Uh… okay. I don't know what happened with this chapter. I apologize in advance.

Thank you again to all my readers who reviewed! I appreciate it! Love you guys! ;D

Chapter 13

Shuuhei didn't say anything as Renji helped him out of his clothes and sat him on the shower bench. He stayed silent as Renji tested the water and wet his hair and back. The redhead wondered where Shuuhei's modesty had gone, but attributed it to his friend's obvious exhaustion. He instead took the opportunity to admire his fellow shinigami's body.

Renji had known his dark - haired friend, in all his naked glory would be a sight to behold, but Renji was not prepared for how truly magnificent Shuuhei really was. Everything about him was long: long legs, long torso, long arms… long cock… He was lissome muscle, all angles and edges; but at the same time he was graceful, soft and supple. Flawless alabaster skin gave him a strikingly beautiful contrast to his dark hair and eyes. Renji kept a tight rein on his hormones as he helped his friend wash away the sweat and dirt that clung to his skin and hair.

Renji hadn't asked why Shuuhei needed to clean himself before seeing Orihime, it was obvious. Shuuhei was obsessive about his cleanliness on a daily basis, so it would seem natural he would feel the need to wash himself after spending over an hour touching Ichigo in hollow form.

But as Shuuhei scrubbed his hands for the ninth time, Renji began to feel his friend's revulsion was more than skin deep. The skin of his hands was raw and the redhead wasn't even sure Shuuhei noticed. As he rinsed the dark hair, Renji tried to distract is fiend.

"You have a tattoo on your back…" Renji murmured.

Shuuhei stilled his hands and slowly nodded his head.

Renji ran his fingers through the dark locks to make sure there was no shampoo lingering. He turned off the water, and replaced the nozzle.

"I never knew you had one on your back."

Shuuhei pushed his hands over his hair and shook the excess water on the floor.

"Hinamori-chan designed it for me…" Shuuhei said softly. "I got it when I made Vice Captain… I went with Matsumoto…"

Renji draped a towel over Shuuhei's shoulders and squatted in front of his friend to help him dry his hair. At this lower angle he got a better view of Shuuhei's face. The man looked like he was about to pass out.

"Did Matsumoto get one too?" Renji asked.

Shuuhei actually cracked a small smile. "She did… but she made me swear never to tell where."

Renji grinned. "Ah, you could tell me, she'd never know."

"Oh yes she would," Shuuhei's smile widened. "Her breasts have telepathic powers. She would know instantly and come barreling in here to kill me. I would die naked and I really don't want that."

Renji chuckled softly, but quieted when he looked into Shuuhei's eyes. There was no trace of the hurt he had seen in the training grounds. It was as if Shuuhei had already forgotten, or at least pushed it far into the back of his mind. He pulled the towel around Shuuhei's shoulders and took one of Shuuhei's hands.

"How do you do it, Shuuhei?" he asked. "How are you able to stand me when I'm such an asshole?"

Shuuhei looked at the floor and he sighed almost inaudibly. "I don't know… Probably because the idea of you and me is still so farfetched in my head… it's always been this intangible thing… so every setback is almost… I don't know - expected…"

Those words hurt Renji deeply but he said nothing; he knew he deserved it. He was the cause of Shuuhei's pain, the same pain he had felt so intensely for Ichigo for so long. He really was an asshole, but he also didn't know how to change himself.

"Shuuhei… I'm-"

"Don't," Shuuhei stopped him. He brushed his fingers over Renji's lips and smiled softly to lessen the command. Then he carefully wrapped the towel around his waist and motioned for Renji to stand.

"I don't think I can handle this conversation right now, Renji. I have to go see Orihime."

"You mean we have to go see Orihime," Renji stood, and took Shuuhei by the arm.

"Sure," the dark – haired man said. "That works too. Help me get back into my gigai, and then write a note for the others. They'll be pissed if we leave and didn't tell them where we we're going."

"Probably just Hitsugaya Taichou will be mad."

Shuuhei leaned heavily against Renji's side. "Um yeah, I don't want him mad at me. You remember when Shunsui Taichou called him cute and Hitsugaya Taichou froze his balls?"

"Good point. I'll write the note."

X x X x X

The trek to Orihime's house was long, but Renji selfishly delighted in holding tightly to Shuuhei's waist. Every few minutes Shuuhei would rest his head on Renji's shoulder and the redhead would turn his head to make sure his friend was alright. The movement would bring Renji's lips painfully close to Shuuhei's skin. He would murmur a soft 'are you okay' across fluttering eyelids and watch as rough lips whispered 'I'm fine'. Renji laughed when Shuuhei scratched at his beanie hat and whined about the hat hair he was going to have when his hair dried.

"It's cold out here," Renji explained. "We can't have you getting some kind of pneumonia on top of reiatsu depletion."

"I kinda wish I had an energy pill right now," Shuuhei grumbled.

"That would be even worse than pneumonia," Renji chuckled. "You crash so hard after taking one of those. You'd probably die."

