Chapter twelve
Tarsha watched as Annabell chased her children around the yard from one of the many open windows in the stables. They were all enjoying the warmth, still trying to dispel the cold that the storm had left behind a month ago.
She missed Travis, she missed being able to walk up to him and have him pull her into a hug when ever she felt like it. His mental hug just weren't the same. She missed talking to him when ever she needed to, with out having to worry about interrupting his training or a meeting he was in…or an intimate moment. That one had been embarrassing for her and made her glad that he hadn't noticed her intrusion.
She still didn't know what to do about Leren, she still hadn't received any replied to her many letters she continued to send, she was actually starting to contemplate on giving on up getting him to reply, even though the very thought of it made her throat close with tears.
"Hey…" James's voice was soothing as he pulled her into his arms and held her tightly as she clung to him. "Now what caused that little tearful greeting hmm?" He asked when she let go, pulling a hanky out of his pocket and mopped up her tears.
"I don't know, I was just watching and thinking over a few things and then…" Her voice broke on a sob.
"Tarsha are you shields up?" James asked her in concern, "between you and Travis I mean?"
"No, I hardly ever shield from him." She choked out.
"Humour me and try it now." He said softly, shielding her bodily so none of the family would see her in this state.
She nodded and tried only to be over run with panic. "I can't, he won't let me." She shook in his arms, trying to calm down, knowing that not all the emotions she was being blasted with were her own.
:Tash…need you: The voice was broken and full of need.
"I have to go." She spun and hurried to Jorna's stall, checking over the saddle.
"Whoa, slow down Tarsha." James said hastily.
"He's calling for me, James, I have to go." She jerked her arm out of his hold. "You can either help me or get out of my way." She demanded when she turned and walked into him. She stormed into the field and studied all the horses. :I need the strongest, the fastest and the one with the most endurance. I have to get to Haven fast.: She sent out her plea, she would have taken Jorna, but she was still recovering from hoof thrust.
:I will take you, Sharra.: Jessica's mare stepped forward. :I may not be the fastest but I have the most endurance other then Greylock and Jorna.:
"Thank Sunset." She patted the mares neck and led her back into the stables and began saddling her. She then grabbed an empty set of saddlebags and filled it with a few changes of clothes, bar of soap, a bag of coins her father had given her a week ago as spending money, her travelling cloak, warm boots, socks, a double weave thick blanket in case she had to sleep on the road, then grab some bread, cheese for three days from the cupboard and threw it over Sunset's rump and tied them tightly.
She grabbed the rail tightly as another wave of grief went over her.
:Tarsha…please…:
:Hold on Brother I'm coming.: She sent back and threw her winter cloak over her shoulders and fastened it and mounted. "Let's go Sunset." The mare trotted forward and into the yard.
"Tarsha where are you going!" Ma bellowed from the inn door, she noticed that James was arguing with Uncle Steph and Uncle Feren near the barn and whirled at Ma's bellow.
"Tarsha wait!" He cried.
"Go, Sunset" Tarsha barked and the mare broke into a canter.
She moved with ease with the mare, though it had been some time since she had ridden her. It was easy to fall into the horses rhythm and move with her, her cloak billowed out behind her as she bent to give less resistance to the wind and Sunset jumped into her fastest gallop that she could do with ease for candlemarks at a time.
Before she realised how long they had been on the road they thundered through the village, causing a few people to jump out of their way and to dodge around Johan's caravan.
Night began to fall in earnest and Tarsha sent out her senses to find a safe place to sleep and was a little startled to sense Yual half a mark behind her.
:Yual go back: She ordered.
:My place is by your side to protect you.: He chided her firmly. :You have sent your family into a panic, Uncle Feren and Steph are five candlemarks behind me. You should not be on the road alone Sharra, it is dangerous.:
:I have my weapons, I know how to fight…but you are right I should not have left you behind.: She sighed, she knew she wasn't going to win this argument. She nudged Sunset off the road and found a waystation and smiled. At least she wouldn't be cold tonight. :You'll have to keep up Yual cause I won't wait for you.: She warned him as she dismounted and stripped Sunset's tack and gave her a quick rub down. She entered the waystation and filled a bucket with oats and carried out a second empty one and filled it with water from the well and set them both where Sunset could easily get to them.
