Disclaimer: I still do not own Life With Derek, or Practical Magic. Darn.

..

Casey was not bitter.

She was not loveless, she was not angry or depressed or heartbroken.

After all, that someone whom you loved would have to tell you that your feelings were unrequited for your heart to truly be broken… in Casey's opinion, anyway.

She was in love. In love with the most amazing guy.

He pushed her to the edge, challenged her, and wouldn't take any of her bullshit.

He would help her out, but do it in secret so no one would see his softer side.

He made her want to be a better person.

Not that she was a bad person- she did her homework and donated and was kind to her mother and sister… occasionally to her step-dad and step-siblings.

He made her want to be less uptight, to have fun and be a regular teenager.

I'll give you three guesses on which that boy is, and unless you are a complete idiot, you should get it on the first try.

She couldn't do anything about this "crush."

Ha! That was the understatement of the year.

Her heart pounded whenever he was around, her skin burned at his touch.

Whenever they talked, she wanted to cry and laugh at the same time.

Casey was fairly sure that those weren't feelings of a grade-school crush.

Derek and Sally already said those THREE BIG WORDS to each other.

Casey had never said those to anyone.

Not a single past boyfriend really deserved them.

Sam and her fought about petty little things (he didn't truly understand her soul),

Max was an orange controlling freak who rarely cared about her feelings,

and Truman… oh, Truman, Truman, Truman…

She could have fallen in love with him… if she removed half her brain and dropped all her morals.

Sure, he was amusing to flirt with, but he was cocky, arrogant, and would cheat on her the first chance he got.

To both of them, the flirting was a challenge, and once they both gave in… there was no chemistry.

Once, she caught Derek glancing at an open page of her diary.

She, of course, shoved him aside and slammed the pages shut.

But he had seen an entry, and once this raw, unguarded emotion of hers was exposed, he looked at her with the saddest, worried eyes.

To her, it was pity.

To him, it was the shock of seeing that brick wall of Casey's finally let down.

The entry she read was written after she heard Sally and Derek express their "love."

He didn't know that.

He only knew that they pages were stained with what could only be tear stains, and those words expressed every human emotion associated with a broken heart:

"Sometimes I feel like there's a hole inside of me, an emptiness that at times seems to burn. I think if you lifted my heart to your ear, you could probably hear the ocean. The moon tonight, there's a circle around it. Sign of trouble not far behind. I have this dream of being whole. Of not going to sleep each night, wanting. But still sometimes, when the wind is warm or the crickets sing... I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for. I just want someone to love me. I want to be seen. I don't know. Maybe I had my happiness. I don't want to believe it but, there is no man. Only that moon."

Casey was horrified that he had read it.

It burned her cheeks and made her heart panic.

No one was supposed to see that.

Especially not Derek.

She had ignored his questioning look, and pointedly asked him to leave her room.

He left without protest.

But Derek did care, and he did want to make sure Casey was ok.

He felt something else too, something he thought he had forced those emotions away- buried them, locked them away in a safe behind a painting.

Feelings… for… Casey.

He knew he wasn't good enough for Casey.

But then again, neither was Sam or Max. Especially not Truman.

They didn't deserve her. Derek didn't deserve her.

And he didn't want to become another ex-boyfriend.

He wanted to be her forever, her always, her only one.

And if he couldn't have that, he knew he would have to settle for just being her stepbrother.

Her stepbrother.

He hated that word. It was as if it was egging him on. It's not a blood relation, go ahead and kiss her. But your family will disapprove and if you break up, you'll still have to be with her, and society pretty much will be disgusted….

That damn word.

..

A/N: That diary entry is from the movie, Practical Magic. It's a favorite quote of mine- so sad. Sorry if this is short, it seems long on Word, but the website's format is different.