Shuuhei sighed. "I just wish I could walk straight."

Renji was silent for a few minutes before he replied.

"I don't know… I kinda like you leaning on me…"

Shuuhei looked up at Renji and smiled deviously. "At least I'm conscious. The night you came back to Sereniti, I had to practically drag you all the way back to Sixth Division."

Renji grimaced. "Gods, don't remind me. I'm sorry for being a fucking retard that night."

Shuuhei rested his head back on Renji's shoulder.

"Don't apologize. I got to sleep with you in my arms and your hair in my face. That was… awesome."

Renji laughed and shifted their positions to slip underneath Shuuhei's other arm.

"I probably wouldn't have felt so weird about it if I had known you liked guys."

Shuuhei almost straightened and gave Renji a wide – eyed stare.

"You didn't know I liked guys?"

Renji shook his head. "Before then I'd only seen you with girls. Like on those nights when we'd get really really plastered and go sneaking around Fourth Division… damn, those nurses were crazy."

Shuuhei was still looking at Renji like he had grown a second head.

"But I thought… I thought you knew about…"

"About you and Kira?" Renji finished. "I just found out about that this morning."

Shuuhei actually stopped walking. "How could you…" understanding suddenly washed over his tired features. "You were gone… You were here in the real world through the whole thing…"

Renji nodded. He desperately wanted to ask what happened with Kira, but knew this was not the place or the time.

Suddenly, Shuuhei began to laugh, a rich sound directly from his gut. It was Renji's turn to look funny at Shuuhei.

"What?" Renji asked, almost laughing himself. His friend's mirth was infectious. "What the hell are you laughing at?"

Shuuhei stilled his chuckles and leaned in to whisper into Renji's ear.

"You walked in on us once."

Renji's eyes almost jumped out of his head.

"What!?"

Shuuhei nodded.

"No," Renji violently shook his head. "You must have been drunk and you were seeing stuff. I'm pretty fucking sure I would have remembered walking in on you fucking someone, Shuuhei- especially Kira." Oh gods, that image is almost too hot to think about…

"I swear to Kami you did," Shuuhei whispered. "I was in my office, sitting at my desk and you walked in to tell me about your going away party."

Renji racked his brain, he vaguely remembered that day. He had walked into Shuuhei's office and he thought he had heard voices… Shuuhei had seemed a little flushed…

"Was Kira hiding in the closet or something?" Renji asked.

"No," Shuuhei grinned. "He was under the desk."

Renji made a sound in the back of his throat. "So wait," he choked out. "While I was standing there talking to you… Kira was…"

Shuuhei nodded again, his grin stretched wider.

Renji clamped a hand over Shuuhei's mouth and began to walk again. "Okay, no more talking unless you want me to rape you here in the middle of the street. I don't care how exhausted you are."

He tried to ignore Shuuhei's fits of laughter as he pulled the slighter man along beside him.

X x X x X

The mood turned serious as the two shinigami climbed the steps in front of Orihime's apartment. Renji knocked loudly, but after a few minutes of waiting, Shuuhei began to get restless.

"Is she here?" he asked Renji.

Renji nodded. "I think so, I saw her car out front."

"What if she's too afraid to answer? What if she's so hurt she can't come to the door!?"

Renji lifted Shuuhei's arm from his shoulders. "Can you stand?"

Shuuhei nodded.

Renji moved to a small plant by the door and dug a key out of the dirt. He held it up to his friend.

"They have an extra key out here because sometimes Inoue locks her keys in her car."

Inside the apartment was dark. The usual smells of experimental cooking or paints from Inoue's latest project were missing. Renji moved quietly from the entrance, Shuuhei on his heels. He glanced up the stairs thinking she would most likely be in the bedroom but her reiatsu seemed to be coming from downstairs.

"This way," he whispered over his shoulder.

"Why is her reiatsu so placid?" Shuuhei asked.

Renji shrugged and slowly moved into the living room.

Orihime was curled up on the couch. She was bundled up in a thick blanket and a huge white sweatshirt. Her eyes were puffy but not overly so and her face was calm. Large headphones covered her ears, and her fingers tapped out a rhythm on the couch cushion.

Shuuhei grabbed Renji's shoulder. "Go to her," he whispered. "She knows you better."

Renji moved silently, reaching out with his reiatsu so he wouldn't startle the girl. He saw her eyes flutter open and settle on him as he kneeled beside her. She looked up at him with disturbingly serene eyes. She pulled off the earphones and took the hand he offered her.

"Renji-kun…" she whispered.

Renji squeezed her hand and brushed a few strands of red hair out of her face.

"Are you alright, Inoue?"

She nodded slowly. "How did you know?"

"He told me…" he glanced back at Shuuhei. "Well, he told Hisagi."

Orihime looked at Shuuhei and smiled softly. "Thank you for coming, Hisagi-san…"

Shuuhei moved closer and sat on the end of the couch. "Are you really alright, Orihime-san? Do you need anything?"

