Chapter FIVE! (Yes this is the real chapter)
Dearest Readers,
I am so very sorry for not updating. I had a lot of homework this week, and it needed to be done. I promise Jane has been torturing me at least a thousand times!
OW! Dang it...
Make that 1001
And I am pleased to announce my new friend, JRK who I kidnapped earlier with Jane.
JRK: Hi people!!
Lily: OMG hi!
Jane: OMG START THE STORY!! :(
Lily: Geez ruin our fun much Jane? Alright I'll start, please enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight (sob), Craigslist, YouTube, Elmo, Barney, the Pussycat Dolls, Victoria's Secret, or America's Next Top Model. Sorry! :)
Edward's POV:
If I could kill mike Newton right now, I most definently would.
How dare he toy with Bella's fragile emotions? And while she had Amnesia? How low can someone go? WHERE WAS THE JUSTICE IN THIS WORLD?
Emo, emo, emo! We all love being emo!
"Jasper, please I beg you, stop singing!!"
Darn it Edward, why must you always ruin my fun?
We were close to the house by now, I was in enough proximity to hear Carlisle's thoughts.
Oh I wish Edward would come home soon! I haven't been away from a hospital this long in more than a decade! I'm so sick and tired of organizing my Medicine Cabinet by color!
Lets see, the morphine should be placed next to the Advil and the Clariten and then...
"Carlisle? We're here."
"Edward! Finally! Did you find Bella?"
"Not exactly..."
Jasper and I filled him in on the situation, Carlisle scribbled notes on his Memo Pad.
"Boys, Bella should be close by. An amnesiac person can only go so far. But you might notice some...changes in Bella."
"What changes?" I demanded my voice rising.
"Well she might be a little, slow. She also might have changes in personalities, feelings, or emotions. Either way, until she recovers her lost memories, she might be a totally different person. Of course, you don't want to shock her, that will delay the process. So don't mention the vampires just yet." "Thank you Carlisle."
"Best of luck Edward, Jasper." He nodded. "Can I go back to work now?" "No! We might need you!" I begged.
Darn it Edward! Why must you do this to me?
"Of course, Edward. Anything you say." He smiled falsely.
"And actually Edward? Can I stay here? This really should be between you and Bella..." "No! I need you too! And don't try that coma thing on me again!" I was on the verge of screaming.
"Coma thing?" Carlisle's eyebrows rose.
"No time for that! Let's go Jasper!"
Jasper muttered something unintelligible and we lept into the woods.
Alice's POV
"Ah Mikey, Mikey, why must you be so jumpy?" I sang.
"No! No! Not my hair! My gorgeous beautiful -better than Edward's- hair!"
"What did you say?" I growled.
"Nothing! Ow why does my scalp hurt?" He whined. Geez this boy is such a whiner. No wonder Edward hates him, I can only imagine what his thoughts are like!
"Thats just the pink dye working its way in, Mikey." I mocked him. "What did I do to deserve this?" He whined. "Why are you torturing me like this?"
"Think about that the next time you manipulate my sister, Mikey dearest."
Then the scene changed. It shifted and shaped, a fog draped over my eyelids.
I was in a forest. The never ending greenery swelled and thrived, trees reaching their branches into the sun. I saw a girl sitting on a moss rock, her eyes were wide.
Its Bella! I thought
A man, my brother, brought his hand to Bella's face. She smiled, a little bit, at the touch and Edward spoke.
"I will never leave you."
Then the scene evaporated and I returned to Mike's household, his annoying voice penetrating the atmosphere.
"Oi! Alice this burns! It burns! It burns! IT BURNS!' He cried.
"Oh Mikey, you have no idea how much this will burn." I smiled and smothered another helping of Instant Dye into his head.
Edward's POV:
I ran through the forest, swinging from tree to tree. Jasper's thoughts were nervous.
Edward, what about the treaty?
"Screw the treaty." I snarled. It was a very long two days. I was tired of this! I just wanted my Bella back!
And then it hit me. The beautiful smell of freesia, a smell I knew all too well. I could hear a faint heartbeat, blood pulsing through her system.
Bella! Bella! My Bella!
Whoa Edward calm down! Uh, be careful what you wish for because you just might get it, you just my get it. When I grow up I wanna be in movies, I wanna be in movies.
Despite Jasper's efforts, I didn't calm. Love conquered any vampire ability, I thought smugly. But it might have been due to the fact that he messed up the lyrics.
Then another smell hit me. A terrible smell, a skin crawling, stomach churning, smell that burned my nose. Curse my over defined senses!
And damn it! Jacob Black got to her first! She might be in danger!
I ran with the speed of a thousand men, Jasper trailing behind trying to catch up. The irony was that they were in my meadow. Our meadow.
