Chapter - 11 - Questions
Richard's pov:
Sitting quietly on the wall outside of school, I listened half heartedly while Vic gave me pep talks about 'how it was okay I had lost'.
I altogether ignored Gar, while he ranted about what possible reason I had for loosing purposefully. Everyone pretended not to hear Wally talking on and on about how great Jenny was, it was embarrassing just being seen with such a lovesick guy.
"It's okay man, I mean we all know how competitive you are." Vic said, smiling in encouragement.
"Yes he is competitive! Hasn't lost a competition like this once! Not one defeat. EVER!" Gar yelled waving his hands around in the air comically.
"Jenny's hair is so cool, pink hair I mean its so different... I like that about her" sighed Wally dreamily.
I rolled my eyes under my sunglasses at the sickening display.
"It just makes no sense! That's it, I'm saying it - you like Kori!" Gar yelled loudly, and students walking out of school stopped to stare at him.
"What?" He snapped, the onlookers averted their curious stares, but hung around the bottom of the stairs we were sitting on to listen in.
"Anyway, I think everyone knows that." Victor said, rubbing his neck and avoiding my death glare. "It's kind of obvious you know? You do realise though man, that Richard's gonna say something about who you like now." Victor smiled at a flabbergasted Gar, who looked back at me nervously.
"You're right Vic, but I think I'll say something about all of you, after all I'm not the only one with a possible crush here now am I?" I turned to face Garfield, smirking.
"Gar, you have no right to go on about what happened with Kori, you don't know anything about it. Second, I saw you practically let Rachel win, I saw you let her pass, and despite your injury you could have won." I then turned to Vic, who sighed, knowing what was coming.
"Vic you like Karen, and you really have to get over whatever prissy fear is holding you back from asking her out. I noticed the little pep talk you gave her after the swimming match, and for the thouzenth time Wally!" My eyes snapped to the red head who was taken out of his blissful world but my harsh tone. "WE KNOW! Jenny is great, get over it, you should be telling her that, and not bothering us with your love confessions!" I yelled, exasperated at the surprised looks of my friends.
Wally turned a shade of red "not cool man" he muttered. Vic and Gar looked away, obviously in silent denial of their feelings, and slightly hurt that I ahd called them out on it. I hadn't meant to lay out all their feelings like that, but I had felt defensive after all their digging at my supposed 'crush' on Kori.
I sighed and jumped off the wall that accompanied the stairs, letting a few of the students pass by they made their way home.
"I'm not going to argue about whether or not I let Kori win, but as far as the crush/love thing your wrong. I don't like her I just felt sorry for her that's all."
I dismissed their unimpressed looks. They might have been my best friends, who knew me better than anyone, but they were mistaken. I wouldn't allow myself to feel anything for the naive new girl, no matter what I wouldn't involve myself romantically with someone as trusting as her. I'd break her heart when she realised just how messed up I really was because of my past. And besides I thought darkly to myself its not like she would stick around if she did know everything.
"Yeah right" Gar said sarcastically, his mood had turned glum after what I had said about Rachel.
The bell rang, and Kitten with her fashion friends strutted out of the school doors. I cringed inwardly at the sight, before noticing Kori in the hallway, approaching a ways behind Kitten and her gang silently. I knew what I had to do then, to stop this thing between us before it even started. Perhaps it already had if I felt the need to protect her this way. Whatever pain she felt now from my actions, would be dull in comparison to the potential pain I could inflict upon her by forming a relationship. So...I summoned my courage, turning to Gar. It was time to end whatever childish attachment I had to Kori, and I would prove it as childishly as possible to make certain of it.
"If I truly liked Kori would I do this?" I then turned to Kitten, catching her eye and giving her a slow smile. The response was instantaneous as her eyes widened with ecstatic bliss. It repulsed me how easily this girl responded to such a simple thing, her mind was frivolous and easy to figure out. Kitten only wanted me because of my supposed popularity, so doing what I did next was an easy task.
I said a few choice words in her ear, designed to inflate her ego and charm her. She practically purred and giggled mischievously at my advances, as if what I had said was scandalous and not merely a way of getting her attention for the moment.
I couldn't look at Kori, but I knew she was watching by now, feeling the weight of her stare boring into me. To put the final nail in the coffin, I grabbed Kitten's arm, leaning down towards her perfect plastic smile. All the time thinking oh god no...what the hell am I doing? I pulled her into a much hated kiss, her perfume was overpowering and made my eyes water.
I was aware of my friends gasping in surprise, I figured it was because of what I had just done, but for the moment I wasnt focused on them. When I pulled away from a glassy eyed Kitten, and turned to look at the lone bystander who was watching, my heart sank against my will.