:I wouldn't expect you too, not when your brother calls for you.: Yual seemed to appear right out of the shadows and loped into the waystation with ease. :Do you know why he calls?:
:No and that's what frightens me. He is so overwhelmed with grief, all I can get from him is his pleading for me to come: She shook her head.
:Have you tried calling to his companion?:
:We are too far away: She slumped on to a cot in the corner and wrapped her cloak around her and slid into a restless sleep filled with Travis crying out for her.
She cried out as she woke a few candlemarks later and knew from the smell of the air that dawn was close. She forced down some bread and cheese, a gulp of water and retacked Sunset. "I hope you are rested Sunset it's another long ride today." She murmured to the mare as she mounted.
:I am well rested Sharra. I am sure I can run all day again today.: Sunset assured her and jumped into a fast canter as soon as they hit the road, not daring to go any faster until there was more light to see by.
Yual easily kept up, and assured her that he had rested well and eaten when she remembered to ask.
They rested at a farm hour for lunch, stopping for some water for all three of them and so she could stretch out her legs a bit. Once she was sure that her legs were not going to cramp on her she heaved herself back into the saddle and Sunset jumped back into a gallop.
Near nightfall she spotted a plumb of dust heading towards her from the direction of Haven, not really paying attention as she scanned for a place to stop for the night.
"Tarsha!" A voice yelled in surprise.
She reined sunset into a slow trott as the herald and companion met them and turned so they were heading in the same direction.
"Eldan" She nodded in a tight greeting.
"Why are you out here?" He asked his face tight in concern.
"Travis calls me." She replied tightly, her brother's calls becoming louder. "Do you know what happened?"
"No I was just ordered to get you to Haven fast as possible. When did you leave?" He asked looking over the state of her horse.
"Yesterday morning."
"Good horse, you made almost as good time as a herald would." He commented impressed.
"Needs must." She ground out, still searching the area. "Is there some where to stay near by?" She finally asked when she couldn't pick anything up.
"There is a waystation up ahead." Eldan nodded leading the way.
"How much longer until we get to Haven?" She asked as waystation came into view and they dismounted and stripped tack off their mounts.
"If we travel at the speed I think you can travel we should be there by tomorrow night, if not the next morning." He told her watching her carefully and she moved stiffly. He caught her when her knees buckled and a whimper escaped her lips.
"Travis please, not so loud." She cried out holding her hands over her ears, even though she knew that it wouldn't help. ":Talk to me, my twin, please…:" She begged mentally and verbally.
Eldan carried her into the waystation and set her down on the cot wrapping her cloak around her and made a strengthening tea and fed it to her, when she just continued to lay there limply, begging with her brother to talk to her. It was then he noticed her dog.
For the first time he actually looked at the dog and realised that it was too big to be a dog.
"You're a Kyree." He gasped.
:It took you this long to notice?: Came the amused reply. :I am Yual, her protector.: He looked over Tarsha carefully. :She is a trance she won't here us, until she wakes on her own. If it goes like it did yesterday she will wake before dawn and head off.:
"Then I had best get some rest." He sighed and laid her back down gently. He ate a quick meal and then saw to the mounts, fed them and then turned in.
OOOOOO
Like Yual had warned him they were up and in the saddle before dawn. If Yual hadn't woken him he was sure that he would have been left behind.
He was amazed that her mare could easily keep up her hard pace but she was beginning to show strain.
"Tarsha ride double with me for awhile, your mare will collapse soon if you don't." Eldan warned her as they stopped at an inn for water.
"Sunset?" She turned to her mare.
:I can keep up the pace: Sunset snorted indulgently.
"You are tired Sunset, we all are." She patted the mare's neck. "You have done well, it will be easier to run with us if Ratha carries me for a while." That said she mounted up behind Eldan and they took off at a gallop again.
As night fell again Ratha paused on a hill rise and Eldan sighed in relief.
"Haven."
Tarsha looked at the walled in city and easily slid over back into her own saddle and took up Sunset's reins.
"It should only take us half a candlemark to reach the collegium, Talia and Dirk are waiting for us."
