord decorated with large colorful beads.

"You asshole!" Shuuhei hissed, "I was making an effort! Why do you always-"

He was cut off by an incredibly rough tongue sliding over his face. The wolf licked him from neck to forehead in one fluid motion, leaving Shuuhei blinking and speechless.

(I never said I wasn't going to either…)

Shuuhei remained stupefied for a few more seconds before shaking his head, and wiping a hand over his sticky face.

"I don't understand. Why do you want to reconcile all of a sudden?"

The wolf's grin lessened and he sighed, lowering his muzzle until it lay in Shuuhei's lap.

(For the first time in a very long time, your spirit is almost at peace… You have been happier the last few weeks than I have ever seen you... Zabimaru is saying the same thing about your Fire Mane... You two are bringing each other up from dark places…. It makes me glad… I wish to never again see you like you were…)

Shuuhei tentatively began to stroke the shaggy head in his lap. The wolf responded with an affectionate twist of his neck, encouraging the shinigami to scratch his ears.

"I still don't understand what that has to do with you and me," Shuuhei frowned.

(A bond between two shinigami is incomplete without the merging of their Zanpakuto's souls… And I cannot merge with Zabimaru without being as one with you…)

Shuuhei stopped petting, and looked down at his soul slayer.

"So wait…" Shuuhei stammered, "You're doing this… so me and Renji…"

(I just want to see you happy again Hisagi Shuuhei…)

The wolf's worlds burrowed deep into Shuuhei's chest, filling him with a feeling so warm it almost brought tears to the shinigami's eyes. He lowered his head to bury his face in the thick fur.

"Thank you, Kazeshini."

Kazeshini nuzzled Shuuhei's neck, and licked up the shinigami's face again. Shuuhei 'eewed' and tried to wipe the mess off his skin. The wolf looked up at him and started to chuckle.

"What?" Shuuhei made a face. He ran his hands through his hair, and suddenly his eyes widened.

"Aahh… Kazeshini… You just fucked up my hair didn't you?"

X x X x X

"He knows, Abarai…"

Cold spread through Renji's chest. It branched out to his collar, to his shoulders; it made its way across his arms as he slowly lowered them to his sides. All feeling left his body, save for the chill as it writhed beneath his skin. Every nerve ending froze, his lungs halted as if a shell of ice incased them. His heart slowed, skipping beats. In every long stretch of seconds, Renji vaguely wondered if it was actually going to start up again.

Forcing his lips apart, compelling his throat to speak, Renji almost choked as he whispered. "Knows what?"

The hollow moved behind Renji, and brought his lips close to the red head's ear.

"Oh, let's not play that game…" he hissed. "You know exactly what I'm talking about."

Renji jerked his head away and pulled Zabimaru from the ground. He didn't plan on attacking Ichigo, but the feel of the hilt between his fingers was a comfort; even if it was slight.

"Don't fuck with me," Renji spat. He glared at the hollow over his shoulder.

The hollow cackled and slithered around to Renji's front, his face came inches from the red head's. Renji tried to back away, but Ichigo's hand grabbed his arm in a vice grip.

"Oh… but Abarai…" Ichigo's lips just barely brushed Renji's; his breath was hot on the taller man's skin. "Isn't that what you want me to do? Fuck with you?" The hollow let out a moan, and his voice changed to sound less like itself, and more like Ichigo. "Oh Renji…" Renji's whole body began to shiver at the sound of Ichigo saying his name in that high, mewling voice. "Renji, don't you wanna bend me over one of these rocks right now? Pound your cock into my tight ass?"

Renji hissed, and brought Zabimaru up to Ichigo's throat. His breathing was labored, and he felt sick as his cock began to respond to the hollow's torment. The member throbbed painfully in the folds of his hakama.

"Get the fuck away from me," Renji rasped. He desperately tried to keep his voice under control, but there was no mistaking the tremor in his words. Zabimaru's edge pressed against Ichigo's neck as Renji's hand shook.

(Abarai… Renji, calm down…)

The hollow chuckled again, and pushed forward against the blade.

"Poor, poor Abarai… This is probably so embarrassing for you. Would you like to talk to Ichigo about it? Maybe you two can work out this little problem."

"No!" Renji almost screamed. He wasn't ready to face Ichigo yet, especially if Ichigo knew.

The hollow moved back and met Zabimaru with a quick slice from Zangetsu. Renji was caught off guard, and found himself in a hilt lock. Ichigo's masked face was again inches from his own.

"You really should talk to him, Abarai. King has some things he's just dying to get off his chest."

Renji let out a noise halfway between a growl and a sob. He knew the moment the hollow relinquished his hold Ichigo would come out and tell him he never wanted to see Renji again. Everything would be over; he would lose Ichigo's friendship forever.

