Disclaimer: Sometimes you feel like a nut. Sometimes you don't. And sometimes, you feel like both, now isn't that a dilemma? Oh, and btw, I don't own Haruhi.
Don't forget to go back and give this chapter a fitting title.
Before I go on, maybe I should say a few words about Ms. Asahina.
Perfect. Sacred. Beautiful. Immaculate. That counts as a few words, right?
Ha. I guess not. In all honesty, I've never fully understood why Ms. Asahina means so much to me. Granted, I see her more than most women, and there's no denying that she absolutely gorgeous, yet somehow innocent, which only makes it better in my opinion, especially when she… well, like I said, she may be gorgeous, but it's not like she's Aphrodite. When I step back and take a good, objective look at the situation, there are plenty of other girls in our school with close to or equal her level of beauty (I've always wondered how so many beautiful girls all go to one school… maybe Haruhi wished it? (Shudder) The implications Koizumi could get out of that…).
Either way, I suppose that a good storyteller would return to the story right about now, so hey, knock yourself out.
It was a surprisingly normal Tuesday afternoon in the clubroom. Koizumi and Kyon played Othello, and Koizumi, as Kyon noticed for the first time, occasionally stole a quick glance at Nagato, who sat in the corner, entrenched in her novel. Kyon also noticed that, after each glance, Koizumi's smile increased by the slightest increment.
It would almost be cute… if it weren't Koizumi. Well… ok, I take that back, it's still kind of cute.
Haruhi paced back and forth, occasionally reading over Nagato's shoulder. She sighed dramatically from time to time, and sporadically checked the hit counter on the website.
"Shouldn't you be worrying that she's getting too bored?" Kyon whispered, trying to contain a grin.
"Erm?" Koizumi asked, smiling and giving an overdramatic gesture. "Yes, it is a nice day we're having, isn't it?"
Kyon sighed. You know, Koizumi, even though you hide your emotions insanely well, you're about as subtle as the Trinity testing grounds.
"WHERE IS MIKURU??" Haruhi yelled suddenly, causing the other three to look up slowly (again, this was a hardly a surprise anymore).
Maybe her resolution was to get some common sense and leave this club. Ack! Perish the thought!
Just as Kyon was thinking this, the door slowly creaked open, and a soft voice came from the other end. "Um… hello?"
Thank goodness. This club without Ms. Asahina would be like the Enterprise without Spock!
"I'm sorry…" the soft voice apologized. "I'm sorry I'm late, but…" The door opened, and Mikuru stood there, looking deathly afraid. "But I decided for my resolution… that I'm going to… be… outgoing!" She looked down at the floor. "So I… I brought someone with me today…"
"Well?" Haruhi said, tapping her foot impatiently. Who is it?
A small, brown-haired boy poked his head in the door, seeming almost as scared as Mikuru. "Hey, Kyon" he said with a slight wave. "Who would have guessed, right?"
… No way. Really? Of all the people in this school… "Kunikida?" Kyon asked. "How on earth did you get talked into this?"
"Well…" he said, flushing slightly as he walked fully into the room. "I'm not lascivious or anything, but… I still remember the bunny girl incident." He smiled. "How could I say no?"
Haruhi looked Kunikida over, and then pointed towards the door. "While your services as honorary SOS stand in are always appreciated," she said, formally yet rudely, "I'm afraid that becoming a full-fledged member is simply impossible for you." She turned her nose up. "I have no time for ordinary human beings! Mikuru!"
Mikuru jumped. "Ah… wha…what?"
"You should have known better than this! That's what!" She yelled. "Penalty!"
"…Wait. Wait a minute." Kunikida said. Haruhi snapped her head, surprised to hear any objections. "What? What do you want?"
Don't be a hero, Kunikida. Don't be a fool with your life.
"Well…" the boy said, sweating furiously. "It might not mean much, but…" He smiled broadly. "I have… a really high IQ? By definition, that kind of makes me not normal…"
Haruhi paused. Kyon did a double take. She's actually considering this? That's enough change for the entire club as a whole! "How high an IQ do you have?" she finally asked, after careful consideration. "Because if you just barely qualify for the Ultranet, then I'm afraid you'll still have to go else where." You have to be above the 99.999th percentile to not be considered normal? Haruhi! I didn't know your standards were that low!
To Kyon's surprise, Kunikida actually laughed. He pulled out his wallet, and handed Haruhi a platinum-colored, laminated card.
Haruhi's jaw dropped. "THE NANO SOCIETY??" she yelled, causing everyone in the room to jump (Haruhi being genuiniely impressed with someone wasn't something you saw everyday.) "Th- that means…" she started.
