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Chapter 17

Shuuhei's eyes snapped open. Was the noise a remnant of his dreams, or was someone actually shrieking somewhere in the shop? Renji sat up beside him, his face alert in the midst of his sex disheveled hair. He listened to the cries for several seconds, probably trying to decide if they were real as well, then turned to Shuuhei and threw the blanket off.

"It's Ururu!" he rolled off the bed, Shuuhei at his heels.

They seized their hakama from the floor, forgoing the rest of their uniforms in their rush to get out of the bedroom. They crashed into their gigai on their way into the hall. Kira met them and pointed towards the shop front.

"She went outside to sweep a minute ago," the blonde explained.

Shuuhei was the first to the door. He shoved it open and stumbled into the grey cold morning. Renji and Kira followed close behind, but the scene before them stopped all three shinigami dead in their tracks.

"Holy fuck…" Renji breathed.

"Who would…?" Kira put a hand over his mouth. "Gods…"

Shuuhei's eyes refused to believe the scene before him. He took a breath and held it, trying to block the stench from taking over his senses. Hanging along the porch and strewn across the lot in front of the shop, were cat corpses. Eviscerated, insides pulled from their bodies, fur and guts and blood – Gods…so much blood… The carnage was everywhere.

Ururu was kneeling at the bottom of the steps, her head in her hands. Blood and pieces of flesh clung to her hair and dribbled down the back of her neck. She was sobbing uncontrollably.

Shuuhei moved forward, stepping through the bloody mess and pushing past the hanging carcasses. Cold blood dripped on his shoulders and he felt a drop hit his cheek. He ignored it and made his way to the small girl's side.

"Ururu-chan…" he said softly. He knelt beside her and tried to untangle her hands from her hair. Her front was soaked in blood, her hands were saturated. "Ururu… it's okay…" The girl let Shuuhei take her hands and she stared straight ahead, tears still pouring from her large eyes.

"Oh shit!" he heard Ikkaku shout from the porch.

Shuuhei looked up to see Urahara fly down the stairs and kneel beside Ururu. His hat was absent as were his sandals and haori.

"Is she hurt?" he asked.

Shuuhei shook his head. "I don't think so. She's got a lot of blood on her but I don't think it's hers."

Urahara held out his harms and Shuuhei gave up his burden to the older man.

"Ururu," he whispered. "Ururu love, come back. Come back sweetheart." He held her close and stroked her hair, ignoring the gore coming off on his hands.

Ururu's glazed eyes cleared a little and she leaned into Urahara's chest.

"Kisuke…" he managed to murmur." Kisuke… I thought… I thought it was Yoruichi-san…"

Shuuhei glanced at the carcass at his feet. It was a large black cat with golden eyes. It could be easily mistaken by a young girl in the middle of so much carnage.

"It's not," Urahara said. "Do you think Yoruichi would let herself get caught like this? You really think she could be beaten so easily?"

Ururu closed her eyes and put her arms around Urahara's neck. "No… I just… I saw it and…"

The shopkeeper slipped an arm underneath Ururu's legs and lifted her. As he started up the steps, he glanced over his shoulder.

"Let me find Hanataro-kun and Jinta to help me take care of her. You're in charge until I return, Hisagi."

Shuuhei nodded and looked at Tessai, who had joined the shinigami on the porch.

"Tessai-san, can you bring us some shovels?"

As Tessai disappeared inside the shop, Ichigo emerged, bleary eyed and followed closely by Orihime. Shuuhei glanced at Renji, but the tall red head wasn't paying attention. He was speaking softly with Kira as they made their way down the length of the porch. Ichigo looked tired and slightly disheveled but no worse for wear. Orihime clasped his hand in both of hers as she surveyed the bloody mess before her.

"Oh my…" she whispered. "Ichigo…"

Ichigo turned to her and put a tender hand on her shoulder.

"Inoue, why don't you go inside and help Urahara with Ururu, she'd probably like another girl there with her. Maybe Rukia too."

Orihime nodded and stood on her tip toes to give Ichigo a quick kiss before going back into the shop. Ichigo stood still for a moment before he turned to face Shuuhei directly.

