Authors Note: Thank you to all of those who reviewed the story so far. I'm glad to see you enjoyed it the first chapter and hope you stick around and enjoy all of what's yet to come.
This chapter has a flashback! Just thought that was something exciting to know...
Another exciting thing to know; I do not own X-men in any way shape or form.
Enjoy!
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Speeding beyond the gates of Xavier's Mansion, the Cajun feels like he can finally breathe. The air is still cool, but the heat of his fury remains in his system, distracting him from the temperature. While most of his mane has remained pulled back in the ponytail, wisps of hair dance freely in the breeze, and Remy desperately wishes that freeing feeling that usually comes with the motorcycle experience would kick in already. Though he tries to ignore it, the tugging in his heart reminds him this lack of joy may have something to do with the fact his only companion along for the ride is his black travel bag. Again he waits for her hands, waits to feel her arms around his chest, but she isn't there. And while he had taken most of his trips on this bike without her, there is still an ache for those times they did share, the time they spent together; times that he will never have again.
Once he hits the main road, gets far enough away from the mansion and that he can't turn back, his mind begins to wander, taking him down a path off memory lane he doesn't want to travel. It's the same night he's thought of over these past few days, a night that he loves to relieve as he can see her so vividly and can almost feel her touch, but hates how its events sent them down a path set on disaster and loss…
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As he emerged from his shower, the first thing he noticed was how magnificently the city lights traced her silhouette. Rogue was curled upon the velvet divan before the large window, face turned towards the streets of Pairs. A green, silk nightdress adorned her frame and catching sight of the thin straps and bare shoulders, Remy was slightly surprised with the contrast with her usual tendency to cover all bare skin. Of course, he could see something on her arm, an elbow length glove of the same rich green. Under the guise of waiting, it was obvious that she was lost in her own thoughts; to see her so still was rather uncommon.
It seemed a little odd that she was as fascinated by all beyond the window as this was hardly the first time they had made an escape to the city. But then again, this was the first time they had been granted two weeks leave and with the X-men roster on the rise, the chance of being called home on emergency was small. This was their chance to simply be a couple, to blend in with the human population around them and enjoy smaller things than constantly saving the world. After watching her a moment, he snapped back to reality, ready to spend another peaceful evening together.
"Do y' t'ink dat such a wise idea?" He asked, waiting to see if his attempt to jar her from the world of her own mind was successful.
It was. "What?" Her head instantly swung towards him, revealing her lovely face and its look of puzzlement at his words.
A sweet smile slipped over his lips, "Y' only a guest in city world-renowned for its beauty and 'ere y' are out shinin' it."
After a pause and a curious expression, Rogue finally shook her head and chuckled, "Do ya evah actually listen ta yo'self, when ya say this stuff? Do ya think anyone evah buys it?"
"Yes an' yes." He answers confidently, "Now my turn t' ask question."
"Shoot."
"Do y' enjoy teasin' me, chere? Sittin' dere lookin' so lovely like dat?"
Her own playful smile grew as she arched her back slightly, tilting her head against the divan in an obvious overdramatic position, "That's it exactly, Sugah." She teased in a breathy tone, "Ah like ta mess with a man who never had trouble gettin' his hands all over a gal."
"Oh really? Well dat's just cruel." Crossing the room with a playful grin, he swung by his nightstand, grabbed his pair of thick, driving gloves and dangled them forward as he drew near.
"Clever." She replied to the sight, sliding across the divan to make room for him. "An' what exactly ya intendin' ta do with those?"
The first glove already covered a hand as he took the offered seat and he wasted no time in sliding on the second. "Well, I was t'inking…maybe somet'ing like…" Remy reached towards her at this point, sliding his covered fingers to her check, lightly tracing downward. "…like dat."
He expected to be pushed away; he expected to hear the same old speech about how dangerous it was for them to be so close when there was exposed skin. But as she leaned her cheek towards his fingers rather than away, Remy felt a wave of surprise crash over him. His red eyes flickered to her green ones, watching with great caution for the moment a concerned look slipped over her face, to be prepared for her gloved shove, but it never came. Instead, he felt her own hand extending to his face with such a blank look to her face, it felt almost…eerie.
Still, he let the thought pass as they continued the dangerous game, with each touch scooting closer and closer to one another, until she was almost in his lap. Suddenly, out of no where, the sensual feeling of the moment was shattered with no warning as her hands gripped his almost painfully tight. Even less expected were the words she blurted out.
"Do ya evah think 'bout why ya became an X-man?"
For the second time that evening, the surprise hit the Cajun again. Where did a question like that come from? Her mind had apparently been on a track much different than his. "Anna…" He gently replied, "I thought dis was our escape from all dat; our break fro' savin' da world. Time for just da two of us ta enjoy."
An almost embarrassed look slipped over her face and her eyes flickered away, taking so long to respond that Remy began to fear he said the wrong thing; a night that had so much potential seemed to be heading in a downward spiral. "Ah know that was tha plan…but ah can't help but think 'bout it, ah can't help but wonder if we forfeited all rights ta breaks an' vacations…if we forfeited any right ta have our own lives at all."
Her hands loosened their grip and he quickly pulled his own from hers. Reaching to the left of him, he grabbed the blanket draped over the arm of the divan, shifting his body slightly as she continued to speak.
"Ah mean, if ya think 'bout it, we signed our lives away on this one. Any day we could be out there, just doin' what we always do an' our lives could be ended by one of them madmen. Ah don't think we ever consider tha danger when we head out on tha field, we just figure our powers gonna protect us from everythin'."
