I would like to take the time to thank some of my reviewers. I am sorry I can't reply to all of you individually, my computer won't let me reply from the email. First off: Anger House. Your reviews make me happy! I opened up my email a couple mornings ago and saw like 50 messages from you! (loves) Coudface, JadeRent and sommar, your comments always make me laugh! Thank you! And From The Psych Ward, your review sent me skyrocketing into euphoric bliss.

Thank you everyone who reviewed! I don't really ask for them, so I appreciate the time you took to write something for me! Thanks you all again! hugs hugs hugs :)

A/N: Fixed the confusion with Shuuhei's released form.

Chapter 12

As he watched Shuuhei's back as the dark haired shinigami disappeared behind a rock, a part of Renji fought the urge to just throw down his sword and curl up in a tight ball. He wanted to crawl into a hole and disappear forever. Another part of him wanted to run after Shuuhei, but that seemed something a desperate crazy person would do. Not that he wasn't crazy… but he was beginning to become borderline desperate…

And Goddamnit he just had this discussion with Kira! Not twenty minutes had passed, and he had already fucked up the best thing he had in his life right now. Nice going Renji; great fucking job.

Laughter at his side caught his attention. He turned to see Ichigo; black katana thrown over his shoulder, hand resting on his hip, teeth bared in a fierce grin. Renji watched the young Vizard as he chuckled softly, watching the spot where Shuuhei had been.

Wait, what the fuck? This was the Ichigo that said 'I just killed ten hollows, where the hell were you?'. What happened to the 'I'm an asshole for hurting you' Ichigo?

Renji was beginning to get a cold feeling again but it was entirely different reason. His blood pumped heavily through his veins, weighed down by an icy chill that sent shivers down his spine.

"What the hell is so funny, Ichigo?" Renji said through his teeth.

Ichigo looked at Renji as if just realizing he was there. He tipped his head back and shrieked at the ceiling. The sound was the strangest combination of a laugh and a scream Renji had ever heard.

"Oh, Abarai!" Ichigo wailed, "The look on your face! I wish I had a fucking camera!"

(Abarai… this is bad…)

Renji blinked and wondered suddenly if he was dreaming.

"Ichigo… are you…"

Ichigo lowered his sword, and danced up to Renji's side. He grinned ferociously up at the red head as he cocked his head to the side, his eyes maniac.

"Sorry, Abarai. Ichigo isn't home right now, but you can leave a message after the beep."

Renji watched as the orange of Ichigo's hair started to fade. It started at the roots, and slowly seeped towards the tips. The hair around his ears turned gray, and then quickly lost all color. The locks that fell into his eyes were the last to go. Soon the shorter man was staring up at him with shocking white hair and unnaturally pale skin.

But his eyes were what scared Renji the most. They were brown, not gold… they were still Ichigo's. What. The. Fuck. This was not Ichigo… it just looked like Ichigo. Was the hollow controlling him? How? If it was, where was the mask? Didn't he have to have a mask?

"How are you doing this?" Renji whispered.

Ichigo moved still closer and brushed his nose against Renji's jaw. "Ah, no more questions, Abarai. There's lots of other fun things I wanna do besides talk."

Renji considered himself a brave person. Not fearless by any means, but he had held his ground against fearsome enemies time and time again. He prided himself for being the kind of person who would face the greatest opposition, the most ruthless of foes for the sake of his friends and loved ones. And he would do it with the cockiest remark he could think of, and a confident, annoying grin.

But now for the first time, as he stood rooted to this spot in Urahara's training room, Renji felt terror. Panic he had never before experienced welled in his chest and rendered his limbs immobile. This was Ichigo's hollow; unleashed and unguarded. Renji had seen glimpses of the horrendous power hidden inside Ichigo's soul. He had seen what this alter ego was capable of, and it disturbed him to see it used on his enemies. Now all that power was going to be used against him.

Renji knew he was probably going to die in the next few minutes, and knowing it would be at the hand of his best friend, immediately after he confessed his feelings… The gods must really really hate him.

(Renji… I can't feel Zangetsu…)

"Shit…" Renji said aloud.

Ichigo moved back and raised his sword to point at Renji's neck.

"You came down here to spar didn't you, Abarai?" Ichigo's grin widened, if that was possible, and Renji wondered if his teeth had gotten sharper. "Let's do it."

