I say 'Hi' to the few who read this ^^ I hope this can get better, but homework be overflowing. And I've been sick, so yeah. Please Review my darlings! (but you guys are older than me probably so I shouldn't say darling.)
I do NOT own Death Note!!! DCountless days had passed quickly since my cold reality check, and it all stayed the same.
Get up, go to classes, play with toys, eat dinner, and then try to entertain myself at night. Boring, boring, boring!! Day after day with no talking, no friends, no…emotion. Without pain.
Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
And the worst part was, Mello hadn't acknowledged me ever since the day I complimented on his grades. Did he just give up on me? Am I strange when I feel good for him? The question that has been bugging me most of all though…
Am I not supposed to be happy?
If I could ask someone, anyone, that question they would pity me. Or laugh if they thought I wasn't being serious. No, I doubt they would laugh, because aren't I supposed to be serious all the time?
I'm so sorry, all these questions….
I was sitting at my seat quietly in Social Studies, waiting for Mrs. Wilson to walk in any moment. The few students in the class were in a bundle, talking idly to each other while I sat there alone and did nothing but think. Think.
If some being gave me a choice to whether to be a genius, who could be known world wide and have a mind so complex only I could understand what was going on, or a complete idiot, I'd choose the idiot. I know it sounds crazy, but having to think every day, every waking hour….it's too much in my opinion. Being in thought is just like talking aloud to yourself, only nobody can hear you. That being a fact right there, I'm crazy. Talking to myself every minute.
I then noticed all the kids had sat down. Mrs. Wilson was here, tidying her desk as always and taking enormous gulps of coffee. It was amazing at how much caffeine one could take in one sitting. I've tried coffee before and I'd thrown up from the bitter taste. Then again, did I really look like the type who would have any liquid other than water? Most would be surprised that I actually ate. Same with chocolate….
"Okay class, settle down, and settle down!" Mrs. Wilson had some exasperation in her voice. Funny, I thought coffee would keep you perkier. She walked over to my desk with a mug in her hand.
"Near hun, may you go to the teacher lounge and fill my mug again?" The class looked at me for an answer and I just nodded. What, did they think I would say no?
I grabbed her mug gently and began to walk out the door as she gratefully chirped a 'thank you'.
I was two halls away from the classroom when I realized…I didn't know where the teacher's lounge was. No teacher had ever asked me to run an errand, and I had never even gone close to staff territory except the kitchen. Should I have gone back to ask? No, that would be embarrassing. My choices where to use common knowledge or to ask any one who had come up in the hallway.
"I can't believe it…" I mumbled. "Stupid!" Mentally scolding myself for not asking Mrs. Wilson before I left the class. Then a strong smell over whelmed my nostrils. It was…bitter. Very bitter. I looked down into Mrs. Wilson's cup and sure enough, the mug still had some dark coffee in it. I slowly put in closer to my face and sniffed it a few times. Revolting.
"How can anyone eat this-ah!"
I yelped as the hot drink spilt all over my white shirt as I tumbled over onto the hard floor. I looked to the mug on the floor and realized how scorching hot the coffee was, and how it was burning my torso. Quickly, I lifted my shirt just enough to see the damage and began to rub the red spot the stood out on my creamy stomach.
"God, I hate coffee…"
"Uh…" another voice said. Another voice…someone had seen me! I turned around at the witness, hoping I wasn't crying from the burn. To my horror (or delight?) the one who had seen me fall, yelp, and have a front row seat at seeing my torso, was none other than Mello. I felt my face grow very hot, but I didn't know if I was blushing.
But Mello was blushing. A lot.
"Uh..um…Near?" He sounded nervous, or worried. Great, now I probably scared him to death. Why was I always so unlucky!
Realizing I was still holding up my shirt, I slipped it down again as quick as I could. I stayed silent on the floor, waiting for Mello to leave, or to at least say something. I knew that if I said anything I would pay for it later.
Then he did the thing I least expected him to do. He went over to where the mug was, picked it up, and gently handed it to me. Well, he tried to, but I was in such shock that I didn't move my hand. Because of this, he decided to grab my wrist and make me take the mug. Now I knew I was blushing. Slowly, he glanced down at my stained shirt. He was probably trying to find something to say.
"Uh, are you okay?"
Am I okay? The words ran through my head. Did Mello, the boy who would've just laughed at me and kicked my burn, let those words escape his mouth? Call me crazy, but I think he just did. What to say, what to say…
"Yes, I am. Now will you not stare at my stomach?"