Kunikida nodded, then took his card back. "That's right" he smiled, "99.9999999th percentile." He placed a hand behind his head. "It's… 218 actually… my IQ, I mean."
The entire room stood still, unsure what would happen next. Haruhi stared for a minute, jaw open, and then whirled around to face Mikuru. "MIKURU!" she yelled suddenly.
"AH!" she cried, startled. "Wha… what is it now?"
Haruhi grabbed Mikuru from behind, face beaming. "For achieving a somewhat decent character change, and for evening out the boy-girl ratio of the club, and for giving the SOS brigade it's very own 'mad scientist' character, I'm promoting you to…" she stopped for a minute. "Well, let's see…" she said thoughtfully. "Vice chief is gone… vice vice chief is gone…" She smiled. "I'm promoting you to chief mascot!" She laughed, as if she had solved an amazingly hard problem.
Wha… wasn't she… that already?
Haruhi pointed at Kyon. "That leaves the position of mascot open, so Kyon, you're going to have to fill it from now on!" She looked Kyon over, shaking her head. "We don't have much to work with, of course…" she mused. "But we'll just have to make due!" She moved her finger directly into his face. "First thing tomorrow, after school, we're fitting you for a gladiator costume!
But I don't want to be Russell Crowe…
"DISMISSED!"
After putting up with all of this, don't I at least get a Klondike Bar?
And so… within the span of a few minutes, I became the new Mikuru. Yes, it is a very disturbing thought, and since I'm a very firm believer in 'share the pain' philosophy, I'll let you dwell on that image for a few minutes.
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That's probably long enough. Anyway, luckily for me, the day didn't end there. As I was walking home, I learned a very painful lesson…
"OOF!" Books flew everywhere, and a sharp pain went through Kyon's shoulder as he fell to the ground.
… Never walk and narrate… at the same time.
"Oh!" came a soft, feminine voice. "I'm so sorry! Here, let me help you…"
"No… really, that's quite alright" Kyon said, helping himself to his feet. "I ran into you after all…" He looked up, to see a green-haired girl brushing herself off, looking at him with concern.
That's…
"Emiri Kimidori, right?" Kyon asked.
She smiled, and gave a slight nod.
Ah… the supposed computer club president's girlfriend. I've always suspected that she's in cahoots with Nagato, but… He looked her over. On closer examination… she actually seems like a pretty human. I mean… you know what I mean.
Of course… I thought the same thing about Asakura, and look how that turned out.
Emiri cocked her head to the side. "You'll forgive me… I mean, I know we really haven't talked to each other all that often but…" She looked down at her hands, poking her pointer fingers together. "I've… kind of noticed you always seem so lost in thought." She looked up at him. "What… exactly do you think about?"
Oh, not much. The end of the world. Anthropic philosophy. Power struggles between advanced civilizations. You know, mundane stuff.
"To tell the complete truth, I've been thinking a lot about change lately." Kyon blinked. Wha… what? I answered the question?
"Really?" she asked. "Like, what kind of change?"
Kyon shrugged, reached into his pocket, and pulled out his 'resolution form', still blank. Emiri read it over, and gave a soft 'huh'.
"Well…" she mused. "That's a good idea, I suppose…" She looked at Kyon. "Have you thought of what you're going to do?"
"I honestly can't think of anything." He shrugged. "I'm surprisingly content, no matter how much I complain."
"Well that's good" Emiri smiled. She paused for a moment. "I've… well, if you wanted my advice that is… but I've always found that whenever something gives me an… unpleasant feeling, then I need to change something." She looked down at the ground. "Like, say recently, I've been feeling kind of lonely…"
Kyon took a step back, slightly shocked. I… I think I like where this conversation is going…
Emiri clapped a hand over her mouth. "Oh, but you must think I'm terrible now!" She looked away. "I didn't… I mean, I didn't mean it like…"
Kyon shook his head. "Don't worry about it, I know what you meant."
She looked up at him, smiled, and nodded her head. "Oh well… good!" She started to walk away, and then turned back, giving a slight wave. "Well… see you in school tomorrow, then!" She took a few staggared steps down the hill, and then broke into a run.
Kyon smiled. You know what? Change is good.
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I know what you're thinking. 'Where is this story going?' 'Why didn't you advance the Koizagato plotline at all?' 'You're seriously pairing Kyon up with a MINOR CHARACTER?!' Rest assured, I know what I'm doing. Ok, yeah, that's a lie.