"I'm okay, really. He didn't hurt me that bad. The worst of the damage was the bites on my back…" her cheeks suddenly flushed when she realized what she had said. Her hands came up to hide her face. "I healed them so… it's okay…"

Renji heard Shuuhei curse under his breath as the redhead put a comforting hand on Orihime's shoulder.

"It just…" she started again. "It just hurts… in my heart you know? He was so…"

"It wasn't him," Renji interrupted. "You know that right?"

Orihime nodded, and looked up at Renji again. "I've known for a little while. But I didn't say anything because I wanted to see if I could figure out how it was happening," she shuttered, and scooted closer to Renji's warmth. "He found out… last night… I still didn't say anything though. I didn't want him to go on a rampage. I knew one of you guys would figure it out…" tears started to pool in her eyes. "I'm sorry… I didn't know what to do…"

Renji moved to sit on the couch. He lifted Orihime into his arms and pulled her into his lap. He wrapped his arms around her while she cried softly into his neck. The three sat for several minutes until the girl's shoulders ceased their trembling.

Shuuhei moved closer and moved the hair out of her face.

"Orihime-san…" he said gently.

Wiping at her eyes, she turned to face him.

"You did the right thing," he assured her. "Because you didn't say anything, he got himself caught without hurting anyone," he gave a meaningful glance to Renji. He acknowledged Renji's injury, but Orihime didn't need to know about it.

Orihime sniffed and lifted her head. "Caught? You guys caught him?"

Shuuhei nodded. "We put a binding spell on him. He's at Urahara-san's shop right now. He can't hurt anyone where he is."

"Is he okay?" she whispered.

"We don't know," Renji answered. "Urahara-san is working on a way to get Ichigo in control again."

Orihime leaned into Renji's hold again but this time was much more relaxed. She reached out her hand and caught Shuuhei's. He started at the contact, but let her fingers interlace with his.

"You guys are wonderful to come here when it's so dangerous outside… Thank you…"

Renji ran his fingers through her hair and whispered against the top of her head.

"I'm sorry we didn't know… that we couldn't stop it."

"It's alright," Orihime sighed.

After a few minutes of comforting silence, Shuuhei rubbed his eyes and squeezed Orihime's hand.

"Are you sure you don't need anything, Orihime-san?"

Orihime's cheeks turned slightly pink as she tried to hide her face in Renji's chest.

"Well… um…" she mumbled. "I haven't really eaten anything today…"

Shuuhei smiled. "Do you want me to make you something?"

Orihime straightened and waved her hands frantically. "No! No! It's okay! I can get it! I'll just-"

"Shush!" Shuuhei said as he stood. "You relax with Renji, I'll make something. We haven't eaten today either."

Renji watched Shuuhei as he made his way into the kitchen. He knew the older shinigami was dead tired, but was looking past his own discomfort to make sure Orihime was taken care of. His heart gave a little flutter as Shuuhei turned back with a small smile on his face.

"You're a much braver person than me, Orihime-san…" he said.

Orihime made a small noise in the back of her throat.

"Thank you Hisagi-san…"

As Shuuhei disappeared, Orihime sighed into Renji's chest.

"He's wonderful isn't he, Renji-kun?"

Renji nodded and murmured a 'mhmm' into her hair.

"He's a very kind person," she continued absently. "Even if he's a little scary at times."

Renji chuckled. "Yeah, he is."

Orihime sighed again. "And those jeans do wonderful things to his butt."

"Oh fuck yeah they do…" Renji growled. But then he realized what he had just said, and pulled his head away to meet Orihime's smiling face.

"Ah… er… I mean…"

Orihime giggled softly and hugged Renji tighter. "It's okay Renji-kun."

Renji just sat blinking as the small girl curled up in his lap again. She tucked her head underneath his chin, and let out a contented hum.

"How did…" Renji stuttered. "I mean… how-"

"It's the way you look at him. I think it's the same way I look at Ichigo," she yawned softly. "Also, you always seemed so lonely… and when you came back you guys were always together… you seemed so much happier…"

Renji rested his chin on her head. "I am happier…"

"I'm glad, Renji-kun… I want you to be happy."

Renji found a spot on the floor to focus on as he spoke slowly. "He makes me feel worth something. He's able to fill the… I don't know… the hole that's inside me. I know that sounds stupid-"

"No it doesn't…"

"It's like he's all the parts that are missing… Or I have broken parts and he replaces them or something… And he's so patient you wouldn't believe it! No matter how many stupid things I say, or fucked up things I do… he's always like 'it's okay, I'm still here'…" Renji suddenly grimaced and groaned into Orihime's hair. "I sound like bad poetry…"

Orihime giggled again. "No… it's beautiful, Renji-kun!"

"Maybe to a girl," Renji muttered.

"I think you should tell him."

Renji snorted. "Tell him all that? He'd laugh at me."

"I don't think he would," Orihime said, and yawned again.

Renji stoked her hair and whispered softly. "Do want to go lay down? I'll come wake you up when the food's ready."

"Mmm… that sounds good… okay."