Shuuhei prepared himself for a barrage of loud questions, a shouting match, flying curses, maybe even a fight. But Ichigo just looked at him with tired eyes and adjusted the borrowed katana strapped to his back. He looked like one who had recently recovered from a long stint of the flue. His skin was drawn and it was obvious he had lost some weight. His jeans hung off his frame and he didn't fill out his sweater like he had a few days ago.

Ikkaku cleared his throat loudly and scratched his chest through his wife beater.

"Well," he said loudly. "I don't do awkward, so I'm gonna go help find some shovels. Oh, and Yumi, he's not getting out of this."

He slipped by Ichigo and shut the door behind him.

Ichigo sighed and moved toward Shuuhei. He ducked under the bloody mess and descended the steps, careful not to step in any piles of innards.

"So what the hell is going on? Inoue tried to tell me the basics, but she always manages to get me more confused."

Shuuhei folded his arms over his hoodie. "What do you remember?" he asked casually.

Ichigo looked at the ground and shuffled his feet. "Mmm, bits and pieces after I was attacked the first time… not that much."

Shuuhei pushed down the rush of questions that pressed against his lips. He could ask later, they'd figure out their personal problems after they dealt with the hollow problem.

"What did Inoue manage to relay to you? She tell you what we're up against?"

Ichigo scratched the back of his head. "Um, there's four of them, plus another boss guy. He's supposedly the one that…" he made a motion at his chest. Shuuhei nodded and he continued. "We got three of them, but this last guy is like a sniper or something. I guess he attacked you guys when… when I ran off…"

Shuuhei turned away and caught Renji watching them, Kira standing close by with his hand on the red head's shoulder.

"Actually," Shuuhei said. "He attacked me while I was fighting you."

Ichigo made a pained face and shoved his hands in his pockets.

"I'm… sorry…" he mumbled.

Shuuhei remembered his fight with Ichigo, the power he had felt rise up inside him for the first time in retaliation of the hollows massive power.

"It's alright…" Shuuhei said. "Turned out to be a good thing in the end… Besides, I'm not really the one you need to be apologizing to."

Ichigo shoved his hands further into his pockets and closed his eyes. His cheeks flushed as he groaned as if he was in pain.

"I know," he said almost inaudibly.

Shuuhei glanced up when the shop's front door opened. Hitsugaya emerged, followed by Matsumoto and Tessai. Ikkaku pulled Yumichika out after them and the dark – haired man was whining freely.

"No, Ikkaku!" he shouted. "I dispatch hollows efficiently and beautifully! I'm a shinigami! Not some janitor that cleans up after – Oh KAMI!" Yumichika's hands flew to his mouth when he saw the hideous display outside.

Ikkaku pulled on Yumichika's arm. "That's right. You're a shinigami and you're going to do your duty!"

Yumichika desperately tried to get away. "This is not a duty! This is torture!"

Matsumoto put a hand over her nose and leaned over to her captain.

"Taichou…" her voice was pleading.

Hitsugaya sighed and waved his hand. "Yes yes go. Go help with Ururu-chan…"

The tall blond disappeared and Hitsugaya pulled off his captain's haori and took a shovel from Tessai.

Ichigo turned back to Shuuhei and ran a hand through his hair. He seemed to be struggling with something, but quickly shook his head and appeared to change his mind.

"Do you think the fourth hollow did this?" Ichigo asked.

"Yes," Shuuhei replied. "I'm pretty sure. But I don't get it. It's obviously a warning but, why cats? Why the carnage?"

Ichigo shrugged and turned as Tessai approached. He handed the substitute shinigami two shovels. Ichigo tossed one to Shuuhei and began the gruesome task of cleaning up the corpses.

"Kurosaki, Hisagi-san," Ishida's voice called from the porch.

The shinigami looked up and saw the Quincy studying the corpses hanging from the roof.

"What is it, Ishida?" Ichigo asked.

"Come here," the dark – haired boy replied.

Shuuhei and Ichigo joined Ishida on the steps and looked where Ishida was pointing. "The fourth Horseman definitely did this." The Quincy said.

