A/N: Updates are intermittent on this because I'm writing sooo many fics at once - what can I say, my muse is a fandom hopping fountain of ideas, and trust me when I tell you that gets messy! - anywho, I do appreciate all the positive feedback you send me, and this fic will not be getting abandoned at all, it just won't necessarily get updated weekly or whatever like my stories used to - sorry.

(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)

Chapter 5 - I've Been Losing Sleep

Veronica was glad to be home, and gladder still that her running away had been at least partially understood by her father. Now lying alone in her bed she thought back over the events of this strange day in her life. This situation was one she never thought she'd have to face in any way at all. Pregnancy, as far as she was concerned, was for older married people who'd planned such a thing. She was not so naive she thought it always worked that way. With her fathers line of work being what it was, she knew how difficult life got for some young women, how their ending up carrying a child was an unhappy accident. Veronica never once considered she would find herself in this most awkward of positions.

The Kane family were a nightmare, the parents anyway, and even Duncan had not been as supportive as she would've liked. She knew she was wrong to let them all believe he was the father of her baby, but as she'd told Logan, she couldn't bear both the stigma of a teenage pregnancy and that of cheating on the man she was supposed to love. It was just too much to handle, so she'd allowed everyone, even her own father, to believe a lie. That had back-fired spectacularly, of course, as she might have known it would. Somehow it had seemed like the easier option and yet she had been proved so very wrong.

The irony was that the people who had coped best with her news seemed to be the Echolls. Of course, Veronica doubted Lynn would've taken it quite so well if she'd known the child was to be her grandson or granddaughter, but whilst appearing a little surprised she hadn't had the reaction of, say, Celeste Kane. As for Logan, he had only wanted to help, to hold her whilst she cried as he had many times before, including the night when this child had been made.

Lying on her back with her hand going absently to her stomach, Veronica thought back to that night, here in this same bed, with a young man who ought to be no more than a friend, and yet he always had been somehow. Though Lilly had taken Logan for her own and Duncan had soon made his move with Veronica, the little blonde had often wondered how things might've worked out differently. That was not to say that she didn't love both the Kanes and she would never want to hurt them, but there had always been a part of her that craved Logan's attention, that kind of wished they'd had a chance to find out what might be between them.

Maybe that was why Duncan had always been convinced that his girlfriend and best friend could never really be close without getting too close. Obviously he'd been right, at least it seemed that way, though Veronica had always counted that night with Logan as just a ridiculous moment of weakness. She'd thought he felt the same, after all, he was gone in the morning before she ever woke up, but they'd never talked about it, not really, not even when the subject came up this afternoon...

a few hours earlier, at the Echolls house

"How could we have been so stupid?" Veronica cursed the idiotic behaviour of herself and her supposed friend, that night several months ago.

"Stupid?" Logan echoed, not sure whether to be offended or not by the remark.

It wasn't great for a guy's ego to hear that a girl he spent the night with considered that event one of her more ignorant moments. Still, there was no denying that two best friends falling into bed together, not considering the consequences, was pretty dumb. Pregnancy was perhaps the worst that could've happen, but they hadn't even bothered to consider the lesser evils that might've come out of their liaison. The people they would hurt, the complications that would arise, it had all been an insignificant blur that night when feelings and emotions had over-taken the two of them. Since then, avoidance tactics had been employed. Veronica and Logan both knew as they sat either end of the couch now, trying not to look at each other, that this was the longest they'd spent alone in each others company since that night, and there was no doubt in either of their minds that it had been deliberate.

"Logan, you can't tell anyone about this" Veronica told him suddenly, eyes flitting back and forth between him and the door, ever mindful that his mother or some member of the many house staff could come in at any moment.

"You don't think people are going to start to notice?" he checked with an unconvinced expression, "Veronica, y'know, you're going to... you can't just tell people you ate too many doughnuts" he said with a gesture both random and awkward.

Veronica sighed and looked at her feet.

"I know that" she agreed, "I know eventually people are going to know about the baby, but they don't have to know it's yours" she said, glancing sideways at him then and hating the almost pained look that crossed his face.