Renji stood and carried the girl upstairs. She was asleep before he laid her on her bed and pulled the comforter over her small body. He kissed her forehead and left the room, marveling at how perceptive Orihime really was.

When he descended the stairs, he stopped at the bottom and thought about what Orihime had said. Sure she could say 'tell him how you feel' but in reality it would be stupid, she didn't know all the facts. Shuuhei had walked in on him kissing Ichigo just that morning. If he were to confess he was falling for his former senpai now, Shuuhei would either not believe him, or think of him as incredibly shallow.

With these thoughts bouncing against each other in his head, he slowly made his way into the small kitchen. Shuuhei was there leaning back against the counter, rubbing his eyes with the heel of his palms. He had removed his beanie and sure enough, had a serious case of hat hair.

"Are you okay, Shuuhei?" Renji asked.

"Yeah," Shuuhei murmured. "I'm just waiting for the water to boil," When his hands came away, Renji almost flinched at the sight of his friend. His skin had gotten even more pale than before and the dark circles under his eyes had widened.

"Where's Orihime-san?"

"She's lying down until the food's ready," Renji said.

Shuuhei nodded and slumped further. He rested his hands behind him on the countertop and sighed wearily.

Renji couldn't stop himself as he moved in front of the older shinigami. He placed his feet on either side of the other's legs and snaked his arms around Shuuhei's waist.

"Renji, what-"

"Shhh," Renji said. "I'm not gonna try anything. Just… just let me hold you for a little while."

He felt Shuuhei's breath catch, but then the slighter man's arms wrapped around his neck. He felt the gentle pull on his hair tie before the crimson locks were everywhere. Long pale fingers wove their way through the tresses, and Renji sighed at the tender caress.

He pulled the other man tighter against him and whispered softly. "Shuuhei," he didn't wait for a reply. "I have to apologize for this morning. I didn't-"

"Stop, Renji. I really don't-"

"Would you just shut up and let me finish?" Renji growled. He felt Shuuhei still against him. "I have to apologize now while I still have the courage okay?"

He felt Shuuhei breathe out slowly and then nod against his chest.

Renji continued in a soft voice. Every word made his self-consciousness worse and he could feel his cheeks growing hot.

"I don't really know how it happened, it just happened. One minute we were screaming at each other and then we were kissing. I don't know if it was Ichigo or if it was the fucking hollow - I don't care. What I do know, is that it shouldn't have happened and I probably could have stopped it if I wasn't so fucking weak. I'm sorry for being weak, and I'm sorry for making you wait, and I'm really fucking sorry for not being as good to you as you are to me."

Renji's eyes squeezed shut as he rambled into Shuuhei's neck. His hands moved up the other's back and clutched at his sweatshirt.

"I wish I could push him out of my head," Renji continued in an even softer voice. "Forget he was ever there. I wish I could erase him - really really wish I could just forget him. Then there would be nothing but you. Just thoughts of your hair and your skin and your voice… then maybe I'd be worth it… maybe-"

Shuuhei silenced him with a hard kiss. He wove both of his hands into Renji's hair, trapping him. His tongue slid passed his lips and plundered every inch of the younger man's mouth. Renji didn't have time to respond before Shuuhei pulled away, leaving the redhead breathless.

Raking his teeth over Renji's bottom lip Shuuhei whispered, "Don't ever say you're not worth it, Renji… Don't ever fucking say that again. You hear me?"

Renji looked into Shuuhei's eyes and nodded slowly.

Shuuhei pulled him into another kiss, much softer and less frantic than before. Shuuhei's hands left his hair and moved slowly down his sides. He slipped underneath Renji's sweatshirt and pulled at his tank top. Renji moaned low in his throat when he felt Shuuhei's fingers sliding over the skin of his stomach. Shuuhei's mouth moved to Renji's neck and he ran his tongue over the jagged tattoos.

Renji took advantage of Shuuhei's weakened state, and lifted him into the counter. The older man seemed to appreciate the relief to his tired legs and wrapped his long limbs around the redhead's muscular frame. He lifted his chin to give Renji better access to the skin of his throat. When Renji bit into the soft flesh around his tattoo, he responded with a soft cry and tightened his legs around the younger man's waist.

Renji ground his fully aroused cock between Shuuhei's legs and shivered at the sound of the other's paltry moans. He lifted his head to look up into Shuuhei's heavy – lidded gaze.

"So submissive today, Shuuhei," Renji grinned. "I thought you were a top."

Shuuhei's heavy breath was in time with every roll of the redhead's hips. He lowered his forehead to touch Renji's and nipped at the other's bottom lip.

"I don't care," Shuuhei panted. "I like it both ways… especially if it's with you."

Renji captured his lips again and made a soft noise when he felt Shuuhei's hands undoing his pants. Long fingers slipped underneath the denim and trailed down his length. Renji growled low in his throat and tightened his grip on Shuuhei's thigh.

"Don't tease me, Shuuhei."

