CHAPTER ONE: MEETING AGAIN
Author's Note: Sorry if that chapter didn't make all that much sense, but the beginning was just Bella thinking about Edward and stuff. And then, she was just sitting there in the cafeteria and she sees Edward. And if anyone doesn't get it, Edward has basically broken down, and gone all nuts... well, not really. He's not totally hallucinating and junk, but he basically doesn't pay attention to anything, and he'll just look up when someone mentions Bella or something like that. I don't study the human brain or anything—or the vampire mind, actually, so sorry if it sounds really weird and everything. This chapter is in Edward's perspective.
These days, only one word registered in my brain. Bella. Just her name would light up a spark in me that had been dead for the last ten years. One side of my brain told me to go back and find her, but the other half was scared that I would see her with someone else, and even more frightening, was the thought that she might not be there at all. I was an idiot for leaving her. But if I had stayed, she would've gotten hurt. I could not bear to hurt my Bella anymore. I should never have existed. Yes, that's right. If I had never existed, and had never loved her, it wouldn't have hurt either of us when I left. A clean break. But Bella was human. Memories in the human mind fade. Soon, I would just become a shadow of the person she had used to love. Bella had given me so much. Before she came into my life, I truly was just a living stone. But now? Could I even qualify as living?
When I was sitting there in that cafeteria, surrounded by the imbecile human children, I heard Alice say her name. Bella! I looked up, though not expecting to see her. I was right. My love was not there. She would never be there for me ever again. I was so selfish... I am a monster; how could she possibly love a monster? One tear fell from my eye. I wiped it hastily away. It was venom, as vampires cannot produce true tears—or cry at all, supposedly, but I was used to it.
And besides, she would probably hate me, now. She should never have loved me. I had only hurt her. Maybe it would've been better if she had gone with that Mike Newton... well, no. Anyone but him, I mused. She would be better off without me, though. Alice often told me not to 'beat myself up over it,' but how could I not? It was obviously my fault. Nowadays, they didn't even try to talk to me anymore. I stayed inside myself, pushing every thought to the farthest corner of my mind. My only thoughts left were Bella. I didn't allow myself the pleasure of remembering the happy times. I don't deserve that. I thought of the day I had left her in that forest, broken. How hard it had been for me to leave her.
That night, I heard them mention Bella's name again. Why were they doing this to me? Why didn't they understand that we had to leave her alone, and not bother her anymore? Why didn't they...?
"I swear, it was her," Alice was saying, "It was Bella, I'm sure of it!"
"Why would Bella still be in high school?" Emmett asked, "She couldn't have failed it THAT many times."
"Because she was changed, you dope!" Alice screeched, "She's one of us, now."
What?! Bella... poor, sweet Bella! She could not be... And I was not there for her. I truly am a monster. I... Why didn't she ever tell me? Why didn't she come find me? Because, you idiot, she hates you, I told myself. Of course she would. I had never given her reason not to. But... why? Who had changed her? James was dead. Laurent wouldn't dare... it must've been Victoria. My brain activity was more than it had been in a decade.
"What happened to Bella?" I managed to say.
"Edward... I," she paused, "She's here, Edward. She's here. Do you want to go see her?"
"No," I said harshly, "She won't want to see me."
"You can't know that until you try, Edward."
"No," I repeated, "I won't bother her. I won't ever hurt her again."
"You IDIOT!" she screamed, launching herself at me, "Edward, if you don't go see her, I shall go see her myself. I'll tell her you hate her. That you want her to stay the hell away from you... I'll...!"
"You'll make pointless threats that you'll never actually go through with," I smiled, "Fine, Alice. I'll go see her. Once. And if she doesn't want to see me, I'll never trouble her with my presence again."
"That's my little brother," she said, "Go on."
"Right now?" I asked, surprised. Her thoughts confirmed it.
"I'll come with you," she said.
"Thank-you, Alice," I said, "I would never have gone if you hadn't suggested it, you know."
