Chapter 18 -- Back Among the Living

Klink was strutting around like a proud peacock at the dinner party. Even he had to admit Corporal LeBeau had outdone himself with his hors d' oeuvres and coq au vin. Everything had been delicious. Klink figured things were going so well, perhaps the Major might mention his name to his superiors in Berlin. He looked around. Hogan's men were on their best behavior. Probably because Schultz was in the kitchen watching them. At least he hoped so. But he somehow doubted it.

When he had a chance, Newkirk disappeared into the kitchen while sipping from a champagne glass. He found LeBeau stirring something in a pot on the stove while Schultz was seated at a nearby table stuffing his mouth with food. A full glass of champagne nearby. Two other empty glasses were nearby as well.

"Enjoying yourself, Schultzie?" asked Newkirk. "The food meet with your approval?"

"Jawohl," Schultz replied between bites of food and sips of champagne. "Everything is wunderbar!"

"Can't you tell, Newkirk," said LeBeau, rolling his eyes upward to the heavens."I'm getting ill just watching him shovel it in. I don't know where he puts it. That's his third helping of coq au vin."

"But who's counting, cockroach," Schultz replied, emptying his glass. "Besides, I am the Kommandant's official food tester." He held out his glass for a refill of champagne which Newkirk gave. "I must make certain the food is not poisoned." Newkirk could see the rotund guard was beginning to appear glassy eyed.

"Official food tester?" asked Kinch, chuckling. "Schultzie, you're more like the official garbage disposal unit."

Schultz smirked. "Jolly joker," he muttered.

Carter came into the kitchen carrying a tray of empty glasses and plates.

"Boy, those guys sure can drink," he complained. Putting his tray on the counter, Carter began refilling the glasses. He was joined by Newkirk and Kinch.

"Well?" Newkirk whispered to Carter.

Carter glanced over his shoulder at Schultz who wasn't paying them any attention.

"I spoke with Otto briefly. He said Paul and Lancelot are outside the emergency tunnel with the Colonel waiting for the signal to enter camp."

Kinch looked at Newkirk. "You got the sedatives?"

Newkirk slipped the bottle of sedatives partially out of his inside jacket pocket. "Right here, mate. Just tell me when."

Kinch smiled. "No time like the present, Newkirk. Just remember, only Klink and Schultz."

"Got it." Newkirk, removing the bottle of sedatives from his pocket, dropped one tiny tablet into each of two glasses. He then took one of the glasses and gave it to Schultz. "Here you go, Schultzie," he said, smiling. "Compliments of the Kommandant."

"For me?" Schultz replied taking the glass from Newkirk. "That is so nice of the Kommandant." LeBeau, Kinch, Carter and Newkirk watched as Schultz downed the contents in one gulp. After about two minutes, Schultz's eyes closed as his head fell forward, asleep.

"How long will he sleep?" asked Carter.

"About an hour. Maybe a wee bit longer," Newkirk replied.

"Will that be enough time?" Carter was concerned.

"It'll have to be, mate." Newkirk took the other doctored glass and put it on Carter's tray. He looked at the Sergeant. "Make sure Klink and nobody else drinks that one. Got it?"

"Got it." Carter left the kitchen with his tray. He found Klink seated on the sofa with the Gestapo Captain. Offering his tray, Carter became alarmed when Klink reached for a different glass. "Not that one, Kommandant!" he cried.

Klink paused. He looked at Carter. "Why not?" he asked, puzzled.

"What I mean, sir, is that's the wrong glass." Carter pointed to the glass Newkirk had given him. "This glass was from the Major over there. He said to make sure you got this one."

Klink smiled broadly and took the glass Carter had pointed out. A few minutes later, Klink was sound asleep, head tilted sideways.

Carter, putting his tray on the table, whistled for the others to join him in the livingroom.

"Okay," Kinch remarked, approaching the three Gestapo officers. "Otto, you and your men all did a great job. But, you guys need to get out of here now. Make sure you give Paul and Lancelot the signal to come in with Colonel Hogan as you're leaving."

The three underground agents all shook hands with Hogan's men before they exited the room. Kinch and the others heard the car drive away and waited an agonizing ten minutes before hearing another car pull up outside Klink's quarters. It was another five minutes before the door opened and Paul and Lancelot, both dressed as Gestapo guards, entered the room with Hogan between them. Kinch, Newkirk, Carter and LeBeau all noticed Hogan was sweating profusely and seemed to be unsteady on his feet. They gathered around him, alarmed at the sudden change in the Colonel's condition from earlier in the day.

"Colonel?" Kinch was alarmed, gripping his commanding officer's shoulder. "Are you all right? You don't look well at all."

"I've felt better, believe me," Hogan muttered. He looked around. "Everything set?"

"All we need is the guest of honor, sir," remarked Carter.

Hogan turned to Lancelot and Paul. "Thanks again," he said. "But you two better get going."