Shuuhei pushed Renji back a few inches so he could get a look down his pants. His eyes widened and he smiled at what he saw. Renji knew he was gifted, and being in a gigai had nothing to do with it – how Urahara knew about things like that… okay, he didn't want to think about that. He wasn't quite as long as Shuuhei, but he was thicker.

Shuuhei chuckled and slipped his hand back into Renji's pants. "No tattoos?" he asked as Renji gasped.

"N-no…" Renji's eyes closed as Shuuhei's fingers wrapped around his cock and slowly started to stroke him. Shuuhei had never touched him like this before and Renji was quickly learning how skilled those lean fingers were.

Renji's eyes opened and he found Shuuhei watching his face with a look of pure hunger. Renji's breath quickened under the dark gaze and he felt the familiar heat low in his gut.

"Renji," Shuuhei whispered and brought his other hand to his mouth. He licked his palm and fingers, his eyes never leaving Renji's. "I wanna fuck you tonight." Shuuhei replaced the hand that was pumping him, with the one he had just licked and Renji almost screamed. His hands left Shuuhei's hips and found purchase on the shelves about Shuuhei's head. The sensation of Shuuhei's slick palm rubbing over his length was driving him crazy. He was close; he could feel his balls tighten as his climax approached.

"Oh fuck, Shuuhei," Renji panted. "Whatever you want… Gods… that feels so good."

Shuuhei leaned forward to breath into Renji's ear. "This is nothing compared to what my mouth is going to do to you."

Renji's cock pulsed and Shuuhei covered his lips to stifle his cry. He felt his come cover Shuuhei's wrist and hand as the older man stroked him through his orgasm. He felt light headed when Shuuhei released his lips to kiss his nose, his cheeks, and his forehead. He was still coming down from the high and wasn't ready for the sight of Shuuhei bringing his hand to his mouth to lick his come off his skin.

Renji's breath left him as the dark – haired man licked his salty prize from his wrist. Shuuhei's eyes locked on Renji as he licked along his fingers.

"You taste so good, Renji."

Renji opened his mouth to except the finger that was offered him. He tasted himself mixed with Shuuhei's skin and sweat. He watched Shuuhei watch his mouth; the way the older man licked his lips as Renji sucked. He lowered his hands from the shelves and cupped the sides of Shuuhei's face.

"You're so fucking sexy…" Renji murmured.

Shuuhei smiled and a small blush crept up onto his cheeks. "I'm so fucking tired, is what I am. Can you help me to the couch?"

Renji put himself back together and helped his friend down from the counter. He led him into the living room, and gently lowered the trembling man onto the cushions. Shuuhei flopped over onto his side and curled up into a ball.

Renji chuckled. "What are we going to do about the food?"

Shuuhei pulled Orihime's blanket off the floor and started to throw it over himself.

"I'll walk you though it if I don't fall asleep. There's a bag of vegetables in her freezer."

"Okay," Renji spread the blanket over Shuuhei's legs and smiled as the older man pulled the fabric up to his nose in a very child – like manner. He smoothed the unruly mass of black hair and placed a kiss on Shuuhei's temple. When he pulled away, Shuuhei was looking at him with a soft, thoughtful expression.

"Renji…" he whispered.

Renji moved closer and stroked Shuuhei's tattooed cheek. "Yeah?"

Shuuhei seemed to be struggling hard with what he wanted to say, his eyes were a mixture of too many emotions.

"Renji… I…"

Suddenly, there was a loud hissing from the kitchen, and Renji jumped to his feet.

"What the hell is that!?"

Shuuhei laughed into the couch cushions.

"The water's boiling."

X x X x X

Lunch was good. Renji followed Shuuhei's muttered instructions and managed to only burn the bottom of the rice. Orihime beamed at them when she came downstairs and thanked them profusely. They ate in the living room, Orihime and Renji both helping Shuuhei down a bowl of rice and a few vegetables. As Orihime and Renji started to collect the dishes, Shuuhei started to nod off.

"Do you guys need to stay here?" Orihime asked Renji.

"No," Renji placed their bowls in the sink. "I'll carry him. We'll be fine."

Orihime put her hands on her hips. "Yeah right you'll be fine. Hollows out looking for you and you're carrying an unconscious shinigami on your back," she snatched her keys off the counter and crossed her arms defiantly. "I'm driving you. It's faster and I need to talk to Urahara-san anyway."

"Inoue, I don't-" Renji started.

"Renji-kun…" the small girl glared up at him.

Renji knew better than to argue.

X x X x X

Shuuhei's eyes opened slowly. Where was he? This wasn't Orihime's apartment.

But then he recognized the smell of Renji's sheets, and turned his head to take in the small table and beside lamp. He was back at Urahara's, when did they get back?

He heard the shoji slid open and he turned to see Renji carrying a large mug and a small paper bag.

"You're awake," Renji smiled as he crossed the room to sit beside Shuuhei on the futon.

"Sort of…" Shuuhei yawned and tried to sit up. "What is that?" he motioned to the mug.

Renji helped him sit up, and placed the mug in his hands. It was warm and when Shuuhei brought his nose close, he recoiled from the smell.