Logan was on his feet in a second, apparently unable or unwilling to look at Veronica as he moved to stare out of the window. He was hurt by her words as she thought he might be. After all, it was hardly flattering for a guy to know that your worst nightmare was telling everybody you're having his kid. Still, Veronica stuck by her original request and reasoning for it. She was an idiot, that was set in stone, but at least she could avoid being a cheater, she could get away with not hurting Duncan or invoking the further wrath of his family and hers.

"Veronica..." Logan sighed as he turned to answer her, but was interrupted by his mother appearing in the doorway.

"Well, I finally got through to your father, Veronica" she smiled at the blonde still seated on the couch, "He's going to come pick you up in a half hour, okay?" she said kindly as Veronica nodded in agreement, "I think he has to call back a few people he panicked when he was trying to find you"

"I'm sorry, Mrs Echolls" Veronica told her, looking decidedly shame-faced as her eyes went to the floor, "I didn't mean to cause so much trouble or put you in an awkward position..."

"Sweetheart, it's fine" Lynn assured her, putting a hand on her shoulder, "You know if you ever need to talk, to a woman, you know you can always come talk to me, okay?" she said with a smile that Veronica was grateful for.

Clearly Lynn recognised the predicament she was in, maybe she'd been in a similar situation once, there was no way to know for sure. With her mother gone and Lilly too, Veronica really had no female to turn to for help in an awkward situation. Her father did his best, but there were some thing's a young woman just couldn't talk to her Dad about. The only woman with any connection to Veronica whatsoever was Celeste Kane, and right now most especially they were not anywhere close to bosom-buddies.

Just as soon as Veronica had thanked Lynn for her kindness, the red-head was called away by some butler or other, to take a call about a very important party planning matter or similar. She was gone in a moment, telling Logan to take care of their guest til Keith arrived. Both young people really wished she hadn't made such a request since it only made them feel all the more awkward in each others presence.

"I hate this already" Veronica expelled a breath and put her face in her hands momentarily, "I hate that I'm lying to so many people; my Dad, the Kanes, Duncan. Even your Mom is thinking this is Duncan's baby, and I know it, and I can't tell her she's wrong, that I have her grandkid in here" she hissed, not really sure why she as getting so mad at Logan about this.

He hadn't asked her to lie about any of this, and he certainly hadn't forced her into sex that night. They'd both wanted it so much, and she had rail-roaded him into all these lies today that he never asked to be a part of. Veronica knew she had no-one to blame but herself, but surely it was human nature to try to deflect some of the guilt.

"Then tell the truth, Veronica" Logan said simply, "I'm not saying it'll be easy" he admitted off her incredulous look, "but it has to be better than this, than living a lie with Duncan"

"It wouldn't be a lie, not really" she shook her head, "I love him" she said adamantly as Logan came towards her once again and knelt in front of the couch at her feet.

"I know" he nodded, "but do you love him enough? Geez, Veronica, would we have done what we did if you really loved him that much?" he asked her gently, not wishing to upset her further but needing to make her see.

"What difference does it make?" she shook her head, setting free one more tear from each red-rimmed eye, as she avoided the awkward question, the way she'd seen so many criminals do in her fathers custody, "If I tell the truth, it doesn't stop me being pregnant" she cried, "It doesn't stop me being so scared of how my life will turn out now" she said as she began to sob and Logan reached out to hold her.

Veronica allowed his arms to embrace her, grateful for any comfort she could get. It was wrong to let him help her, to expect him to even care what she was going through Unfortunately, recent events were making the little blonde selfish and so she felt she ought to remain for a while. Her baby had to come first, and that meant putting herself first too, above the feelings of those around her. This was her body and her baby within it, regardless of who the father was and who might play grandparent to the little boy or girl she would give birth to one day. Part of her was glad of her deceptions, was happy to think of Duncan and the Kanes standing by her and helping her raise her child. Another part felt guilty for duping them, and worse still for depriving Logan of his role in both her life and that of the child. She didn't bother to ask him how he felt about it, if he wanted to be in their lives, she just made the assumption he would rather avoid the situation, because God knows she wished she could.