Renji had almost no time to react; he jumped back as Ichigo's blade sliced a long ribbon into his chest. Blood flowed freely down his stomach, soaking the top of his hakama. He brought Zabimaru up just in time to block Ichigo's next attack, but he was no match for the hollow's strength. Ichigo shoved the tsuba of Renji's sword hard into the fresh wound of his chest, and Renji fell back with a strangled cry. The red

head landed on his back, but managed to guard his face from Ichigo's katana even as the breath was knocked from his lungs.

"Give up, Abarai!" The hollow screeched; his voice had returned to that underwater rasp.

"Ichigo!" Renji called desperately. "Ichigo! Can you hear me?"

"Don't bother trying, Abarai!" Ichigo's face came close again. Their swords screamed as metal was ground against metal. "Ichigo is as good as dead!"

Renji was knocked back. He slid several feet away from Ichigo, and slammed into a boulder. His head spun and darkness threatened the edges of his vision. He tried to stand and brace himself for the next attack. He was going down fighting.

Suddenly, there was cold. Real cold. Tendrils of soft snow wound their way around Ichigo's arms and neck. Ice incased the Vizard's feet, confining him to the ground. Ichigo's face lost its grin as he struggled to maintain control of his limbs. The flex of snow pulled tight and slammed Ichigo to the ground.

Renji lost it for a moment and his vision completely blackened. When he stirred, he was sitting with his back against the rock. He looked up to find Ichigo surrounded. Ikkaku had wrapped his koa around Ichigo's neck. Yumichika was there beside him standing on Ichigo's sword arm, Fuji Kujaku posed over Ichigo's bicep. Kira and Matsumoto both had their Zanpakuto's pointed at Ichigo's neck. Hitsugaya stood a few feet away with Rukia. Ishida stood on a nearby boulder; the Quincy had an arrow pulled, ready to strike.

And there in the middle, was one Hisagi Shuuhei. Renji's eyes widened as he took in the dark haired shinigami. He stood with one foot planted on Ichigo's chest, the other braced behind him on the ground. His face showed no signs of anger or malice, just calm determination. In his hands he held two double bladed Kusarigama, conneceted together with a black chain. Shuuhei calmly held one of the weapons at his side, and the other directly over Ichigo's heart.

Shuuhei released his shikai?

"Well," a tired voice said from beside Renji. "Seems we have another problem…"

Renji's head snapped around to find Urahara standing a few feet to his right. The shopkeeper stood with a lazy slouch, his arms folded over his chest.

"Are you alright, Abarai?" Urahara asked, his eyes never leaving Ichigo.

"I'll live…" muttered Renji.

Urahara slowly made his way over to Ichigo. He put his hands on his hips, and leaned over the confined Vizard.

"So, how long as it been you?"

Ichigo giggled. "A while now. Shit, you guys are so dense you didn't notice… it's fucking sad."

Shuuhei ground his foot into Ichigo's chest, and the hollow grunted.

"Damn Hisagi," Ichigo's eyes turned to the tattooed shinigami above him. "You like it kinda rough don't ya? Can see why Renji digs you."

He was rewarded by a rattle of the chain, and Shuuhei let the head of one Kusarigama crash down on his head. The hollow cried out as his eyes swam out of focus.

"Don't fucking talk to me…" Shuuhei snarled, pulling the weapon back into his hand by the chain.

"Easy, Hisagi," Ikkaku warned.

Renji got to his feet and wiped the blood trickling from his mouth with the back of his hand.

"How much of it was you?" Renji rasped.

All eyes turned to Renji, but he didn't care. He wanted answers. "How much of what just happened was you? Was Ichigo there at all?"

Ichigo's mouth grinned the hollow grin. "It was all me, Abarai… But it wasn't nothing Ichigo hadn't thought about before…"

Renji felt he was going to be sick. He faintly heard Urahara talking to Hitsugaya about binding spells, and getting Tessai. His vision clouded from blood loss and fatigue, and he swayed on his feet. The darkness that had threatened before came back in full force.

When he came to, Rukia cradled his head as Tessai worked at healing the wound in his chest. Yumichika crouched nearby, chin in his hands.

"Doesn't the tub in the bathroom have healing properties?" Yumichika asked.

