Chapter 19
Chapter 19
Alice's POV
I watched with Jasper from the front window as Bella and Edward's car drove down the steep driveway and further and further away from the house. I knew this was coming, I could feel something coming- everything was getting too good; the calm before the storm.
And this storm is turning into a hurricane.
I looked up at Jasper and into his blue eyes that were partly blocked by his long blonde hair and realized that unlike shopping, there was nothing I could say to Bella to help her with this decision. Leaving Jasper- somebody who changed my life so drastically in a short time- felt impossible. I sucked in a breath and it hurt my chest just thinking about it.
Hurricanes tear apart cities, destroying anything and everything in their path. With America experiencing this first hand with Katrina, we all know that restoring the city doesn't happen overnight.
Tristan's POV
I watched as the black car rolled down my driveway. I couldn't see through the tinted windows so I had no idea it Bella was staring back at me through her window. I hoped she was.
Once it was out of sight I just stood outside, frozen. I don't know how long I was out there but Emmet came out to get me back inside.
"Hey man, it's getting late," he said softly, giving my shoulder a gentle pat. I nodded; nothing was going to change anything if I kept acting like this.
"Thanks," I mumbled quietly, looking down at my feet. Emmet didn't reply but just led my back into the house, opening the door for me. When I looked up the first thing I saw was my step mom, Renee, sitting in the living room's sofa.
Nobody ever sat in that room, then again, nothing like this has probably happened before. But I'm making no promises, no guarantees. You know that saying, "life is like a box of chocolates- you never know what you're going to get?" Well that box was thrown at me, caramel and nugget blasting right through my body like bullets.
"Tristan…" Renee began. I knew that voice- it was the one parents always used when they were scared their child was going to get mad because they made a mistake. I knew that was coming next so I cut her off.
"What are you going to say? That this isn't what it looks like? That you can explain? That everything is going to be fine?" I questioned; I couldn't find the energy to raise my voice so I sounded weak instead expressing the fire that was currently burning inside of me. Renee had tears in her eyes; she was leaning forward on the sofa towards me. I waited for a second- waiting to see if she had anything to say.
"You know that if you said any of those things it would be a lie." I explained her silence for her.
"Did you know that it still hurts her that you left? That she still thinks that it was her fault after all of these years?!" I exploded, and there was fire in my tone, in my throat, in my eyes.
Renee was fully crying now, whimpering into her hands.
"I didn't want her leave her, I didn't want to leave my daughter." She stated, shaking her head from side to side.
"But you did! You had the choice, but I don't! Do you have any idea how hard our relationship is going to be now?! You created this, making Bella and I pick up the pieces!" I was screaming- I knew this and I didn't try to lower my voice, and I didn't try to calm down.
"I didn't know it would be like this, Tristan," Renee sobbed. I huffed loudly.
"I don't know what it's going to be like in the future! But at least I'm trying to make good decisions now, so the future will be how I want it to be." Renee was looking up at me, face ashamed.
"I want my future to be with Bella. I love her. I've never met anybody like her, she's the first girl that I'm actually serious about," I confessed averting my gaze from Renee.
"Tristan…" Renee tried again- but I cut her off again, putting my hand up to stop her.
"Nothing you say is going to fix this, so please, just don't," I begged and turned to run up the stairs where I ran to my room and locked the door.
I collapsed on the bed and for the first time since my mom died, I could feel the rain coming from my eyes pelt down on my cheeks.
Edward's POV
She tried to stay tough; I could see the hardness right in her brown eyes. They stayed cold, not letting a single tear drip. Once we got onto the freeway towards Malibu she unlocked her seatbelt and came to sit next to me.
She sat next to me and laid her head down on my shoulder. Acting upon instinct, I put my arm around her shoulders.
"Why?" she whispered quietly. By only her voice I knew that she wanted to cry desperately.
"I don't know," I answered truthfully with a sigh. She leaned even more into me, and buried her face into my tee shirt.