Reaching out to her as it seemed tears were about to pour, he carefully pulled her closer to him, holding her against his chest with the barrier of a blanket between him. He knew this was something that must have been troubling her the whole evening as she didn't attempt to pull away before realizing there was protection from meeting his skin- for once, she just let him hold her.
"Chere," He began softly, trying to figure out what could be said. As he thought everything through, he realized that she was not looking for his X-men testimonial, but something completely different. "Is dis more 'bout bein' a X-man, or 'bout mortality?"
She didn't respond right away, almost as if she had to think about all of this. That was the only disadvantage of getting to hold her like this, he couldn't see her face, couldn't know what her expression told that her lips didn't. "Ah just can't help but wonder if one these times, ah'm gonna go out there an' not come back." Shaking her head for a moment, she added, "There are all these things that ah left unresolved, things ah wanta do…" Her voice trailed off as she clutched his hand once more, "Things ah never told ya, things we never done…"
"I not goin' let dat 'appen…y' know dat." His hand squeezed hers back, arms holding her a bit closer as a protective instinct had kicked in. "I want all dose t'ings to…I ain't evah gonna let y' go like dat."
"Ya can't promise that-"
"But I am anyway."
She was quiet once more, until a weary sigh left her lips, "There's so much ya don't know, Remy." Her voice was soft, almost as if she didn't want him to hear. "Ah've gotten myself int' quite a few things that I still have ta straighten out; things that if ah died tomorrow would still be goin' on."
Realizing that there is even more to this conversation then fear, he began to wonder if he could change the topic causally, as he did not like how serious this whole talk became. But he knew he couldn't simply push it aside, and frankly, his curiosity got to him as well. "Like what?"
"There a reason ah haven't told ya, Sugah. Actually, there lotta reasons." She paused, once again as if she was thinking of what she could and couldn't say. "Ah don't want ya worryin' 'bout me for one thing-"
"But y' already got me doin' dat now."
"Not nearly as much as ya would if ya knew…" She sighed a moment, "If somethin' happened ta me tomorrow, Ah know things would just come crashin' down, that a lotta people would end up payin' for my mistakes."
"Den let me 'elp."
"I'm not lettin' ya get involved Remy…least not now."
There was an awkward pause that followed, as he was unsure whether she was about to share something else on this ill-fated train into issues he hadn't wanted to ride, or if she was going to loosen her tense position and just let them enjoy this brief moment of peace. He was rather frightened by this change in pace, these words she spoke that seemed so random, so unbelievable; he had never thought she could do anything as wrong as she claimed this was and he just wished he wasn't so confused by the whole thing.
"Ah've been thinkin' 'bout this awhile." She softly began, "Thinkin' 'bout what could happen an' after so many close calls, ah realized that since my own selfishness got me int' this mess, ah may hav' ta be selfish again an' ask someone ta clean up…"
"What do y' need me t' do?" The Cajun asked, as he felt the awkward question would never be asked if he didn't step in.
"Nothin' " She answered firmly as she turned to face him. "Nothin' now an' hopefully never at all…"
"Well den why y' telling me 'bout it?" Remy felt a combination of concern and annoyance at the situation, "Y' gonna go worrin' me sick 'bout somet'ing, yet not let me 'elp or even tell me what goin' on? Why y' even bring it up in da first place?" Mumbling, he added, "Y' really do enjoy teasin' me, don' y'?"
Rogue hesitated, as if she wished she hadn't begun this. Gently, she pulled away from his arms, and reached towards the window frame. "Ah brought it up because ah was finishin' up this when ya came in." In her trembling fingers, she held an envelope as if it was a dead fish. "It's everything ah can't tell ya now, everythin' that ah never want ya ta know. But if somethin' happens ta me..." "She held the letter towards him, meaning for him to take it. "Please, just take it an' promise me that ya won't open until ah tell ya or until Ah'm dead; which ever come first."
And while he thought of arguing, thought of insisting he deserved to know now, he wanted to comfort her more than anything the expression on her visage was absolutely heartbreaking. Remy hated to see her so distressed and that was the only reason he let the matter drop. After all, he assumed it couldn't be nearly as bad as she made it sound, he figured she had to be overreacting a bit. Everything would eventually cool off and she would tell him everything; he just wanted it to end up being that simple. "I promise it stay closed until y' want me t' see it." He reassured her, "I promise dat I not gonna let anything happen ta y', I not gonna be letting' y' die on me." Wearing a gentle smile, he added, "And even if somet'ing were ta happen to y' , which it won', I take care of any sort of mess y' leave behind."
"Promise?" She asked softly, laying her head on his covered shoulder.
"I promise."
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The memory of this most unusual night has reminded him that he has already broken one of his promises to her, kept one, and has one left to be fulfilled. He let her die, not being there to save her, but waited to read the letter. Now it was the grand finale, time to make sure he kept that last agreement, and saved all involved in the unfolding nightmare. Remy had never thought that his sweet Rogue could have ever gotten herself into such a place, let alone drag in so many others they both loved in with her, but her fears were without merit, as her image in his mind remains the same.
And in his mind, as he continues to speed along this road, he can't help but think of her written words as he must have read them at least a hundred times since her death. He recalls how she asked him to forgive her for everything he would read, everything she had done as well as the secrets she kept, and he can't help but realize that it isn't her he's having any trouble forgiving, it's him. If he had broken that promise, had read her words sooner, there was a good chance he could have prevented not only her death, but the hell that was about to break loose from the situation she helped create.
But at the moment, he has other things to think about, such as how this first stop of his trip is going to go, if he really can go through with what he has planned. While better memories regarding no promises try to dance through his mind, Remy is thankful for something to focus on, a name to ponder with great curiosity; Dr. Karol E. Vahmen.
