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Chapter 8. One step forward

Logan blinked a few times. She had taken off like the wind, giving him no time to react. He too made his way out of the room, snatched his coat from the wardroom employer and made his way outside into the cold night. He pulled it closer around his body. Looking left and right. Trying to figure out which way she went.

"Are you looking for the lady in blue, sir?" the doorman asked.

"Yes!" Logan looked at him.

"She disappeared into Central Park, sir. No coat, nothing. She looked pretty upset."

Logan thanked the man and ran across the street searching for her in the dim lit park. He walked in a hurried pace. In a way with a goal, in a way completely unsure of where to go. But his legs carried him to the Gabstowe bridge, overlooking the now frozen lake. It was like a sixth sense, that she was going to be there. He let out a breath he didn't he was holding, when he saw her standing in the middle of the bridge.

"Rory…" he called. "What are you doing? It's freezing here."

She looked at him, tears glistering in her eyes. He could see she was shivering.

"I know my dad is a j…"

"GOD! It's not about your father! How can you not understand!" She exclaimed.

"Then WHAT is it about?" Logan called out frustrated. "WHAT!"

His voice was angry. His demeanor ridged.

"About you…" She said softly. "When were you going to tell me that Libby Ross was your mother? I felt SO stupid when Rose told me. I knew nothing about you. ZERO! How can you take me to such an event and give me nothing! Your dad was right! How can you just take someone from the street to such an important event! And then you act as if there is nothing wrong. How can you be ok! How can you just act like nothing is wrong in your life! Because as I see it… there is more screwed up than there is normal." Her voice was getting louder and louder till she was yelling at him.

Logan was silent for a while.

"You are right… my life is fucked up. And I don't ACT fine, I AM fine! And I don't need your bloody sympathy! What is it you exactly want from me! That I tell you that my mom died of cancer when I was 16? That my dad remarried the bitch from hell! That suddenly I was all sad and alone, crying in the frikkin' corner? And that nobody loved me! That I was banned to Europe!" he yelled.

"Logan…"

"No, really… what kind of drama do you expect? Yes, my mom died. Yes my dad remarried and like you saw earlier: my step mom and I are not exactly getting along! But it was MY choice to go to Europe. I was not a pathetic lonely goddamn wreck as you think! Open your pretty blue eyes and look around! Life isn't perfect!" His voice broke.

"Logan…"

He was breathing heavily.

"I was not making up theories or trying to analyze you. I just wanted you to trust me." She said tears streaming down her cheeks, leaving hot traces.

Logan drew in a deep shaky breath.

"Why?"

"Why! Because I see you struggle and I don't know why and because…" she let out a sob.

"Rory…?"

"And because I love you! And I try and try and try and you keep pushing me away! And that hurts Logan! I know this is not what you signed up for… but you brought me here… and I thought.. that it meant something and then you just…" the last part he couldn't understand.

He was a little thrown by her confession, he opened his mouth, but closed it again, not able to find the words. Speechless twice in a night all because of this girl, he thought. Instead he pulled her ice cold body into his embrace and into the warmth of his coat. She sobbed in his shoulder, mumbling things he couldn't decipher, as he tried to calm her stroking her hair.

"I never meant to hurt you." He said softly. "Never." He could have started raving about how he had told her that this would happen, but he couldn't because the situation didn't apply anymore. He, himself was attached to her in more ways then the eye could see. He had never seen her cry… except for the night she hit her head. But these were different tears. Emotional ones, heavy with months of frustration and pain.

"Shhh... don't cry. I'm going to sing again." She looked up at him smiling, her face all stained. Logan drew in a deep breath. It was the most beautiful smile he had seen of her. One that struggled through tears. She sniffled whipping her eyes. Her breathing still unsteady.

They stood there for what seemed forever in each others embrace. Two people, both hurt in their own way by each other and yet in need of consoling.

Time flew. Half an hour, an hour, neither of them knew. At some point they started walking towards the hotel, sluggish as a heavy four legged creature wearing a coat. They didn't go back to the party, but got into the waiting limo instead. As they drove through the winter streets of Big Apple, neither of them spoke, both were sunk deeply into thoughts. Rory was leaning against him covered in Logan's warm coat drawing in the feeling of him so nearby, not sure how they would be in the morning.

In their hotel room she smiled at him tiredly. All she wanted was to crawl between some soft sheets and sleep for a century. Who knew that crying was so exhausting. Logan watched her silently getting undressed, the blue dress falling in a heap at her feet, her hair following the lines of her shoulders and back. She wanted to unclasp her bra, but her arms felt tons heavy and she let them dangle down her body. She closed her eyes, sighing, when his warm hands undid the lace garment for her. He ran his hands down her arms, stepping back. Rory crawled in the bed, not bothering to find her pajamas and drifted of to sleep as soon as her head hit her pillow.

"Goodnight," Logan whispered, closing the doors of the bedroom behind him. His thoughts were cloudy, no way he could sleep now.