"I don't get it. What did I do?" she begged for reason, maybe not from specifically me, but from anybody who had the answer.
"You did nothing, Bella. There are some things that can't be explained, don't make sense and happen for no reason at all," I tried my best to comfort her, but I didn't know what to say. Nothing I said would be what she wanted to hear.
And then she was out from under my arm. She was standing up as best as she could in the low ceiling of the car, her fists balled up into fists so firm they were turning white.
"Don't tell me that! Don't make it sound like everything will be okay! Every action has a reaction… what was my action that caused this?!," she said the last part more quietly in a sob. Her nonchalant façade was stripped clean exposing the hurt, devastated Bella. Her face was red from screaming.
I pulled her from her tense stance, as it looked like she was about to fall apart, and into my arms. And then she was crying so hard her chest jerked from her with each weep. She gripped the front of my tee shirt like it was the only thing holding her down on Earth.
"Just tell me what I did. Tell me, please…" she sobbed to nobody but herself. I smoothed her hair and rubbed her back, but she didn't calm down. After a few minutes, her body began to get tired and her crying reduced, though I knew her pain didn't.
"Everything was just right. Everything was how it was supposed to be. What am I supposed to do?" she asked me in a soft voice.
"I don't know what you're supposed to do, Bella. But what are you going to do?"
She sniffled and attempted to wipe her eyes though the tears just flowed over the spot that was dry within a second.
"I don't know," she answered miserably and confused, "I feel like I don't know anything any more."
Bella's POV
I woke up in a room unfamiliar and in the clothes from yesterday. Then the previous nights events came back to me. I pursed my lips in order to try and control my breaths that were getting out of control.
I got out of the bed and saw that my suitcases were just by the foot of the bed and I pulled out a new set of clean clothes before I headed into the connected bathroom. After showering, I went out of my room, nervously, to try and find Edward.
I walked down the hallway, and then down the stairs, making sure to hold on tight to the smooth, soft wood banister. My footsteps made little noise on the marble flooring as I headed into what looked like the family room.
As the previous discovered parts of the house, I found the family room empty but heard voices coming from the room beside it. I sped up my slow walk, going through a large arch way that connected the kitchen to the family room.
I saw Edward sitting in a tall chair at the granite counter top talking to a beautiful lady with the same green eyes and bronze hair. Edward has his back turned to me, but once the woman saw me she ended the quiet conversation to greet me.
"You must be Bella," she smiled warmly at me and walked around the stone kitchen counter to politely shake my hand. I smiled and nodded.
"Edward, be a gentleman and introduce us," the radiant lady reminded Edward with a smile.
"Bella, this is my mother, Elizabeth. Mom, this Bella," he obliged his mother and looked in between us.
"It's nice to meet you, Mrs. Masen," I greeted sincerely. I had barely known her, but already she was so warm to me.
"Please, call me Elizabeth," she corrected happily.
"Bella, we were just getting some breakfast. Do you want anything?" Edward asked me, motioning to the bagels and juice on the counter. I shook my head,
"No thank you, I'm not really hungry." Edward nodded.
"Edward, why don't you give Bella a tour of the house?" Elizabeth suggested. Edward nodded back at her looking at me with a quizzical look.
"Sure, sounds great to me."
"Well let's get started then," Edward agreed. I grinned at Elizabeth before I left the room the way I came in through, following Edward. He led me back to the family room and then down the hallway- naming bathrooms, other rooms.
I wasn't really paying attention- my mind was elsewhere.
He led me back up stairs and down the hall, past the room I woke up in this morning. He stopped abruptly- or maybe it was my lack of attention- at one door and opened it for me.
"This is my room," I heard him say. Inside the walls were a beige, gold color, rich and warm. Everything such as the carpet and bed was in the gold color scheme. On one wall there was a long black leather sofa and on another a whole wall of CDs. It was hard to believe he had so many.
