Fight or Flight

Rin sat near the window for the second season of the year since her marriage, contemplating the horizon. Every morning, she checked the windowsill, only to see nothing there. She would sigh, closing the window while holding back tears. She would go back daily schedule after watching the sun rise, but until then she stayed frozen- still hoping there he would be revealed among the shadows of the forests when the sun rose. Day after day this repeated, rising from her slumber wearing only a open weave ro juban, to wearing a warm double-layered juban and shawl wrapped tightly about her. Each time, her eyes flickered with sadness. Through the seasons, the buzzing of insects followed her into her descent into sorrow and depression.

"Sesshoumaru-sama." she whispered.

The walls spoke- every castle maid and servant noticed the circles under her eyes, and the wobble in her step. She stayed relentless in her goals- dancing, training in her alchemy and excerise privately, and keeping a transcript of her progress. She mumbled and hummed the same mysterious tune to herself over and over again as she wrote:

"Yama no naka, Mori no naka,

Kaze no naka, Yume no naka,

Sesshoumaru-sama doko ni iru,

Jaken-sama o shita naiete?

Watashi wa hitori de matchimashou!

Sesshoumaru-sama, omodoriou!"

(In the mountain, in the forest,

In the wind, in a dream.

Where are you Sesshoumaru-sama?

-With an ally like Jaken?

I will wait alone until you come!

Sesshoumaru-sama, please return!)

"Today, I have woken to enjoy another day. But the days grow colder, as well as my heart. This is no way to live. I feel caged, as if I have nowhere to turn. It's a golden cage that ensnares me with all the desires I do not ask for.

I am treated well here. Clothing, food, housing all arranged- but I still do not feel quite at home. My home is among demons. It is the ningen that resemble monsters in my eyes. I feel truly alone."

More often that not, she was found distracted, and lost. The Lord of the village watched during her performances as her eyes stayed focused on a distant dream no one understood. Everyone assumed and gossiped about how Rin missed her dearest husband- but he knew it was not the cause of her stress. His suspicions were confirmed on the night of his younger son's arrival. Her arms outstretched, her her laughter loud, yet eyes remained heavy- even through the wide smile on her face.

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Finally, on the coldest night of winter, Rin awoke from a most restless sleep. Her neck was aching, and her head was pounding as she rubbed her eyes and opened the window.

There, winter was in its purest form. A soft blanket of snow coated the ground,and wet flakes drifted lazily to the earth. Her eyes flickered with a hint of sadness as she scanned the horizon.

There, she saw a brief flash in the forest. Her breath hitched in her throat, and she ran down the corridor. "Sesshoumaru-sama!" Her feet pattered against the polished wood as she ran outside, tears lost in the fray.

"SESSHOUMARU-SAMA!!" She screamed inwardly...

At the forests edge, all was still. Her eyes frantic and searching, her chest heavy.

"Had I imagined it all?"

"Am I going mad?"

She collapsed onto her knees, ignoring the sharp, icy fury of the snow digging under her skin like miniature daggers. The wind picked up, mussing her long black hair and driving more snow into her warm winter uchikake.

"Rin."

Rin looked up pitifully at the tall figure. "My lord..."

The lord of the village looked down at her. His face carried a mixture of sympathy and shock.

"What are you doing out in the cold?"

Rin bit her lip, forcing the tears back. "My lord- ever felt like...you don't belong where life forces you to be?"

The lord pursed his lips together. Suddenly, his eyes widened with understanding. He remembered the tune she mumbled. One name stood out- a tune he dismissed as a child's tune from the Western Lands...her mind and heart still lived elsewhere...

"Sesshoumaru-sama doko ni iru"

He started to hum the melody, as Rin's eyes widened.

"My Lord- no- what are you doing?" Rin implored. It was her secret, no one else's...

"Sesshoumaru-sama doko ni iru"

He stepped back, putting all the puzzle pieces together- this girl...was the consort...

Rin shivered in horror- he knew. He discovered the truth- that she was merely a girl of demons, and they would follow her in her dreams and her reality wherever she went...

"Sesshoumaru-sama, omodoriou!"

"Sesshoumaru-sama, please return!"

The hum of insects could be heard...rising loudly until all was inaudible. The Lord looked up. "Since when in winter..." Rin looked over into the distance, her lip trembling..."That sound again..."

"RIN!" shouted the lord. Bells rang throughout the village. "Attackers!" Rin's face snapped up to meet the Lord's as she came back to the current moment. Taking her hand, her Father-in-Law ran with her back into the main compound. They were quickly separated in the battle frenzy.

