SHINJI THEATER II
by Gunman
Disclaimer: I own nothing, except the plot.
DancingBrain: I've taken your King Kong idea into consideration, but it will probably be in the next chapter, alright?
Unknown-Writer85: I've added Toji, Hikari and Kensuke to this chapter in place of the bridge bunnies from NERV. I've actually done something special with Maya, Makoto and Shigeru.
Cthreen: Yeah, the last one was pretty random. Hopefully, this chapter will be over the top.
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
"Unbelievable! Absolutely unbelievable!" the redheaded Asuka Langley Sohryu shouted as the main screen of the NERV command center turned to snow.
"Oh, you're just jealous, Asuka-pooh!" the purple-haired Misato Katsuragi grinned as she patted the German girl on her head.
"Don't patronize me, Misato! And stopped patting me!" she cried as she knocked the older woman's hand away.
"Aaahhh! Does little Asuka want her teddy bear?"
"I'm Warning You, Misato!" the girl growled.
"Come on, Asuka! You have to admit that was funny!" she laughed.
"Oh Right! Shinji painted me up as a whiney little five year old who couldn't cross the street without holding his hand!"
"Well, duh! He was your bodyguard/nanny."
"I DON'T NEED A BODYGUARD! AND I DON'T NEED A NANNY!!"
"How about volume control?" Ritsuko Akagi asked as she jotted down more notes from the console to her clipboard.
This earned the blond a nasty glare from the redhead.
"That entire dream probably stemmed from Shinji's long history of being your cook, housekeeper, and dry cleaner."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah." she waved her off. "He's a housebroken male, end of story."
"I thought it was cute that he pictured himself as your personal caretaker." Misato sighed.
"And I thought it was heroic the way he saved your life from the kidnapper." Ritsuko said.
"Five years old! I was five years old!" she kept mumbling. Least I was a rich five year old.
"Or were you jealous that Rei was the next door neighbor and they shared a kiss after you went to bed?" Misato asked.
"OH, SHUT UP!"
"Sempai!" computer tech Maya Ibuki called out as another image stated coming through on the screen.
"Oh, here we go again." Misato smiled as she sat down in her chair.
I swear if he paints me up as some kind of helpless child again... Asuka grumbled as she sat back in her chair along with Misato, Ritsuko, Maya, Makoto Hyuga, Shigeru Aoba, Rei Ayanami, Ryoji Kaji, Kouzou Fuyutsuki and Gendo Ikari.
The image started to focus, the first thing anyone noticed was a person singing.
((Hey, Ho, to the bottle I go,
To heal my heart and drown my woe!
Rain may fall and wind may blow,
But there still be... many miles to go!
Sweet is the sound of the pouring rain,
And the stream that falls from hill to plain!
Thicker than foam of the ocean swirl,
Is a Can of Beer inside this girl!)) Captain Misato Katsuragi chortled as she downed yet another beer and tossed it into the corner where a dozen.
In the real world...
"Ooooooooooooooooh boy!" Misato covered her face in mortification.
"Yup! Just like all the other 'movies' we've seen thus far." Ritsuko said with a straight face.
Misato being painted up like a drunk never failed to make Asuka laugh.
"At least the song's different." she mumbled.
((COMMANDER!)) First Officer Ryoji Kaji shouted as he ran up to the nearly drunk woman.
((What's wrong, boson? (Snicker, snicker) Bo-son. Are you the son of Bo?))
((Oh, for crying... Commander, this is serious! A fleet of alien robots is attacking the planet.))
((What? Are you sure?))
((Yes. It's Lord Gendo.))
((AGAIN?))
((Yeah. He's persistent!))
In the real world the NERV crew watched as the scene changed to that of a massive alien warship flying through space leading a vast armada towards the planet. On the main bridge of the ship sat a person resembling Gendo Ikari, dressed in elaborate robes that just screamed exorbitant and bordered on excessively-overdone.
"Are those antler horns on his head?" Kaji asked.
"Those aren't antler horns, and they're actually on his collar reaching around behind him." Ritsuko said.
"Weird." Makoto stated.
Gendo actually looked mortified.
Back on the screen...
((This is Commander Misato Katsuragi!)) the woman said. ((Full power to the Flippers!))
"The what?" Kaji asked.
"Did she say... the flippers?" Asuka asked.
The screen image of Misato pulled back and revealed that she and her crew were infact in a large submarine, shaped like...
"Is that... PenPen?" Asuka gasped.
"A penguin shaped submarine? Weird." Shigeru stated.
On screen, the submarine continued to travel, until it reached the shores of Tokyo, Japan.
((Commence Landing!)) Commander Misato shouted.
"Landing? The submarine can go on land?" Major Misato asked.
