Chapter 3: Emotion

Anakin Solo sat in his quarters on Mon Calamari, the new capital of the Galactic Alliance now that Coruscant had fallen to the Yuuzhan Vong, in a meditation trance. The lights were dim and there was no sound whatsoever. All there was to Anakin was the Force.

And a voice.

You survived for a reason, young Solo. What do you do now?

Anakin frowned. He was floating a few feet off the floor with his legs crossed and his hands in his lap. What he was doing was something many Jedi never had the chance to be able to do. It was something he had learned from his multiple days of being in the Force.

This voice was also a side effect of living.

I swore to protect the ones I love. It is what brought me back, allowed me to heal. The next step is to win this war, or if that is not possible then I am help them all flee beyond the reach of the Yuuzhan Vong and end their threat myself.

That, young force user, is something a Jedi would do.

And?

You are no longer a true Jedi.

Anakin's face went from emotionless to a slight frown. It didn't seem in disagreement with the voice, just troubled by the words.

Maybe… or I'm a new type of Jedi.

Jedi or not, you must decide as Anakin Solo, not a Jedi.

My choice would be to eliminate this threat to all life, no matter the cost. Running is unacceptable. The Vong will just follow us, if not the next day then years, or millennia later. Until they are either eliminated or changed there can be no lasting peace.

That is more like you. After all, you finally understand the best focus for the Force. Don't waste it.

Anakin smiled now.

Luke Skywalker calmly walked the corridors of the Jedi temple on Mon Calamari. Recently he had taken to just absorbing the peace that seemed to be exuded by the air and flora of the planet. This planet was teeming with life in a more natural state than Coruscant ever could have with its hundreds of stories of concrete. The only non animal life on the planet had been potted plants and the mold and fungi in the depths of the city.

It was good to have a more complete feeling of the Force.

"Luke?"

Luke calmly turned to see his sister walking towards him. She looked slightly worried, and he could sense her unsettled feelings through the force, but it didn't seem to be serious.

"What's the matter, Leia?"

"Anakin."

Luke stopped smiling. For some reason, when it came to his nephew, things just seemed to be more serious than normal. Granted, after nearly dieing only a week and a half ago it was almost guaranteed the boy would have a new view on life. But Anakin seemed to not be doing much else than training himself recently. Practice with the Force, meditation, saber sparring, eating and sleeping were pretty much his daily activities.

"What about Anakin?"

"Can you talk with him? Ever since we got here its been like he blames himself for almost dieing back then. He's focusing only on getting stronger against the Vong."

"I know. I've been watching him train. It's… very interesting."

"What is?"

"His improvement. Ever since he's woken up he has been displaying abilities he didn't have before. Like the speed and strength he displayed when the droid pulled that gun out on him. The precise ability to shut it down with the Force. Anakin is beginning to rival a master in saber combat and Force strength, and his control is improving at an even faster rate. But the must interesting thing is that he seems to be using an entirely unique lightsaber form."

"What?"

"The students at the academy were taught mostly the third and first forms of lightsaber combat, but out of the six I know of Anakin is not using any of them."

"So you'll talk to him?"

"Yes. I will."

Tahiri was sweating profusely. Her dirty blonde hair was limp and whipping around her head as she tried, once again, to defeat her sparring partner. Her blade swiped the incoming purple blade out of the way and she spun in towards the exposed left side.

But was stopped by a very solid push from the Force.

She managed to land on her feet a fair distance back from her 'enemy'. She was panting very hard, but her partner was just beginning to sweat.

She wasn't ready to give in just yet, though. He might have more stamina, but she could surprise better than most.

Tahiri came flying forward with a spin, barely catching the other blade with her own green one, forcing it just a little down, before disengaging and flipping over her opponent.

In her flip she aimed for a slice that would cleave his head in two.

But it was blocked.

She completed her flip and spun to find the opponent's lightsaber pointed at her neck, only inches away.

"Damn!"

"That was much better, Tahiri!

"But I should be better! I've been training since the day I was given a lightsaber to be better then you at something, and I was until you come back from the dead all connected with the Force. It's not fair."

Tahiri sat down in the middle of the training area with a pout. She really didn't mean what she said, and he knew it.

"The least you could do is let me win every once and a while, Anakin."

Her sparring partner sat down next to her with a thump.

"I could, but the Yuuzhan Vong…"

"Yeah, I know. They won't."