"Let's go." She said tersely, she could hear her brother's cries much clearer now. She ordered Sunset to follow Ratha as they entered the maze of nearly empty streets. They didn't slow down as they galloped through the streets, pausing only for Eldan to inform the guards who they were before entering the Palace grounds.
"The stable hands will take care of Sunset." He told her as they dismounted.
"Take good care of her, she's come far in a short time." Tarsha asked the boy who nodded. She untied her saddlebags and threw them over her shoulder and followed Eldan into the large building and were met by Dirk and Talia in a corridor.
"Tarsha thank heavens." Talia hugged her tightly. "We weren't expecting you for another few days at least."
"I met her already on the road." Eldan informed them.
"He called I came." She shrugged tightly. "What happened?"
"We don't know the full story." Dirk admitted slowly. "He left for his internship two weeks ago, as far as we knew everything was fine. Four days ago Hestia brought him back in a right state, his mentor has no idea what happened."
"All I can read of him is pain and grief." Talia said quietly as the continued to walk. "I had to get a mage to put a shield around his room to stop him from affecting everyone else. He is catatonic. We feared that something had happened to you and sent Eldan to find out what happened." She looked at the young woman. "What do you get from him?"
"Pain, grief, he keeps begging me to come to him." Tarsha replied tiredly rubbing at her temples. "I can't shut him out, even when I try and put up a light shield so I am not drowning in his emotions he panics." She looked around the long hall they entered. "Do Garry and Jess know what is going on?"
"They know that he returned and isn't in good shape, we asked them what they think may have happened and they both said that it must have been you." Talia sighed.
"No not me…" She shook her head, her eyes going slightly out of focus. "At least I don't think so. Just get me to his side and I'll see what I can do."
"He's in here." Dirk gestured to a door that had two benches near by, both were occupied with Jess and Garry both sound asleep.
"Let us know if there is anything we can do." Talia said softly.
"Uncle Feren and Uncle Steph are coming in behind me and they aren't going to be happy." She gave them a tired quirk of her mouth. "Yual is also around some where he said he sensed other Kyree and went to learn some things."
"We'll look after everything." Dirk assured her as he opened the door.
Tarsha slipped into the room that was lit with three lamps and spotted Travis curled up in a bed that look too big for him. She dropped her saddlebags on the floor and stripped off her boots and cloak and crawled on to the bed. She pulled him into her arms and tucked his head under her chin and began to hum a lullaby and sunk into a trance, joining him in his mind.
:Tash…need you...please: He begged.
:I am here, Trav, I am right here beside you, you are in my arms now.: She soothed him, singing the lullaby in the back ground. :Talk to me Trav, what caused this? Did I do this to you? Please tell me I didn't loose my control and do this to you?: She asked in tears as she picked up images and emotions that she knew were hers.
:I can't block it out, Tash. It got too much for me and…I'm sorry Tarsha, I tried…: He burst into tears and she held him tighter. :How can you stand to feel like this all the time?: He cried.
:Needs must little brother.: She sighed. :Open to me Trav, let me fix my mistake.:
:But what about you?: He cried out in panic.
:I'll be alright Travis, let me take from you what doesn't belong. Let me heal you.: She asked softly, assuring him and moved swiftly as he hesitantly opened his shields completely and took back her own memories, emotions and pain. She buried them deep inside where they had been before Travis had picked them up and eased him into a healing sleep.
She blinked as she came out of the trance and eased out of Travis's hold, kissed his forehead and stumbled out of the room in exhaustion. Garry caught her as she closed the door behind her and her knees gave out under her.
"Tarsha? How is he?" Garry asked in concern.
"He'll be fine." She croaked as he eased her down on to the bench and Jess got her a glass of water to ease her throat. She sipped the water gratefully. "How long?"
"Well from what Dirk told us you've been in there two days." Jess answered with a concerned look and slung an arm over her shoulders and let Tarsha lean her head on her shoulder in exhaustion.
"Garry?" He looked up and gave Talia and Dirk and wan smile. "When did she come out?"
"Just now, she says he will be fine but not what caused it." Garry sighed.
