Chapter Eight: Danielle, Marie, Cheyenne
The whole next week at work, I was overly conscious about everything I did, from my comments to my fellow workers to the way I carried equipment. To say that Holly was the world to me was an understatement; I sure as hell wasn't going to let one stupid slip-up take her away from me.
"We have to remember to tell them that she normally eats this much, that we're not overfeeding her," I said for the third time that morning. It was Saturday, and the adoption agency was sending someone over to our house. They weren't slated to arrive for another half-hour, but I was already nervous and jumpy.
"Lexie," Aaron said from his sprawled position on the couch, where Holly played on a faded quilt next to him. "She's a happy baby and you're a natural mother. They'll see that she's perfectly fine here," he droned. True, he had been repeating the same thing over and over, as I wouldn't let up on my worrying.
Sighing, I perched nervously on the edge of the house. "I'm sorry… I just really don't want to screw up," I said.
"I know." He sighed, too. "Let's not think about it anymore, though. We'll sound most natural if we just play it by ear."
I nodded. "Okay. What do you want to do this afternoon?" Aaron and I hadn't seen much of the town yet, and I had been waiting all week to visit some of the sights my co-workers had mentioned, like the old lighthouse up the beach or the small town square that housed its very own fountain, built in the 1900s.
"I think we should go shopping," Aaron said, shocking me. Didn't he just remind me, days ago, that we should be careful with our money for a while, since the house had cost us so much?
"Shopping for what?" I asked.
"Your wedding dress, of course." I looked at Aaron, even more surprised. In the flurry of Holly's adoption, I had almost forgotten about our wedding.
"Oh, right. That…" I trailed off, before another thought hit me. "But Aaron! You can't shop with me – you're not supposed to see me in the dress before the ceremony."
He rolled his eyes. "So are we going to do all those traditions, then? Actually, what do you want for our wedding? Does it have to be in a church?"
I slouched into the couch. To be truthful, I hadn't really given much thought about our wedding. I knew it would happen, but I hadn't had time to go over the details like I had dreamed of as a little girl. Back then, I had always thought of a traditional wedding – in a church (although my family had never been religious), with white roses and lilies trailing over the pews. But now I didn't really want that, especially since Aaron wasn't religious either, and had expressed some distaste over church weddings.
"I don't want a traditional wedding," I decided.
Aaron laughed. "Good, 'cause I don't either. What do you want, then?" I shrugged. Aaron twisted the hem of his shirt nervously and spoke up again. "I was thinking… what if we got married on the beach? Right here, I mean," he paused, waiting for my reaction.
I thought about it. Somehow it just seemed to fit. I smiled up at him. "That'd be perfect," I said. "We can do it in the summer, when the water's that gorgeous aqua color… it could be simple, with just our families and close friends… do you even want a wedding party?"
Aaron shook his head. "Not really. I think it should just be about you and me – not the bridesmaids and the flower girl."
"But Holly –" I began, before I was cut off by the ringing of our doorbell. I glanced at Aaron, terrified; they were early.
x.x.x
"Okay, to start off, how about you tell me a little about yourselves – your occupations, favorite colors, I don't care," the social worker asked, looking up from the clipboard he had balanced on his lap. He had introduced himself as Bob O'Neill, and had made himself comfortable in our home without much of an invitation, immediately dominating the conversation.
I glanced at Aaron, willing him to say something. He did. "Well, I'm Aaron Callaghan, and this is my fiancé, Alexa Turner," Aaron said. "We both work at Anna Jacques – the local hospital." He grabbed my hand and squeezed it. For the first time, I realized that Aaron was just as nervous as I was, if not more.
I took a deep breath, reminding myself that the social worker was not out to take Holly away from me. "I'm a pediatrician and Aaron's works in the ER," I continued. "We just moved here… from Minneapolis, where we both went to school."
"Ah, so you know a lot about childcare, Ms. Turner?" Bob asked.
I nodded. "Well, yes."
"It's always good to see doctors – you always know their kids will be taken care of medically," he replied. "I do have a question, though – why are you trying to adopt when you've only recently gotten engaged? I read through your file, and it seems that you just… found the child?"