Logan checked the clock and sighed when he realised another hour had passed and still he hadn't slept at all. Lying on his back with his arms behind his head, he'd done nothing but stare at his bedroom ceiling and think of Veronica. It wasn't the first night he'd spent like this, though tonight was a little different. Far from beautiful memories of a night spent together, or erotic fantasies that one day he hoped came true, Logan was deep in thought about more practical matters where Miss Mars was concerned. She seemed not to realise his predicament, but then he'd never really told her how he truly felt about her. From the very beginning, their first day of meeting in fact, he was sure he'd fallen in love. At twelve years old, it was a crazy concept, but she was just the cutest thing he'd ever seen. She made him laugh and she was sweet as anything, but she didn't take crap from anyone and he liked that too.

Of course, Lilly was that year older and eager to please. Logan's head had been turned and by the time he realised what was happening, he'd been snared by the Kane girl whilst Veronica fell into the lap of younger brother Duncan. He never complained, never said a word about not being happy. Truth was he did love Lilly, and he was sure that in her own way, she loved him too. Unfortunately, Lilly loved too many guys, whilst Logan's heart was a little more constant. He had been faithful to his girlfriend to the day she died, but his heart had only ever really belonged to one girl; Veronica Mars.

Without wishing to sound like a fourteen year old girl with a limited vocabulary, Logan could find no other way to describe his night with Veronica than magical. It wasn't the done thing for teenage guys to get all emotional or thoughtful about sex, but that night, Logan had felt things he never knew he could, and he was certain Veronica was right there with him. Of course panic had set in later, when the beautiful oblivion wore off and the consequences of their actions filled his head. As great as it felt to lie there with the girl of his dreams, their bodies still entwined and humming from the experience of being together this way, too much guilt and too many serious thoughts prevented even this from being a relaxing place to be.

Thinking back, Logan knew it hadn't been his greatest moment, disentangling his body from Veronica's own, silently getting dressed and hurrying out of the house before sunrise. He left no note, didn't bother to say goodbye, he never even called in the days and weeks that followed. That was wrong, and he knew it, but as his conscience started to catch up to him and he considered talking to Veronica about what happened, she was back with Duncan. He saw them together at the mall, arms around each other, all smiles and laughter. It seemed their encounter had meant little or nothing to Veronica, though at the time he'd been convinced she felt the same as him, even if she hadn't said so.

Having her show up at his house today, crying and confessing to a pregnancy he knew he'd had a part in, Logan really hadn't known what to say at first. His own father was hardly a role model, and to be told he might take on such a role at his own young age was shocking to him. Still, any connection to Veronica had to be a positive in some way at least. She was unaware of the torture she was putting him through, Logan was sure, as she told him she would pass the child off as Duncan's own, as she let him hold her in his arms. She was all he ever wanted and piece by piece her fate was being sealed, and away from him.

Logan couldn't allow her to stay with Duncan, to lie to the world, to raise his child without his help. Still, the young Echolls knew it wasn't as simple as that. They were sixteen years old, not even dating, and living in a town where reputation was everything. The Echolls name had been dragged through the mud when Aaron went to jail for his tumultuous relationship of sex and violence with Lilly Kane. At least most people with a brain had only sympathy and friendship for the remaining mother and son, there were plenty who judged the whole family by one member alone. Logan knew connecting himself with Veronica Mars by a child borne out of a one night stand would do neither his reputation or her own any favours, but in the end he wondered if such a thing were truly important.

It was ridiculously ironic when Logan thought about it. The one person he always turned to for advice in such situations was the one person he couldn't find a way to talk to right now. Veronica was his best friend, possibly the love of his life, and now apparently to be the mother of his child, but she wasn't his and she wasn't here. He'd considered calling but had no idea what to say and doubted her father would appreciate his late night use of the phone line.

With a deep sigh, Logan turned onto his side, shut his eyes tight and willed sleep to come. It wouldn't of course, it seldom ever did these nights, and today's events hadn't made peaceful slumber any easier at all.

To Be Continued...