Shuuhei studied the carcasses hanging from the roof. The tails seemed to be pinned to the wood with arrows. Shuuhei, ignoring the repulsive feeling of bloody cat fur against his skin, reached up and pulled an arrow free. The three stepped back quickly as the corps fell to the steps at their feet with a sickening 'splat'.

"What is that?" Ichigo said.

"An arrow…" Shuuhei studied the projectile in his hand. He handed it to Ishida who turned it over, studying it from every angle.

"Are you okay holding it?" Ichigo asked. "Isn't it draining your reiatsu or something?"

"It's fine," Ishida said. "The reiatsu charge must dissipate after the arrow has been separated from the hollow for a long period of time."

Hitsugaya appeared beside Ishida and eyed the arrow.

"What's going on?" the small captain asked.

Ishida held up the arrow for everyone to see. "This arrow is no doubt from the fourth Horseman. It's made from a substance I don't recognize. It's most likely crafted by the sand found in Hueco Mundo, but I'm not entirely sure. This tip," he pointed to the rounded end, "is called a target point or sometimes a field tip. They are most commonly used in training. By offering similar flight characteristics and weights as regular arrows, they can be used freely without getting lodged in target materials and causing excessive damage upon removal."

"What does the tip have to do with anything, Ishida?" Ichigo was scowling.

"Be quiet, Kurosaki," Hitsugaya rolled his eyes.

"This arrow is different than the one we found in Kurosaki," Ishida continued. "That arrow had a Bodkin point. Those were used in the middle ages during wartime to pierce armor." The Quincy narrowed his eyes. "It's strange though…"

"What is?" Shuuhei asked.

"None of these arrows or the other from before have fletching," Ishida pointed to the back of the projectile. "There are no feathers or stabilizers on the back."

"What is a fletching for?" Hitsugaya asked.

"Fletching provides a small amount of drag used to stabilize the flight of the arrow. It keeps the arrow pointed in the direction of travel by strongly damping down any tendency to pitch or yaw."

"'Pitch or yaw'?" Ichigo made a face.

"Wiggle," Shuuhei explained. "Helps to actually shoot the place you aim for."

"Oh."

Ishida frowned and pushed his glasses up his nose. "Some cultures used copper veins for proofing armor and others used razor blades and things… but very rarely did people use arrows with no fletching at all like these... It's strange."

Ichigo looked at the arrow and shrugged. "Maybe he's just so good he doesn't need it."

Ishida glared at the orange – haired boy. "Kurosaki, even my spirit arrows have fletching."

Shuuhei frowned, remembering back to when he had seen the arrow strike Ichigo.

"Maybe he's not aiming…"

Hitsugaya and Ishida turned to Shuuhei. The Quincy looked exasperated.

"What are you talking about, Hisagi?"

"Well," Shuuhei said slowly. "What if he doesn't have to aim at all? What if the arrows are attracted to reiatsu or something? What if he shoots and the arrows find the target on their own?"

"What," Ichigo asked. "Like a homing missile? That's kinda far-fetched, Shuuhei."

"No…" Ishida turned back to the porch. "That would make sense."

"But…" Hitsugaya murmured. "If the arrows hone in on reiatsu, and the hollow need not aim, as Hisagi-san says… that means…"

"This guy can't miss…" Shuuhei said evenly.

Ishida turned back to the tattooed shinigami and nodded.

"Exactly," his voice was quiet. "He'll never miss…"

X x X x X

Tessai, Ichigo, and the six shinigami made quick work of the cat carcasses, bringing them to a pile and quickly burning all traces with a fire kido. Yumichika looked vaguely sick and retreated immediately into the shop to wash. Kira left soon after, followed by Hitsugaya and Ishida. The Quincy and the captain were talking quietly as they entered the shop.

"Well fuck," Ikkaku sighed. "Yumi's never going to let me hear the end of this."

"He'll live," Renji muttered.

Ikkaku laughed and turned to head back to the shop himself. Tessai and Ishida excused themselves as well and disappeared.

Shuuhei stood between Renji and Ichigo, not sure what he should say. The tension in the air was so thick he could feel it pressing on his skin. He glanced over at the shinigami substitute and almost winced. Ichigo was clenching and unclenching his hands fiercely. His brow was furrowed so far his eyes were almost hidden and he was staring intensely at the dirt in front of Renji's feet. Ichigo looked so uncomfortable that Shuuhei almost reached out is hand to comfort the younger man.