In seconds, the penguin shaped submarine changed shape. The middle started to bend and twist, and was followed by the front bow bending downward, the flippers in the rear extending out to form the larger webbed feet, the sides of the submarine extending out to be it's wings, and the bow grew a mess of spiked 'hair'.
"Again with the giant robots!" Misato chuckled as the PenPen robot/submarine started walking on to the beach and tuned around to face the on-coming attackers.
"Well, he is a robot pilot!" Ritsuko replied.
((PREPARE FOR BATTLE! AAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!)) she screamed wildly as she whipped off her Naval commander's uniform and now stood in a leather skirt and bodice. Leather boots went up to her knees, and there was a sword on her hip.
"Why do I sound like Xena?" Misato asked.
"Why do you look like Xena?" Asuka asked.
"The boy's got a thing for leather it seems." Kaji grinned.
"WAS THIS YOUR INFLUENCE?" Misato shouted.
"Well..." the man panicked a little.
On the screen, the PenPen robot/submarine fired repetitive missiles and lasers at the advancing enemy fleet, destroying several of the ships before the main flagship opened up with its main cannon and blasted the penguin robot in half.
Misato and her crew stumbled out of the broken machinery as the ships continued to advance on the main city, which resembled Tokyo-3, flying over the broken robot.
((Commander, are you alright?)) Kaji asked.
((Yeah. But I think I'm gonna need a new ship.)) Misato joked.
((Uh... commander?))
((Relax. We've bought them as much time as we could. It's up to Shinji and the others now.))
"I see Shinji's painting himself as the hero this time." Asuka grumbled.
The screen changed from Misato and Kaji to what looked like a more advanced version of NERV, cleaner, brighter and with more personnel.
And what's more... Yui Ikari was it's Commander.
((The enemy is advancing, commander!)) Hikari Horaki shouted from her terminal.
((Magi estimate at least fifty ships. And they look like robot changers!)) Kensuke Aida shouted from his own terminal.
From her elevated platform in the high-tech base, Commander Yui Ikari watched the multiple view screens show the advancing armada of warships, many of which began to transform into battle-bots.
((What are your orders, commander?)) Toji Suzuhara asked from his own terminal.
After several tense seconds, the commander came alive. ((LAUNCH THE ASUKA-BOT!))
"The What?" the redheaded German gasped.
On the screen, the mountain side opened up and revealed a sight that would burn into the girls mind. It was a gigantic red, metallic robot wearing a golden metal dress. It looked like a robotic version of Asuka in her sundress when she first met Shinji and Misato aboard the Over The Rainbow carrier. Her long hair looked like steel cables and she wore spikes heels on her feet.
Everyone in NERV looked at the robot on screen, to the girl sitting with them, and back again.
"OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!!!!!!" Asuka roared.
Back on screen...
((Alight, you evil alien robots! Prepare to taste the wrath of my... BOSOM BLASTERS!!!!)) the on-screen Asuka shouted as the Asuka-Bot's breasts opened up like missile silos and jutted out like a warhead about to launch.
"MY WHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT???!!!!" she roared.
The Asuka-Bot fires her Bosom Blaster missiles at the enemy robots, destroying four of them in one strike.
((Why does Asuka always use her biggest weapons first?)) Toji asked.
((I don't know. I guess she's really proud of them for some reason.)) Kensuke replied.
However, back in the real world...
"GOD DAMN YOU SHINJI! I'M GONNA STRANGLE YOUR BAKA-HENTAI NECK WHEN YOU GET OUT OF THAT ROBOT!" Asuka shouted as Kaji and Misato fought to hold the girl back before she actually carried out her threat.
Back on screen...
((ASUKA SUPER SCREAM!)) the girl pilot shouted as she flipped another switch.
"My what?" the real redhead gasped as she regained her breath while looking on.
((AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)) a near-deafening shockwave blasted four more robots down as more surrounded her.
In the real world, the NERV personnel just looked on.
"Well, that makes sense. She does shout a lot." Makoto said.
"HEY!" the girl shouted.
"See?" Shigeru grinned.
((ASUKA SUPER SLAP!!)) the on-screen girl shouted.
SLAP! SLAP! SLAP!!!!! the fierce strike sounded, taking three enemy robots heads off.
"Oh, come on!" the German redhead grimaced.
"And that is also in Asuka-style." Misato grinned.
((MACHINE GUN ARMS OF DEATH!)) she shouted as the red robots arms turned into gattling guns and fired everything they had at the alien robots.
"Ooookay. Just a little much." Maya laughed lightly at the girl's overkill.
((AND HERE'S THE PANTY-SHOT!!)) she cried as she delivered a powerful spinning roundhouse kick which resulted in her leg flying straight up at a nearly 180ยบ angle to catch the alien robot in the jaw, while revealing her robot's panties. Which were white.
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!??????" the aghast redhead screamed.
"A red robot with white panties. Wow!" Misato laughed.