Her long crimson hair shadowed her face, and the emerald eyes that usually held such light had dimmed as she stared as us.
No...she looked at me as if I was the lowest person on earth, and I was for that moment of time between us that felt like an eternity. No one else knew how to make me feel such strong feelings the way Kori did, and dread and horror twisted in my stomach from that one look she gave me. She was upset, but mostly she was disappointed in me, in my shallowness, and my actions. I knew that, though she refused to show her tears in front of me.
Kori walked past me silently, and continued walking down the street alone.
I turned to watch her go until she was out of sight, and felt my insides turn.
It had been the right thing to do, I assured myself halfheartedly. She wouldn't approach me again after this.
I should have been happy...but all I could feel was a strange sense of regret, and a feeling of being repulsed my the girl in my arms and the person I had turned into. Perhaps in another time and place I would have pursued something with the strong willed Kori Anders, but not in this lifetime.
My past would always make me push people away, unable to shake the nightmares that haunted me in sleep. The sunglasses I wore hid the dark circles under my eyes after a particularly bad night of fitful slumber. The dreams re evoked the feeing, that everyone who I loved was taken away eventually. That was why I was so closed off from people, only allowing a small group of friends into my life.
I felt like I didn't deserve such happiness, so I would keep pushing the girl away who could potentially bring it.
OOO
Kori pov:
The next day at school I was driven by a strange feeling of emptiness. I kept thinking about what had happened after winning the School Active Day, and the complete disbelief I had felt after witnessing such a thing. The sight of Richard with Kitten left a bitter taste of disgust in my mouth, and an overwhelming sense of loss and betrayal. Why had he done that? For what reason could he have for becoming an item with her...were they even boyfriend and girlfriend now?
I had calmly walked past him, but after I had turned a corner and he could no longer see me, I had broken into a run. I ran all the way home to an empty house, for once wishing I could talk to my sister instead of reading a note saying she had gone clubbing. It wasnt until I collapsed onto my bed that I allowed myself to cry.
It wasn't like he and I were ever dating, but in my feelings of hurt and betrayal, a desire for payback had been born. I felt cheated, but only because I and expected more from him, I thought he was above being that way with someone like Kitten. Had he done it to get a point across? What point? It was probably that he could get any girl he wanted, a side affect of being so popular. My bitterness towards the whole thing had made me go downstairs and order a pizza, followed by grabbing an assortment of unhealthy foods and watching late night reruns of sappy romantic films while I chewed thoughtfully.
In some part of my mind I thought that Richard deserved to feel the way I had, perhaps then it would wake him up from his denial that he was untouchable. I didn't plan to make anything of these thoughts, but fate has a way of intervening with things.
I had told my friends the reason why I hadn't walked home with them the day before, explaining what had happened when we walked to school the next day. I neglected to mention the pain I felt because of it, but they seemed to pick up on it without intervening.
Later on we had all won an award for winning the School Active Day, and felt extremely proud of themselves - well everyone except me. I couldn't really focus on what was going on because I was looking away from the crowed, looking down at my shoes pitifully. I felt like the new girl again.
Bur something would happen in English later on that would take me by surprise.
Everyone was in their seats including Richard. For some reason he looked incredibly morbid, and was starring down at his paper. I pretended not to notice, and instead waited for the teacher to arrive. At that moment I turned to look at the door, perhaps seeking out the teacher, but instead watching as Xaviour Redd walked through the door. It was someone who I hated deeply, for what had happened in he gym, but for whatever reason I couldn't look away. He caught my eye, perhaps surprised I was looking at him at all.
Our eyes remained locked, and I couldn't help but remember my shyness in the awards ceremony. I felt angry then. Why should Richard make me feel so shy and unhappy? He didn't control me and shouldn't make me feel small just because of what he did.
So I raised my head a little further and smiled slightly at Xaviour, who raised an eyebrow but none the less walked over casually.
"Can I help you Cutie?" He said when he reached my seat.
I still prefer Princess.
I smiled and gestured towards the seat next to me. This seemed to further take him by surprise, but he shrugged and sat down next to me. I fought the urge to back down, my shyness wanting me to avoid eye contact, but when I looked up X seemed to be looking at me in a strange way.
"I thought you hated me because of what happened, and now this? You're a strange one you know?"
I nodded distractedly, finally speaking "sorry, I guess I just...wanted to talk. "
Xaviour sighed and muttered 'girls' under his breath before looking up at me "what is it?"
His tone got me slightly annoyed enough to say "well first off I'd like an apology for what happened at the gym, if you please." I glared at him moodily, and he sighed even deeper.
