Author's Notes: Thank you to tvbatina for spurring me to update this. I somehow unconsciously put it on the back burner and hadn't even realized how long it had been since I updated it until she very subtly reminded me. Thanks again and thanks for being patient. I'll try not overlook it again for that long.
Chapter 6
Sam bolted from the door and ran the short distance back to the anxiously waiting Impala as quickly as his long-legged stride would take him. Throwing the door open a little too wide, the hinges screamed out in protest when they reached their extension limits and recoiled sharply enough to nearly take off his foot when it came back and slammed shut behind him. Plopping himself back down hard into the driver's seat, he stuffed the key into the ignition and cranked the engine over a little more forcefully then necessary, causing the starter to make some complaints of its own now. Dropping the transmission into reverse, he hit the gas with a little too much oomph and for the briefest of moments the tires just spun underneath them before finding purchase on the cool pavement and backing them away from the building. He hated that Dean never once muttered a word of complaint at the way he was treating his 'baby' because had his 'overly possessive about his car' big brother been even the slightest bit coherent, he would have already smacked Sam upside the head for his complete and total disregard for the one and only inanimate object that he actually considered to be a part of the family. She was a Winchester just as much as he and Sam.
"Sam, please calm down. Everything is going to be alright," Penny spoke softly as she leaned forward slightly and rested her free hand against the back of Sam's shoulder to give him a reassuring pat. She could feel the tension and stress ooze from him and fill the air around them all, but the contact had at least made him pause to take in a deep breath before he put the car into drive a little more calmly then he had thrown it into reverse and crept the short distance between the office and the motel room only four doors down. The motel room that they were going to be holed up in for only god knew how long.
Seeing Penny sitting behind him amazingly keeping her cool and knowing panic would get him nowhere fast, he slowly pulled into a spot directly outside the door he had been directed to, calmly stilled the rumbling engine before tucking the keys into his pocket, and gently opened the door to get out, hoping he hadn't damaged it in his frenzied jerking of it open. He turned to face the back seat before climbing out of the vehicle and breathed another heavy-hearted sigh when he finally got a good look at Dean huddled in Penny's arms; his body visibly shaking even in the thick darkness surrounding them. The beam of the lone streetlight nearly twenty feet behind them cast an eerie glow on his brother's face as the light reflected off the heavy layer of sweat on his brow and Sam knew they were going to be in for quite an interesting night.
"Wait here while I go open the door. Do you think you'll be able to help me get him inside?"
"Yeah Sam, I think I can handle it," she answered, hiding the fact that his question somewhat offended her. Hell, she could probably carry Dean in by herself if absolutely necessary, but that would most likely tip her hand and she just couldn't have that.
Sam nearly leapt from the driver's seat and ran the short distance between the car and the door, anxious to see exactly what kind of accommodations they would be enjoying for the next few days at the 'Ho-Hum Motel'. He hadn't realized how bad his hands had started shaking until he tried sliding the key into the lock dead center of the doorknob, but after two failed attempts he finally steadied his right hand with his left and managed to slide the metal into the keyhole and turn the handle rather effortlessly. Reaching in and feeling for a switch on the wall, he flipped on lights that seemed way to bright even to his own tired eyes. 'No way in hell I'm bringing Dean in here with all these bulbs burning. Probably make him go completely blind,' Sam couldn't help but think. The majority of the time, Dean couldn't even open his eyes unless all the lights were turned off and even then it was too dark for Sam to see if they were really even open at all. All he had was Dean's word that they actually were and when it came to Dean's word regarding his own health, his word meant shit sometimes.
Giving the room a quick once over scan, Sam was pleasantly surprised at what he was seeing. The spacious area held two double beds, both of which were adorned with thick, dark brown, comforters that looked amazingly soft to the touch. The beds were separated by a large nightstand that sat in-between them with one bedside lamp resting on each end, seemingly for each bed, and both were very brightly lit with what Sam thought to be a thousand megawatt bulb. He quickly marched himself inside and unscrewed the light bulbs from each lamp, making the room go mostly dark now that the only illumination inside came from another lamp that sat on the long dresser at the foot of both beds, thankfully with a much dimmer light radiating out from under the over sized lampshade. Sitting dead center of the lengthy dresser was a decent sized television with what appeared to be a cable box bolted to the top. 'Thank god for that. At least when Dean feels like opening his eyes, he'll at least have something worth looking at.'
