Upon coming back into the bullpen, Jefferies marched out carrying a big trash bag full of Tupperware; as Vera trailed behind rambling on about the many uses of it. Still Lilly kept her feelings inward, while trying hard to refocus herself back on the case. As the hours soon passed by before Vera came back with more so called Tupperware, making Scotty roll his eyes.
"Buying more of that crap, Nick"?
Lilly smiled, before looking over at her partner who lacked for better emotion. Just then Jefferies had caught sight of the Tupperware "Did you listen it isn't Linen's and Things, it's a police department"
Vera groaned as he began rambling about wanting to spruce up the department a little, even adding a vase of flowers to the kitchen area. This only made Kat but in as both she and Jefferies let it rip on him; while that had been going on, Scotty glanced over at his blonde partner.
"Wanna grab some drinks down at Jones"?
The blonde smiled slightly, knowing it had been awhile since the two had just hung out. However she knew all too well that John had wanted to get the shooting off of his chest; for good. Tonight probably wasn't the best night to be hanging out with Scotty. Just as she was about to speak, John came out calling her into his office; regarding the case.
However once inside, the conversation switched as John took off his glasses, placing them down on his desk" We need to talk Lil, I need to get this off of my chest for good".
She knew that she had to face talking about it sooner or later, but knew that John would never think any less or love her any differently. However a part of her wanted to move on and simply not discuss this, but the other half had wanted to.
In the middle of everything, Lilly smelled a different scent of cologne that she was accustomed to smell "You wearing something new on"?
"Just bought it downtown" he replied before seeing her sitting on his desk, batting her eyes flirting "Where Vera bought that tie that day"?
John chuckled while continuing to do more paperwork, as Lilly then got up before exiting his office. Though she didn't specify when they both would be speaking about it; he glanced upward knowing that his guilt was still very much evident. As flashes from that night appeared slowly from the depths of his inner mind, John remembered feeling the impact of the bullet in his chest.
Though he could see how horrified and scared in both of Lilly's eyes, he remained strong knowing that he couldn't bear to let Ed inflict harm on her. Upon seeing her being wheeled out on a stretcher, bleeding from her chest; John knew that he failed miserably.
However he was glad to have each day to spend with Lilly, as John stood up and went outside to take in a breather. As the stars shone brightly in the night sky, he knew that this relationship had indeed made him more mentally and physically healthier than ever before.
Later on that night, as the two lay in bed together as Lilly continued to listen to the sound of John's heart; feeling its sound comforting her. With an intake of breath, she knew that he also needed his own closure from this.
"Did you think you were going to die" her voice now sounding softer.
John drew in another breath" I just was in a lot of pain, didn't want him to kill you. It broke me seeing them wheeling you out like that".
As another round of silence came over the two, Lilly was still being soothed by the sound of his own heartbeat. It gave her the sense of both love and safety; something that many couldn't possibly give. The more she listened to it, the more Lilly felt at ease.
"Used to wake up, from having dream about me lying on the table; right before my heart had stopped; I looked scared not wanting to die".
When John heard this he continued to hold Lilly close to him, still fearing that he might in fact lose her again. Nonetheless she went on with the story" Could see those things on my chest, air tube in my nose. My face looked somewhat I like was waiting to die".
"You didn't Lil", hearing her exhale a single breath" When I was sitting by your side, watching your chest rising and falling; my hand was in yours the whole time" as it was exactly at this given moment.
John then felt her snuggling more into his chest" First time I had told you that I loved you". When she didn't answer he knew that she was finding comfort in him. Quite possibly their love for each was helping to ease away the painful memories left behind by the shooting.
Moments later Lilly was sound asleep on his chest, her breathing was soft but her dreams were now replaced with happier ones. For she knew that moving on was the better option; but knew that her present day life was much happier than her past.
However John wasn't having the best dreams, in his he had been dreaming about losing Lilly all over again; this time under different circumstances. It had gotten so bad, that he woke up out of breath; also awakening her.
"Hey" hearing his rapid heartbeat in her ear.
John sat up as Lilly followed" I'm alive" placing his hand on the middle of her chest "You feel my heart; I got another chance to start over, this time with you".
"That wasn't supposed to have happened, I tried to protect you".
Her hand gently caressed his cheek" Still can, can't save everyone John. I even told Scotty a similar thing that first day we had met. I'm glad he saved my life, though".
"He wasn't there for you afterwards, nobody was", as more guilt flowed through him" I treated you badly Lil, didn't know what to do".
Lilly understand completely before gently squeezing his hand" We're here now together, don't have to live with it anymore. Already spent that week in Miami Beach together, that trip to Maine" saying it with a smile as the same thoughts came out of John's mouth" I love you Lil, I'm not going to leave you like anyone else".
"I know, but you need to get some sleep" pushing him down before feeling him holding her close. By morning as John finishing dressing he noticed the beautiful blonde still asleep in his bed" Lil" kissing her" Have to get up".
"No" pulling the blankets over her head. He knew that when Lilly was asleep she liked to stay pretty much like that, upon pulling them downward John then sealed his lips onto hers before realizing that he had fell for one of her acts.
"I had you" Lilly said with a smile, before revealing that she was already dressed. Much to her own surprise John liked to go bowling but it wasn't at the same place that Saccardo had once taken her to. Once there she had also surprised him by bowling a few strikes.
However John was up for the challenge, as he too bowled only one strike. While immersed in one of their kisses, much to their horror Scotty had very well cleverly caught them. As much as he was immature at times; this wasn't the type of thing he wasn't going to brag about. The fact remained that Lilly was indeed with someone whom he knew and trusted that wasn't going to harm her.
Needless to say that also Vera and Jefferies had also been standing there. When their lips had broken away, John knew he wasn't going to break up simply because the rest of the squad now knew about their relationship.
"This needs to stay in the house, Lil and I am in one but the fact remains that I love her" he said later on privately in his office "It may seem weird but we keep the romance out of the office".
Vera grinned but then knew that the seriousness of other people finding out about their relationship. Keeping his mouth shut tightly, he resumed his attention back onto the case. While still inside Jefferies took a seat" Why didn't you tell me John, don't strike me as someone that Rush would consider".
"Lil's something isn't she" he said" Haven't been this happy in a long time"?
"Sure it isn't due to her being younger" grinned Jefferies.
John shook his head, but knew that he wasn't feeling any younger due to their big age difference. However Lilly knew that from this point on things were about to pick up, and become a lot stronger; though their coworkers kept it in secret their relationship was still going strong.