"You guys are so stupid sometimes, though," she said as we walked at human pace to get the car, "You think she hates you, she thinks you hate her... tsk, tsk, tsk."
"What makes you say that?" I asked, honestly curious.
"Well, it's just that... I saw her crying in her room saying over and over that you don't love her anymore. This was a few years ago, of course. She was screaming and just about killing her room—you should've seen the hole she made in her closet door. Anyway, she was sobbing, without tears, obviously, and saying that you must hate her, for becoming the one thing you didn't want her to be."
"She's alright, now?" I asked.
"Well... she was," Alice said, "When she saw us today; you in particular, it sent her over the edge a little. She's crying in her room right now. I was hoping you could comfort her to prove that you still love her," she said slyly.
I sighed. My little pixie-like sister was just plain evil sometimes. "Well, fine. But... are you sure that she'll forgive me?"
"I can't see it, because you haven't decided to go yet," she pointed out, "You're only coming because I am, but I'm not going to be the one that's doing anything. And since you haven't made the decision, I can't tell what's going to happen."
When we arrived at Bella's house, Alice jumped out of the car to go knock on the door. No doubt Bella had heard us already, if what Alice had said was true and she was one of us now, but she would want to keep up the human façade, and not jump up to answer the door the second she heard footsteps. I struggled to compose myself, but all that was out the window the second she opened that damn door.
Bella had always been beautiful, but now she was even more so. I knew it was not because she was a vampire and we were naturally stunning-looking, compared to humans, but because I had not seen her in so long.
"Alice," she said in a welcoming voice, "What brings you here?" There was no surprise in her tone.
"Edward and I are here... to apologize."
"Apology accepted, Edward," she said coldly, "Please leave me alone."
I felt as if she had hit me with a sack of bricks. She had just verified my worry. "Bella, please let me explain," I said, "I just wanted to—"
"We both know that there's no explanation necessary," she said curtly, "You don't love me, you didn't love me, and you won't love me, ever. I'm not special enough for Edward Cullen. I know that. I don't need anything more from you."
"Bella," my voice sounded as if I were in physical pain, "Please."
"No," she said, "I'm sorry. Alice, I apologize for you having to make a run down here. Edward? Goodbye." And she slammed the door in my face.
I felt numb. How could this be possible? Of course. Because I had earned nothing better. Bella was just doing what she had to do. Cut me out of her life. I knew that it was too late, now. Too late to do anything.
"Edward," Alice said, "Edward, please look at me."
"She's right," I said slowly, "She doesn't need anything from me. She's a thousand times... a million times better than I am. She's an angel, and I hurt her. I hurt her, and I have to pay the consequences."
"Edward, listen to me," Alice said with authority.
"There's nothing more to hear," I said, "Goodbye, Alice." I had made up my mind. I would catch the very next plane to Italy, and say my final goodbye to this world. I was taking the only option that I had left to me.
"You will do no such thing, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen!" she screeched.
"I am," I said, pushing her out of the way, "I'm sorry."
She gave up, and let me push past her. "We won't allow you to go," she said. If she could cry, she would've, right then.
"Please say goodbye to Carlisle and Esme for me," I said, ignoring her words, "And Emmett, Jasper, and Rosalie. Tell them I said thank-you for taking me in all those years ago, and giving me the best years of my life. Tell them that."
"Edward," she said softly, "Don't do it."
"I have no other choice," I said, simply, "I love you all, but I cannot live without Bella."
"Emmett, Jasper, Carlisle... they won't let you do it," she continued, "I won't let you either. We can persuade Bella to love you again. She does love you, you know! She's just putting up this front because she's scared you won't let her love you."
"Don't lie to me, Alice," I said, "I know that she doesn't love me. And I'm not going to stick around long enough for her to tell me that she hates me again."
With that, I was gone. I would say good bye to this world, as my good bye to my family and Bella had already been said. Tomorrow, I would be on the plane. The day after that, I would be leaving all of this behind forever.