Just as he had frantically asked for, Sam noticed not only a microwave and a small, dorm-sized refrigerator ready for use in a far corner of the room, but a coffee pot with numerous cups and little packets of coffee ready for the making right next to them both along with a fully stocked rack of cream, sugar, and artificial sweetener. That was almost a godsend, because he was definitely going to need that sugar later. Letting his eyes drift to the right, he noticed what must have been the bathroom door mere feet from the side of the bed on the far side of the room propped open invitingly wide and was surprised at just how large the room seemed to be from where he stood. Yet another blessing in disguise when Sam realized that all three of them would probably fit in there at the same time with room to spare, because if recent history repeated itself, he and Dean would be spending a lot of time in that particular space together very soon, Dean over the toilet with Sam holding him up.
Turning to body to his left as he stood between the beds, he quickly pulled the comforter and blankets on the neatly made bed directly outside the bathroom door down to the footboards to reveal the equally soft, smooth, off white sheets underneath that unbelievingly had not one stain of any strangely colored substance embedded into them from only god knew who or what and let out a preparatory sigh now that he knew he had to begin the difficult task of bringing his brother inside and across the entire expansive area without waking all the other guests staying in all the other rooms. As he stood there momentarily staring at the bed that would be Dean's prison of sorts over the next few days and thanking god for the Ho-Hum motel being anything but ho-hum, he realized that for once in his life, Dean was most definitely not taking up his guard duty post on the bed closest to the door to feed his need to constantly protect them both. No, Dean was going to be as far away from the front door and as close to the bathroom as possible.
Checking out their accommodations for their unknown duration and appreciating how comfortable they truly appeared to be had somehow calmed Sam's overly taut nerves just enough to steady the worried shaking dominating both his hands and release the tightly bound knots that had tied his stomach to his throat for the last hour or so, letting it fall somewhat back into its proper place. Heading back towards the door without the frenzied gait in his movements, he marched back out to the car to begin the very unpleasant task of wrestling his brother's uncooperative body into the room, ready to begin what would be the first of a few very long nights.
Penny watched him approach from her spot in the back seat where she sat under Dean's heavy weight waiting patiently for him to return, not really wanting to be in Sam's presence but wanting to get Dean out of the car and spread out in a more comfortable position on a bed. She hoped there was more she could do to slow what she herself could feel was starting to completely overpower his entire form but this episode seemed to be the worst one yet and what little hold she may still have on his agonized body just may not be quite enough this time. She knew she could somewhat ease some of his pain but was beginning think she could do little else, but she sure would try. Grasping the door handle as Sam approached, she swung the door open just enough for Sam to grab on and pull it the rest of the way, allowing him access to the entire back seat. He knelt down beside the car and poked his head inside, figuring it was now or never.
"Dean, can you hear me?" Sam asked as he gently patted his brother's cheek before grasping his chin lightly in his hands to turn his face up to meet his, hoping somehow Dean would open his eyes just enough to remotely realize he was even there. He said nothing, just let out a hushed moan as if the slight physical contact Sam had just made with him pained him somehow. "Come on Dean, we need to get you inside."
Dean heard him, if only slightly, and wanted nothing more than to bury himself deep within his own head and lock his eyelids shut tight until this was thankfully over. If it were up to him, he would just lay there all night curled up safe and secure in the back seat of his own car, resting in the lap of that pretty girl he was sure he knew somehow as she stroked his head and hand gently with a soothing touch, the contact helping him drift off to the nowhere he really wanted to be in until he could just breathe again without that simple act alone causing him unbearable agony. He knew that wasn't going to happen though as he forced his brain to listen to what his brother was trying so hard to say to him, the words being the subtle warning that he wasn't going to like what was coming. He tried to prepare himself as best he could, but what little control he had over his own mind wasn't enough to stop whatever his body wanted to do. No, his body had a mind of its own now and there wasn't a damn thing he could really do about it, even if he wanted to.