Tessai nodded. "We'll place him in there when I finish. I need to get him well enough to walk first though, unless you want to carry him up the ladder."

"No thank you!" Yumichika sang.

Renji grunted, and grabbed one of Tessai's hands. "I'm fine," he growled, "I don't need the bath."

Rukia slapped his hand away. "No, you're not fine idiot. This cut got almost all the way through your ribs. Shut up and let Tessai-san work."

Renji relaxed, knowing it was futile trying to argue with Rukia. He stared up at the ceiling, letting his vision go out of focus as he vexed about his confrontation with Ichigo.

It had been the fucking hollow. He had confessed, but not to Ichigo. Was Ichigo able to listen? Was he aware of things around him? The hollow always seemed to know what was going on when Ichigo was in charge, so why wouldn't it work the other way around? But then again, if Ichigo was conscious, wouldn't he be doing everything he could to regain control? Had the hollow really beaten him?

"Renji!" Rukia shook him.

"What?" Renji groaned.

"Tessai-san is done, try and sit up."

Renji did, with only minimal pain. He looked down and ran his fingers over the horizontal line just under his nipples. The flesh was raw and raised, but the bleeding had stopped.

"This will do for now," Tessai said. "I knitted the flesh together as best I could. There's still a chance of infection though, so I suggest you go get in the bath. No hard movements either, it might reopen."

Renji nodded, and Yumichika helped him to his feet. He made his way slowly up the ladder, Yumichika with him the whole way. When he opened the hatch and pulled himself carefully up into the shop, he was met with the high pitched screams of Ichigo's hollow. Renji turned to Yumichika, panic evident on his face.

"It's alright," Yumichika assured. "They're not hurting him. He's just pissed off because they're putting some kind of high level binding spell on him."

"Who is?" Renji asked as Yumichika took his arm to help him down the hall.

"Urahara-san, Hitsugaya Taichou, and Hisagi."

"Hisagi?"

"Yes," Yumichika pushed Renji into the bathroom, and moved to fill the tub. He tested the temperature of the water and then moved to the cupboard. "Urahara-san asked for his help because the spell requires an intense amount of concentration. You know how Shuu-chan is. His obsession with details and his need for perfection make him the perfect third for the spell." He selected several small containers from the shelves as he talked, and poured various things into the water.

Renji felt a knot tighten in his stomach when Yumichika spoke of Shuuhei. He sat on the bench, and put his face in his hands.

Yumichika stopped what he was doing and moved toward Renji. He placed a comforting hand on the tattooed man's head.

"I'm sure Ichigo will be fine, Renji-kun."

Renji groaned into his hands. "He's not who I was thinking about…"

Renji could almost hear Yumichika's jaw drop. The smaller man suddenly grabbed Renji by the arms, and pulled him to his feet. "Get out of these cloths, and into the tub."

Renji turned away, and pulled off his hakama. Yumichika laughed at Renji's show of modesty and teased him for it. Renji just growled back as he lowered himself into the tub, and leaned back against the side.

The water was infinitely soothing, and he could already feel the tingling around his chest wound and the tension in his muscles started to ease.

Yumichika pulled the shower bench beside Renji and sat, his arms crossed and leaning on the side of the tub.

"Okay," he said, "spill. Now."

Renji gave him his best scowl, but gave up when he saw the sparkle in his friends' eyes. Yumichika wasn't going anywhere until Renji told him something juicy. The narcissist bastard loved a good story, and would do almost anything to get one.

Renji sighed and started from the beginning. He told Yumichika about going down to the training grounds, meeting Ichigo, talking to the hollow, and then the whole fiasco about Ichigo knowing, and Renji's confession. When Renji told him about the kiss and Shuuhei being there the whole time, Yumichika's eyes got bigger and bigger until Renji was sure they were going to fall right out of his head.

"Poor Shuu-chan…" Yumichika sighed when he finished.

Renji lowered his gaze to the water, and reached his hands up to pull at his hair tie. When his hair was free, he leaned back again and ran his fingers though it absentmindedly.

"I'm so stupid, Yumichika… I don't know how to fix this," Renji whispered.

Yumichika straightened, and carefully pushed a strand of hair away from his face. "Well, Shuuhei is going to act like nothing happened, you know that."

Renji nodded.

