Ritsuka world

Where is my real world?

Since when everything begins? For me, for mother, for Seimei, for Soubi, for all of us?

For me, my starting point is when I'm no longer the 'real' Ritsuka. And my life really screw up since the beginning. My mother beating me up because she can't accept her son is no longer and being replaced by imposter. She was sharing her pain that she can no longer deal by her own. My father never really care, he just turn his back. The only one who loved me back then is Seimei, until he faked his death. And then I change school, meet Yuiko, Yayoi and Shinomone - sensei. Soubi show up and forcing his way into my life, and dragging me into the world I never know exist before, the world of sacrifice and fighter, the world of spell battle, the world of 'true' name.

Just when I started to accepting things, when I feel I can be happy with Soubi, Yuiko, and the other, the truth about Seimei is slowly revealed. At first, for me it's nothing but lie, I didn't believe any single thing of that. Yet, as thing progress, I don't know what to believe anymore … Desperately, I'm searching for answer in the dark, even it means I must face Nanatsu no Tsuki.

And then … and then, Seimei reappeared. Of course I'm happy, how couldn't I? My world has return, yet … this mean, everything is nothing but a lie. Why Seimei? Why you doing this to me? If you love me dearly, why lied to me? If no one as important as me in the world, why did you hurt me? Why did you leave me behind and let me suffering all this time?

I don't understand, Seimei … just what kind of love do you have for me? What kind of love, that can make you faking your own death, ordering your Sentoki to love me, pulling me into the world of spell battle, dealing with Nanatsu no Tsuki, and then just reappear like you done nothing wrong?

I love you, Seimei, but your love is hurting me, and make me scared. I can't understand your way to love me, Seimei. Is that your way to love me Seimei? To make me love you, to make me suffer when I though I lost you in cruelest way? Do you how many night I spend in tears? How many times I want to follow after you? Do you know part of me died within you that day? How I was struggle to keep on living without you? And then there's Soubi, do you know how much he hurt me when I know he lie to me? Did you realize what kind of pain I must experience since he comes? Knowing that, did you order him to love me, to tell a lie, to become my Sentoki, to involve with Nanatsu no Tsuki on purpose? Is this all your plan, Seimei? To make me hurt more? And much more when you appear before me, alive, without any scar, without any explanation but a word of love?

Just what do you want from me, Seimei?

Ritsuka, please choose me over everything.

If you love me Ritsuka, will you give me your whole self? Will you sacrifice your entire being?

Is that what you want from me? Total devotion? I will, if only you did not done this kind of thing. Am I being tested by you Seimei? You didn't believe my love for you that much so you have to make me suffered first? Seimei, you are my only world, I did not know any world beside yours, I'll do anything, I trust you blindly, I'll give you everything, nothing does matter to me as long as I have you, before you destroy it by your own hand.

Or did you want something more big? Something I can't give you? Am I what you want or just a pawn in your game? Did you really love me or just want to posses me?

Seimei, mother, and then Soubi … why those I love bring so much pain to me? Is this why my name is Loveless, the one without love? Because even though I can love, that love will not return without so much pain? Because no one will love me without any reason? Because my love will bring me more and more pain? How can my world become like this?

All the happiness I felt, all the pain I must endure, the truth I must face, the betrayal I experience, all of it, mainly because of you Seimei. You are my world, since the beginning until now and maybe forever. But I no longer lived in your world only Seimei, I live in mother's, in Soubi's, in the world of spell battle.

This is my world, the world where I lived in many world inside, with so many feeling crammed into me. This is my world, Ritsuka's world.

000000000

All right, that's it from now. Since there are still so many mysteries in Loveless world, this one will end here. Actually this chapter is just a resume, n mainly about Seimei, maybe the title of this chapter should be 'Seimei's World (part 4)'? But since Seimei is the core of Ritsuka's world (at least from my opinion) so there. Thank you very much for all of you who kind enough to read this story and give me review. So sorry for the long wait, n for my bad grammar, I really suck at things like that n maybe beyond reparation. Anyway, see you in my other story then, I'll try to find time to write between my busy schedules. Matta ne.