Part 2

Mike Logan stood looking at the door in front of him like it was a something from out of space. He had gone home and tried to lose himself in a rerun of M*A*S*H* but all he could think about was what Wheeler had asked him. Was he a coward?

After downing three beers he decided he wasn't a coward and headed over to confront the one person who knew him better than anyone else. Well maybe he was a little bit of a coward because he had to stop once to have another beer.

Now he stared at the door to her apartment and had an internal argument with himself on why he should or shouldn't ring her doorbell. The decision was made for him when he heard several footsteps coming down the hall.

Turning he saw Liz walking straight towards him while two young girls were yelling at each other that it was their turn with some electronic toy. The two girls stopped arguing when they heard their mother gasped in shock at the visitor standing at their door.

"Detective Logan, what are you doing here?" Liz asked as she recovered quickly from her shock.

"Are you a real detective?" Both girls asked at once.

"Yup," he told them with a grin.

"Can we see your badge?" The one holding the game asked.

Mike reached into his pocket and pulled out his shield. "Here you go."

"Cool!" Both girls chimed as they looked at the badge. "Can we see your gun?"

"Girls, give Detective Logan back his badge." Liz said as she opened the door to their home. "Go set the table and then finish your homework. Dinner will be ready soon."

Mike took his badge back while reaching into his other pocket and pulling out his handcuffs. "Sorry guns aren't for show and tell but you can check out the cuffs."

Taking the cuffs the girls hurried inside. Mike smiled as he watched them and called out. "Don't put them on cuz I don't have a key with me."

Liz shook her head as she walked past him. "Handcuffs are not appropriate toys for children."

"Kids love them." He argued as he followed her inside.

Sighing Liz turned around. "What are you doing here Mike. I told you to stay away."

"I came to apologize."

Liz watched him for several seconds before saying. "You can apologize while I make dinner."

Mike followed her into the kitchen. "Look, I'm sorry that I made things worse for you today by going after Jack. I didn't think about how my actions would affect you and I'm sorry about that."

"But you're not sorry that you hit Jack are you?" She asked as she began to chop several peppers and onions she took out of basket on the counter.

"Are you going to be pissed if I say Hell no?" He asked as he took off his jacket and rolled up his shirtsleeves. "Here let me do that."

Liz handed Mike the knife she was using before reaching up to pull down a large pan and filling it with water for boiling. Walking around him she pulled out a package of sausages from the refrigerator and began to slice them. They continued to work in silence before she finally said. "If I have to be honest then the answer is no because you did the one thing I wanted to do but didn't."

Mike grinned, "I always knew you had a mean streak Doc."

Liz looked over at Mike. "Look I accept your apology, you can leave."

"These are done, do you want them sautéed?" He asked as he ignored her request.

Sighing Liz reached down and pulled out a pan. "Olive oil is in the left hand cabinet over the stove."

Mike fired up the stove as he poured some oil into the pan to heat up. He noticed garlic bulbs in the baskets the other vegetables were in. Quickly he peeled and chopped two to toss into the oil before adding everything else.

Liz watched Mike as he worked. "I didn't know you like to cook."

"Gotta eat and take out gets old pretty fast." He explained.

"Right, of course it does." She agreed as she handed him the sausages to add to the vegetables before she added ziti to the boiling water. A smile played at her lips as she watched him and she shook her head at what she was about to do. "Girls, make sure you set a place for Detective Logan."

"Dinner?" he asked with a grin.

"Well you did help prepare it. It's only fair you stay to share it with us." She told him as she grabbed a bottle of wine and two glasses, "wine?"

"Thanks," he said as he accepted the wine while he continued to stir the contents in the pan. Taking a deep breath he glanced sideways to see Liz watching him. "Maybe we should talk about the other thing that happened in the station."

Liz took a sip of her wine as she replayed Mike's confession over again in her head. "I don't think I can talk about that right now." She finally said.

Mike looked at her, his disappointment written on his face. "Oh."

"Dinner will be ready soon. I don't think we should start that discussion before we sit down with my daughters." She explained before adding hopefully. "But maybe we could talk about it after they go to bed."

"I'd like that." Mike reassured her.

"Good." Liz said as she smiled gratefully while secretly hoping she could make it through the meal without her daughters noticing her nervousness about their dinner companion.

***

Liz should have known better than to worry. Her daughters were no different than any other females and were completely charmed by Mike before they had gotten to dessert.

Mike surprised Liz as she study the way he interacted with her daughters. Maggie; her little tom-boy, was obviously the first one he connected with as they discussed the Yankees chances this season and the Giants surprise Superbowl win.

And just when she was afraid that Molly; her always proper young lady, was going to feel completely left out Mike used his detective skills to coquets out of the girl her love of horses. To which he regaled them with stories about his short time in the New York Mounted Police division and even asked if they would like a tour of the stables.

She couldn't help smiling as she watched Mike with her daughters, the way he actually listened to them as they talked and then joined them when they begged him to play that silly bowling video game.

Mike's arms shot up in victory as their scores were revealed. "Yeah baby!"

"One more game," Maggie begged.

"Please!" Molly chimed in.

"You two really want to be beaten five times in a row?" He teased as he sat down on the coach while the twins sat down on either side of him.

"One of us might beat you." Maggie argued.

Liz shook her head as she stood before them. "Not tonight you won't. Bed time, so say good night to Mike, go put on your pajamas and brush your teeth. I'll been in to say good night to you girls."

"Good night Mike," they both said as they each leaned over and gave him a quick hug before jumping up off the couch and heading into their room.