Talia knelt down in front of Tarsha and saw silent tears slide down her cheeks, dark circles surrounded her eyes and slightly sunken in exhaustion. "Tarsha do you know what caused this?" She asked softly.
Tarsha nodded tiredly and reached a hand out to her Aunt her took it immediately and pulled the sobbing girl into her arms and held her tightly.
"My fault." She heard the choked admission.
"How? How was it your fault?" She asked softly, gesturing sharply for the other to be silent and stay where they were.
"My barriers broke and overwhelmed him and I didn't even notice."
Talia frowned not understanding at first and then pulled back holding the girl by the shoulders. "Those were your emotions?" She studied the girl sharply and watched as she nodded miserably. "Why didn't you say anything?" Talia demanded, upset that she hadn't seen this when they had last visited.
"I did." Tarsha cried. "To both you and Travis." She took a sobbing breath. "But he never wrote back, he never replied, not even in my dreams. He doesn't want me, doesn't need me, he doesn't need some stupid farm girl harassing him." She covered her face with her hands and sobbed into them in great heaving sobs that shook her entire body.
"Talia does this seem familiar to you?" Dirk asked her in grim amusement.
"It is starting too." Talia sighed as she wrapped the girl tightly in to arms. "Dirk carry her to our rooms where I can later watch her, can you watch her for now while I go and talk to Selenay?"
"Not a problem" Dirk nodded and scooped up the too light young woman. "You two should head back to your rooms, I know you don't understand and that you are concerned but right now the best things you can do is get some rest." He ordered the other two and walked in long strides to his and Talia's rooms.
Talia ran her hands through her hair as she stalked to Selenay's rooms, as she walked everything that Tarsha had been telling her over the winter clicked into place and cursed herself for not picking up on it sooner.
"Talia what has you in a snit?" A blonde woman asked in concern.
"Where exactly is Herald Leren and his companion Jerna?" Talia ground out. "Where is he that he can't reply to a few letters?"
"Slowly down Talia." Selenay held up her hand sharply. "As far as I know Herald Leren is here in the place and has been for the last few months. Now why are you so upset?"
"He made friends with Tarsha two years ago I think, maybe three, when we wrote to let them know that Travis and Garry where here and chosen." Talia slumped into a chair.
"Yes I remember." Selenay nodded showing that she was following.
"The year after Jerna took him there when he was injured while couriering a message. Tarsha looked after him, nursed him back to health and from what she said, slept with him before he left with out saying goodbye. I know that he wrote her a letter later which she was over joyed to get, a letter that gave her hope that there was something between them, or that there could be." Talia sighed and rubbed her temples. "For the last year she has sent many letters, expecting a reply, and each time she had to write another she only had faint hope." She placed a hand over her mouth and closed her eyes for a moment. "For awhile I thought it was just a little girls crush…" She lowered her hand. "We found out what caused Travis to collapse."
"Oh?" Selenay looked curious.
"Tarsha lost control of her barriers and didn't notice. All her emotions, everything she has been holding back, crashed into Travis and he was drowning in it."
"Tarsha caused that? What has she been hiding?" Selenay asked in concern.
"Her despair that he would ever like her back, that he found her an annoying little farm girl, that he was just being nice to her because she helped him out, the pain of rejection, heart break." Talia's eyes watered with held back tears. "Tell me that this situation doesn't seem familiar Selenay, even you would recognise it. Dirk and I did."
"Lifebond." Selenay whispered and closed her eyes.
"She is slowly going mad with pain that she can't hide anymore, she doesn't understand what she is feeling, she doesn't understand why he doesn't reply…" Talia choked back a sob. "She is in physical pain from this Selenay. I think between her confusion about Leren, the rejection she's felt and the strained Twin bond I truly believe that she is near the edge."
"You think she will try to suicide?" Selenay asked her eyes widening.
"I know she will, she blames herself for what happened to Travis, she blames herself for driving Leren away…" Talia wiped her tears away with sharp movements. "She is so exhausted, confused and in pain that she doesn't know what to think. I had Dirk take her to our rooms so I can keep a close eye on her, I'll take shifts with her family."
"What about Travis? Will he be alright after this?"
"He is sleeping normally, he should be awake by morning."
