Chapter 2

She couldn't get him out of her head. That killer smile that so rarely graced his face, but could melt entire icebergs when he would actually let it show; or that confident swagger in his walk that occasionally faltered and became a painful gait instead, mostly because of her and going noticed to anyone that cared to look but herself and Sam; or that occasional twinkle that lit up his mesmerizing green eyes that were somehow haunted and tortured by something painful buried deep behind them that he kept hidden from everyone's view. She hadn't seen it in him before, but she did now. He was like a mystery to her that she desperately needed to unravel, and the more she watched him, the more the need to figure out what made him tick consumed her until it was all she could think about, day and night. His sheer will to live was intoxicating to her, and she needed him like a connoisseur needed a fine, red wine. She'd thrown him to the wolves, but he'd come out smelling like the sweet rose she now thought him to be, perfectly unblemished by even the tiniest of thorns. She promised herself she'd have him someday, one way or another.

She thought she had gotten everything she'd been dreaming of since following Sam from Stanford when he had finally called her on that last day they were together, his heart obviously crushed as he told her that Dean was dead and begging her to come and get him, to be with him, to help him get through it. She knew Sam had unwittingly given his precious brother enough arsenic to kill a Clydesdale, she'd made sure of it, and wasn't the least bit surprised that Dean had actually died from it, and she hoped it had been in excruciating agony when he finally had. She had been surprised at how long it had taken though. Gauging the time between her escape from the motel room as she masqueraded as their father and Sam's heartbroken call to her , she couldn't believe he'd lingered as long as he had, considering she'd left him throwing up more blood than she thought a body could actually lose without going into shock and shutting itself down permanently. She smiled to herself as she wondered if the official cause of death had been the arsenic poisoning itself, or if he'd painfully bled to death internally and choked on his own blood as his body tried purging it from his stomach when it could no longer hold it in anymore. Either way, she'd been happy to finally be rid of him and planned on finally having Sam all to herself. Yes, everything was finally final.

Sam had been the smart one this time though, smarter than her at least, toying with her as he pretended to be emotionally destroyed by his brother's apparent death, only to pull the rug out from under her in the end by calling her bluff. He had figured out everything somehow, but by the time it had dawned on her that he knew, it had been far too late to turn back. The only way he could have possibly known anything was by Dean telling him before his miserable existence had ended, and as she lay on the floor; unable to move and staring down the barrel of Sam's gun, she now wished she'd just let him die when he'd started suffocating from the infection raging through his body that had shut his throat off to all the air that it needed from outside. That physical torment though had been all Dean's doing, she had had nothing to do with it, but she had enjoyed watching it. Who would have thought tonsils were such a problem these days?

Sam's bullet had embedded itself in her heart the moment he'd pulled the trigger, but she'd thought nothing of it. She knew his weapon was useless and couldn't do any more damage than make her bleed. She thought she'd been smart not to throw the silver jewels she'd taken from Sam's gun as he'd slept through the nightmare she'd caused back at him, knowing his concern for Dean would leave that little detail unnoticed to his eye. No, she still had those in her possession, and wasn't letting them go for anything. What she wasn't expecting though was the bullet that he had so heartlessly shot at her that had lodged itself in her heart would prevent her from healing the gaping hole it had left until it had been removed, and there was nothing she could do but appear dead while Sam wrapped her in sheets and stuffed her in the back of her stolen vehicle for the police to find later. She couldn't move, she couldn't breathe, she couldn't do anything but act like the corpse everyone thought her to be until the coroner had started his autopsy.

He'd dug the bullet out first since the police were anxious to try matching it to a weapon of some kind, but since the cause of death was obvious to all, they'd put her on the bottom of the list to dissect until the other medical mysteries in the morgue had been figured out first. They'd wheeled her off to the side for later use, and she just bided her time until the room had gone quiet and dark.

Once she thought the coast was clear, she climbed from the table and searched for some kind clothing to throw over her naked body, only to find none. Giving up on traditional apparel, she'd decided to take an alternate method of escape instead and took the form of a rather large German Sheppard before sneaking out into the hallway and happily approaching the guard sitting at the reception desk, who had stared perplexedly at the imposing animal strolling proudly down the hall, wagging its tail as it went. It wasn't the most comfortable form of beast she'd chosen, but if it got her out of the building with no questions asked, it would do.

"God damn K-9 guys gotta keep their eyes on their partners," he'd grumbled and noted the time, just in case someone came looking for the pooch later.

Safely out of the building, she had found her way across town and back to the hospital she knew Sam would be fixed to, assuming Dean was still alive, that is. He'd still been breathing when Sam had thought he'd ended her life, at least that's what Sam had told her before pulling the trigger, but that had been days ago, and anything could have happened since then. Dean hadn't shown up in the morgue alongside her during her brief stay, and that had to be a sign in itself that he continued to exist.