"Good night," he called out.

Liz smiled as she turned her attention back to Mike. "Just give me a few minutes to make sure they're all set and then we can talk."

"Sure, no problem," he told her as he stood up. "Do you want some more wine?"

"That would be nice, thank you." She said as she turned and started down the hall towards her daughters' room.

Walking back into the kitchen Mike refilled their wine glasses and carried them back into the living room. His anxiety got the better of him as he looked around the room waiting for her to return. Noticing the mess from the game still lying on the floor he shrugged his shoulders as he went about collecting the game cartridges and remotes.

Liz stopped in her tracks as she came back into the room. "You don't need to do that." She insisted as she hurried over to finish putting everything away.

"It's no problem," he told her before returning to his seat on the couch. Leaning over he picked up their wine glasses and passed Liz hers when she came and joined him.

Sighing Mike looked down at his glass as he tried to compose what he was about to say to the woman next to him. "I'm sorry about saying that to you today."

Liz shook her head as she laughed sadly. "Of course, I knew you regretted saying it as soon as it came out of your mouth."

Reaching out Mike placed his hand over Liz's. "You're right I did regret it. I regretted how I told you because you deserved better than to hear me say that I…" he stopped in mid sentence as he closed eyes for a brief second trying to calm his nerves before continuing. "That I love you in front of a room full of cops. I don't regret saying it Liz, I regret how I said it."

"Oh," Liz said as her brain tried to process what Mike had just confessed to her.

Clearing his throat he asked the question he dreaded most since it made him feel completely vulnerable. "Do you…I mean am I the only one who feels…" his stammering was cut off as Liz reached over and placed two fingers over his lips.

"I can't remember a time I haven't been in love with you Mike," she reassured him. "Even when you hurt me, I still loved you."

Mike ducked his head in shame as he remembered what he had done to her all those years ago. "I'm so sorry about that Liz. I could offer you a million excuses but the truth is that I was a huge asshole back then. Actually I was a jerk who felt entitled to sleep around as much as I liked, not caring who I hurt."

"I thought it was my fault, that I didn't satisfy you in bed." Liz confessed embarrassed at how self conscious she was during their brief affair.

"Never," Mike reassured her. "Liz you were the best thing to ever happen to me, I was just too stupid to realize it until it was too late."

"It wasn't completely your fault Mike. I didn't make things easy for you back then. I wanted to make you into somebody you weren't." She confessed. "I know that hurt you that I made you feel you weren't good enough."

"Nothing excuses my cheating on you Liz." Mike insisted. "You want to know how pathetic I am. The day I realized that it was you I wanted was the day I realized I didn't deserve you because I had failed you." He explained sullenly.

Liz looked at him in confusion. "Failed me, what do you mean?"

Mike turned his head slightly as he averted her gaze. "That day…at the hospital…when I came into the room…that's when it hit me that you were the one. None of that mattered though because how could I go to you when I was the reason you were raped."

"Mike," Liz said softly as she scooted closer to him. Reaching out she gently took his hands into hers, urging him to look at her. "How could you think that?"

Her heart broke as he finally looked up and she saw the anguish in his eyes as he fought back the tears that threatened to spill.

"Because it's true," he cried. "I should have closed the case. I shouldn't have backed down. I knew we were on the right tract but I let Don and Stone…God forgive me Liz but I didn't fight hard enough for you. If I had fought them harder, fought to run with my gut instinct then you wouldn't have gone back that day. You wouldn't have been raped."

She reached up to cup his cheek brushing away his tears with her thumb. "It wasn't you fault Mike. I made the decision to go after Merritt because of what he did to Diane Perkins. None of that matters though because the only one responsible for my rape was that bastard Merritt."

Mike shook his head in disagreement. "I knew what he was capable of. I saw the pictures from his wife suicide. I should have…"

"Stop it!" Liz begged. "You can beat yourself up all you want for being a jerk and cheating on me but I'll be damned if I'm going to let you continue to carry the blame for my rape because it wasn't your fault."

"I wish I could believe you," he told her.

"Then do Mike because it's the truth." She said as she stoked his cheek.

"I should have protected you," he argued.

"How?" she asked tenderly.

"I don't know," he admitted despondently.

"Because you couldn't," she reasoned. "I know that isn't what you want to hear but it's the truth. You couldn't have prevented my rape Mike."

"Do you know how badly I wanted to hold you when it happened?" he asked.

"There's no time limit, you could still hold me," she urged.

Mike didn't need any further encouragement as he pulled Liz to him and gathered her in his arms. Gradually he reclined back as he held her close. "Where do we go from here?"

Liz lifted her head so that she could look him in the eyes. "I don't know Mike. I wish I could tell you that we could just pick up where we left off but we can't. So much has happened and I have my daughters to think about."

"Right," he conceded unhappily as he pulled his gaze from hers and turned his attention towards the window across from them.

"All I know is that I don't want to lose you again. I know I'm not ready for us to become lovers yet but I would like for us to become friends. I would like it if we could spend time together…the four of us spend time together. Take things slow and see where it leads us." She told him hopefully.

A faint smile graced his lips as he turned his attention back to her. "I can do slow. Believe it or not, my patients has gotten better as I've gotten older."

Liz chuckled, "I think I'm going to like getting to know the more mature version of Mike Logan."

"I hope so," he told her as leaned forward and kissed her forehead, "because I'm not going anywhere."

Sighing Liz closed her eyes as she rested her head on his chest, listen to his heartbeat. "I think I can live with that," she murmured as they both gradually fell asleep.