"Wow, that's a lost of CDs'," I laughed. I immediately stopped before Edward could join. He just gave me a questioning look.
I laughed.
I wasn't supposed to be happy- I was just miserable, yet I was the one to make a joke.
"Yeah, I've been collecting for a while," Edward admitted with a proud smile. I went over and took a seat on the inviting sofa. Edward sat on the bed across from me. There was a thoughtful moment of silence before Edward spoke.
"I spoke to Tristan on the phone this morning," he began, eyeing me nervously. Just by hearing his name, my head snapped up at him, alert.
"He is driving up right now- he wants to talk to you." Edward informed me in an emotionless tone. I couldn't say that I was surprised, I was going to have to talk to him- it was inevitable.
"Okay," I answered Edward numbly. He deserved an answer from me, he had been so nice and caring over the last few hours- I owed him that.
"He said he'd call me once he was in town. I could take you to meet him, if you want," Edward offered graciously, with as much care and carefulness in his voice you could imagine- like I was fragile. I think I was.
"Sure, thanks," I mumbled almost inaudibly. Edward relaxed, his shoulder muscles calming- the worst part must be over.
"I was thinking we could maybe go to lunch or something until then. You know- something fun?" Edward suggested, trying to relieve the tension that was stuck in the air. I smiled; I desperately wanted to go back to normal- to pretend that nothing ever happened.
"Sounds good to me," I breathed.
"What do you want to do?" Edward asked me brightly. I shrugged,
"Something normal," I answered honestly. Edward nodded, thinking.
"Normal people go to the mall," he stated, asking me of my opinion. I nodded my head and smiled. Edward gracefully got up from the bed and held out his hand to me, I took it, not thinking twice and we exited his room.
I grabbed my cell phone and purse from the guest room I was occupying and met Edward downstairs in the kitchen.
"Mom, Bella and I are going to the mall," Edward told Elizabeth as she was washing up some dishes, her arms covered in bubbles.
"Which car do you want me to take?" Edward asked, Elizabeth paused from washing dishes for a second.
"Any car is fine, your choice," she laughed care-freely. Edward grinned widely before thanking his mother.
"Have fun," were her parting words as Edward pulled me by the hand to the garage. I wasn't expecting it to be so big, inside were five cars, five!
"What car, Bella?" Edward asked me… as if I knew anything about cars! "There's the Audi, BMW, Mercedes, Infiniti, and Porsche." He pointed out two sports cars- one convertible, a sedan, and a bigger SUV-ish car. I pointed to the convertible; it was sunny outside and I seemed like it would be nice.
"Mercedes- nice choice," Edward noted. I laughed. He and I walked over and got in- Edward making a show of it by not opening the door and jumping into his seat.
"Off to the mall," Edward said quietly, talking to himself while turning on the car and pulling out of the garage- his head turned around. Once we got out of the garage, Edward turned on the radio. "Stay Young" by We the Kings came on.
"Love this song!" I called out, my hair blowing wildly in the wind. Edward smiled, his bronze hair was getting even messier than normal. I sang along quietly, too embarrassed to raise my voice.
We attracted quite a few stares as we drove through the routinely quiet streets, stereo blasting music (Occasionally joining in on the song, singing our lungs out).
"Where do you want to go first?" Edward asked me, looking at me from the corner of his eye as he wove through the parking lot traffic. The mall was crowded this morning and we couldn't seem to find a parking spot.
"I don't really care. Anywhere is fine," I shrugged. Shopping was really the last thing on my mind. Besides, normally Alice did all of my shopping so without her I was helpless.
"Okay, I guess we'll just walk around, then," Edward spotted a car that was just backing out in the row next to us so he raced over and we easily slid between the two white lines.
I got out of the car while Edward checked everything inside of the car before putting the top up and locking the doors.