"Please don't tell me I have to drink this…" he looked at Renji with pitiful eyes.

Renji grinned. "Urahara's orders. He said if you had just gone to sleep, you would have been fine. But since you insisted on seeing Inoue you have to drink this. If you don't, it'll take a week before you're reiatsu is back to normal," he added under his breath, "and I don't think I can wait a week."

Shuuhei pretended not to hear that last bit, and looked down at the mug and grimaced. The liquid was black, and smelled faintly of cabbage and rotten eggs.

"Here," Renji said. He opened the paper bag and retrieved a small sugar pastry. "Jinta said these help if you eat them right after."

Shuuhei made a face and didn't move. The smell of the concoction was making him nauseous. Was this really worth it? This stuff could kill him!

Renji moved close and popped the pastry in his mouth.

"Be'er hurry befo' I ea hem all…" he said as he chewed.

"Fuck…" Shuuhei took a breath and brought the mug to his lips.

X x X x X

Kira sat in the corner of the room with his eyes closed. His legs were folded under him and his hands rested on his knees. Wabisuke lay at his side, uneasy. Kira was grateful that the hollow had been silent since Shuuhei left, but his Zanpakuto was restless waiting for an attack. The stillness stretched and waned until it was almost a third person in the room. Kira passed the time in meditation, trying to hold a decent conversation with Wabisuke.

Finally, after several hours, the silence was broken by Ichigo's heavy sigh.

Kira stayed as he was, eyes closed and demeanor relaxed. The hollow seemed to take offence in Kira's disinterest and sighed again, louder this time.

Kira was not to be swayed. He could feel the hollow watching him but he never moved, his reiatsu remained as calm as a frozen lake.

"You're kinda pretty," the hollow said softly. "Almost like a girl…"

Nothing.

"Kinda fragile… like if I fucked you, you'd break…"

Kira almost snorted, he was anything from fragile. His body could handle hours of hard training, and tremendous amounts of pain. There was nothing this hollow could physically do to him that hadn't already been done and endured.

"You ever fuck that Hisagi guy? You two seem pretty close… He's a nice piece of ass… At least Ichigo thinks so…"

Kira kept his reiatsu calm; he was worried this was going to happen. The hollow knew everything Ichigo did and Ichigo knew about Kira's low tolerance to mental interrogation. Shuuhei was a sensitive topic, definitely a weak spot, but he would never let this bastard know that. Kira finally opened his eyes and tried to turn the conversation.

"I think you're making that up."

The hollow grinned. "I'm not… Ichigo likes cock just as much as he likes pussy…"

Kira rolled his eyes and returned to his meditative posture.

"You never answered my question…"

Kira sighed. "What question?"

The hollow chuckled. "Have you ever fucked Hisagi? I'm guessing you have by the way you avoid the subject."

Kira looked up again but kept his expression blank. ""What if I have?"

The hollow threw back his head and cackled at the ceiling.

"I knew it! Is he a good fuck? He probably is… he's got that bad boy, punk - rocker look. And that fucking tattoo!! The fucker's got a sixty-nine tattooed on his fucking face! Tell me he's good at sucking cock!"

Kira did his best to look bored. "I don't have to tell you anything."

The hollow grinned madly and pulled against his restraints. "Oh, it's okay. I can guess…" He studied Kira for a moment before continuing. "What happened? Obviously you two aren't fucking anymore… He get tired of you? You get tired of him? The sex get… what do they call it… routine?"

Kira had to fight a little bit harder to control his reiatsu after that. The hollow was digging his fingers into wounds that were still sore and festering. It had been his fault. It had been his stupid pride and his own stupid fear of affection that had sent Shuuhei into a spiral of depression. He would never forgive himself for what he did. Stop thinking about it! You're playing into his hands!

The hollow ticked his tongue. "Such a pathetic look…"

Ichigo made several faces as he seemed to roll a problem around in his head. Then suddenly, recognition washed over his face and his mouth slackened to an 'o' of surprise.

"Wait…" Ichigo sneered. "I remember you now… You're the Vice Captain of that defector guy… You were the little bitch that was bawling about his fucking Captain tricking you into betraying everyone…"

Kira knew he should leave now, go get someone else to replace him on his watch, but he found his legs rooted to the spot. His fear had immobilized his limbs and he sat clenching his fists in the fabric of his hakama.

"What was his name?" the hollow continued. "I can't remember… Were you close with him?"

Kira felt like his lungs were collapsing. No one had spoken to him about his former Captain since his death. Shuuhei was the last to speak of it. No one dared say anything about him when Kira was around, they pretended he never existed.

"You must have been close… you were so devastated when he left."

Kira turned away from the hollow's sneer.

"Shut up."

"Ah, Izuru," Ichigo's voice said. "That's no way to be when we're just reminiscing about old friends."

Kira's blood ran cold as his name fell between Ichigo's lips. No one had called him that since…

"Shut up I said."