He could feel the young woman he was sure he was crushing with his dead weight under him start to slide out from beneath his lax frame as Sam's strong arms found their way around his chest and the agonized groan he heard come from his own mouth startled even him as Sam tried pulling him out of the car and to his feet, the pain not registering immediately at the movement. He would have made an effort to get his legs underneath him to help his brother support their weight if his brain hadn't been moving on a three second time delay and instead of trying to aid Sam in his efforts, he opted to brace himself for what his mouth warned him was imminent. He had been right too, and when the pain that he could only describe as his entire body being lit on fire struck and spread from his center throughout his entire mass, he pulled the string on dimly lit bulb in his head and went totally lights out. His body could do whatever it wanted and he wasn't going to try to stop it. Truth was...he just didn't care anymore.
The anguished scream that suddenly erupted from Dean's lips had echoed sharply throughout the still air of the unseasonably warm night, it's agonized tone momentarily silencing even the crickets as they chirped their amorous nighttime songs of courtship to one another. The silence that hung over them once the cry had hushed was deafening to Sam's ears as the nocturnal choir refused to continue and Sam couldn't help but feel a little sick to his stomach when he felt Dean's head rest heavily against his own shoulder as he stood his brother up and wrapped one of his lax arms around his neck. The dead weight he held on to was almost too much for him to support as his mind still reeled from his brother's uncontrollable verbal outburst and he had to steady both himself and Dean against the side of the car before continuing.
As amused as she was at Sam ineptitude, Penny could stand to watch the awkward show no longer and decided it was time to take control of the entire situation considering Sam mentally and physically seemed totally unable to do so. Grabbing hold of Dean's arm that hung limply at his side, she draped it over her own shoulder and forced both men to stand up straight. Sam was oblivious to her obvious strength and as she wrapped one arm around Dean's waist to support him and one under his thigh to pick him up and carry him, she raised his leg off the ground, suspending him in the air between them. Sam mindlessly did the same until they had Dean elevated enough to walk the short distance inside. Taking the lead, she slowly and carefully maneuvered her way around the room to the turned down bed and they both lowered the hot, heavy body sandwiched between them down to a seated position.
With no further grunts or groans coming from his brother to distract him, Sam seemed to be able to think once again and started taking his brother's worn, leather jacket of his sweat covered body. The coat was thrown haphazardly into a corner with little regard to where it landed and Sam quickly went to work on the shirt that was clearly stuck to Dean's burning skin. Pulling the saturated fabric over his brother's limp head as Penny held the man upright; he drew the shirt down the length of his lax arms and tossed the soiled tee to the side right along with the jacket. Once his upper half was bare, Penny lowered him down sideways and rested his head on the pillows Sam had piled on one side as Sam picked his brother's legs up off the floor to lay them on the bed. Throwing any modesty his brother may have aside; Sam took off his brother's shoes, socks, and stripped him all the way down to his boxers before covering him with a light blanket only. Dean's body shivered uncontrollably now that he was nearly naked but Sam didn't want to bury him under the heavy blankets and hold in anymore body heat than necessary.
With Dean finally tucked in under a light cover and resting, albeit not comfortably by any means, Sam jogged back outside to the car without saying a word to Penny and quickly threw open the trunk to grab Dean's duffel, his own duffel, Penny's bag, and the bag safely tucked away in the corner that was waiting for just this exact emergency to arise. Sam had learned by now to be prepared for this at anytime, at least with supplies. He could never mentally prepare himself for these moments and always wondered after each one how many more they would have to endure. Slamming the lid to the trunk down hard, Sam raced back inside and slammed that door shut behind him too, dropped all the bags he carried onto the empty bed then dropped himself into a chair in the corner next to the dresser and took in a deep breath, letting himself slightly relax before moving on to the next step in the routine.