"He's going to want time alone to go brood like he does… but I think you should go after him. Shuuhei always thinks he has to deal with everything by himself."

"I know…" Renji murmured. "But what if he hates me now? What if he doesn't want me around him anymore?"

Yumichika smiled at that, and leaned over to rest his chin on his hands.

"Renji-kun… did you know, that every time someone mentioned you while you were away, he would get this distant look in his eyes, and completely drop out of the conversation? Have you ever caught the expression on his face when he's looking at your hair? Do you not listen to the way he praises you all the time? I have never been able to understand how you could miss one of the sexiest shinigami in all of soul society practically worshiping the ground you walk on. Why you've never taken advantage of that… I have no idea. You are a freak of nature."

Renji stared at Yumichika. "How does he look when he looks at my hair?"

Yumichika giggled. "Like he could cry and scream and laugh all at the same time."

Renji lowered his gaze to the water again. He now knew how he felt about Shuuhei; the kiss with Ichigo had opened his eyes. He also knew that he was willing to fight to keep him. Renji decided to stop with this selfish game he played with feelings for something that could never be, and resolved himself to fixing what he had broken.

"I need some time to think, Yumichika. Thank you for your help."

Yumichika slowly stood, and placed a kiss on Renji's forehead before exiting the bathroom.

X x X x X

Shuuhei fell to his knees on the hard wooden floor. He leaned forward, resting his hands on the cool surface as his breath came in gasps and sweat poured down his face. He had never performed a spell that powerful before. His reiatsu was drained, his energy was gone, his head pounded behind his eyes.

Hitsugaya plopped down on the floor next to him. He tore off his white haori and leaned back on his hands, sweat glistened on his skin as well, and his breathing was labored.

"Fuck…" the small captain spat, "Son of a… fucking… fuck…"

Shuuhei had to chuckle at that. The Tenth Squad Captain was usually so poised, so reserved in his presents that he sometimes seemed infallible. The string of curses that kept flowing from his small lips reminded Shuuhei that he was a person just like everyone else.

Urahara was the only one of the three that seemed to still be somewhat unfazed. He stood beside Hollow Ichigo, and rolled his neck, trying to release the tension in his back.

"Well done you two, thank you," he murmured.

Shuuhei lifted his head to glance at Kira who stood by the door with Ikkaku and Matsumoto. Kira was looking at him with obvious worry, but seemed to relax slightly when Shuuhei's eyes met his.

"So what do we do now?" Ikkaku asked.

Urahara folded his arms and frowned at their prisoner, who was held to a chair with invisible chains of reiatsu.

"Um…" the shopkeeper mused. "For now, we'll take turns watching him… I'll think of something." He turned to Shuuhei and Hitsugaya. "Get some rest you two; you'll need your strength later."

Kira voiced that he would stay and guard Ichigo. Matsumoto nodded and moved to Hitsugaya's side and helped him out of the room. Urahara followed, taking one last look at the fuming hollow before slipping out the door.

Kira kneeled beside Shuuhei, and Ikkaku moved to the door saying something about finding Yumichika.

After the bald shinigami left, Kira whispered. "Are you alright?"

Shuuhei nodded carefully, but he still didn't try to stand. His muscles felt like jelly, and the room spun if he moved his head too fast.

A snicker echoed through the room, and Shuuhei felt himself growing hot. The hollow was going to start his ranting again, and Shuuhei worked desperately to keep his rage at bay.

"What I said was true, Hisagi…" the hollow rasped.

Kira gripped his shoulder hard. "Don't listen to him Shuuhei, he's just trying to bate you."

"I know," Shuuhei whispered. "He still makes me nauseous though…"

The anger and hurt Shuuhei had felt when he had walked in on Ichigo and Renji's confrontation, had doubled when the hollow had started to spew vile things about Renji and himself. While they had been binding him, the hollow worked every angle he could think of to throw Shuuhei off. The tattooed shinigami had felt his concentration slip more than once, and it had taken every ounce of his willpower not to tear into the cocky bastard. Now he was too tired to fight, too emotionally drained to do anything but listen.

"It's true that he thinks about you fucking Abarai…" Ichigo's voice hissed. "It's true that he gets hard at the thought of pounding into the fucker's tight little hole… or his mouth… sick fuck can't decide what he likes better. That Orihime bitch or that sweet tattooed ass… I have to admit though: finally getting to fuck that big tittied slut the way I always wanted to was fucking incredible."