Shuuhei opened his mouth to say something but Renji beat him to it.

"Ichigo," he said quietly.

Ichigo froze. "Hmm?" he voiced cracked slightly.

"I'm gonna go clean up real quick but I wanna talk to you afterwards."

Ichigo's eyes stayed fixed to the dirt, but he nodded slowly.

Renji met Shuuhei's eyes and motioned with his head. "Let's go."

Shuuhei followed the red head, but hesitantly. He looked over his shoulder and felt a pang of mixed jealousy and pity at the defeated figure standing over a pile of ashes.

X x X x X

Renji ran the brush through his damp hair one last time before pulling it up and securing it with his hair tie. He took a clean brown sweatshirt from his drawer and pulled it on, zipping it up the front. He glanced at Shuuhei leaning against the bathroom door. The dark – haired man had washed and borrowed a pair of loose fitting jeans and a dark green sleeveless shirt. He was watching Renji with a slight scowl and intensely unhappy eyes.

"What's wrong?" Renji muttered. He had an idea, but it annoyed him a little to think about it.

Shuuhei sighed and crossed his arms over his chest. "I'm sorry if the thought of you being alone with him freaks me out a little."

Renji's features softened. Shuuhei's possessiveness actually made the red head's spirits lift a little. He moved to stand in front of the other man and gently touched the skin of Shuuhei's cheek. He leaned in and placed a chaste kiss on Shuuhei's lips.

"Its okay, Shuu," he whispered. "I'm only going to talk to him for a little bit. I just wanna clear some stuff up."

"I know," Shuuhei pulled away gently and moved to grab the black sweater Renji had gotten out for him. "I just… I keep thinking about all those things the hollow said…" he slipped his arms into the sleeves but left the front unzipped.

"Shuuhei," Renji said quietly. "All that fucking hollow does is lie."

"Renji, you didn't hear the stuff he said while we were binding him!" Shuuhei shoved his hands in his pockets and started to pace the room. "Maybe it's true that Ichigo doesn't have feelings for you, but that fucking hollow…"

"He just said that shit to piss you off, distract you from the binding spell."

"Well, it fucking worked, Renji!" Shuuhei barked. He stopped and looked at the red head with guilty eyes. "I'm sorry," he whispered. He looked at the floor and sighed. "That hollow isn't a separate entity you know? He's a part of Ichigo whether we like it or not. So it's hard for me to hear the stuff he told me and… be okay with everything…"

Renji stood silent, aware that Shuuhei had more to say. He waited patiently, but his anger grew with each second.

"He said Ichigo fantasized about you," Shuuhei rubbed the back of his neck. "He said Ichigo fantasized about us. He went into detail about the things Ichigo though about… you doing to him…" he looked up and pleaded with Renji through his eyes. "The hollow said Ichigo wants you, Renji… what am I supposed to think? What am I supposed to do?"

Renji frowned and took a step forward. "He's my best friend, Shuuhei. I can't just turn my back on my best friend because of shit the hollow said."

"I know," Shuuhei rand his hands over his face and crossed them over his chest again. "I know that… But everyone is so on edge right now. We're all really emotionally drained and you two… the last time I saw you two together he was all over you…"

Renji was suddenly angry. He stepped closer to Shuuhei and growled low in his throat.

"And I had to sit through almost an hour of you petting Kira in your lap! How do you think that made me feel?!"

Shuuhei's eyes widened. "Renji, that's different. I wouldn't-"

"No it's not!" Renji hissed. "Don't ask me to give up Ichigo- give up my best friend when you couldn't do the same! I know you wouldn't do the same, so fuck you, Hisagi! Climb the fuck down off of your high horse!"

Shuuhei looked at the ground and let his arms fall to his sides. All expression drained from his face and he turned towards the door. He lifted his borrowed sword from its resting place against the wall, and slung it over his shoulder.

Renji watched as he slid the door open and stepped through the doorway. He suddenly felt exceedingly foolish and wanted to call out for Shuuhei to stop, come back. He wanted Shuuhei to hold him, to kiss him until his doubts and fears were washed away.