Brushing the back of her hand gently across Dean's sweaty brow one more time before rising as his face contorted into a new form of pain, Penny approached Sam where he sat, bent over to pick up her bag and tossed it over her shoulder before saying the last thing Sam wanted to hear, hoping she would get the exact response she was looking for. "Maybe I should go Sam. I'm not sure that your brother would want me here. Maybe I can get the room next door or something, at least until tomorrow."
The pained call that stole every inch of air in the room silenced Sam before he could say a word, leaving his mouth hanging agape as the answer hung unspoken on the tip of his tongue. She hated having to do what she had just done to Dean, her touch pulling him out of his own mind just enough to reel from the harsh wave of nausea she sent through him, but in her opinion, it was absolutely necessary. She promised herself she wouldn't do it again as they both turned their attention to the bed at the cry, Penny skirting around and Sam leaping over the empty bed that stood between them and Dean.
"SAM…help me" the name came out in a near shriek, but the feeble plea barely came out at all as he tried unsuccessfully to suck in a full lungful of air while his back arced and his upper body started to lurch up now that he had somehow ended up on his back in the middle of the bed with the pillows his head had been resting on were now covering his face instead of supporting his neck.
Penny's chosen path had cut Sam's off and she made it to Dean's side before Sam even had a chance to get close. Shoving the pillows to the off his face, Dean could feel her presence next to him and with near lightning speed he grabbed her arm and held it tight in his hand as he drew some kind of strength from her to roll himself over, leaving his back to both of them. He pulled on her arm hard enough that she lost her balance and fell on top of him, the action garnering a small grunt but nothing more. She rolled to the side quickly and momentarily rested her back against the headboard as she sat up, but before she could make any sort of move to climb off the bed, Dean had latched onto her with his other hand now, wrapped both arms around her and rested his head in her lap before apparently falling right back to sleep like nothing had ever happened.
Sam stared in shock at what he had just seen, the fact that even Dean's uncontrollable shivering had stilled and he now seemed to be resting rather peacefully for the first time in a long time against Penny's prone form. His hard and heavy breathing hadn't slowed to a normal rate yet, but it had eased enough and all Sam could do was wander back over to the chair he had been planted in before, throw his hands over his face and breathe another sigh of relief as he dropped back down onto the seat.
"Sam…" Penny started tentatively, knowing Sam was as vulnerable as he would ever be and decided it was time to start her questioning, wanting him to fell all the guilt and regret she knew he deserved. "My god Sam, what happened to his back? That looks so painful. Does that have anything to do with this?"
"It has everything to do with this," he answered solemnly with his hands still pressed hard over his face, the hitch in his voice unmistakable to her ears.
"But you said Dean was like this because if you. You didn't do this to him, did you?" She slyly asked the question in a suspicious tone that she knew would start the confessional flood of explanations and decided to sit back and let Sam spill the guts he had been dying to spill for months now to anyone that would offer to listen.
"Not directly, but it was all my fault. It's a long story anyway that I'm sure you don't want to hear," he started, only to hesitate for a moment. How was he supposed to share the whole story without her thinking him to be totally insane?
"It doesn't look like I'm going anywhere for a while Sam," she told him as she pointed to his brother's still body against her, trying to force the suspicion out of her tone and force some compassion in. She saw his physically slump in the seat and knew he couldn't hold his guilt in anymore.
"Dean and I have been on a road trip for a while now, since Jess…" he started but couldn't bring himself to say the actual words. Penny wasn't interested in hearing about Jessica, not in the least and cut Sam off quickly so he would get to the more interesting points.
"I know what happened back at Stanford and I'm so sorry Sam. I didn't want to say anything about it until you brought it up though. I understand if you aren't ready to talk about it yet. Just tell me what's going on now and maybe I can help," she told him, the comforting tone of her voice almost making her sick.
"Remember what I told you about my dad?" He asked, hoping to spare himself from feeding her anymore bullshit then he had to.
"That he's in a very dangerous line of work, yeah. Him and Dean both, right?"
