I don't know how long I stood there screaming after Sesshoumaru but when I finally pulled myself to the surface of my misery I was buried into the soft fur of Kaage as he tried to help quell some of my tears.

"I'm sorry Kaage…" I hiccupped as I sat up and wiped profusely at my face.

He made a soft sound that rumbled deep in his chest, which tickled my side as I leaned against him, I sighed and scratched the top of his head. "Thank you…"

Standing up slowly I stretched until all my joints cracked and my wings ruffled themselves. "I guess it's time to go home." I turned back to Kaage to see him standing up and shaking the snow from his fur.

I smiled and walked over to him. "Let's go Kaage…" I jumped onto his back and hunkered down into his fur for the long trip back home.

There I was standing in the same forest, staring at the same old tree, having the same words running through my head, and for some reason I couldn't make myself do it.

I mean… I wanted to. I wanted to go back into my beautiful village where the winter snow's glistened from the tree tops and the children ran around until their faces were pink from the cold and the exertion, but how could I walk past those gates knowing that I would be walking in not as Kaori the daughter of the ruler but as Kaori the first female ruler of the Shenkin village…

I heaved a sigh, cleared my throat and choked. I couldn't do it.

Kaage sat there patiently on my shoulder as I pulled my michiyuki around my body tighter and gazed up into the sky above me.

"Why…?" I whispered as tears threatened to spill from my eyes.

"Kaori-dono…?" Someone called from behind me.

I turned around to see my life long friend Mai running towards me.

"Mai-san…" I murmured as she approached, I knew she had already sensed how distraught I was long before I even returned home and I wondered if she had been out here everyday until I returned.

"You don't have to go home Kaori-dono…" She started as she absentmindedly started to fix my michiyuki around my shoulders. "I mean… You're older brother Makoto-sama is more than qualified to become the head of our village." She looked up into my face "I know you would much rather be with your mate then be here in the village…" She smiled slightly though it was watery and weak at the edges; I knew she meant well.

"Thank you Mai-san… But he does not love me…" I whispered.

She looked at me as if I was crazy. "Do you honestly believe that Kaori-dono?"

I gaped at her; we honestly could not be talking about the same man. "He is not the man I thought he was…"

She shook her head. "That's what he wants you to think. You were hunting down a man that wanted to kill you Kaori-dono, what do you think Sesshoumaru-sama was going to do, let you go with him every time he went some place that might be harboring a demon? Of course not."

I thought about her answer and almost believed her, until I remembered the last thing he said to me… "But he told me to stop loving him…"

Mai's face fell slightly then, but she shook it off. "Men are fickle." She huffed then and started walking over to the tree. "He's just saying that so that you won't long for him while you two are apart." She turned to face me then and sighed. "Kaori-dono… I won't blame you if you don't want to do this…"

I shook my head. "This is where I belong… This is where I'll always belong… I have to do it."

Mai nodded and turned back to the tree. "I, Mai Dietan and Kaori Ogensai have come to enter the Shenkin village."

The gates appeared before us in all their glory and opened silently; no one greeted us.

"It looks so deserted…" I whispered as I crossed the threshold and the gates closed behind me.

"Yes… It has been like this for awhile…" Mai replied as she headed for the stairs.

I followed her up the stairs silently as Kaage began to stir and stick his head out from under my michiyuki.

The climb up the stairs seemed to take longer than usual, as if I didn't want to reach the top and look at the palace. But it had to end and I had to look upon the place that wasn't my home, but my palace now…

The captain of the royal guard was there waiting for us. "Kaori-dono…" was the first thing out of his mouth when he saw us.

I averted my eyes from his as I had for years before, not out of respect this time but out of shame. I did not want him to see my face for fear he'll see that I do not want to be here.

He continued on as if he hadn't noticed my aversion. "Lord Shinji has been waiting for your return. Follow me."

He led Mai and me down the same path I use to take when I wanted to talk to my father in his room. When he stopped in front of my father's door I hesitated; I didn't want to go in there.

Mai saw my hesitation and placed her hand on the shoulder without Kaage and smiled at me.

I tried to smile back but I couldn't, I just stood there staring at the wooden door.

Finally the man that stood beside us cleared his throat. "You have to go in there, Kaori-sama."

"I know Seiji-san…" I murmured. Taking a deep breath I opened the door and walked in.

At first I couldn't see anything, it was pitch black in the room. After a moment I could finally see a figure on the floor and I knelt beside it. "Father…?" I whispered.

"Kaori…" he murmured.

"I'm here father…" I answered as I took his hand.

"I knew you would come back…" He coughed then.

"Shh…" I soothed as I looked around for something he could drink. "Don't talk just rest. You need to save your strength…"

He shook his head as best as he could from the floor. "I don't have much time Kaori… I wanted you to know that you were always special to your mother and I… We loved you very much and we still do…" he stopped to cough so I waited quietly since I knew telling him to stop was useless. "I picked you not because you are our first child but because you are the strongest…" He wheezed and stopped talking for a moment. "I know you can rule this village better than anyone else…"

Tears filled my eyes as I sat there clutching my father's hand. I wasn't strong… not like how my father thought I was… I was anything but strong…

"I was so happy when I saw that you had finally found someone who is your equal in both strength and will… I know he will take great care of you and our village…"

I bit my lip and turned my head away, how could I tell my father that Sesshoumaru was never going to pick me that he was never going to take care of our village. I couldn't do it… So I lied. "Of course he will father… But no one will be able to take care of this village like you have…"

He chuckled slightly which lead into a coughing fit. "You were always so kind… Tell your siblings that I've always loved them…"

I choked back my tears. "I will father…" I answered in the most stable voice I could manage.

"I love you Kaori…"

"I love you too Father…" with that I watched in silence as my father slowly stilled beside me until he stopped moving and breathing all together.

"Father…?" I whispered as I stared down at him.

"Father?" I questioned louder this time.

He didn't respond.

"Father!!" I cried. "Please don't go father!! I'm not strong enough to take care of this village! Please!!"

I had begun shaking his lifeless body as I cried hysterically calling to him over and over. Seiji and two others had to tear me away from my father as I went hysterical.

They had his funeral today… I didn't go…

I had locked myself away in my room just staring out the window. I don't eat anymore…

They brought me his ashes… I've refused to see them… I told them to bury them at the place where my mother vanished.

They've stopped coming in… I'm alone now…