"Shuuhei…" he said and moved to the door. "Shuuhei I'm sorry, I didn't mean…"

Shuuhei turned back to him and Renji's heart twisted in his chest at the wounded look the older man gave him. It suddenly dawned on Renji how hurtful his words must have been. The red head's breath caught in his throat as realization washed over him and his stomach knotted with regret.

"Shuuhei," Renji murmured, but the dark – haired man just stared back at him; his face slack and his eyes red-rimmed and misty.

"Shuuhei… would you give up Kira for me… if I asked?"

Shuuhei shoved his hands in his pockets and swallowed thickly.

"Renji," the older man whispered. "I would give up everything for you…" Then Shuuhei clenched his jaw, and quickly turned to walk away.

Renji's heart fluttered. His eyes widened and he felt slightly dizzy. He raised a hand to grip the doorframe and steady himself. Shit… shit… fucking stupid… Renji stood fighting the urge to scream as he watched his lover disappear down the hall.

X x X x X

Renji finally emerged from his room twenty minutes later. He had reined in his emotions and calmed himself enough to face Ichigo. He still was a little nervous, he didn't know exactly what he was going to say, but he knew something needed to be done. He trudged slowly down the hall, wishing he wasn't such an asshole so Shuuhei would still be there with him.

He stopped outside the mod soul's room and stilled his hand before he knocked.

Was this really a good idea? Was Shuuhei right? Maybe he should let it be for a while, let Ichigo recover. No… in the next few hours they would no doubt be running headfirst into a battle against very strong, Espada-like hollows. This needed to be resolved, things needed to be said. He wasn't going to be able to fight with a clear head until he talked to Ichigo, and he guessed it was probably the same for the younger man. If he could just think of how to start… maybe he could just ask-

The door slid open and Orihime smiled up at him. Renji stood stock still, his thoughts were still scrambled- not ready for conversation just yet.

"Hello, Renji-kun," she said sweetly.

"Uh… hi…" Renji scratched the back of his head.

Orihime stepped aside to usher Renji into the small bedroom.

Was Inoue going to stay? Shit, there was no way Renji was going to be able to talk to Ichigo if the girl was going to be in the room. Renji felt his heart speed up as he started to panic a little. He couldn't ask Orihime to leave, that would be beyond rude and would probably hurt the girl's feelings.

Orihime must have read his expression because she smiled softly and shook her head.

"Its okay, Renji-kun," she said. "I'm not staying. You can talk to him alone."

Renji breathed a slow sigh of relief and stepped over the threshold. He saw Ichigo sitting against the far wall, his arms crossed over his chest and his legs straight and crossed in front of him. He was glaring at the floor and chewing the inside of his mouth.

Orihime stood in the hallway and moved to close the door, but Renji turned to her and whispered.

"Thank you, Inoue-san…"

Orihime sighed and closed her eyes.

"I don't want either of you boys to come out of this room before you fix… whatever it is that's wrong." She put her hands on her hips and took a deep breath and looked back up. Renji was startled to see anger in those usually kind eyes. "If either one of you does, I swear I will never talk to either one of you again."

Renji nodded and heard a soft grunt from Ichigo. Orihime grabbed the door, and slid it shut.

Renji turned and gazed at his friend leaning against the wall. The only light in the room was from the sun shining through the panels of the window. The room was on the garden side of the building and Renji could see the hanging branches of the sakura tree outside. He took a deep breath and made his way over to sit with Ichigo. Several minutes passed in silence, neither one knowing what to say- or if they did, just how to say it.

Finally, Renji decided he would start with something benign and simple.

"How're you feeling?" his voice was quiet, cautious.

Ichigo's gaze never left the floor. "Kinda weak… like I've been running for a really long time… but all the pain's gone… Tired I guess…"

Renji nodded and tried to relax, shift his position to something a little more comfortable. He might be here a while. An awkward silence filled the room, making Renji play with his zipper and tug on the ends of his hair.

"So…" Renji mumbled just to break the tension. "How much do you remember? Or do you remember any of it?"

Ichigo shifted uncomfortably and turned his head farther away. He sighed heavily and cleared his throat.