I saw her face, her gorgeous face, shock mingled on all her features.
"Bella!"
I ran to her, the one I loved. I hoped that her amnesia didn't change that.
Bella's POV:
As soon as he said my name, I knew he was mine. My Edward. The one that haunted my dreams since I first fainted. My fiancee, my love.
My vampire.
His kiss was so powerful, my pulse quickened and I more or less hyperventilated.
"Oh Bella, I missed you so much!"
Over his shoulder, I saw another man, one I've never seen before, not even in my dreams. He was blonde and resembled a movie actor, inhumanly gorgeous, both of them.
"Edward..." I purred, trying to appear somewhat seductive. I had very little self esteem left and I wanted to appear somewhat attractive to my husband. But, he was so...divine! How could this "Other me" have this God fall in love with, me! A human! A human and a god? It made no sense.
"Bloodsucker!" I flinched. I completely forgot Jacob was here. Did werewolves dislike vampires?
"Hello, dog." Edward growled, and for the first time since our reunion, he let go of me. I fell to the ground in shock, from the kiss. My eyes widened as the two circled each other preparing to fight.
Preparing, to fight? I thought dubiously, it took a full minute for me to react.
"No! Stop it! Both of you!" I screamed. "Please, please don't fight!"
My efforts were futile, they were already yelling at each other. The seconds passed as I watched, amazed and terrified, at their words.
"Why didn't you tell me mutt? I've been looking for her for days, and you led her across the boundary line! So she couldn't be with us, right? Who knows the lies you've been telling her!"
Jacob spat on the ground.
"Lies? I didn't lie to her once! You reeking monster! She's safer with me than you, and we both know it! Where were you when she fell?"
He cringed.
"Thats it Bella! We're going!"
He grabbed my hand and pulled me away.
"No! Bella will stay with me!" Jacob screamed, he hunched over, prepared to turn into a wolf and then...
"BWAHAHAHAHAHAH! I AM THE BARNEY BELLA NAPPER!"
Two more vampires, appeared in a clearing. A blonde, smiling in victory and another bigger, muscular vampire in... a barney suit?? He grabbed me, screaming, and both of them lept into the woods, leaving Jacob and Edward behind. The wind blew in my face, scalding me.
The blonde snickered.
"Hey Bella! Don't worry I'll explain later."
All of our minds were thinking one thing.
What the hell??
Jacob's POV
I was supposed to be the one to bring Bella home! Maybe then she would fall in love with me! But nooooo that BLOODSUCKER had to show up! And if he was just a little bit closer, he'd be over the boundary line, and I'd have an excuse to kill him.
But Bella and I were exactly three feet from the boundary line when he showed up.
Stupid me! Stupid me! Stupid me!
Yah, stupid you. Leah agreed
Shut up!
Oh I'm sorry, stupid people can't talk.
You are soo immature.
BLahahahbehbehebehehbBlehBlehBleh!
Damn the world! And then right when I was about to kill him, some BARNEY VAMPIRE SHOWS UP! Of all the luck and pure randomness!
Bella was screaming, and then the...thing picked her up, then jumped into the woods like nobody's business!
Meanwhile, that bloodsucker fell to the ground.
I didn't know this was possible, but he was shaking from head to toe. He was even talking to himself!
I burst out laughing until the other blonde vampire glared at me.
"Sorry, you have to admit thats funny! Can't vampire's laugh?"
He closed his eyes and concentrated on me. I felt myself becoming woozy and dizzy, and I too, fell. The last thing I saw before I became unconcious was the blonde dragging Edward's shaking body into the woods...
Emmett's POV:
Who knew being in this stupid, overstuffed, suit could be so entertaining?
Well, earlier, I lost to Rosalie (She cheated, I swear!) and she hunted about thirty more animals than me. As punishment, she made me wear this Barney Suit.
She knows how I have issues with Barney. Ever since I saw Barney beating up poor Elmo in that YouTube video...
Shudder. I've seen some crazy things in the last couple decades (Mostly Bella) but that video takes the cake.
But it was Edward that was the most scared, of any of us. Man that was one rough week, everyone was so nervous. Alice went away shopping twenty four hours a day, and Esme was always nervous. Rose and I didn't even sleep together for a week! But Edward?
He locked himself in his room and didn't come out for a full week, until finally, he had to hunt.
So the original plan was to freak out Edward, until we saw Bella
Well anyways we were walking along the edge of the woods (We usually steer clear, werewolves you know) talking about random things, and then we smelled Bella.
Rosalie grinned manically, (Not as manic as Alice, but still scary), and she suggested we kidnap Bella, that would definently make Edward pee in his pants, if he could. Finally! He isn't "Mister perfect." and now Bella can see that.