"Why are you doing this?" Renji asked in a broken whisper.

Ichigo's lips sneered. "Because I can."

X x X x X

Shuuhei made his way down the hall but paused in the doorway to the kitchen. He was met with the sight of Kira, slumped over the table with his head in his hands. Shuuhei made no move to approach, knowing Kira could feel him and would acknowledge him if he was patient.

Sure enough, Kira's shoulders shifted and his reiatsu reached out.

"Good morning Hisagi…"

Shuuhei moved to the table. He pulled a chair up beside Kira's and took the blonds hands as he sat.

"What's wrong, Kira?" Shuuhei asked. His voice was gentle, but there was no mistaking the subtle command underneath.

Kira looked up with a haunted gaze. Old pain and old misery played in the depths of his eyes, and Shuuhei felt a familiar panic begin to rise in his chest.

"Kira," Shuuhei said carefully. "What's wrong? Tell me."

Kira blinked before he lowered his head and Shuuhei saw the muscles in his jaw clench.

"I'm so worried about you Shuuhei…"

Shuuhei's hands left Kira's to turn the blonds face to meet his. "It's alright, love. You don't have to worry about me."

"Don't call me that, Shuuhei. I don't deserve it."

"Kira," Shuuhei's tone became firm. "I've told you a thousand times…"

"I know, Shuuhei, I'm sorry."

Shuuhei brushed blond strands behind Kira's ear. "Tell me what's bothering you, Kira."

Kira sighed, taking Shuuhei's hand and squeezing. "I was talking to Renji, and I got… a little carried away. I'm just really worried about you Shuu… If I see you… like that again… I won't be able to handle it."

"You have to stop beating yourself up, Kira."

"It's my fault."

"Stop," Shuuhei said. "I told you I'd punch you if you ever said that again."

Kira smiled at that. The darkness in his eyes lifted slightly, and a little color spread through his cheeks.

"Actually, I think you said you'd spank me if ever said that again."

Oh yeah," Shuuhei chuckled, "I did, didn't I?"

Kira nodded and leaned back, his hand fell to his lap.

"Shuuhei…" he started.

"Hm?" Shuuhei reached for Kira's tea and stole a sip.

"I think… I think you and Renji… If you can work everything out… will be good together…"

Shuuhei lowered the cup and smiled at his blond friend. A confession like that from Kira meant more to him than he could ever express out loud. He found Kira's hand again, and brought it to his lips.

"I'm glad you're my friend, Kira."

The blond blushed harder and looked away quickly. His smile widened as he spoke between his teeth.

"Shut up…"

X x X x X

Renji watched in horror as the hollow mask began to slip from Ichigo's face and the smoky blackness receded from his eyes. Ichigo was coming out and there was nothing Renji could do. Ichigo's hand was holding his arm so tightly it was sure to leave deep bruises.

"Please no…" Renji choked. "Stop this…"

Sweat soaked orange locks curtained Ichigo's eyes. Golden pupils gave way to milk chocolate, as pieces of red and white mask crumbled and fell, scraping against the skin of Renji's chest. Renji felt like crying as the hollow disappeared and Ichigo stared up at him.

It's over… It's all over…

X x X x X

Shuuhei drained the remaining contents of Kira's glass. "You want more?" he asked the blond.

Kira shook his head.

Shuuhei stood, and took Kira's dishes to the sink. He turned on the water and rinsed out the cup.

"You said you saw Renji this morning?" Shuuhei asked over his shoulder.

"Yeah," Kira said as he stood.

"Do you know where he went?"

"Yes. He went to the underground training grounds. He said he wanted to make the most of the morning."

Shuuhei nodded and rinsed his face. "Maybe he'd like some company," he said into a towel.

Kira came to stand beside him. "I think… he already has some."

Shuuhei looked at him, raising an eyebrow.

"What do you mean?"

Kira looked toward the hatch, and folded his arms.

"I think Ichigo is down there too…"

Shuuhei looked toward the hatch as well, and started to grind his teeth.

"Shit…"

Kira put a hand on his shoulder. "I'm sure it's fine Shuu… They are sparring partners after all."

"Yeah, but," Shuuhei made his way toward the hatch, "I told Ichigo about Renji…"

Shuuhei missed Kira's eyes go wide.

"Oh fuck…"

X x X x X

Slowly, Ichigo's fingers lessened their hold on Renji's arm. The red head was frozen yet again; his worst nightmare was coming true, and he just wanted it over as fast as possible.

Ichigo's eyes never left his.

"Renji…" he whispered.

Renji swallowed, and a soft sigh escaped between his lips. "You were listening?"

Ichigo nodded.

Renji slowly pulled his arm away, and backed up until his shoulder blades hit a boulder. His eyes turned to the ground, and he ran a hand over his face.