Tahiri laid back on the floor, to tired to get up. She felt Anakin do the same. The pair were now laying next to each other in the middle of the Jedi training facility which was empty except for them. Tahiri realized this and involuntarily blushed a slight bit.

"Tahiri?"

"Yeah?"

"You want to eat dinner with my family?"

"Huh?" Tahiri was slightly stunned. While every once and a while she would find herself eating with the entire Solo family, most of the time she just ate with most of the rest of the Jedi in the dinning area of the temple.

"You see, Jaina and Jag were gonna come and I didn't want to be stuck sitting at a table with just the couples and Ben. I mean, Jaina talks with Jag, Mom and Dad talk with Uncle Luke and Aunt Mara. Ben drools."

"You want something to talk too?" Tahiri didn't like the idea of just being some handy tool to get out of a boring meal.

"No! Wait…"

"There's always C3-PO if you just want someone to keep you from getting bored…"

"I never said I just wanted something to keep me from boredom!" Tahiri felt her shoulder get grabbed and she faced the perpetrator. Anakin was completely serious looking, not the embarrassed and confused look she expected. "I want you, Tahiri."

Tahiri's face went a deep shade of red, and a few seconds later when Anakin actually realized what he said he followed suit. And after a very, very pregnant silence they both heard a very familiar laugh ring out over the quiet.

Anakin spun and jumped to his feet, Tahiri got up in a more regular manner. In the doorway stood the Jedi Grand Master, Luke Skywalker, laughing his head off.

"I must admit, Anakin and Tahiri, I thought your near death experience would drive you closer together, but this is a little quick, don't you agree?"
Anakin and Tahiri could only manage nods with the lockjaw they were experiencing in combination with the blood rushing to their faces.

"Tahiri, you are invited to dinner, by the way. As a friend of the family, which is what I'm sure Anakin was attempting to say, right Anakin?"
Anakin turned to Tahiri and nodded, but hesitated for just a small instant. Luke wasn't sure if Tahiri caught it. But neither stopped their obvious embarrassment.

"Now, Anakin, follow me. I have something I want to talk to you about."

"Alright, I'll see you later, Tahiri."

"Yeah…"

Anakin quickly followed behind his silent uncle as they passed through the Jedi Temple, crossing many a beautiful ocean view and garden that Anakin really enjoyed about the planet. It was only when they came to Luke's personal chambers did they stop. Luke invited him in after making sure his wife wasn't in. Anakin took a seat in a comfortable chair while his uncle took a seat across the room from him, facing him. It was only then that he brought up what he obviously had on his mind.

"Anakin, you know that the life of a Jedi is sacrifice."

Anakin looked confused. His uncle was talking to the man who had almost died only a few weeks ago.

"Yes?"

"And you know that it takes many hours of hard work and training to stay in union with your skills and the Force, correct?"

"Yes?"

"And do you also know that working yourself constantly, day in and day out, will not bring the calm you require to be able to act at your best? Yes, I know you understand that a Jedi's life is sacrifice. And I can see you working hard to improve. But, Anakin, at your rate of growth you'll surpass Corran Horn in a year. With your telekinesis, some would say you're already his equal. You're work ethic is superb, but…"

"You think I'm working too hard."

"No. You aren't working too hard, you're working too much."

"Isn't it the same thing?"

"No, you are working hard enough, because you haven't collapsed from exhaustion yet. So you obviously know what you can physically take. But the time you are putting in is… tell me, Anakin. When was the last time you did anything just to do it?"

"What?"

"You and Tahiri were always off doing things just for fun on Yavin. Even when you both got older you didn't stop."

"But… the Vong-"

"-are not going to be the conquerors or the conquered based on three or four hours of recreation a day for one person who refuses to use them. You can only do so much in a day, Anakin. And there is much more to life then just being able to kill Yuuzhan Vong. I'm sure you can think of one of those things right now. Her name starts with a 'T' and ends with ahi…"

"Ok! Ok! I get it!" Anakin was blushing again, but from the small smile on his face Luke knew he had gotten through in more ways than one. "So you basically want me to spend time doing whatever, as long as it is not training."

"Sounds right, but when I say 'anything' keep in mind that some things are best left undone until you two get married…"

"I'm going to pretend I couldn't hear that, Uncle Luke, and walk away quickly."

Luke had to laugh as the completely red faced teenager left his room. Only a minute after he left, Mara entered the room.

"Luke? What exactly did you say to Anakin?"

"Why?"

"He was walking past a red curtain and I couldn't see his face due to the similarities in shade."

"Just… a little advice."