"I remember… a lot…" he started. "The hollow… had control, but he let me… watch sometimes…" The younger man pulled his knees up to his chest.

"When did it start?" Renji asked.

Wrapping his arms around his knees, Ichigo rested his cheek on his shoulder. "I think it started after the hollow punched a hole in my stomach. But it could have been before that… I don't know… It was weird, for a while I didn't notice it was getting stronger… or I was getting weaker… and then it started doing things and I couldn't stop… but the things it was doing I really didn't want to stop. It was just normal shit you know? It was going on patrols with you guys and doing stuff I would have done, so I didn't really think about it… I kinda almost thought I was doing it…"

Renji turned his head to look at the younger man. The sadness in his eyes made Renji's heart ache, but he held his tongue. He knew his questions would be answered, and he knew Ichigo needed to talk about this.

"After a while," Ichigo continued. "I started getting confused. Stuff started to not make sense anymore… I couldn't really tell what was real and what wasn't. That's when it totally took over and all I could do was watch."

Renji carefully chose his words. "When did you lose control, Ichigo."

Ichigo put a hand over his eyes and let out a shaky breath. "The same night we fought the hollows on the bridge… the night… the same night…" the boy shoved the heels of his hands into his eyes. His lip trembled slightly, but his breathing was still controlled.

Renji didn't touch him. He knew Ichigo was in a place where comfort from him was unwelcome. Instead he sat quietly and waited for his friend to continue.

Ichigo groaned and moved his hands to his temples.

"I can't believe she doesn't hate me, Renji…"

Renji's chest tightened. The thought of Ichigo being able to witness what his body did to Orihime but do nothing, caused a painful tightening in the red head's chest.

"It wasn't you, Ichigo," he whispered. "She knows it wasn't you…"

Ichigo wiped at his face and rested his hands in his lap. His face relaxed as he regained control of himself.

"I know… I know she knows… but I can't…" Ichigo sighed and leaned his head back against the wall. Silence filled the room again, but it was as loud as a fog horn. Renji clenched his jaw hard enough to make his head pound, but he said nothing, hoping Ichigo would answer his question on his own.

He was rewarded for his patience several minutes later, when Ichigo murmured softly into his chest.

"It wasn't me when I kissed you either, Renji…"

Renji's shell started to crumble. He squeezed his eyes shut. His resolve to listen quietly and stay detached fell apart and he found himself close to tears. His feelings for Ichigo had lessened, yes, but they hadn't disappeared completely. He had always known that Ichigo would never feel anything but friendship for him. But hearing the words from Ichigo's own mouth, finally after five years, actually hearing the rejection… It was almost more than Renji's heart could take.

"Yeah, I…" Renji choked out and looked back at Ichigo. He tried desperately to hide how much he was hurting. "I figured that out…"

Ichigo stared straight ahead. His shoulders stiff, and his hands clenched into fists. Renji watched his mouth open as if to say something, but then close again quickly. His brow furrowed and he slowly turned to face Renji. Their eyes finally met for the first time since their kiss in Urahara's underground. Renji stared into Ichigo's eyes and fought an epic battle as he tried to keep his emotions at bay.

"But Renji," Ichigo said. "Just because it wasn't me…"

Renji held his breath as Ichigo hesitated. It was the longest three seconds of the shinigami's life.

Ichigo turned slightly to face Renji dead on.

"Just because it wasn't me… doesn't mean I didn't want to…"

Renji blinked. He wasn't sure what to think. He didn't have any idea how he was supposed to react. His surprise was slow in coming. His emotions drained away slowly, leaving him in a strange state of numbness. Emotional numbness, for his chest was still hurting like someone had punched him.

"Wh…" Renji swallowed. "What are you talking about?"

Ichigo leaned back slightly, his face was sad. He looked like a man who had lost something dear to him and had no chance of ever getting it back.

"Renji?" Ichigo said softly.

Renji looked at his best friend and tried to breath around the pieces of his broken heart. "Yeah, Ichigo?"

The boy's face was devoid of emotion, but Renji watched two small tears fall from the corners of his eyes.

"Renji…" Ichigo whispered. "Do you love me?"

TBC