"I'm sorry Ichigo… I… I didn't want to… Fuck…"

He put a hand over his eyes, and clenched his jaw. He would not break down in front of Ichigo. It was bad enough that he knew, and it would kill Renji to have him think he was weak also.

"Renji…" Ichigo whispered. "Why didn't you say anything?"

Renji looked up, his breathing heavy, but still under control, "What?"

Ichigo took a step forward. "Why didn't you say anything to me? Why didn't you tell me?"

Renji straightened, "Why the fuck would I!" he shouted. "I didn't want to ruin our friendship! I knew you wouldn't wanna be around me if you knew how I felt about you!"

"You assumed!" Ichigo shot back. "You have no idea what I would have said! You have no fucking idea what I would have done!" Ichigo's voice was wavering and Renji was horrified to realize the younger man was close to tears. "How could you let me hurt you like that for so long?"

Renji felt his chest tighten painfully. Heat sprang up into his eyes, and he suddenly felt like he had to throw up. He knew Ichigo would react like this; he knew the kid would beat himself up for something he had no control over.

"The pain I went through was nothing…" Renji paused as the thought brought another wave of heat behind his eyes, "compared to what it would have felt like, if I had told you… and you had told me to go away."

Renji readied himself for the rejection; he readied himself for the words he had feared and had nightmares over for years. He braced himself against the crashing wave of pain those words were going to cause.

But those words never came.

Instead, Ichigo threw down Zangetsu and flash stepped to Renji. He gripped the red head's shoulders and shoved him against the wall with almost enough force to knock the wind out of Renji's lungs.

"I wouldn't have told you to go away you asshole!" Ichigo screamed.

Renji grunted as the pain shot down his back, but he managed to look down at Ichigo and bare his teeth.

"Well I didn't want you to be nice to me out of pity…" he spat.

Tears were flowing freely down Ichigo's cheeks. He looked up at Renji and seemed to deflate against the larger man's chest. "Renji…" he whispered, "I wouldn't have turned you away… I wouldn't have pitied you…"

Renji's heart sped up. His pulse started pounding in his head. Ichigo's body was pressed against his; his breath was grazing the skin of his neck. If he lowered his head Ichigo's lips would be right there… Right fucking there! He turned his face away, and almost cried out as his body rubbed against Ichigo's lithe form. Every nerve ending he possessed screamed at the contact with Ichigo's skin.

""Ichigo…" Renji moaned, "I can't stand this..."

"If only you had told me, Renji… But now I'm with Inoe… I love Inoue, Renji… I could never leave her… gods… if you had just told me…"

Renji squeezed his eyes shut as the tears started to fall.

"God damnit, Renji…" Ichigo grabbed Renji's jaw, and pulled his lips to his own.

Ichigo's lips were soft; he knew they would be soft. His kiss was wild, gratis and loving. He tested like fire and sweat, life and everything forbidden. Renji growled and pressed into the smaller man.

But Ichigo was found wanting. Ichigo didn't respond to Renji like the red head had hoped. Ichigo's fire was bright, but it didn't consume him. Ichigo's kiss was wonderful, but it was lacking. He tasted just like Renji had always dreamed he would, but he was surprised how mild it turned out to be.

This was nothing compared to Shuuhei's passion.

Oh shit, Shuuhei…

Shuuhei kissed Renji like his life depended on it; like it was the last thing he would ever do in all eternity. When Shuuhei touched him, lightening erupted from inside and cracked all over his skin. To taste Shuuhei was like tasting heaven; it was the finest tea, the sweetest musk. Shuuhei's heat consumed him; Shuuhei made Renji feel whole.

Then Renji did what he never thought- never dreamed he would in ten thousand years.

He pushed Ichigo away.

"No…" he gasped. "Ichigo stop… we can't…"

Ichigo looked up at him, breathing deep, cheeks flushed. His glazed eyes started to clear, and an expression of utter shock swept over his face.

"Renji…"

Renji brought the back of his hand up to his mouth, and fought the urge to bite through it.

"I'm sorry, Ichigo… I've wanted this for so long… but I… I don't think…"

A voice came from the edge of the clearing, startling them both.

"So, are you done?"

Renji whipped his head around to see Shuuhei, leaning against a large rock. His arms were crossed tightly over his chest, the way he did when he was fighting a particularly strong urge to fidget with things. The look on his face was one of such anger, such open disappointment, Renji almost started to cry anew.

Ichigo stepped back quickly, and wiped a hand across his face. "How long have you been there?

Shuuhei pushed off the rock, and gave Renji a heated glare.

"Long enough…"

With that he turned and made his way back to the ladder, leaving Renji with a sickening feeling in his stomach, and a painful ache in his heart.

TBC