"Look, our little fight was between us and Richie boy. We didn't really want to involve you, you just happened to be there and it seemed to piss him off that we were talking to you so we just got carried away." He flinched when a particular memory came back to him "well Mal got a little too carried away it seems. Hitting you over the head like that wasn't a cool thing to do to a girl. So yeah...sorry." He muttered.
From the corner of my eye I noticed Richard looked up from his desk, to where I was talking to Xaviour. He narrowed his eyes at us, but I paid him no mind. I wanted some more answers.
"Why do you hate Richard so much?" I asked quietly.
His hazel eyes looked from mine, to over where Richard was blatantly watching us. "Its complicated...why do you seem to hate him?"
My eyes widened, taken aback. "I- I don't hate him. "
Xaviour looked at me for a moment, before his face broke into a smirk of understanding. "Well you seem to be avoiding him anyways. But never mind about that, I've ditched Mal and Roy if you wanted to know, so why don't you and I do something together later on?"
I couldn't help but narrow my eyes at him "how convenient, what makes you think I've forgiven you for what you did? And besides, why would I hang around with you?"
This might be a trap I thought to myself.
He crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair, unperturbed at my indignant tone.
"You can think what you like, but if there's something going on between you and Richie boy, you might want to know a few things before chasing after him."
My eyes widened slightly, and I cast a quick look in Richards direction, he caught my gaze, but I looked away sharply. When I turned back to Xaviour I nodded and said "alright I'll see you at lunchtime, where shall I meet you?"
OOO
As promised, I left my group of friends to themselves at lunchtime to meet up with Xaviour. I told them where I was going, and who I was meeting, just in case Xaviour tried something funny, I hadn't quite forgiven him for what happened at the gym. Karen had thought it was a terrible idea, and Jenny wanted one of them to go with me, but I had persuaded them to leave me to it with the help of Rachel. They would be close by.
Once again, I was meeting someone near the bike shed. Making my way through the school, I couldn't help but think back to the last time I had been there, and what had happened between Kitten and I.
Upon arrival, I could see no sign of Xaviour, so I leaned against the wall for a moment to gather my thoughts. If Richard saw me with X, he would probably get angry, after all Xaviour and his friends seemed to share a bad history with him, for reasons unknown to me. However, Richard was now with Kitten, and had disappointed me, even hurt me, surprisingly deeply.
Despite this I still wanted to know more about him, and I began to feel a little frustrated with myself, before noticing wafts of smoke rising from behind the bike shed.
I walked around it curiously, discovering Xaviour smoking a cigarette, lazily slouched against the bike shed, hands in pockets.
"Xaviour!" I hissed, quickly ducking behind the shed with him, my nose wrinkled at the smell.
"What Cutie? You afraid we'll get caught, and you'll be blamed for another thing in this school?"
I blinked but nodded "well yes, but its a bad habit, I was thinking more of your health."
X exhaled, chuckling slightly "sure sounds like something like you would do. Don't you ever get tired of being such a good girl?" His tone was mocking, and though I felt a slight sense of annoyance, I felt more saddened than anything else.
"I guess..." I sighed, looking away and leaning against the bike shed a little ways away from him. X gave me a once over and took the cigarette out of his mouth, rolling it in his fingers. "Look, its not like I want to stand here soul searching with you, but if I'm going to spill about Richard, I'd rather you talked first while I get my head sorted, K?" He said the words gruffly, but it made me surprised that he would say such things at all.
It was almost like he was letting me speak first because he knew that I needed to talk more.
"Well...what I get tired of, is everyone in this place wanting to fix me. I'm not cool enough, not stylish enough, not outgoing or anything, but when I try to be me, I just seem to make mistakes." I hesitated, thinking that perhaps I shouldn't be talking about this with X of all people, but he seemed to be listening. Finding a sense of comfort with a stranger was more than a little strange, and he was far removed from any world I knew. Perhaps I just got blabbering because it needed to be said, but I continued on, regardless.
"I got blamed for a prank Richard did on my first day here, and I'm still so naive. I don't think I can be myself here without messing up. I guess I was drawn to Richard because even though he's popular he seemed a little out of place here as well, and had a loneliness about him. Though I have three wonderful friends since coming here...I thought there was something between me and Richard, even though he annoys me to no end." I muttered the last part quietly, and X seemed thoughtful for a moment.
"So you're jealous of Kitten and Richie being together huh?"
My hands clenched into fists at the thought. "No I'm just hurt that he would do something like that for no reason."
"He probably has a lame ass reason about protecting you, seems like something bird boy would do. So...question is now what?"
My mind was still reeling from what X had just said, so I had to ask him to repeat it. Richard is...protecting me? From what?