"Advice? On what? Women? Who in all of the galaxy would ever ask you for woman help. We nearly had to die in each other's arms multiple times before you finally asked me to stay for a dinner!"

"Well, he didn't really ask…"

"I thought not."

"… and I doubt there is a single person who knows Anakin that wouldn't be able to help his love life. All they need to say is "Tell Tahiri" and they would be right."
Mara sat down on his lap before wrapping her arms around his neck and giving him a kiss.

"That is true. You would hope that they wouldn't need all this pushing to get together after that last scare."

"Oh, I say give it a month. Two at the most."

"I say two to three weeks."

"Care to bet on that, dear?"

"I would stake my husband's life on it."

"Ouch."

What came soon after would only be described as a good idea turned horribly wrong. Tahiri came over to eat dinner with the Solos and Skywalkers. It sounded innocent enough, at least, but it was anything but that in reality. It sounded perfectly fine when Anakin had asked Tahiri earlier that day, but he had forgotten a few important things about having dinner with his family and Tahiri.

He first was that he would actually be eating a meal with Tahiri, the girl turning woman that he loved. Just being around her was often embarrassing and caused him to do things he normally wouldn't.

The second was that he would be with his family, who, when Tahiri was not there, poked fun at him like if they kept at it he really would ask Tahiri to marry him. And when Tahiri was there…

Anakin had a burning desire to slam his head into the table if only to hide his beet red face.

He could sense the girl across from him wanted to do the same, except to do it to the people that had mentioned such a thing…

"No, Jaina, Anakin and Tahiri have not 'done it' anymore than you and Jag have 'done it'."

The conversation at the table was not one that was usually held, but Jaina had all of a sudden, in the middle of an awkward silence, asked Anakin if they had 'done it'.

"How do you know we haven't?" Jinata was treading on very thin ice.

"Motherly intuition, now stop causing Tahiri to have murderous thoughts."

Tahiri blushed and Anakin smirked. His mother was getting very good at reading people's emotions. Anakin wasn't that bad at it either, and he could sense the humor and slight embarrassment from Jaina.

And complete shock from Jag that she would even claim something like that. Anakin noticed Jaina kept her emotions very well hidden, but she didn't meet Jag's eyes for a while after she had said that.

"I don't know, Leia, while I didn't exactly marry young, I see nothing wrong with it." Mara smirked from where she sat feeding Ben. "So… when is the date?"
Slam.

Anakin couldn't resist it this time. This wasn't what he had wanted. He had merely wanted to spend a little more time with Tahiri… nothing along his perverted sister's mind.

"I… uh… need to use the restroom…"

"It is just over there, Tahiri. Don't worry, we'll keep Anakin at the table."

Tahiri's face seemed to have gone a permanent red shade similar to Anakin's, but Anakin did notice that she seemed rather cute like that…

Tahiri walked down the hallway and Anakin heard a very distinct door opening and shutting.

Anakin stood up and decided it was time to talk.

"Anakin?"

"Quiet." Anakin was projecting waves of annoyance at his family, and even a force blind person would have felt it. Instantly his family became serious.

"I can't believe you guys! Can't you ever give me a break? And Tahiri! Why do you insist on making her feel uncomfortable? And me uncomfortable! Augh! You're all behaving like children! You all act like me and her have been dating for years and just haven't decide to get married! We haven't even gone on a date! So what if I love Tahiri more than life itself? You guys could always just decide to leave us alone and let me tell her myself instead of always hinting at impossibilities at this stage in our relationship! If I did want to ask her to marry me, you all would just be making it harder! Sometimes I wonder if…"

Anakin stopped in the middle of his rant because the not one pair of eyes was on his anymore. They were all looking behind him…

Ah, Sith spit.

Anakin could feel the shock of the person behind him, just coming out of the hallway. She had obviously heard at least some of it. If he was lucky it wouldn't have been from the whole 'I love Tahiri' part.

Anakin spun with his embarrassment showing in his face. Tahiri was a few feet away and looked pale and shocked.

"Um…"

"I…"

Very, very, very awkward silence.

Anakin decided to do something he had never done before as a response to this new situation.

He ran.

Granted, no one saw him run, they just saw him vanish and the window was suddenly open instead of closed. A swift wind followed his exit as he ran and jumped through the gardens of the Mon Calamari world.

Leaving behind a stunned audience.