Stealthily making her way through the parking lot, she knew she was in exactly the right place when she saw the monstrous black beast Dean called a car sitting alone in one of the furthest spaces, and she shuddered when she brushed her body against it. The car felt somewhat electric against her temporary canine fur, and she thought for a moment she liked the feel the obvious extension of Dean gave off. Spying a lone nurse at the darkest, farthest part of the lot and apparently leaving for the evening, she followed her, taking her form and dispatching of her body into her trunk quickly and cleanly after stealing her clothes and donning them to make damn sure she fit in with the rest of the staff. She turned around and strolled right back inside, following the faint scent of Sam wafting through the air. He had passed by not long before, and it left a trail for her to follow like breadcrumbs, leading her up to the ICU area.

She'd crept down the hall silently, her presence unnoticed by the other nurses that were all busy doing something else, and followed the scent Sam left behind, its strength increasing with each step she took forward. Stopping just outside the door when she'd heard his voice, Dean's voice, she listened carefully to what was going on inside.

"Listen Sam, you said your piece, now I want to say mine, and when I do, it's over, I mean OVER," she'd heard him begin, and listened intently to every word he'd said thereafter. He didn't blame Sam, not for any of it, even though it had been mostly because of Sam, well, and her, that he was in the condition he was in. She could smell how sick he still was, but she noticed something else in the scent he gave off. It was a fierce determination to live, and somehow listening to him not only take the blame for just about everything that had happened to him, but telling Sam he was still alive because of him made her feel so remorseful she could barely stand it. "I'm alive because of you, not in spite of you, so don't ever forget that," he'd continued, and in that instant she felt sheer admiration for the man she'd tried so hard to eliminate.

They'd moved him to another room once he was finally conscious again and well on his way to recovery, which made it much easier for her to sneak in and out, considering they'd paired him with a near comatose man that had no clue she was even there. She'd appeared to be visiting her incoherent father when Sam was there, but she'd turn her attention the other way when he wasn't, watching Dean as he would lay in dreamless sleep and relishing in his mere presence. Every day that went by she could feel something inside her telling her what she didn't want to hear, until she could ignore it no longer.

She followed them the day he was released to their motel, and camped out in the parking lot to watch their every move. It broke her heart to see Dean still in pain, though he hid it well from his brother and the rest of the world. Somehow, she could feel it, she knew it was there. She had waited all day for a glimpse of him, and had followed Dean that night when he had left without Sam, curious as to where he would be going by himself so soon after everything that had happened. She had been shocked and disgusted to see where he had ended up, watching him in the arms of another woman for what ended up being a very long night of memories she wished she could burn from out of her brain as her blood boiled, and had she been able to, she would have broken that bitch doctor's neck once Dean was gone for even touching what she thought to be hers, but she decided it better to let it go, she may need her in the future for something. It really didn't matter what he had done with her, she knew Dean didn't love her, that's what was important, but he would love her soon, she'd make sure of it, and in the end, his arms would be around her instead.

She followed them everywhere they went, always far enough behind to go unnoticed, but close enough to see and feel that Dean still suffered the after effects of what she'd done to him on a daily basis and it started to make her sick. Sure, there would be times when he was his usual charming self, but they were few and far between, and it broke her heart to see what she had done to him.

Their rushed exodus out of their motel room in the middle of the night had surprised her when it happened, knowing Dean really was in no condition to be going on any extended road trips just yet, but she took off right behind them anyway as they sped off into the night, their destination known only to them. Much to her surprise, they had pulled over a few hours after their trip had began, and after a very heated argument, Sam went one way and Dean went another. She could feel the tension coming from both men, and knew that Sam had no intentions of turning back as Dean went in the opposite direction, and she took this as a golden opportunity to make a move.

Instead of chasing after Dean, she had decided to follow Sam instead, knowing full well she would be able to find the object of her undying affection eventually, and intended on getting rid of him now that she had seen the light. Sure, she did still have some feelings for him, but he had ruthlessly tried to kill her, so that made everything fair in her book. Abandoning her car for her feet instead, she kept pace with Sam until morning and had been ready to move in for the kill as she watched him hitchhiking down the long, relatively deserted stretch of highway, but something stopped her. It was an evil she had felt before, almost identical to the evil she had felt the night of the fire that had killed Sam's beloved Jessica, only slightly different, and it knew she was there following him. She backed off, the silent warning it sent her telling her that Sam was not to be touched, not ever. They didn't care what she had done or what she still planned to do to Dean, but Sam was off limits. She merely turned around and retreated back the way she had came, knowing full well that Sam was in the hands of a demon now, and valuing her own life more, heeded the warning it had sent her.