The mall was outdoors and the day was nice so there were lots of families here today, strollers galore. Tripping on a baby would not be such a good thing, today.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Edward and I were in the food court at Jamba Juice getting smoothies when his phone rang. He dug his small black phone out of his pocket and answered.
"Hello… yeah, we're at the mall…"
"Edward!" the girl called from the counter, the two original sized smoothies on the counter in front of her. I looked at Edward, nodding my head to the counter while getting up to go get them. Edward gave me a stiff, uncomfortable nod and I stalked off.
"We have an original Orange Dream Machine with a Vita Boost and a Caribbean Passion with a protein boost," the perky teenage girl told me with a fake smile. I smiled back at her politely and thanked her. I grabbed the smoothies and when I turned back, Edward was still back at the table we were sitting at, talking on his phone. As I was sitting down, I heard the end of his conversation.
"Sure…yes... I know," he confirmed somebody in a hard voice- business like. He closed his phone and turned back to me with a forced grin- his green eyes flat.
"Thanks for getting these, sorry I couldn't get them myself," he apologized.
"No problem," I answered casually. What I really wanted to know was what was going on.
"So who was that?" I asked, trying to be subtle about it. I had a gut feeling and the last thing I wanted was clarification.
"Tristan," he answered bluntly, his eyes examining my face, looking for some sort of give away to what I was thinking.
"Oh… okay," my voice broke on the last part and that was all Edward needed to reach over to me and put a hand on my arm.
"He's on his way here, right now. All he wants to do is talk to you," Edward's voice was so soft and comforting- he made me feel more confident.
"I know," I tried to answer bravely- but I think that he could tell that my heart was crumbling into tiny pieces on the inside.
We drank out smoothies in silence- the sun beating down on my shoulders. I knew that if I hadn't been in San Diego for these past couple of weeks I would have gotten burnt.
The good mood that Edward had put me in was over shadowed by what was coming- a storm.
Tristan's POV
Bella needed her space, I needed to collect myself. So I gave her the night and drove up the second I woke up the next morning. I knew that the rest of my friends were leaving this morning so I left them a note on the kitchen counter. They would understand.
I drove straight through everything so I could see Bella. I always drove through everything to see Bella.
Once I got into the area I gave Edward a call.
"Hello?" he answered. I could tell by the voices and noises in the background that they were not at his house.
"Are you with Bella?" I asked; the tension in my voice was clearly identifiable.
"Yes," Edward answered simply.
"I'm in the area, I need to talk to her soon," I stated, the tension dissolved into desperation.
"I know," I found no sympathy in Edward's answer. It was hard and cold- like instead of a conversation, we were discussing a business deal.
"Where do you want me to meet me?" I asked him, matching his tone.
"We're at the mall…" Edward gave me street names and I entered it into the Lexus's GPS system. Immediately, it gave me precise directions and an estimated arrival time.
"I'll be there in ten minutes," I answered confidently and hung up the phone. Edward didn't want to chat- neither did I.
I quickly parked my car with the valet service and gave them a spare key. Rushing into the food court where I knew that they would be, I saw Bella and Edward sitting at a table, casually drinking smoothies.
It hurt to see it.
I kept walking towards them, trying not to forget why I here. Edward saw me first and his entire expression changed, Bella noticed instantaneously and her head snapped up towards me. I smile a second too late.
"Bella, take a walk with me?" I asked as soon as I was at their table. I held out a hand.
Bella took it a second too late.
"Sure," she whispered, barely audible. She got up from her chair across from Edward, leaving her smoothie behind. She gave Edward a small wave and he smiled as largely as he could back at her. It wasn't large enough.
Without speaking, I led her to the fountain that was in the center of the shopping mall. Then as soon as I knew it, we were both sitting side by side on the cement edge of the water feature.
Bella's POV
"Bella," he began, his blue eyes were something I couldn't understand. I've never seen them like this before… so distressed and… haunted.
"I think we can make this work," he stated. When I didn't say anything, he continued.