"Luke… did he just…"

"No, he was just very… very fast." Luke looked disturbed. There was an awful amount of emotion behind the power Anakin was using. A Jedi would control their emotions, but Anakin was wearing them on his sleeve. Everyone else seemed to be considering the same thing. Maybe they had been pressing him a bit much...

Tahiri hadn't moved from her spot. She ignored the concern on the faces of the people around her and was absorbed in her own thoughts.

Anakin… said… he wanted… me… we both know that it wasn't a coincidence. And now he said he loved me, and that wasn't the love between friends he was talking about, I hope. And then…

Marry…

The Solos and Skywalkers were all rather surprised when the usual tomboy and unflappable Tahiri, instead of acting all angry like she usually would before that fateful mission, was tearing up. Leia immediately got up and walked over to the girl.

"Tahiri? Are you ok?"

"I… don't know. Was he… serious…" Her murmurs were less towards Leia and more towards herself. She couldn't believe that the mostly dense Anakin was actually thinking about…

Marriage.

It all was a bit much for Tahiri, mainly because this had nothing to do with battles and the Force, but everything to do with one young man who held her heart in his hand. She could be stable against the Yuuzhan Vong and anyone else, but… with Anakin…

She didn't know how to act.

And so she did the best thing she could think of.

Tahiri's eyes rolled back into her head as she collapsed into Leia's surprised arms.

Shit… shit… shit…

Calm yourself, Anakin.

Calm… calm myself? After that? That isn't exactly how I wanted to confess to her! I…

You are not flexible.

I am too flexible!

Then accept what has happened and roll with it! You act like you told her that you despised her, not that you loved her.

Loved her and was at least considering a long term future with her.

And? In my time such things were forbidden, you soul be grateful you have a chance…

Don't start lecturing me about how great this is. You also didn't have a force sensitive family that reveled in your every embarrassing moment.

Touché. But all this is pointless, the past is past. You cannot change it.

No, but I could deflect the consequences.

Why? How do you know she won't run into your arms and say 'yes'?

Cause I know Tahiri. She'll try to play it off as some sort of mistake, a slip of the tongue that meant nothing…

You sound disheartened by this. Tell her straight out that it was no mistake.

And if she says 'no, lets stay friends'?

Then all of my intuition, your family's intuition, and your own hopes are completely wrong and there was no hope for you two anyway. Now control yourself and prove that you are the man everyone knows you to be.

Anakin sat in an enormous tree near the edge of the Jedi Temple grounds. It had to be at least a few dozen meters in width at the base and was over fifty tall with branches extending its shade all over. He was sitting on one of the higher up branches just taking in the clouds and the sky. Deciding whether or not to keep running or accept his fate.

It was all over, really. His relationship with Tahiri would never be the same again. He had finally said those words that neither had said to the other. It was now up to Tahiri whether or not to end it all or push forward to something different… something greater.

Anakin sighed.

To tell the truth he was more frightened now than when he was sacrificing himself in the world ship. This was in an entirely different category. Anakin would rather face a few hundred Vong than Tahiri at that moment. They would hold his life in their hands, but she held his heart.

And that was much more important.

"Anakin."

Anakin didn't bother to turn around. It seemed his uncle enjoyed sneaking up on people.

"Yes? Have you come to tell me how stupid that was? Don't bother, I already know."

Behind him his uncle smiled before taking a seat next to Anakin on the rather thick branch.

"You've gotten quite fast."

"Well, that comes when you nearly become one with the Force."

"And train day in and day out."

"And realize that you just spilled your most important and volatile secret to the one person who wasn't suppose to ever find out."

Neither said anything for a while. Anakin just let his mind float freely in the peace the Force could grant him even when his life at the moment was anything but peaceful. Luke sighed, just thinking of what he could say.

"…Much fear in this one."

Anakin flinched. He had heard that before. Uncle Luke hardly ever tired of quoting his old master.

"Some fear is reasonable."

"And yet that doesn't say anything about your own fear. Is it reasonable?"

"I'd say so."

"Why? Do you have doubts that Tahiri loves you?"

"Does it matter if I have doubts? What matters is if she does. Even if the chance is miniscule, it is still possible. Even if I stand on a building that is a hundred meters wide there is still a chance a gust of wind will come and blow me off to my death."

"I would compare it more to you standing on a massive table, and if you fall it would only be into the arms of the people that love you."

Anakin looked at his feet. It was true what his uncle said. It was always true. He knew deep down that if worst came to worst and Tahiri passed on him… it wouldn't be the end. He still had his family and a few friends.