It was a melody that slowly enticed her out of her dream. At first she thought it was a part of it, and slumbered not opening her eyes. But as she became more and more aware of her surroundings and her dream faded away, there still was the melody that silently seemed to lure her out of bed. She glanced at the clock. It was 4.12 a.m. The bed next to her had not been touched. She wondered where Logan was. Slowly she got out of bed searching for the silk robe she had brought and pulling it on. Barefoot she padded to the sliding doors and pushed one open, the music she had heard louder. Flawless tones of a piano floating her way. Soundlessly she crossed the study area opening yet another door. The sound of the grand piano now fully surrounding her. Then it stopped. The silence suddenly unwelcome.

"Don't stop," she said entering the dark room further.

"Did I wake you?" He asked.

"It's a nice way to wake up." She smiled and though she couldn't see it because of the darkness she could've sworn he smiled back.

"May I?" She asked referring to the piano bench. Logan moved over, making place for her. She sat down next to him, unsure of how to approach him.

"It was beautiful what you played…" she finally said.

"It was her favorite. I've heard it so many times I can probably play it backwards." He smirked. Her eyes slowly accustomed to the lack of light and she could see him fairly well. He had changed into a Yale T-shirt and sweats, his hear was wet from a shower, she didn't hear him take.

"Did your mom teach you?"

Logan steered his eyes in her direction, uncertain, but he bit through it.

"Yeah… When I was little I used to hide under the piano when she thought her pupils."

Rory smiled at that.

"Like Shirley Temple…"

"You did not just compare me to a tapping girl with ringlets."

"She used to hide under the piano…Play some more." His fingers resumed darting over the keys. It seemed effortless, the way the sounds flowed in to one another, effortless how he turned the black and white keys into a million colors.

"What is that?" she asked.

"An ode to Shirley Temple.." he smirked.

"Logan…seriously…" She was glad he was joking, maybe he wasn't at ease, but he made her comfortable. When he joked it seemed that the world wasn't a scary place.

"It's…" he closed his eyes, "a little Bach, a little Chopin, a little mom and a little me."

"You just do that from the top of your head?" she asked amazed.

"Lets call it .. mmmm… Copy/Paste." He laughed.

"It's a beautiful thing she left you." Rory said smiling.

He nodded.

"She would've loved you."

Rory smiled looking down, not sure how to approach him further.

"The way Rose talked about her. She seemed special."

"She was… She was the kind of mom every kid deserves to have. Too bad you don't realize that till she's gone." The tone of the music shifted to something soothing, almost childlike.

"Brahms," he told her. "It's a lullaby. She used to play that for us. First for me then for Lena." He smirked, "I used to play that for Lena. Crybaby. Hasn't changed much. Still the same drama queen."

"Lena is your sister?"

"Yeah, she's a 16 year old brat, driving me insane every chance she gets. Yet… I love her to death. You two would probably get along superbly: embarrass Logan on the menu everyday."

Rory chuckled then turned serious again, the pressure on her chest getting heavier.

"Logan…"

"I know." He sighed. He knew. He knew so well.

She looked at him question marks in her eyes.

"We can't go on like this. I've been thinking about that too."

"You have?" she asked, feeling sad. She was going to miss him.

"I have…"

"And?" she carefully asked.

"And nothing… The thing is; I don't know whether it's fair towards you to put up with me any longer."

Rory tried to formulate an answer.

"On the other hand… I'm asking you to bare with me a bit longer." There he had said it. 4 hours of pondering out in the open.

"I don't want to be one of the many anymore, Logan." She said softly.

He only nodded.

"Me neither…" It was the truth.

She looked at him surprised. Wondering if she had heard him right through the rivers of flowing notes filling up the space around her. Logan let his hands fall in to his lap.

"You were the only one in my bed and in my head and in my tub for the past 3 weeks." He said with a smile. "Since the Finn-incident."

"Well three weeks isn't exactly…"

"… a long term commitment? It's a start… don't you think? Look," he sighed, " I want you. It's as simple or as complicated as that. It depends on you. But I'll tell you that that I am not going anywhere and that I'm not letting YOU go just like that."

Rory's heart was racing. Could she believe him? It sounded surreal after all this time. She had waited for him so long, that she didn't really know what to do with it.

"Say something, Rory."

"No other girls." She blurted out.

"No other girls." Logan nodded.

"And no pushing me away, when something hard comes along."

"Everything you want to know."

"You." She said.

"What?"

"I want to know you."

"I'm not sure you are going to like what you see…" he said with an unsure smile.

"I'll take my chances." Rory answered taking his hand in hers.

Logan leaned in to kiss her, feeling relieved, yet she evaded him, burying her face in his neck.

"AndIwannasleepontheleft.." she murmured

"What was that?"

"I want to sleep on the left."

"Don't push it." He smirked catching her lips with his, drawing her body closer, till she sat in his lap. He moved their daintiness to her neck, her chest, his lips lightly stroking her skin. So lightly that it could've as well been a gushes of air. Butterfly kisses. She gasped as his hand started traveling up her inner thigh. Needing some support, she let her arm fall down on the piano keys, jumping up when the room echoed with all the wrong combinations.