Swarms of the deadly insects drove into the town. All hope seemed lost as many of the courtiers were slain, and townspeople injured. Rin and the court ladies were gathered into the main hall. They were each given a small knife, parchment, a brush and ink.

"What is going on?" Rin frantically asked. Women were crying, holding onto each other, screaming from the notice of their husbands dying, tying himo ropes around their legs while in a squatting position. The door opened, and a infantry soldier fell to his knees. He looked into Rin's eyes with a mix of pain and stupor.

"The Prince has been slain."

All action froze. Eyes turned to Rin. She stuttered, in shock. She slowly got up, taking small steps to the soldier. A large wound was on his back, and he was quickly losing his blood. She braced her hand onto his shoulder, searching his eyes for confirmation that this was the truth. He gasped, and fell to the floor with a final exhalation, the last of his blood on her hand. She blinked back tears, remembering the kindhearted husband she barely even knew. Her shoulders shook as she wiped the blood onto her pale uchikake.

"Is this my fate? To gain, only to lose?"

Time screeched to a halt- women around her started wailing about the great loss, and shrieking as they wrote out their suicide poems.

"Is it better to die early with dignity intact, or to fight with honor and risk losing everything?"

Her fists balled up at her side, and her shoulder shook with anger as she sharply turned around.

"GET AHOLD OF YOURSELVES!"

The women all stopped what they were doing. Rin surveyed the room- four girls, nine mothers, twenty wives of courtiers. One girl had already thrust a dagger into her neck, her body convulsing on the floor. All eyes turned to her, watching the young woman's lifeblood drain onto floor, staining her last private memoir before her. Her eyes rolled back into her head as her body ceased to exist on the mortal plane.

"If you want to die, the die. But I am not going to die any earlier than I have to. I am going to go replace my husband's place in battle." With a flurry, she turned and ran out the door.

She felt the slowly increasing steps behind her as more and more women joined with her. Together, they ran out to the battle. They pulled out their fans. Clicking a small knob, small, sharp spikes were revealed.

"Ichiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!"

"Yama no naka, Mori no naka,

In the mountain, in the forest,

"Niiiiiiiiiiii"

Kaze no naka, Yume no naka,

In the wind, in a dream.

The women, together, sunk into their knees, drew a breath, and readied themselves.

Watashi wa hitori de matchimashou!

I will wait alone until you come!

"Saiiiiiiiiii!!"

Together, they ran into the battle to defend their village, and take the place of the men and memories they had lost.

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The aftermath of the battle was grim. Over two-thirds of men in the village were slain. Half the houses were destroyed. Rin's young husband had been brutally killed. His father held funeral services, but Rin was barred from attending. She was imprisoned in her room, weeping for the man is considered a kind friend, and kind enough for honor her for life.

However, she couldn't deny the fact that the village was indeed attacked due to her presence. The demons were obviously under Naraku's command, and were scouts. They could have slaughtered the whole village, yet the minute she made her battle appearance, they only put up a meager fight then fled. They weren't making the choice between fight or flight, they were trying to force her to choose.

A loud knock came to her door on the first day of Spring. She was commanded to ready herself, dressing herself regally as in accordance for court. She was then escorted by two curt soldiers to the main hall.

It was the final day of mourning for her husband. She walked on weak feet, keeping her face as straight and proud as possible. She light a stick of incense at the altar prepared in honor of her late husband, and stayed deep in prayer until her knees were stiff and her back was sore. At that time, she got up and took slow and steady steps to the lord, bowing down. The room was silent enough to hear the chirping of birds, the buzzing of grasshoppers and dragonflies, and the trickling of ice melting into the springs. A change was coming.

"Gei no Rin. I have called you to these quarters today. You are well aware of the charges brought forth to you. Your association with the demons of the land have put this village under great harm and danger. My youngest son was slain in battle. To make things worse, I have been advised that your continued presence will increase the likelihood these demons will return. We have been patient until Spring, and have given you an opportunity to pay your respects, on this, the final day of mourning for my son. Now, we have no choice, but to purge your name from all records and to ask your compliance.

We ask that you leave this village at once. Head back to the lands you came from, and do not ever return."

Rin blinked back tears. She watched the lord's face- his stern visage betrayed the slightest hints of urgency and pity. "He knows if I stayed, I would be killed. Not only is staying here dangerous to the village, but a danger to myself as well."

Rin nodded. "I will honor your request, M'lord. I will pack and leave this very afternoon." With a wave if his hand, she got up and left the room. Once into the main corridor leading to her room, she ran.

"I haven't a moment to lose. This village could be finished off at any minute if I stay now that Naraku knows my whereabouts. I only have one hope now that I have been dismissed.

I will head farther East- and seek the crossroads of the Capital. I will be easily lost there."