She'd finally made it back to the car she had left on the side of the road, and breathed a sigh of relief that it was still there and not sitting in some impound garage collecting dust instead of taking her on her merry way to find Dean again. That demon in the form of the cute blonde girl would keep Sam occupied enough for her to take what she wanted, now that the younger brother had turned his back on the older brother he swore under his breath he would never leave again. By the time she had finally caught up to Dean, he was in a world of hurt and a boatload of trouble though, and somehow Sam had made a triumphant return to his side and saved the day.

They dumped that little, blonde damsel in distress that had taken such a liking to Dean in that apple orchard from hell onto a bus to somewhere far away and climbed into the car she had come to identify with as not just a car but a part of Dean's spirit after Sam's heartfelt confession and apology, and made their way out of town. She knew what was going to happen to him even before he did, but Dean had no clue what was coming, and it had blindsided him when it struck as hard and as fast as it did, making him pull over the first chance he got once his stomach started to protest the simple act of him breathing.

Her heart broke all over again when she had seen him lying on that dirty truck-stop bathroom floor she had followed them to just outside another small town in Indiana with his arms wrapped tightly around the toilet as he held on for dear life, too sick to even pick his head up off the seat, and she knew she had to help him somehow. Sam had been right there though, and she couldn't even get close enough to him to touch him, so she just watched as she always did from afar as Sam tried as gently as possible to get him in the car and took off at the speed of light to the nearest clean motel, where they ended up staying for days. She'd taken the room right next to theirs and listened to everything that went on inside. She cringed at every moan of discomfort she heard that had eventually elevated into downright cries of pain, each and every one a brutal reminder of her own stupidity.

After much verbal debating with himself whether or not he should take Dean to the hospital when his agony seemed to be getting the better of him, he had decided on making a simple phone call instead, and in seconds had that slut doctor on the phone. What she could actually hear coming from inside the room was nothing compared to what she had just heard Sam relay through the phone, and she was shocked to hear the extent of Dean's anguish. Sam had listened carefully to what she had told him, closed his phone, then run from the room like a bat out of hell after whispering to Dean he would be right back and prayed his brother had actually heard him.

She watched Sam from the window as he climbed into the car and turned the engine over, then peeled out of the parking lot; leaving streaks of rubber behind and when she could no longer hear the rumble in the distance, she knew he was really gone. She slipped out of her own room and quietly crept into theirs; carefully examining her surroundings to make sure she had gone in sight unseen. Silently closing the door behind her, she leaned against the barrier to the outside world she'd just shut and saw firsthand what was going on behind that closed door.

Dean was laying on his side with his face turned in her direction, his eyes pinched shut tight with his body curled up in a tight ball. Either Sam had left him uncovered, or he had just kicked the blankets off himself as he shivered and sweat all at the same time, and she honestly thought he had no idea what was going on outside his own mind. She tiptoed even further into the room as silently as possible and snaked her way around the bed to the opposite side, knowing that Dean's hunter instincts could never be discounted, no matter what condition he was in, and edged up to him carefully. The scars on his back were still an angry, red color, but were slowly starting to fade with the passing of time. Yet another reminder of the tortures they had forced him to live through stared her in the face, and she sat next to him to run a finger along the most prominent ones, wanting to feel them for herself.

He didn't stir as she pressed her weight down on the mattress next to him, and she was confident her presence had gone unnoticed. She leaned into him closely and brushed the wet hair from his hot forehead that was bathed in sweat before gently resting her open hand on his head, needing to fully feel his pain.

"Sam…" he murmured, and for a second it frightened her that he had spoke.

"Shhh, just rest. Tomorrow you'll feel better," she whispered into his ear, and as if her words were like drugs, his body did start to relax a bit. Wanting nothing more than to curl up next to him and care for him, she pulled the comforter back up to cover his still shaking form instead before sneaking back out of the room and returning to her own, not wanting to be there when Sam got anywhere near the motel again.

She waited and listened for two more days as Dean stilled, then made what amounted to nothing less than a miraculous recovery, and as if nothing was ever wrong with him, wanted to leave. One town after another they passed through, some stays uneventful, some not, but all were pretty mundane. That was until she had followed them to Michigan.

She had kept her distance in that little town, knowing that what they thought they were looking for wasn't there and that they were in no real danger from anything, except from the horny local bleach-blondes that wore too much make-up and not enough clothes that somehow always found a way to shimmy up to Dean's side if they even remotely thought they had a snowballs chance in hell of scoring with the brooding stranger that had just breezed into town. Many tried that night in the bar, when he'd gotten so drunk he couldn't stand, and Sam had carried him out to the car in a not so gentle manner this time, dropping him in the passenger seat and driving his alcohol-riddled, half passed out body back to their room and dropping him onto his bed so he could sleep it off.