((AND HERE COMES MY FINISHING MOVE: THE DEVIL'S FIREBALL!!!!))
"Oh, here it comes." Misato said as she covered her ears.
((I KNEW IT! I KNEW THOSE STOOGES WEREN'T THE ONLY ONE'S WHO CALLED ME A DEVIL!))
The robots cable-like hair glowed brightly, like the spikes on Godzilla's back, and suddenly caught on fire as she started shaking her head, whipping it around and around, until he cracked her head forward to toss the fireball at the evil robots, destroying five in one shot.
"That... was... over the top!" Misato sweatedropped.
"Someone's been watching a lot of anime I see." Ritsuko stated. Which would be odd unless he did more than practice his cello at Misato's apartment.
On-screen, 21 robots fell to the Asuka-Bot.
Which left 29 robots standing, and shooting at Asuka.
Lasers and missiles knocked the Asuka-Bot through a large building and onto her back.
The screen shifted to the image of Yui Ikari, calling out yet another robot.
((SHINJI! IT'S TIME!)) she called through the communicator.
The screen changed again, this time revealing Shinji Ikari sitting in a high-tech cockpit of a high-tech blue robot that looked a little like him, though the build was larger.
((Yes, mother! This is Shinji launching in the SERAPH-1!)) the boy pilot cried as his robot ran out of the base, footsteps thundering as he went.
Back in the real world...
"Seraph?" Maya asked.
"As in... Angel?" Shigeru asked.
On screen...
((This is Rei launching in the SERAPH-2!)) the blue-haired girl replied as she thrust the controls forward and propelled her vehicle through the launch hanger.
"It's a jet?" Makoto asked.
The Seraph-1 leaped into the air and came down hard with a foot plowing through the chest of one of the alien robots. The Seraph-2 flew down hard upon the enemy and fired two missiles that blew two of the robots up.
((Commence Link Up Sequence!)) Shinji shouted as he launched his robot into the air, spreading his arms like they were wings.
((Roger!)) Rei shouted as she flew up behind Shinji and interlocked into his robots back.
((ARCHANGEL FORMATION COMPLETE!)) the pair shouted in unison.
"Oh, look. Rei's jet connects to Shinji's back and now they've become like angel-wings." Misato said nonchalantly, noting that the smooth wings of the jet had spread out like feathers on a bird.
"Creepy." Ritsuko stated, yet couldn't turn away.
((BLAZING SWORD OF MICHAEL!)) Shinji shouted as a lightsaber-like hilt ejected from the robot's wrist into it's right hand and ignited into a beam-blade, which the Archangel robot used to slice down 7 alien robots.
((WING BEAM!)) Rei shouted again as the Archangel flew straight up into the air and arced it's wings, which glowed a bright white, then fired a powerful energy beam at the robots below and took out 6 more robots.
((HOLY FIST OF GABRIEL!)) Shinji shouted again, this time the left arm energized with power as the Archangel flew in and slammed it's fist into the ground, creating a shockwave that took out the 5 closest alien robots.
((FEATHER RAIN!)) Rei shouted as the Archangel stood up, spread it's wings wide as it let loose a fury of its metallic feathers around it to destroy the last 8 alien robots.
Back in the real world...
"Wow. A little over the top, but... nice." Fuyutsuki said.
"Really." Kaji agreed.
Suddenly, the main flagship of the armada opened it's bomb-bay doors and released a dozen fierce looking robot monsters, which actually looked like the RoBeasts from Voltron. They landed around the Archangel and looked prepared to pounce.
((Rei, separate!)) Shinji shouted.
((No! I will not leave you!)) Rei replied.
((Don't worry Rei-chan. I have a plan.))
((But Shinji-kun...))
((Rei, it's going to be alright. Trust me.))
((...Very well. Be careful, my love.)) Rei cried with tears as she reluctantly detached her jet and flew off.
"MY LOVE?" Asuka gasped.
"He must have a thing for Rei if he's putting her in as the girlfriend this time." Makoto stated.
"Yeah. Last time it was just a kiss." Maya said.
On screen...
((Alright you freaks! I'm gonna exact revenge for the lives of the Bridge Bunnies your sabotaging spies have taken, using the very weapon systems they created for my robot!))
"Huh? We're dead?" Makoto asked in shock.
"And he's going to get revenge for us?" Shigeru asked.
That's so sweet! Maya smiled.
((ACTIVATING IBUKI OVERRIDE COMMAND!)) Shinji cried out.
"Ibuki?" she gasped. YAY! I'm First! She mentally cheered.
A wave sent out from the blue robot stunned the robo-drones.
((Wireless Remote Control Function Engaged.)) Hikari shouted from the screen.
((The robo-drones are now under your control!)) Toji shouted.
((Alright. ACTIVATING AOBA SUB-WOOFER ROUTINE!)) Shinji shouted.