"Right. Well, he went missing right before Jessica died and Dean and I have been looking for him ever since. We get an occasional clue left behind for us or an odd phone call from him here and there, but that's about it. It's almost like he's in hiding or something. I know that sounds strange, but if you knew our dad, you'd understand. After Jess, I just needed to find him, I can't really explain why." No Sam, you really can't explain why so skip it and move on.
She could almost read his thoughts and needed to help him along just a little so he wouldn't decide his story was insane and clam up. She didn't know why, she just needed to hear it all from Sam, beginning to end. "Maybe because he's your Dad and you needed him."
"Something like that." More like Jess died the exact same way my mother did and I wanted answers, even if it meant seeing the man drove me away in the first place. The man that forced me to abandon my brother. "Anyway, we ended up in St. Louis for a little while and Dean got blamed for something he didn't do which pissed someone else off really bad. Bad enough that they pretended to be our father to lure us to Rockford with some crazy ass revenge scheme."
"I don't think I like where this is going Sam," she commented before asking him to continue with her look alone.
"I don't like where it went either. There were two of them. One of them distracted me while the other one did a number on Dean. He never saw it coming and he beat the crap out of him. I thought he was gonna be ok, but then he got really sick," Sam paused to take a deep breath, knowing everything else he had to say was going to bring back all the pain he felt in his heart. "I took him to the hospital and left him there to check a few things out, but by the time I got back he was gone. They had somehow tricked him into leaving and abducted him."
"Oh god Sam, what happened after that?" She asked in a begging tone when it seemed he couldn't continue. Her calm voice spurred him to go on though, that and the fact that he needed to get this off his chest once and for all.
"They tortured him and almost killed him. I'm not even sure how I ended up finding him, but I did," he went on and she could see the tears streaming down his face as he continued to speak, any hesitation he had had now totally gone. "They still had one last trick up their sleeves though. They tampered with his medication and somehow he ended up ingesting enough arsenic to kill a horse. It's a miracle he's even alive now."
"Sam…my god, that's horrible," she nearly sobbed, never fully realizing what she had really done to them both. The more Sam spoke, the less she ended up hating him somehow. What he had done to her he had done to protect his brother and she could truly appreciate that. Too bad Sam hadn't learned to appreciate Dean sooner, because if she had her way, she would successfully use all that guilt and pain against him to take Dean from him for good.
"They purged out as much of the poison as they could from his system, but there's residual arsenic left in his body that…well…causes this. Eventually these episodes will stop, but for now all we can do is wait them out," he finally finished and was utterly exhausted when he was through. It wasn't the whole story, but it would do.
"Why do you say this is your fault Sam?" She dug in a little deeper, not satisfied he felt guilty enough yet.
"Because if I hadn't been distracted the way I was, none of this would have ever happened. I should have had Dean's back and I didn't. I should have been looking out for him the way he's always looking out for me. All his pain and suffering is my fault, it's always my fault." Sam admitted it all, mostly to himself. He finally said out loud what he had been feeling for a very long time, not just over the last two months but nearly the last three years. He had turned his back too many times on Dean and this always ended up being the result. She smiled when he cracked opened the door just a little to what else she wanted to hear from him and she knew if she gave it one more gentle shove it would burst open wide.
"Is what happened back at school when Dean came to see you also your fault? You changed somehow after he left, and where exactly did he go anyway? He was too sick to leave on his own, I remember that much. What happened that weekend Sam? I've always wanted to know but was too afraid to ask and since you refused to talk about your brother after had left, I just figured it had to have been bad," she nearly begged him to tell her and Sam wasn't exactly sure what to say.
"That's another really long story," he tried dodging the subject, but truth be told, he really wanted to get that off his chest also, ever since it had been brought up in the car.
"Well, as I already mentioned, it doesn't look like I'm going anywhere for a while," she offered and Sam was ready and willing to accept as Dean continued to sleep, totally unaware of the direction their conversation was headed.
End Notes: As always, I am anxious to know how you feel. It seems that Penny is loathed enough to illicit murderous thoughts amongst some and judging by some of the email I've got, I think I better hide back behind my rock in my yard again until this one's through.