I awoke the next morning stiff and warm. Both were accounted for by the lap I had been sleeping in. Looking up through my bleary eyes I saw that it was Sesshoumaru's lap that I had been tucked into. I blinked a few times and shifted causing his arms to tighten around me reflexively.

"Kaori…?" He murmured as he sat up more.

"Mm…?" I answered as I turned to face him.

"Are you feeling better…?" He asked.

I gazed up at him unblinking, trying to understand why he would ask such a silly question. Of course I feeling fine, I was in his lap, why wouldn't I feel fine?

Then it hit me… The note of my father's ailing health, the request to return to my rightful place, the messenger that had been forced to bring me the news…

I gulped forcibly as I fought to keep control of my emotions. Could I go home now knowing that my father was dieing…? Could I step up and become the ruler of my village…? Was I the right choice…?

Sesshoumaru noticed the turmoil in my eyes and held me against him. "Shh…" He murmured into my hair. "Everything will be okay…"

I shook my head. "My father is dieing Sesshoumaru… I have been summoned to the village to take my rightful place…" my voice cracked and I stopped talking.

"You know that I can save his life Kaori…"

I shook my head. "I can't take him away from his wife… They're finally going to be together again and I cannot bear to stop him… Even if it would make me happy…"

Sesshoumaru sighed causing something inside him to lock away, forcing him to become that man I saw last night. "Then we shall return together."

"No." I croaked as I tried to keep myself from crying.

"No…?" Sesshoumaru stared down at me with his piercing golden eyes.

I shook my head. "Sesshoumaru… You cannot return with me…" I gazed up at him as tears glittered in my eyes. "It is not something you want…"

"Not something I want?" His stare started to become hostile. He stood, causing me to fall out of his lap. "You don't know what I want." He seethed.

I stood and stumbled slightly, internally flinching when he didn't try to help me. "Look at yourself Sesshoumaru-sama. You've become someone different. What happened to the man I know…?"

Two hands wrapped around my neck and lifted me off the ground, holding me at eye level with Sesshoumaru. I gasped and clawed at the hands of the man I thought I knew.

"Don't start in with your lies. I am who I've always been. You just put you're 'angelic goodness' on something that wasn't really there. You're nothing but a girl with wings on her back." He seethed.

As things started to darken around the edges I did the one thing I knew would still affect him, I smacked him right where I had bit him the night before. It didn't do much more then stun him, but it was enough to get me free from his chocking grip.

"Sesshoumaru…" I gasped as I tried to shake off the near death experience.

Sesshoumaru's hands tightened into fists as he glared down at me. "Go home without me then. See if I care…" He snarled and turned to leave.

I couldn't let him go, not like that. I couldn't let him leave thinking that I didn't want him. Tears fell freely down my face as I started after him. I stumbled and smacked my shin against a jagged rock, tearing my kimono open.

"Sesshoumaru!" I screamed though I knew he wasn't going to turn around.

But he did, he stared at me bleeding in the snow as I tried to chase after him. I got caught with another branch, this one gouging itself deep into my side; he did nothing.

Finally he began to turn around and leave so I did the one thing I had been too afraid to say until the very end. "Sesshoumaru!" I cried. "Sesshoumaru I…" my voice cracked as fresh tears streamed down my face.

He stopped and stared at me silently, waiting.

I took my chance; I took my one moment, "I love you Sesshoumaru!" I cried. "I always have! I've loved you from the moment I met you." I bit my lip as I choked on a sob. "I've always loved you…"

I watched as something in Sesshoumaru fought with him. I saw him twitch as he tried to stay in control. I knew I needed to do more so I did the one thing I could; I pulled off my kimono. I stood there shivering in my nagajugan as I stared at him. I pulled down the left shoulder of the nagajugan and exposed his bite mark to him. "I love you Sesshoumaru… More than I can ever express in words…"

He stared at me, anger blazing in his eyes. I couldn't tell if he was mad at me for what I was doing or mad at himself for letting me do it or just mad at me for everything; so I started to pull off the rest of my nagajugan.

"Don't." He hissed, I stopped out of shock.

"Don't what…?" I murmured.

The wind had picked up, blowing against my exposed body; I shuddered.

When he didn't say anything more I began pulling my wings out of the slits that had been made for them.

"I said don't." He growled at me.

I lifted my face to look at him, tears now spilling down my cheeks again. "Don't what…?" I repeated.

Again he didn't continue saying anything to me so I stripped myself of the one last piece of clothing I had on that protected me from the frigid air.

I stared up at the man I loved, fighting to keep from huddling in on myself. "I love you Sesshoumaru… Don't you see that…? I wear your mark happily… I bear myself to you and only you…" Another gust of freezing wind hit my bare skin ripping a small whimper from my throat. I fought to keep myself from trying to redress myself' instead I stepped away from the clothing and towards Sesshoumaru.

"Please…" I breathed, "Please believe me…"

In two long strides Sesshoumaru covered the ground between us and now stood within an inch of my now numbed skin.

"Are you trying to kill yourself?" He snapped as he grabbed my chin and held my face up.

I yelped slightly trying to pull back from him. The marks on my neck from him trying to choke me earlier still bring red against my quickly paling skin.

I don't know what did it, my sudden fear of him touching me, the fact that I stood stark naked in front of him, or the finger marks he had left around my neck, but I was suddenly pushed up against a tree with him holding me there with his body. His lips crushed mine sending a shock of pain through my frozen body; I whimpered.

He stiffened at the sound of my pained noise and suddenly released me. "Stupid woman…" he growled as he stalked away from me to grab the clothing I had discarded.

"Here." He snapped holding the clothing out to me; I shook my head. He growled angrily at me and I cringed away from him.

A pained expression crossed his face when I cringed away and his anger subsided. "Kaori…" He murmured as he slowly grasped my arm to gently pull me closer.

Over and over he murmured my name as he gently redressed my in my ragged clothing. When I was dressed he held me against him, wrapping his arms around me. I began sobbing again.

"I'm loosing you Sesshoumaru…" I wailed as I tried to keep myself from teetering over the edge of insanity. "You're pulling away from me and it's leaving me empty. Please… I can't take it anymore! Please… Stop pulling away from me!" I stopped talking then. I couldn't talk even if I wanted to I was crying to hard by then.

He let me cry until the loud sobbing wails and died down into quiet hiccups and sniffling. He lifted my chin so I stared up at him through teary eyes. A sad smile spread across his face as he gazed at me. He kissed me, just a soft brush of lips then he rested his cheek against mine so that his lips brushed my ear.

His grip tightened on my arms, and I knew this wasn't going to be what I had hoped he would say. "You'll have to learn to stop loving me then…" With that he let me go and walked away.

It took me a minute as his words sank in and when I realized what he had said it was a minute too late…

"Sesshoumaru!!" I screamed as I stumbled after him; he didn't turn around.

"SESSHOUMARU!!"