It was Aaron's turn to nod. "Yes, Alexa found Holly – that's the name we've given her – on the porch one morning. We didn't know what else to do, so we took her in."
"We did call the police, of course," I added. "But after a few months, they still didn't have any missing child reports that matched up with her… all the while, Holly just stayed with us."
"I assume you got attached to her, and didn't want to give her up, so when you moved you filed for adoption?" Bob asked.
"That's basically it," I responded.
"Okay, then. How about you show me her room?"
I scooped Holly up from where she was still playing quietly on the floor and followed the social worker and Aaron up the stairs. "Here it is," Aaron announced, opening the door to Holly's room. I was glad that Jess had supplied us with so much baby furniture. Holly's room was by far the most furnished in the house, with a crib, a dresser, a changing table, and some shelves with her favorite toys. Bob poked around the room for a moment, occasionally making notes on his clipboard.
"I see you've covered all the electrical outlets," he commented. "Good… Is there a night light or anything to see by in the middle of the night?"
"On the shelf," I said pointing to the tiny nightlight that I had stowed well out of Holly's reach. It was a clay angel, star cutouts in her skirt letting the light shine through. "We take it out during the day and cover the socket because it's probably easy for her to take out, and we don't want her playing with it." Bob nodded in what I hoped was agreement.
"I see," he said, examining the crib. He raised and lowered the bar, testing to see how sturdy it was. He made a note on his clipboard and then went to the shelves, looking at all her toys. Holly didn't have very many yet, but she loved playing with stuffed animals and soft foam balls.
While Bob continued asking questions and examining the room, Holly grew restless in my arms, squirming around, and finally letting out a little wail of protest. Both Bob and Aaron turned to look at us, Aaron looking horrified that Holly had made an unhappy sound in the presence of the social worker. "I'm sorry," I apologized, bouncing Holly on my hip to distract her. "I think she's hungry, do you mind if I…"
"Not at all," Bob said, cutting me off. "I'd like to see how you go about feeding her." Slightly uncomfortable with having him watch, I took Holly downstairs to the kitchen, telling myself that I would pretend like Bob wasn't there, and that I would act the way I always did when I was feeding Holly. I set her into her high chair and buckled the strap that went around her middle to prevent her from falling out.
"What'll it be today, Holly?" I asked her, tying a white and yellow bib around her neck. It was Holly's favorite, since it had terry-cloth duckies bordering the hem. I set a few jars of baby food on the counter where she could see them. "Creamed spinach? Chicken and mashed potatoes?" She held out her hands toward the jar, making excited babbling noises. "How about… butternut squash?" I asked, selecting a jar full of yellowish-orange goo. I unscrewed the lid and stirred the contents with a spoon. "Yum yum," I said, offering her a bite. She swallowed and opened her mouth for more before I had time to scoop more from the jar. I loved her eagerness to eat and I was so caught up in watching her between mouthfuls that I almost forgot the social worker and Aaron standing behind me. Holly finished her jar of squash and banged her hands on the tray of the high chair, demanding more. I had fed her in the morning, before Bob arrived, hoping that she wouldn't act starved during his visit. Now I worried that she was making us look irresponsible.
"Still hungry, Hol?" Aaron asked, coming to my rescue. "How about some more rice cereal and applesauce?" I rinsed out the squash jar and washed the spoon while Aaron retrieved a container of applesauce and a tub of gooey rice cereal from the refrigerator. We had started mixing the two together for her a few days ago to expand her diet. She seemed to love it, and it was easy enough to make. All Aaron had to do was mix them together in a small bowl and heat it up for a few seconds. "Here you go," he said, taking over my position of feeding Holly. I leaned against the counter, hoping I looked natural to Bob, who was scribbling on his clipboard again.
"How often do you feed her?" he asked me quietly.
"Whenever she's hungry," I answered. "Usually every few hours."
"No set feeding schedule at all? No allotted amount per feeding?" he asked with a raised eyebrow. I immediately realized my blunder.
"We used to," I explained quickly. "When we first started taking care of her, she would drink as many as eight bottles at a time. We took her to the doctor and they told us to put her on a feeding schedule, so we did, for about a week and a half, until I noticed that she was getting thinner and lethargic all the time. We took her back to the doctor, and we were told that she was underfed, and now we're supposed to feed her until she's satisfied."