"But… I don't see how that would help. You felt me as I left. The worry in my heart is tearing me apart! I can't imagine what I would do if she said 'no', but I can't stop thinking about that very possibility."

"Anakin, a Jedi controls their emotion, not the other way around. But… I do understand what you are saying. When Mara was sick… I couldn't imagine life without her, yet I just knew she was going to die. Then she was cured and we had Ben. Irrational worries are the worst kind, Anakin."

"But to me it is rational!"

"No, it isn't."

"Why? Are you saying there is zero chance she says no?"

"That is exactly what I am saying, Anakin. Think back. You can predict future events from past events, right? Let's look at the track record. Remember the mission briefing, the one you and Tahiri blushed through. She stayed by your side while you were unconscious the entire time, exhausting herself to heal you. She kept you immobile while you slept, and later I was told how. She slept with you in her arms, Anakin, to keep you from moving. Then she stayed by your side while you were in a bacta tank for almost three days, almost had to fight off a planet defense force including a woman she looked up to , and finally caused herself physical harm by making sure you were ok. Would you do that for anyone you didn't at least love as a friend?"

"…no." Anakin was specifically thinking of one specific instance in the near past that had slipped his mind in the recent events.

The kiss.

Anakin remembered it with a very vivid memory. Her lips had been dry from the slight dehydration, and her breath could have been fresher, but…

But it was probably the most wonderful thing he had ever done.

"Anakin, you need to talk with her soon. Don't let her wonder if you meant what you said or not. Tell her, Anakin, because if she does love you then she is probably doing the same thing you are doing. Worrying yourself to an early death. So stop, stress causes premature balding."

Luke had stood up and was gone before Anakin could thank him. His mind was more clear now, he knew what he had to do.

Now he just needed to get it over with. Think about the consequences after it was over. There is no past, there is no future, only the present.

Tahiri woke up with a worried face above her that she had come to think of as a sort of second mother with the amount of time they've spent together. Leia Organa Solo.

Solo…

Anakin!

"Tahiri? Are you ok?"

"Ah… I… yeah."

"Are you sure, you're stuttering."

"That's just… I…"

"How much did you hear?"

Leia was looking rather sternly at her, and instantly she knew what she was talking about. Tahiri was worried she was angry with her.

"Well, I went to the restroom to wash my face when I heard Anakin talking loudly, so I came back out and then I heard him say something about…" Tahiri blushed. "…love… and marriage… and m… m…"

"You."

"…yes."

Leia still looked sternly at her for a few seconds before her frown turned into a smile instantly, making Tahiri wonder if she had ever been angry in the first place or if that was just a technique to get information out of her.

"You got most of it. I think he finally got fed up with the teasing, mainly because it was bothering you apparently. He told us all off and accidentally let slip he 'loved you more then life itself' and 'if he did want to marry you, we would just be making it harder'."

Tahiri gasped. She hadn't caught all that. After she heard the word 'love' most of her senses had decided to take a holiday.

"Wh… where is An… Anakin?"

"Are you sure you're ok? You don't stutter normally, Tahiri."

"I…"

Leia broke out laughing, apparently everyone else had finished eating and left to go about their business. They were the only ones in the room. Leia handed the young girl a cup of caf.

"Don't worry, I know why. You might be as strong as durasteel on the outside, the stronger the shell the more there is to protect on the inside, right? You love him back, don't you?"

Tahiri only managed a small nod, almost in a guilty fashion.

"Good, I'm glad. I can't believe the only people who didn't understand that you two loved each other were you two. And now it is only him. All the teasing we did was actually a coordinated effort to get Anakin to slip and confess. We all knew you wouldn't do it, at least not in front of us."

Tahiri drank a bit of the stimulant and noticed that it cleared her head a bit. She had to smile. It wasn't a dream. It was real.

Anakin had told everyone and indirectly her that he loved her not just as a friend. It wasn't the noncommitted 'if we survive maybe we can think about something more' she had gotten in the space station what seemed to be years ago. It wasn't just some promise of a kiss like on the world ship.

This was a promise of love, of… more.

"I can tell you're happy, Tahiri. And with good reason, I guess. The one you love loves you back. Everyday I live I get to revel in the same feeling."

Tahiri smiled at the woman sitting next to her.

"Thank you, Mrs. Solo…"

"Please, call me mom."

"I… I can't do that…"

"Of course you can. You should get used to it for when I actually am."

Tahiri almost choked on her caf while finding out exactly how much blood can concentrate in one's face.