"He was a pretty good friend wasn't he, Izuru? You guys must have spent a lot of time together."

"Stop…" Kira almost pleaded. He couldn't move, couldn't escape the hollow's torment.

"Did he ever fuck you, Izuru?"

Kira felt himself slipping deep into a place he never wanted to see again. A place he had become lost inside when he was under the command of a certain silver – haired Captain.

"Please stop…" Kira whimpered. He longed for Shuuhei. He needed Shuuhei; he could always make everything better. Where was he?

"Your Captain gave it to you good, didn't he?" Ichigo hissed. "He gave it to you so good, no one will ever satisfy you again huh? Not me, not that Hisagi guy… no one."

Kira felt tears slide down his cheeks but he still didn't move, he didn't make a sound.

"Fuck," Ichigo licked his lips. "I'm gettin' hard just thinking about it… I bet you screamed his name and cried like a good little bitch every time he fucked you. I really wish I could remember his name…"

Anger and desperation were coiling inside Kira's gut. He needed to get out of this room, needed to find Shuuhei, he would help him focus. Shuuhei would calm him with soothing words and help him stop thinking of the smell of burning flesh and the way his eyes would glow red in the darkness as the restraints cut into Kira's arms and ankles.

The blond stood and gripped his Zanpakuto so hard his hand started to cramp. His entire body was trembling and sweat made the fabric of his kimono stick uncomfortably to his back.

"Did you take it like a bitch on your stomach, Izuru?" the hollow continued his torture. "Or did he fuck you on your back so he could watch you cry?"

Kira turned towards the door in a desperate attempt to flee, but the hollow's next words froze him in his tracks.

"His name was Gin, wasn't it?" the underwater voice was back, almost completely covering Ichigo's timber. "Ichimaru Gin?"

Something inside Kira's mind snapped. He turned around to lunge at Ichigo's chained body and he pressed his sword against the flesh of Ichigo's neck. The slightest trickle of blood slid across the blade's hamon as the blond snarled madly into the other's face.

"Don't say his name!" Kira rasped. "Don't ever fucking say his name!"

The hollow just grinned up at his captor. His tongue slid out from between his teeth and he leaned into Wabisuke's blade.

"You made two mistakes, Izuru."

"Don't fucking call me that!" Kira screamed. His eyes were crazed and his entire body was shaking violently.

"Your first mistake," the hollow continued, "was getting so close to me."

Slowly, white started to form on Ichigo's forehead. It seemed to materialize from the air and solidify across the young shinigami's brow continuing down his nose and over his cheeks. Kira stared in fascination as Ichigo's Vizard mask edged over his face.

"And your second mistake," Ichigo cackled underneath the mask, "was to think this binding spell could actually hold me."

Kira felt what he thought was a punch to the gut, but then biting cold swept through his body and he lowered his gaze to find the hollow had stabbed Zangetsu through his stomach. Seconds ticked by before the blond comprehended what was happening. He lowered Wabisuke and choked as blood and bile made their way up his throat.

"Son of a bitch…" Kira coughed.

Ichigo stood and pushed Kira back a few steps.

"You were just too fucking easy, my little Izuru…"

As he started to pull the blade from the blonde's body but Kira surprised him by grabbing his wrist. The shinigami pulled himself closer, spilling more blood on the floor as the sword pressed deeper. He raised Wabisuke to bring its blade against Ichigo's neck again.

"I don't care if you are Ichigo…" Kira rasped. "I will kill you to keep my friends safe."

The hollow looked at him for a few seconds before grabbing Wabisuke's blade bare handed. He pulled the Zanpakuto off his neck with inhuman strength and pulled it from Kira's grasp. He laughed as he brought his face close to the shinigami's and whispered in his ear.

"Say hello to your Captain for me when you see him…"

With that, he wrenched the blade free and Kira felt an explosion before his vision turned white and the floor connected with his back.

X x X x X

Renji watched Shuuhei drink Urahara's vile concoction and tried not to laugh. The expressions the older man was making were priceless and he desperately wanted to poke fun at his fellow shinigami.

"How're you doing?" he chuckled as he handed over another pastry.

"Oh gods…" Shuuhei groaned and stuffed the cookie into his mouth. "'M 'na hucking die."

Renji laughed out loud and ruffled Shuuhei's hair. "One more big swallow and you'll have the whole thing. You can do it."

Shuuhei swallowed the pastry and looked at the mug. "I hate to admit this, but this shit really is working… I feel a hell of a lot better."

"Oh good," Renji said offhandedly. "So you'll keep your promise then?"

The mug stopped halfway to Shuuhei's lips and his eyebrow lifted. "Promise?" he asked with mock innocence.

Renji grinned and nipped a small bite of the last cookie.

"What you said in Orihime's kitchen. I'm holding you to it."

Shuuhei smiled and rolled his eyes. "Oh yeah, that…" he tipped his head back and downed the rest of the black mystery substance.

Renji handed him the last cookie and pouted.

"Whadda you mean 'oh yeah, that'? You can't say stuff like that and then be like 'never mind'! I haven't been able to think about anything else but tonight for the past two hours!"