"I see," Bob said, writing something down. I narrowed my eyes at him. He was starting to get on my nerves with his vagueness. I couldn't tell if he approved of what we were doing, or if he thought we were whack jobs who would be horrible parents. I turned my attention back to Holly, just in time to see her eat the last spoonful of her cereal and applesauce.
"How's that?" Aaron asked, lifting her out of the high chair. I went to the sink and ran a dishrag under warm water and handed it to Aaron so he could wipe Holly's face. When he finished, he balanced Holly on his hip and turned to face us, looking totally natural and at ease. I envied that grace, hoping that Aaron's natural fathering would be good enough to cover over the few blunders that I had already made. "Is there anything else you'd like to see?" he asked Bob politely.
"Yes, there is," Bob answered, checking his clipboard yet again. "If you could just take me around the rest of the house, I have some more questions…"
x.x.x
Bob finally left nearly an hour later, after an in-depth tour of the house and endless questions about our financial status, personal life, and how we took care of Holly. After he left, Aaron and I put Holly down for her nap, and then collapsed on our couch to celebrate what we thought was an interview gone well.
"You were perfect!" I said to him, flopping onto his shoulder. "You looked so natural, like you knew exactly what you were doing and nothing could stop you!"
"I do know exactly what I'm doing!" he protested, laughing. "But I know what you mean. I think we both managed to show him that we're capable of taking care of Holly."
"I hope…" I trailed off.
"Lexie." Aaron grabbed me by the shoulders and pulled me off of him, turning me around to face him. "You are not going to mope around all day because you thought you messed up. You were perfect, and I mean it." He let go of me, and collapsed back into the couch. "I know we were going to go around the town today, but frankly, I'm just too worn out to do much of anything right now," he confessed.
"I'm fine right here," I yawned, laying down next to him. "Maybe I'll just close my eyes for a few minutes…"
x.x.x
Aaron and I both must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I knew, Holly's crying woke me from my slumber. Groaning, I lifted myself off the couch, and Aaron's warm chest, and staggered to the stairs. "Mommy's coming, dear," I called up. Responding to my voice, Holly only wailed louder.
"Holly –" I started to say, but stopped short. I had been about to use her full name, just as my parents would when I was in trouble as a young girl. But then I realized that Holly had never had a full name. "Holly, Holly, Holly," I whispered, picking her up out of the second-hand crib. "What am I going to do with you?" I rocked her back and forth, and Holly snuggled into my chest.
I started down the stairs, thinking that she was most likely hungry, but Holly didn't cry out any more, and she didn't seem like she wanted anything, except to be with me. "Oh, did you have a nightmare?" I asked, pulling her closer. I plopped onto the couch, next to Aaron's knees. I poked him in the side once, just to make sure he was still sleeping. He grunted and waved at me, before falling still once again.
I leaned up against him, Holly still snuggled into me. Maybe I could go back to sleep…
But now that I was up, there was no going back. My thoughts turned to Holly's name. The sudden realization that all she was called was "Holly" had startled me for some reason. Aaron and I were pretty sure that we would be allowed to adopt her, and when we did, we were going to have to give her a full name. Guiltily, I began to brainstorm, hoping that on the day of adoption, I would have something to write on all the legal papers. Holly Elizabeth, Holly Marie… why could only the two most popular middle names run through my head? Holly deserved something more than that – something special. I mulled over the thought for a while longer, trying to think of a storybook name that fit her.
It had to be something whimsical, not a common name. After all, Holly wasn't a common baby. Holly Jasmine? No, I couldn't have two plant names. That ruled out all my favorite flowers, too, like Lily or Rose. Holly Rose sounded like some sort of paint color, not a little girl's name. What about… Holly Savannah? Holly Faith? I mulled over the names. I wished Aaron would wake up so he could help me think of more.
Standing up, I walked over to the kitchen, switching Holly from being curled against my chest to being balanced on my hip. After I dug around in a drawer for a bit, I came up with a scrap of paper.I scrawled Holly Savannah at the top.