Lancelot gripped Hogan's hand in his. "Take care, Colonel," he said. Then, he and Paul left, leaving Hogan alone with his men. The Colonel, letting out a deep breath, let himself collaspe on the opposite end of the sofa from Klink.

"This looks like as good a spot to be discovered," he joked. He pulled his crush cap over his eyes. "See you guys later."

Newkirk handed LeBeau a small packet of smelling salts. "For Schultz," he said. The Frenchman took it and smirked. "Let's just hope he doesn't think it's something to eat," he replied heading back into the kitchen. Meanwhile, Newkirk, removing another packet of smelling salts, broke it open and waved it under Klink's nose. Klink moaned groggily and opened his eyes.

"Kommandant! Kommandant Klink! Wake up! You've got to see this! It's a bloody miracle it is! Wake up!"

Opening his eyes, Klink massaged his temple. The first thing he saw was Newkirk's face close to his own. "What...what happened? What are you yelling about, Newkirk?"

"It's Colonel Hogan, sir!"

Klink shook his head to clear the cobwebs. He couldn't have drunk that much, could he?

He was about to ask the Englander what he meant by what he just said when he turned and saw Hogan slumped on the opposite end of his sofa. With eyes bulging, Klink jumped off the sofa and stood in the farthest corner of the room.

"Hogan?" he whispered in a tight voice. "No. It can't be! You're dead!"

"But he isn't, Kommandant," Kinch said having approached Hogan, and placing two fingers against Hogan's neck. "He's alive, Kommandant. He's not a ghost!"

Klink was frozen where he stood. He kept shaking his head. "I had too much to drink, that's what it is. Too much to drink. I'm seeing things."

Carter cautiously approached Hogan. "Is he really alive, Kinch?"

"Yeah, he is. But he doesn't look well at all."

Schultz staggered into the livingroom, followed by LeBeau. "What's with all the shouting, Herr Kommandant?" he asked, rubbing his forehead.

Klink pointed to the sofa. "Schultz, what do you see on the sofa?"

Schultz glanced at the sofa. "I only see Colonel Hogan, Herr Kommandant. He is..." Schultz suddenly paused. His eyes widened. "Herr Kommandant. I think I had too much to drink. I see nothing!! Nothing!!"

"Then I must've had too much to drink as well. I'm seeing things."

Kinch, Newkirk, Carter and LeBeau all gathered around the sofa. Kinch looked over his shoulder at Klink. "Kommandant, Colonel Hogan is alive. He's not a ghost! You have to believe me."

Klink shook his head. "I know what it is," he muttered. "Hogan's haunting me. That's it. He's haunting me."

Hogan struggled to sit up. As entertaining as he found Klink right now, all he wanted was to lay down in his own quarters. He pushed his crush cap back. "I'm alive, Kommandant. Even though I don't feel like it."

Klink slowly approached the sofa. "Hogan? Is it really you?" He reached out and touched the Colonel. "But how? I don't understand..."

"I'm not sure I do either, Kommandant," Hogan explained. "All I remember was feeling ill shortly after that work detail about a week ago. Next thing I know, I'm locked up in a prison cell someplace with doctors sticking me with needles every couple of hours."

Klink suddenly noticed his guests were gone. "Where is everyone?" he asked, confused. "I was entertaining three members of the Gestapo."

Hogan's men looked around as if noticing for the first time that the room was empty.

"Y'know what I think happened, Kommandant," said Kinch, slightly amused while trying to keep a straight face.

"What?" At this moment, Klink was ready to accept any explanation for what had occured.

"I think the Gestapo being here was part of a plan to return Colonel Hogan to Stalag 13."

Klink was thunderstruck. "Plan? What plan? You know something, don't you?"

Kinch shrugged his shoulders. "Not really, sir. It's just that it's mighty strange that three Gestapo officers suddenly show up, you and Schultz were obviously drugged, and then Colonel Hogan suddenly reappears, alive, and then Gestapo officers vanish."

Klink mulled over what Kinch had said. he nodded in agreement. "I think you must be right, Sergeant. But why would they take Colonel Hogan and then bring him back? What did they take him for?"

Kinch sighed wearily. "I was the only one in the room when two guards brought the Colonel in," he continued. "All one of them said was that the drug didn't work."

"Drug? What drug?" Klink turned towards Hogan. "What are they talking about, Hogan?"

Hogan sighed. "From what I understand, the Gestapo had invented a drug that simulates death and needed a guinea pig to experiment on. I was the lucky one. But apparently it doesn't work because I kept getting injections instead of one injection being enough. So, I guess they had no further use for me and returned me here."

"How diabolical!" Klink exclaimed. "How do you feel, Hogan?"

Hogan struggled to his feet and almost fell on his face. Fortunately for him, Kinch caught him before he fell on the floor. However, Hogan managed to give Klink one his patented smug grins.

"Don't worry, Kommandant, " he said weakly. "I'll wait until I feel better before I start haunting you."