"Sub-woofer what?" Shigeru asked.
Seraph-1's muscular armor suddenly fell away, revealing a leaner more agile looking robot.
((Exo-Armor Disengaged! Take 'em Shinji!)) Yui shouted.
((Music.)) Shinji said softly as Kensuke pressed the button on the console as a fast-paced hip-hop song started to play.
((Let me see you work it, work it.
Watch you work it, work it.
Back again, it's the robeast digger digger
King size bling, on my king size trigger finger
Throw away the law,
no rhyme on his money pit
Cristal bangin, and my paper keep the honey's grinnin)) the song played as Shinji's Seraph-1 started to break dance like crazy.
Back in the real world...
"What the hell is he doing?" Asuka gasped.
"I think he's... dancing?" Misato looked on with wide-eyes, which quickly noticed the monster robot's following Shinji's robot's exact moves.
((Why are you, gonna front like a punk that's got that steel?
You, dat bitch, stick your ass on the block trying to pay those bills.
When I drop this base
Six hour force on to get work like Heartbreak Ridge
I'm gonna bust your face
Wiping up your blood with the panties that I stole from Benz
Ho ho ho ho ho, Work it out!
Ho ho ho ho ho, Work it out!
Ho ho ho ho ho, Work it out!))
In the real world everyone just watched as Shinji's robot was spinning around on the floor like mad.
((Back to your ass, put a dent in a robot
You wanna wish, get a vacuum robot
Shock to the dome, put a block in a robot
Six feet under in a grave with a robot
Ho ho ho ho ho, Work it out!
Ho ho ho ho ho, Work it out!
Ho ho ho ho ho, Work it out!
Let me see you work it, work.
Get on the floor and work it, work it
Are you ever gonna work it, work it?
Come on, man, just work it out
Let me see you work it, work it.
I wanna watch you work it, work it
Here's a dollar, now work it, work it
Just work it out!
Come on man, just work it out!))
However, the rather unusual tactic had the desired effect.
Shinji's robot was apparently built for this high-energy super-mobile activity, and the 12 monster robots were not. As a result, the monster-bots were unable to keep up and fell apart from strain, all of them reduced to nothing but scrap.
Seraph-1 spun around and flipped back onto it's feet, reclaiming it's exo-armor and snapped his fingers, as it saying... 'That's right, I'm the man!'
"Oh.." Maya said.
"My..." Makoto said.
"God!" Shigeru said.
"You said it." Misato laughed.
On-screen Seraph-1 turned to look at the warship, sending a transmission, which was received by the leader of the space armada.
((And as for you, Lord Gendo!)) Shinji said.
((You don't have a weapon that can touch me at this distance, fool.)) the evil alien king said.
((I wouldn't, if Hyuga hadn't finished installing his own special weapon into my robot before he died.))
"What's my weapon?" Makoto Hyuga asked, highly curious.
((ACTIVATING HYUGA GOGGLES OF DOOM!))
"Goggles of what?" the glasses wearing tech gasped, as the rest of NERV stared at the screen.
Two large lenses wrapped around the robots eyes, looking like very thick glasses.
"Oh, come on! Those glasses are huge!" Makoto shouted.
Seraph-1's fists energized with red sphere in their palms. Shinji slammed them into the lenses of his glasses and then pulled them away. The lenses were now glowing with power.
((DEATH STARE!)) Shinji shouted as he turned his head upwards to the flagship as two powerful red beams of energy exploded from the lenses with immense force and flew at the ship, blasting past the protective shield and slicing the ship in three's like a blowtorch through melted butter.
Within seconds, the ship exploded, along with Gendo.
"Whoa!" Makoto gasped.
"Really. I never knew those glasses of yours were so powerful." Shigeru smirked.
"I'll say!" Maya giggled.
"Oh, shut up!" Makoto shouted.
((LORD GENDO HAS BEEN DESTROYED!!!)) Toji shouted as she lifted Hikari up and spun her around, the girl looking flushed as he did that.
((YYYYYYYAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!!!!)) Everyone clamored.
Back in the real world...
"Unbelievable!" Asuka spat. "AB-SO-FRIGGIN-LUTELY UNBELIEVABLE!!!"
"Oh, here we go again." Misato groaned as the redhead continued to rant some more.
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Author's Notes:
Hope everyone enjoyed this little second chapter.
It was mostly done to satisfy my readers.
Misato's drinking song was taken from the extended version of the Lord of the Ring: The Fellowship of the Ring movie and the hip-hop song was taken from the Robot Chicken Voltron segment where Voltron battled a RoBeast in a dance-off.
Asuka's robot was based off of the Aphrodite robot from the old Tranzor Z cartoon.
Not much more I can say about this chapter.
Hope everyone liked it and will bless me with more reviews.