It would take him a week to sleep that hangover off, since it had progressed throughout the day to more than a just a hangover, and when Sam had been unable to stop him from dehydrating after the fourth day, he did have to take him to the local hospital this time. She had followed them there and decided she wanted to be near him, knowing she could help him in some small way with her touch alone. She hadn't needed to kill anyone this time, she just borrowed the form of a 'sleeping' nurse that had decided to rest her head in a storage closet for a little while after being hit from behind by something hard and heavy that she had never seen coming.

He had been in exceptionally bad shape this time, but somehow he was coherent enough to refuse being admitted. She held his hand tight in her own as she started the IV that would pump fluids back into him over the course of a few hours and finally gave him something that actually did stop his incessant vomiting, and when he could tolerate liquids in his stomach again, gave him some Vicodin for his pain before sending him on his way, at his own insistence. Sam hadn't been very happy about it, but there was really nothing he could do to change Dean's mind, so he just prepared to take him back to the motel once he was finally able to stand somewhat upright. She had stolen the little bottle of Zofran and a box of syringes, and before Sam could make a clean escape, she had given both to him along with the bottle of painkillers and carefully instructed him on how to use it. She hadn't really wanted to have any interaction with Sam just yet, but she didn't want Dean to get that bad off again, not if she could help it. They had gone back to the motel, and it became painfully apparent that Dean's act at the ER had taken all the wind from his sails. He dropped like a rock again, and after just a few hours, Sam was administering those drugs again, just as he had been instructed to now that Dean had regressed into an unconscious mess again. After another three nerve-racking days, two of which had been pretty bad, they were finally prepared to leave.

She continued her silent pursuit everywhere they went, never being able to get close enough to Dean to even speak to him, not when Sam was always hovering over him every time he coughed, sneezed, or even yawned. She had decided she needed to do something, and soon, because being so close to him, but never being able to touch him was starting to drive her mad. She had planned on approaching him when they came back to the motel from wherever it had been they were planning on going, not really paying attention to the plan of action they had formulated when she heard something about a rawhead. It sounded like routine work to them, and she would just wait until they came back before finally making a move. She had everything planned out, and all she needed to do now was set the events in motion. She had waited all night and most of the next day for them to come back, and when they finally did, it was Sam alone that had shown up.

She had heard Sam making phone calls to all of their father's contacts and describing what had happened to Dean, and her heart nearly broke in two when he had told one of the people on the other line that Dean was beyond repair, at least medically anyway. This time, she knew there was nothing she could to do to help him, and if Sam couldn't do something, Dean would be no more. She couldn't bear the thought of living one more day without him, but knew now that her dreams were never going to come true. She felt him coming before she heard the knocking on the door, and listened to every word the brothers said to each other. Sam had a plan, Sam could save Dean, and they were going to Nebraska.

She cried when she watched the Reverend Le Grange heal Dean, then watched in horror at everything that happened next, and when it was all said and done, she knew she couldn't stand the waiting anymore, especially after what had happened to Dean this time. She'd finally decided to make her move. As hard as Sam tried, he couldn't protect Dean, and she knew she could. She needed to take care of him, needed to be with him, and she needed it to be now, so as she made her plans, she followed them out of Nebraska and onto the road, anxious to see where Dean would take them next.

Iowa, that's where he headed, driving without stopping for anything but gas until he'd crossed the state line. He was getting weaker with every mile he drove, but he wasn't giving in, not until he absolutely had to. It did inevitably happen though, and he did have to finally pull over when he couldn't hold anything in anymore. He started the pump to fill the tank before stagger/sprinting inside to spill his guts in yet another gas station toilet. He tried his best to stop shaking when he was done, but it was no use, and he just knew it was going to be another week of misery he would need to see through to the end. She had watched from her own car as Sam rushed inside, and then followed Dean out. He hid himself in the back seat without saying a word, and Sam just slammed the door shut, got in, and drove.

She knew the next town was far, but not too far, and that there was nothing between here and there to stop at, and decided now was the time. She had been right behind them since they had left, but she knew Sam would never notice, he was too preoccupied with Dean at the moment to notice anything. She was startled at the sudden flash of brake lights as the Impala fishtailed slightly in front of her before grinding to a sudden halt, but she kept going as she watched Sam jump from the car in her rearview mirror, race to the back door, throw it open, and disappear behind it. It was perfect. She drove another five miles or so before driving off the road and into the darkness beyond, leaving the car far enough from the highway to be ignored, more than likely, until the end of time. She hiked her way back to the road and listened, waiting for the unmistakable roar to come at her. Yes, she was ready, and now was the time, and nothing was going to stop her. She stepped out onto the pavement when she saw the headlights approaching, and smiled wide at their sight, knowing she'd finally be with Dean tonight.