Shuuhei swallowed the last of the cookie and set the cup on the floor. He sighed and leaned back onto the pillows and smiled evilly.

"Why wait until tonight?"

Renji looked at him stupidly for several seconds until Shuuhei sighed and tugged on his hair.

"In other words, get over here so I can fuck you."

Renji grinned wickedly and pounced. He threw one leg over to straddle Shuuhei's hips and dove into the older man's mouth. Strong hands tightened on his thighs and Renji felt Shuuhei bend one of his legs to push the redhead forward. Their cocks ground together and the friction was so much more delicious when they were in shinigami form. The thick denim of their jeans was gone and all that was left between them was the cotton of their hakama.

Just as Renji began to untie Shuuhei's obi, there was a flare of dangerous reiatsu and a loud explosion. Shuuhei jolted into a sitting position and Renji flew off him to pluck Zambimaru from the floor.

"What the fuck was that?!" Renji gasped.

Shuuhei looked at him with panic in his eyes.

"Oh fuck, Kira!"

The older shinigami sprung to his feet and snatched Kazashini from the floor before flash stepping from the room. Renji followed down the hall to where they were keeping Ichigo. Shuuhei threw open the door without hesitation and Renji stopped dead in his tracks as the scene registered in his head.

The back wall of the room had been blown out, and Kira was lying on the floor curled on his side. Blood pooled around his small frame and ran from his mouth, it saturated his shinigami uniform and had seeped into his hair. He raised his eyes to the two standing in the doorway and tried to speak, but nothing came out except choked gasps and a lot more blood.

"Kira!" Shuuhei flew to his side. Kneeling and dropping his sword, he placed one hand on the floor to steady himself and the other covered Kira's on the blonde's stomach. "Oh gods, Kira!"

Blood ran from between Shuuhei's fingers and Renji tried to pry his eyes away. "Urahara-san!" he shouted. "Urahara-san!" Where the fuck was everybody?

"Renji-kun?" Ururu said from down the hall. "I heard an explosion! What's going on?"

"Get Urahara-san now!" Renji yelled to her. He stepped into the room and kneeled on the other side of Kira.

Shuuhei was murmuring as he stroked Kira's hair. "It's okay… It's okay, Kira… I'm here. Everything's going to be okay. What happened?"

Kira gasped and reached up to grab Shuuhei's kimono.

"Shuuhei…" he whispered.

Shuuhei leaned closer until their lips were almost touching.

"I'm here, Kira."

Kira's lips quivered and fresh tears streamed from his eyes. "I'm sorry Shuuhei," he choked. "I'm sorry it was my fault… he said… he said his name… he made me lose it… I'm sorry… I'm sorry…"

The blond gasped and his eyes started to slide closed. His hand started to slip from Shuuhei's kimono leaving a bright crimson smear.

"Kira!" Shuuhei shouted as several figures ran into the room at once. "Kira… no! No! No! Kira! Stay with me!" Shuuhei moved into a sitting position and pulled the smaller man into his arms.

Urahara knelt beside Renji and started to check Kira's wound.

"I was worried something like this would happen," the shop owner said.

Orihime knelt beside Shuuhei and yellow light took over Renji's vision. The girl's small hands hovered over the gaping hole in Kira's stomach and Renji watched in awe as the edges began to knit together.

"I think we made it in time," Orihime said. "But I can't say for sure. Give me a few more minutes."

Renji stood and moved to Shuuhei's side. He put a hand on the older man's shoulder and whispered to lay Kira down. "Orihime will help him."

Shuuhei's arms tightened around Kira for a moment, but then he relented and gently lowered his friend to the floor. He stood and Renji pulled him back to lean against the wall.

"What the fuck happened?" Ikkaku said as he moved beside Renji.

Renji shook his head. "No idea. We found him like this."

Yumichika spoke up from behind Ikkaku. "You don't think Ichigo did this, do you?"

Renji felt Shuuhei's reiatsu start to boil over as the dark – haired man physically start to shake.

"Who the fuck else could have done it?" Shuuhei growled.

Renji turned to Shuuhei and put his arm on the older man's back. "Shuuhei, we don't know for sure if it was Ichigo. Wait unt-"

Shuuhei turned to face him and Renji recoiled. Shuuhei's eyes burned blood red and his pupils had shifted to long slits. He bared impossibly sharp teeth in a fierce snarl, and his spiky hair seemed longer. Renji was sure the locks had darkened… and were the tips silver?

"Holy shit!" he heard Ikkaku stammer. "Hisagi what the fuck?"

Shuuhei knelt to retrieve his sword off the floor.

"Ichigo did this," he growled in a voice no longer human. "And I'm going to fucking kill that son of a bitch."

Before the others could stop him, Shuuhei had disappeared through the hole in the wall. Renji stared in shocked silence after him, but couldn't find it in himself to follow. He wasn't sure if what he had just seen was real.

What the fuck was he supposed to do?

TBC