"What happened with our parents shouldn't have anything to do with us. We don't have to be involved. I'm already going to college so it's not like seeing them twice a year is that big of a deal. I can live without them," his words came out so fast, so rushed, like he was taking a chance and didn't want to give himself time to think twice about it.
"What…what do you mean?" my words came out stumbled, there was no breath left in my chest.
"Bella, I can leave them behind if it means that I have you," he said slowly, staring me straight in the eye. I don't know why but the tears started to form in my eyes. I looked away, but I could still feel Tristan's gaze upon me.
"Bella, please say something," he begged anxiously. I looked at him, memorizing his face. His blue eyes pleaded with me to say that he could take me anywhere he wanted, did whatever he wanted with me- as long as I was with him nothing mattered.
But I couldn't.
I shook my head slowly back and forth, looking at the ground as the tears fell from eyes.
"I can't. I can't do that to you… you need your family. I'm not worth it," I tried to hold back the sobs, but to my dismay, a few escaped. Tristan lifted up my face with his hand.
"You're worth everything to me," Tristan stated sincerely, deeply, gazing into my eyes. I couldn't find any words to say back to him and I diverted my gaze, his hand literally dropped from my face.
"If this is how you want it to be, you'll have it," he said miserably.
"No! No, Tristan. This isn't how I want it to be. This is how it is, I just can't do this," I immediately corrected him.
"You have to believe me when I say that I love you. I've never loved anybody the way I love you… you're outgoing, ambitious, you always find a way to make me laugh, and every time you look at me, it feels like gravity doesn't exist.
And because I love you, I can't let you do all of this for me. You deserve the girl that you can bring home to your parents for Christmas, the girl that goes shopping with your mother; you deserve to have both your family and her. You shouldn't have to give up one for me."
Tristan evaluated my expression when I was finished talking.
"But I want to, I choose you, Bella," he said after a few seconds. I took one of his hands and in one of mine.
"I know, and that's good enough." I tried to smile when I said this. There was a long silence, both of us thoughtful and quiet. I tried to picture my life without Tristan in it and everything was… blank. Like I had forgotten my life before he was in it, brightening my day.
"So does this mean that we're over?" Tristan finally asked to clarify, confirm.
"I'm so sorry, Tristan." I avoided the word yes.
Tristan's heart broke in front of me.
"Have fun at Dartmouth, will you? For me," I begged, I wish he would forget about me so he could have the life I always pictured him having. He nodded, wordlessly.
I got up and gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek, putting as much love in it as I had left. He already owned all of my love.
"Bye," I whispered into his ear before I turned to walk back to the food court. I was a few steps away when his voice stopped me.
"Bella?" his voice was quiet, but I heard it. I would always hear it. I turned around.
"Promise me that if this ever blows over that you'll give me another chance?"
"Sure," I promised. What could I refuse him at this point? Tristan sat there unmoving and I turned back around and kept moving. I couldn't stop moving because my life already felt like I was in a standstill without him.
I pulled out my cell phone from my purse, quickly dialing the number I had memorized. They answered after the first ring, both voices worried.
"Rose, Alice…" I sobbed, letting my calm façade drop and the tears in my eyes run down my cheeks creating little puddles on the ground beneath me.
"I want to go home."
Tristan's POV
I used to laugh at those romance movies, mocking the main character's lack of collectiveness, throwing popcorn mercilessly at the theater screen when they began to cry. Only since yesterday did I experience what they felt- only I wasn't acting.
It hurt. Bad.
In football, when you get an injury, you ice it to stop the swelling. So that's what I did, I iced the hurt, creating a glacier in my heart, making sure nothing would be able to get inside again.
It seemed that I couldn't find enough ice, though, because the pain didn't numb like I expected it to, like I wished it to. Even when I tried not to think about her, her freesia-like scent lingered in the air around me, suffocating me.
And it hurt, it hurt bad.