Shuuhei's head snapped up. "What did you do to Orihime you bastard?" Shuuhei's voice was deadly calm. "Is she hurt?"

The hollow laughed, and licked his lips. "I didn't do any permanent damage… she probably is a little sore though…"

"Fuck you…" Shuuhei hissed.

Kira gripped his shoulders, and pulled the exhausted shinigami to his feet. "Come on, Shuuhei. Get out of here; you don't need to listen to him."

Shuuhei tried to ignore the chorus of foul things coming from the hollow's mouth as Kira opened the door for him. Shuuhei turned to his friend and squeezed his shoulder affectionately before making his way down the hall. He planned on taking a quick shower, and immediately going to Orihime's place to see if she was alright.

But he stopped dead in his tracks. The shower he usually used and his gigai were in Renji's room… what if Renji was in there already? He wasn't ready to talk to the red head just yet. He should just shower in the hallway bathroom, and then slip in to grab his gigai and exit quickly.

He turned around and padded toward the bathroom. Sliding the door open, he was met with a blast of steamy, sweet smelling air… and Renji… dripping… wearing nothing but a towel around his waist.

X x X x X

Renji pulled the plug in the bathtub, and stood to retrieve the towel Yumichika had left for him. He wrapped the white terrycloth around his waist, and grabbed the second to dry his hair. He heard the door slide open and turned to see Shuuhei frozen in the doorway.

The word 'awkward' was not sufficient to describe that moment. Humiliating maybe; mortifying perhaps. But it still wasn't enough to distract Renji from noticing the deep circles under Shuuhei's eyes. Or the way his usually beautiful skin was drawn and gray.

"I… I'm sorry…" Shuuhei stammered. "I'll come back in a few minutes," he moved to shut the door, but Renji was there blocking him.

"Wait!" Renji cried.

Shuuhei stopped but didn't look at him, and Renji's heart ached at the grief etched into the lines of that handsome face. He had caused that, and it killed him. He had to make it right, he had to.

"Please don't leave Shuuhei…" Renji whispered. "I want to talk to you."

Shuuhei just continued to stare at the floor by Renji's feet.

Renji took a dangerous chance, and grabbed Shuuhei's hand. He pulled him into the bathroom, and slid the door shut. Shuuhei leaned against the door, his arms slowly folded over his chest to curl tightly together. It was the same gesture of anxiety that Renji had seen before in the training grounds. Shuuhei's knuckles were white as his hands gripped his biceps.

Renji spoke slowly, trying to suppress his emotions. "Shuuhei, I know saying I'm sorry is pretty much worthless at this point but-"

"It's a good start though…" Shuuhei murmured.

Renji stared at his friend. He had expected more resistance, more silence from the stoic shinigami. What did this mean? He was at a loss for words. He had planned an entire speech to recite to Shuuhei when he saw him again, and now the bastard had thrown him for a loop. Renji stood repeatedly opening and closing his mouth, but couldn't pull the words out of his throat.

Shuuhei closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the door. "I promise we'll talk about this, Renji but not now. Right now I have to take a shower, and to tell you the truth, I don't think I can do it by myself."

Saying that, the dark haired shinigami's knees gave out and he started to slide to the floor. Renji made a very undignified noise and caught his friend before he fell too far.

"Gods, Shuuhei all you alright?"

Shuuhei slid one arm around Renji's neck and pulled himself up to rest his face in the crook of Renji's neck. The red head felt him breathe deeply, taking in the scent of Renji's shampoo. He wrapped his arms around Shuuhei's slender frame, and whispered into his friend's ear.

"What do you want me to do?"

Shuuhei's reply was muffled. "Just help me clean up, and then I have to go see Orihime."

Renji's grip tightened. "I don't think that's a good idea, Shuuhei. Inoe doesn't take Ichigo being in hollow form very well and this is obviously the worst it's ever been."

Renji felt Shuuhei shake his head. "This isn't about Ichigo…"

Renji pulled away and looked at Shuuhei with confusion. "Then what is it?"

Shuuhei sighed, and closed his eyes.

"I think the hollow hurt her."

TBC