"What are we going to do about Leren?" Selenay asked rubbing her face.
"I'll talk to him in the morning, when I know I'm not going to be interrupted and I know some one can watch Tarsha." Talia replied tiredly. "This is not going to pretty." She muttered to herself and made her way to her room.
She was near her door when she was shoved out of the way and some one slammed into her room. She picked herself up off the floor and bolted after the blur.
"Dirk." She cried out as she found him unconscious on the floor.
"Tarsha no!" Travis's voice screamed.
She bolted into the next room and found Travis holding Tarsha in his arms, both of her own arms bloody. She tore off her tunic and wrapped it around one of the arms. "Hold that firm." She barked out and reached out and grabbed the nearest piece of cloth which was a small blanket and tightly wrapped the other arm.
"Aunt Talia?" A trembling voice came from the door way.
"Garry I need two healers here fast." She yelled as she spotted him. "Jess, through that door is some linin, I need towels." She barked out.
"Stay with me Tarsha, please, stay with me." Travis begged holding her tight in his arms.
Talia heard running feet and two people in green robes carrying bags rushed into the room. "In here." Jess cried.
Talia moved out of the way and let the healers work, and slipped into the bathroom and grabbed a basin of water and placed it near by so they could clear away the blood before washing the blood off her own hands.
"She is safe to move." The male healer announce a tense twenty minutes later.
"Travis, put her in the bed." Talia told him gently. "Stay with her, while I talk to the healers." She lead them out into the main room and the female healer knelt beside Dirk.
"He's been placed in a healing sleep." She said with a frown.
"Tarsha has a small healing gift, it usually only works on horses." Talia replied with a sigh as Dirk slowly woke.
"What happened?" He asked groggily.
"Tarsha knocked you out with her healing gift." Talia told him as she sat down on the couch.
"Is she…" His eyes widened.
"She is physically stable." The male healer replied grimly. "Mentally is a whole different story."
"She is suffering from a over strained twin bond, the confusion of dealing with an unacknowledged Lifebond and exhaustion." Talia informed them rubbing her face. "She thinks she has been rejected but her lifebonded…"
"Add that to the other two factors and you have one messed up young woman." The male healer groaned.
"What about talking to her lifebonded? See what they have to say?" The female healer suggested.
"She has been writing to him for a year and his hasn't replied." Talia groaned thinking about all the work she had to do to deal with this. "He has been here in Haven for the last few months and hasn't written, at all."
"Oh dear. No wonder the poor child is a mess." The whole room sighed. "She'll be weak for awhile, I would suggest keeping her twin near by to keep her calm, let their bond settle. The rest I fear is for you to sort out with the child."
"I know. Thank you." She nodded and watched as the healers left. "I need some one to find Yual, he'll be able to watch her and he is mostly immune to her healing gift." She looked about the room. "I'm surprised he didn't come like Travis did…"
"I'll send a page to the Kyree rooms, see if he is there." Dirk got up and left the room.
Talia was tired. It was the middle of the day and it felt like it was the middle of the night. She got up and poked her head out of the door, she waved over a passing Page. "Find Herald Leren and ask him to meet me at Selenay's private study."
"Yes Herald Talia." He nodded and ran off.
She went back to the bedroom and opened the door carefully. "I know this is rough for you all, but I need you all to stay awake and watch her. Travis try and keep her calm and asleep if you can, your bond is over strained, it's apart of why she isn't thinking straight." Talia asked the three huddled around Tarsha. "Use your bond with your companions so if she does use her gift to put you to sleep, they can warn the other companions."
"We'll keep an eye on her as will our companions." Garry said firmly.
"Good." She closed the door and headed for Selenay's private study, popping into the public study and asking if she could borrow the private one.
"Everything alright Talia?" Selenay frowned.
"No, she tried. She sent Dirk into a healing sleep and slit her wrists." Talia's shoulders slumped. "I have Travis, Garry and Jess watching her right now, with Yual her Kyree familiar is being summoned. I have their companions keeping an eye on them so she can't pull the same trick twice." Selenay stood up while Talia talked and poured her a mug of tea and handed it over. "I am going to talk to Leren now."
"Take your time." Selenay nodded.
OOOOOO