"Now what Cutie?" Suddenly, he was leaning towards me, a light in his usually dull hazel eyes. His cigarette was thrown to the floor, casually stepped on as he neared me.
"Do you want Richard to feel the pain you felt, like you had been betrayed?" His voice was husky, and despite my loathing the sharp smell of smoke clinging to him, there was a seduction to his words that made me stay rooted in place.
I didn't want to feel small and shy again, and I didn't want Richard to affect me the way he did. What X had said made sense to me in that small moment of time between us, and when I lowered my lashes, feeling guilty about silently admitting it, he raised my chin with his fingers gently.
I didnt move as he leaned in and kissed me, my first kiss and all I could do was freeze, my brain shut down and my body went on auto pilot.
Leaning against him, my shoulders abruptly stiffened when I heard a sound behind me. Turning slowly to look, my heart began thumping wildly at the sight of Richard. Perhaps he looked the way I did, when I first saw him lean in to kiss Kitten of all people. His sunglasses were off, revealing two blue wide eyes.
After a moment, his hands clenched into fists as he locked gazes with Xaviour, whose own hands remained on my shoulders.
Richard took a step forward, his head lowering, seemingly angry beyond belief. Out of no where Victor quickly pulled him back as Richard made to move forward again and muttered.
"Don't cause a scene man."
Richard met my gaze and looked away, torn between ignoring Vic's advice and heeding it. A few students walked by, whispering to themselves.
I swallowed uneasily at the tense atmosphere. Why react this way? I thought. You were the one to start something with Kitten first. Richard, finally nodded to Vic, who slowly let him go. With one final hate filled gaze sent Xaviour's way, he walked from the bike shed in silence.
"Well Cutie, welcome to the dark side." Xaviour whispered in my ear, smiling smugly.
It was only then did I realise how childish I had been, and what a mistake this truly was. I didn't know anything about what had happened between X and Richard, to him react so strongly despite saying nothing at all. And yet again I felt like I had once again stumbled blindly into a bad situation because of my nativity. I felt no joy at being able to cause Richard the same pain I had felt, because for some reason I felt like I had crossed a line.
Kitten wasn't anything more than a high school popularity queen, but X was something else altogether. I needed to find out what had happened between the two boys in the past, if I was ever going to find out what I had just started.
OOO
After that moment it seemed like Richard wasn't having such a good time of it. Kitten stayed latched to his arm 24/7, though he grew increasingly more agitated with her as time went by, and didn't seem interested in keep up the charade anymore.
For myself it was no easier. I continuously asked X what had happened in the past between himself and Richard, but after the kiss he seemed interested in keeping me around for more entertainment. We didn't kiss again, since I expressed my feelings on the matter about not wanting to lead him on into anything between us. He shrugged and said he wasn't exactly declaring his undying love for me anytime soon, and the kiss had merely been a way of pissing off Richard.
Oh.
I felt stupid after that. When he asked if I had gotten anything out of making Richard feel bad, I said no. He seemed slightly disappointed by this.
Unfortunately my friends had been preoccupied, so I felt a little more alone. I was worried about what they thought of me after pulling a stunt like that, and they had asked for the full story many times, but there wasn't a good enough explanation to give them. I felt a gap forming between me and my friends when I needed them most, but feeling confused I couldn't ask them for advice, and they seemed to think I just needed time.
Why had I allowed X to kiss me like that? I could answer that. When I was around Xaviour, which seemed to be happening more and more lately, I felt confident. With the absence of Richard not in life as much as he was, I needed someone to vent out my frustrations to, and Xaviour stuck around to hear me out.
It wasnt exactly a real friendship, but at least he knew where he stood, and Xaviour seemed content being an observer. Until he told me about Richard, I would keep pestering him, and that suited him fine.
As for my friends, they were each developing relationships of their own. I began to notice that I wasn't the only one spending lunch times alone, as Richards friends had began to hang around with my own more and more.
Jenny had been going to the mall with Wally almost every day after school. Sometimes she just hung out with him around town. Karen had been studying with Vic, and at weekends they were going to the gym together.
As for Rachel and Gar, I stumbled across them one day in between lessons, and saw them simply been talking together. Gar wasn't going out of his way to be funny and seemed more relaxed than I'd ever seen him before. Rachel wore a small contented smile on her face as she spoke to him, there were no sarcastic remarks from her, and she seemed at ease with him. After a moment a large juvenile grin light up Gars face as he said something, causing Rachel to blush.
Even in the situation I was in, I couldn't help but feel happy for them, so I left them to it and continued on my way down the long silent hallway.
wow that was long! I know u guys are probably sick of going around the Kori and Richard mind games but it'll get better after the next chapter. Review please!