After a few more minutes, I had come up with a whole list of names that might just possibly work. I brought it with me as I walked back over to the couch, where Aaron was just starting to stir. He woke up and looked at me, still hunched over my list. "What time is it?" he asked.
I glanced at the Grandfather clock in the corner of the room. "Almost one," I responded. Without waiting for him to reply, I asked, "Why didn't we ever give Holly a middle name?"
Aaron stared at me. "I… I dunno," he finally said. "I guess it just never occurred to me…And it seemed sort of pointless for a while because she wasn't ours," he trailed off. "Why?"
"I was thinking that if we did get to adopt her, we'd have to think of one," I said, laying the list down in front of him. I read along with Aaron.
Holly Savannah
Holly Sierra
Holly Cheyenne
Holly Scarlett
Holly Brooke
Holly Nicole
Holly Allison
Holly Danielle
Holly Olivia
Holly Katelyn
"Well… my favorites are Danielle and Cheyenne, "Aaron finally said. "Although I think Marie would sound good too, even if it is really common."
"That jumped to my mind at first," I said. "But I want to give her a more unusual name."
"We don't have to make a decision yet," Aaron answered. "Holly Danielle, Holly Marie, Holly Cheyenne…" He murmured the names quietly to himself. "They all sound good. Let's call her Holly Danielle Marie Cheyenne."
I whacked him playfully in the chest. He was mocking me. "No! I don't want her to be one of those kids with a zillion middle names!" He grinned.
"I'll think about it and get back to you with my absolute favorite." He promised. "What do you think, Hol?" he asked, addressing the baby in my arms.
"Eee!" She squealed, hearing her nickname. "Aa baa vee!"
"Really?" said Aaron. He glanced at me again. "I think she wants to be Holly Abavee."
We played with Holly for a while longer, turning her babbling into potential middle names. "Holly Maa-daa?" Aaron asked playfully, tickling her stomach. "Or Holly Giggle-giggle?" Eventually Holly got tired of the game and loudly demanded food. Again.
"Weren't we planning on going shopping today?" I asked Aaron as I fed Holly mashed peas.
"Yeah," he said. "We could go into town after you finish feeding Holly. If you want, I'll go look up some stores where we could probably find you a dress." I nodded enthusiastically and he started down the hallway to the office where we kept our laptops.
"And a suit for you!" I called after him. "And a little dress for you, Miss Holly," I said to the baby in front of me. "No more little one-piece outfits. You're going to get something nice and pretty for the wedding." Holly burbled at me through a mouthful of peas. I scrutinized her body. She was growing, and had gained weight since Aaron and I began her unrestricted feeding schedule all those months ago. Even so, she was still tiny for being almost eight months old. Anything we bought for her would have to be made for infants if we were going to find the right size.
Aaron came back into the kitchen. "Great news," he said, taking the empty jar of baby food from me and rinsing it out. "There's a store that specializes in weddings and stuff not too far from here. They're open right now. Are you ready?"
"Hang on!" I laughed. 'If we're going downtown, I have to get prettied up! Get Holly ready and I'll be down in just a minute."
I dashed upstairs and into our green-carpeted bedroom. Aaron and I had both dressed more nicely than our usual weekend wear to make a good impression on the social worker, but I glanced around our huge walk-in closet anyway. I was already wearing a light blue cotton skirt and an embroidered white top, so I decided to wear my favorite pair of white sandals and bring my white purse. I grinned wickedly. The purse was only large enough for my phone and wallet. I would make Aaron carry the bag full of Holly's supplies. I spent a few minutes styling my hair and putting on makeup before I finished the look with some simple jewelry. I stepped back to look at myself in the big mirror. Not bad at all. I hadn't dressed up like this in a long time.
When I went back downstairs, Aaron was waiting with Holly cradled in one arm and the large diaper bag full of baby food and juice in the other. He had produced a comb from somewhere and neatened his hair, and Holly's face was wiped clean and her curly brown locks seemed to be in more order in usual.
"Wow," Aaron said, looking me up and down. "Who are you, and what have you done with Lexie?"
"Shut up," I said, leading the way to the garage. "Let's go!"
x.x.x
A/N: We're having a hard time deciding on Holly's middle name, so if you would be so kind as to review, we'd love to hear which name you think sounds the best! Thanks!