"Why so nervous?" Logan asked. "It's not like we haven't done this before. Well we didn't have a piano.. maybe a good thing after all."

Rory blushed, feeling awkward.

"This is different…"

"It is." He smiled warmly before getting up, not letting her go. In silence he carried her to the bedroom, laying her down on the bed and closing the doors.

Rory awoke warm and happy. Still half asleep she stretched out her arm in search of Logan's body.

"Hmpf.." she let out when she noticed that he wasn't there.

What was up with him? She listened for a while, but didn't hear him play. With a sigh she got out of bed, pulling all the downy covers with her. She found him on the couch of the living groom , clad in his robe, watching C-SPAN, surrounded by loads of food.

"This is a crime in the Gilmore rulebook, you know.." she said smirking.

Logan looked up. She looked like a fat caterpillar all rolled up in the warm covers.

"What is?"

"Well, mister, you actually broke more than one rule."

"Is that so? Blame it on my parents. An unhappy childhood." He joked patting the spot next to him.

"Mhm.. You made me wake up alone. Crime number one." Then she looked up at him. Concern in her eyes. "Did you sleep at all?"

"I did… couple of hours." He pulled her closer, playing with her hair.

"Couldn't sleep?"

"No. Too much on my mind." Rory looked to the ground, not wanting to be nosy, but having trouble knowing where was the line. Logan squeezed her lightly.

"Good on my mind. Not bad."

"So what is on your mind?" she asked. If it was good maybe he wanted to share.

"Mostly you and memories." He smiled. "The melancholia just kicked in. So what is my second crime?"

"Well…" she put on a stern, straight face. "Food consumption without sharing with a Gilmore."

"Oh now that is bad. I really should acquire the said "Gilmore Rulebook"."

"You can't. It's not a manuscript! It's all in my head. Mine and moms."

"So you can change it, the way you are always right? You do now that the French revolution started that way?"

"Are you planning on revolting?"

" I might. Bagel?" Rory nodded. This felt nice. No secrets, tons of girls on the side. Just him and her and a bagel with jam.

She sighed taking a bite and sinking more into his embrace.

"So… girlfriend. Is there anything you want to do in Big Apple, before we head home?"

Logan asked. Girlfriend. Rory stopped chewing. That one word made the world stop for a moment. She smiled.

"Hmmm… there is one thing…"

"No, Ace, really. You wont get me out there with brute force."

"Come on. It's fun! It's winter!" Rory tried one more time pulling the laces of her skates tighter.

"No. I do not skate. Think what it would do to my image."

"I bet you look cute on skates."

"Nice one… kissing ass won't help, Ace." He laughed. "Go… do a quadruple schnitzelberger, or what it is you do. I'll watch. After all; someone has to call 911 when you brake your neck."

"I'll do a Huntzberger if you come with me…" she wiggled her eyebrows. Logan was shocked for a moment.

"Did those words just leave your mouth?"

Rory blushed.

"Oh my God they did! Seriously, Ace, there are little children here." He looked around the Central Park skating rink and started laughing. "You should consider a career change.."

"Oh come on!" she exclaimed in frustration hitting him on his stomach. "What does a girl have to do to get her boyfriend on the ice!"

Logan chuckled.

"Kiss me?"

She started moving towards him, but then stopped.

"I'll kiss you…" She said with a mischievous smile. "Out there…" and jumped on to the ice.

She was getting good, the little wrench. He contemplated whether to give her what she wanted or put his foot down. If he did go there, he would yield to her, and boy would she use that in the future. If he didn't he would be in charge if the situation, but would miss out on Rory and her kiss. Oh what the hell… he thought with a smirk and went to get a pair of skates.

Rory laughed, watching him struggle on the ice. He looked amiably helpless. She wondered whether he ever had skated in his life. Losing his balance he nearly knocked over a five year old, that began screaming uncontrollably. A angry looking mother came to give Logan a piece of her mind. While Logan patiently listened to her rant he threw Rory a glance that couldn't mean anything good. She snickered. Yep. Life looked pretty perfect right now. He had almost reached her when his feet seemed to go in two different directions and his butt made contact with the slippery surface.

"Are you ok?" she asked laughing, while leaning over him.

"Hmm.. am I ok? I let you talk me in to wearing these hideous inventions, I had to listen to the hysterical mother of that spoiled brat – which reminds me again why I don't want to have kids - and I think I broke several bones in my ass. You better kiss me, woman, and make it good."

Laughing Rory helped him up. He clasped his arms around her waist for support and took a deep breath. It felt great to have Logan all helpless for once, her being the hero in town.

She moistened her lips with a casual flick of her tongue and brushed them lightly against his, cupping his face with her gloved hands. The brief contact of her lips caused a wave of heat rush to his head as he crashed his lips in to hers. Rory almost lost her balance as his lips locked onto hers with a force she had never experienced before. He traced her bottom lip with his tongue, ushering her to let him in and she happily complied. For the second time in 24 hours they stood in Central Park, in a tight embrace, completely oblivious to the world around them.