We peeked through the trees and saw Jasper, Bella, Edward, and that werewolf Bella always hangs out with. Jack? Jamie? I think it was Jack, or something.
Edward and Jack were circling each other, and I made a mental note to thank Jack because he is so preoccupied by his fury he wouldn't hear me and Rose. Hopefully.
Jasper was just waving his arms up and down, eyes shut, saying "Whoa! Whoa!" Probablly trying to calm them down. Ha. Good luck Jas. No vampire can stay calm around a werewolf.
Bella was just sitting on the ground, crumpled almost, her eyes flitting back and forth between Edward and Jack. She probablly fell, I wish I was here to see it! Bella was a constant source of entertainment, for a human. She was better than those shows on MTV where all those girls bitch-slap each other.
"Do you remember the plan?" Rose asked.
"I'm not that dumb." I punched her playfully.
"5,4,3...2...and one!" She counted.
"BWAHHAHAHAHAH! I AM THE BARNEY BELLA NAPPER!"
I cut through the clearing, Edward and Jack quickly dodging me. I scooped Bella in my arms, her eyes as wide as saucers, and leapt through the woods.
She was screaming the entire time, and Rose laughed. Ah Rose. I loved her laugh.
"Put her in the car!"
We dragged Bella, still screaming, and tossed her in the car. I heard a crunching noise and then Bella's breathing stopped.
"Rosalie? What did you do!?"
"Oops, I think I kinda flung her into the car too far. Her head hit the side of the car."
We looked at Bella, who was unconcious on the floor of the car. Her breathing picked up again, and her pulse quickened, but she was still unconcious.
"Oh well, lets go home. She'll probablly just have a big lump on her head."
Rosalie kissed my cheek, then we climbed into the car, with Bella "sleeping" on the floor of my Jeep.
Carlisle's POV
In all my life I have never been this bored.
Chained to the confines of the house, under Edward's eye and Alice's ability, they would know if I left. I did everything I could think of, I made a stack of cards, I watched The Sound Of Music, I re read all my books, I even called Jane and talked to her! (It didn't go well)
I wish I could be at work, or with Esme. My two most favorite things in the world. But noooo. I was stuck HERE while Edward went to find Bella!
Then I heard Emmett and Rosalie coming through the door.
"Hello! Anyone home? Carlisle?"
"Yeah we found Bella."
I couldn't believe it! EMMETT found Bella before Edward did? Something must've happened. I hope they didn't cross the boundary line.
To my horror, I saw Emmett in a barney suit, dragging an unconcious Bella by her shirt, with Rosalie trailing behind.
"Emmett? What do you think you're doing?"
"Well you see, Bella kinda had a little accident, and she's uhhh sleeping?"
I slapped myself in the forehead.
"Emmett! She was already unconcious before! Last time I heard, she had amnesia!"
"Really?" Rosalie piped up.
"Yes!! She already has enough damage to her brain! Who knows what you could've done to her now?"
"Done what?" Emmett asked.
"Just...just put her on the couch."
"Sure thing, Carlie."
Carlie? CARLIE? One thing's for sure, I think I am the only sane one in this family.
Alice's POV:
Snap. Snap.
Currently, I was photographing Mike in a hot pink bikini at the mall. All part of my various torture methods. He had pink hair, two missing front teeth, a manicure, various pizzas in his house, I threw out all his stuff, and put him on a perverted dating website.
But seeing him so embarrassed at the mall really made my day. I would have to apologize to Rosalie, it was her swimsuit. She got it from Victoria's Secret, but it was too big for her. In fact, it looked a little too big for Mike.
Then my vision changed. I no longer was at the Forks Mall, I was somewhere else. The future.
The scene fogged and changed. I was in a small, dark room. Bella was sitting on he floor...coloring?
A voice said "Stay here. Uncle has some business to take care of."
Bella smiled. "Okay."
Then I was back to the present.
What the...?
"Alice! Alice! I think this bathing suit is too..."
Then, in front of all these people, the bottom to Mike's swimsuit fell off.
I think I am scarred for life.
Alright thats all! I hope this chapter was long enough for you, again I'm sorry for not updating. Here is a quick recap of what everyone's up to.
Bella: Unconcious, symptoms unknown
Edward: Terrified, and twitching on the floor of the woods
Alice: Scarred for life, worrying about Bella
Jasper: Waiting for Edward to snap out of it
Carlisle: So bored he is dry sobbing in the kitchen
Esme: Visiting the Denali Clan in Alaska
Emmett: Watching America's Next Top Model on the couch
Rosalie: Cuddling with Emmett
Jacob: Sleeping
Mike: Embarrassed, hiding behind a fake plant
Also, unfortunately, there is no "Elmo Kills Barney" video. Well not one that would scare a family full of vampires. If you want to try and make one, be my guest!
Tune in soon!
-Lil