Damn, damn, damn! Why did I say that?! It was comments like that that would ruin the most blissful moment in my whole lifetime! What if Mello didn't hear me? I looked up at his face once more. His angelic features were twisted in somewhat disgust, but I could see that he was, in a way, …offended. He had heard loud and clear, so now was all I could do was sit and wait for him to leave.
It was probably four minutes and he still hadn't left. I still hadn't stood up. To him it probably was some sort of competition between us, to see which one would collapse and leave the other. He was waiting for me to leave and I was waiting for him to leave. I didn't know what to do. He wanted me to leave, so should I just leave with some sort of dignity? I would have a legimate excuse. Then again, I could just sit there and stare at him until he left. I would just have to tell Mrs. Wilson that I was lost. No, that wouldn't work! She would ask why I didn't come back and ask her or someone in the hall and I'd have a very crummy answer. I didn't want to.
This was a lose-lose situation, which bugged me the most. Mello looked unmoved, except that he also looked aggravated, and I knew that my original facial expression was…well, still on. He was probably even more frustrated with me.
I'd have to leave first. Hopefully I could get away with it.
Trying to stand up, I rubbed my stomach and looked up at the blond.
"I'm on an errand, I need to leave." It was hard to sound cool when Mello was a few inches away from my face. I prayed to myself that he couldn't tell I was nervous. Because I was.
I took my first step and suddenly felt Mello's strong hand on my arm. Unwanted touch was what came to mind. I could feel my eyes widen slightly before I turned around and smacked the hand out of fear, causing Mello to put a tighter on me. I wanted to yell, tell him to go away, anything to make him leave. My arm was aching as memories of my father ran through my mind in a way that scared me and every time I tried to pull away from the older boy, the grip was tightened. It caused so much pain.
"Mello…." I stared at him putting a sour face on that would hopefully get through to him. But it didn't.
"I'm not leavin'…" he got so close to my face that I could feel his hot breath on my cheeks. "Until you answer me."
Answer him about what? Where I was going? No, I doubt that he wouldn't care.
Once again he tightened his grip and I held back a yelp. He asked as if he was talking to a three year old, "Are. You. Okay?"
Oh, that. What was I supposed to say? Well, my arm hurts, my stomach is burning and I feel very hot. That would be stupid to say.
"Okay, just a little shook by the thermal heat. From the coffee." I put emphasis on thermal and coffee so he wouldn't get the impression I was hot because of him. That would be awkward.
Mello let go of my arm and his expression softened, but only a little. I rubbed my arm and walked away quickly at this before I hear him say, "That's good."
"Near, dear heart, where have you been?"
Mrs. Wilson ran over to me, her red-orange hair falling from her bun as usual. It was ten minutes before class would end, which basically meant I would have to make up all this time with an extra class. Mrs. Wilson grabbed the mug of coffee and looked skeptically at me.
"Near, what is that stain from? Is that coffee?"
I mentally slapped myself for not remembering to go up to my room and change shirts. My story with Mello would cause something, I could tell. Not only that, but after I left the blond in the hall I still didn't know where to go so I had to wonder until I saw another person, in a way, it was exasperating.
"Yes." I replied. "Just a little spill."
It hurt. My arm, my torso, my head, it was all hurting. After class I went straight to my room, changing my dirty shirt and putting an ice pack on my arm. Mello had a very tight grip.
"Ah!" I softly yelped as the cold ice met my upper arm. I hated it when I yelped or squeaked. That always showed a sign of weakness, no, a sign to be vulnerable didn't it? Or maybe it just reminded me of the sounds when I still lived with my father…
'No, no, no!' I mentally yelled at myself. 'Nothing happened! Nothing happened!!' Of course I knew I was sexually abused as a small child, but I was in such denial. Some days I would act as if my Wammy room was my tiny old room at my original home, only my dad wasn't across the hall from me. I'd never be fooled by my stupid act, but I'd always hope it would let me drift to a completely different place where nobody knew me. Where I was never taken away from a loving mother, I had a few friends and I could talk without being considered sick.
I only wished though, and that was all I could do. I knew for a fact I was one of those people meant to be used, to not be happy.
I thought I'd live a loveless life, without anyone or anything but my mind.
I snapped out of my terrible thoughts when I heard a knocking on my door.
A knocking?
No one ever came to my room; they didn't want to take time out of their day to visit someone like me. It could've been Roger telling me something important, or L on a visit.
The door knocked again. It was someone, so all I could do was quietly say, "Come in."
As if they were listening at the door, they heard me and automatically opened the door to me room. My eyes barely widened when I saw the one who was knocking on my door was Mello.
After a few silent seconds, I let my eyes go back to a more relaxed state and calmly said, "Hello Mello."
He hesitated before he replied, "…Hello Near."
Continues on the upcoming chapter!!! Review?