AN: Thanks to the StargateWiki site, chevron 26(dot)com and members(dot)liwest(dot)at/reno/stargate(dot) htm for the goa'uld translations - it wouldn't have been quite the same if I hadn't been able to use actual goa'uld words. :) Btw, I actually upset myself a little writing this. Hehe. How sad is that?
SG-1 made their way through the maze of corridors towards Daniel's office. If coffee was to be found, Daniel's office was certainly the place. In fact, unbeknownst to anyone in the Cheyenne Mountain complex, the particularly nice coffee machine that had appeared one day in the corner was actually a gift from John for Daniel's last birthday.
John had made all sorts of excuses about how the whole thoughtful present thing was simply a side-effect of his having too much time on his hands now that he no longer had to save the world. Daniel had teased him for even remembering someone's birthday and John muttered something about student diaries and how it was compulsory for you to write your friends' birthdays in them.
As Daniel set to work pouring out the delicious smelling liquid for his team, he felt suddenly sad remembering that John had told him how he'd enlisted Ally's aid in researching the different brands and models. Ally. Daniel closed his eyes, holding his cup as his team sat in companionable silence enjoying their first sip of excellently brewed coffee.
Alyson was so full of life and mischief. So clever and funny. Daniel honestly couldn't have been more reassured knowing John had a friend like her. Even though Daniel was sure that she had worked out that there was more to John than he let on, she had never pushed John for information about his past. It was like she knew there was a deep sadness in him and was quietly supportive without being blatant about it.
Ally. Daniel knew her. Not particularly well but although the thought of those other five girls tore at his heart, the idea of that wickedly witty, vivacious redhead having her innocence and dignity and soul ripped to shreds made him want to throw things. His hands shook around the cup, as if his inner torment could make him strong enough to crush it.
What would he have done in John's place? If it had been Daniel walking into that room, would Frankston still be alive? There was a darkness that lurked deep within him that he hid from everyone – sometimes even from himself. Anger. Cold fury. Hate. He kept it locked up most of the time. Forced himself not to think about whatever torments his wife would have gone through. Had to shut down such thoughts for fear that they'd destroy him.
Both O'Neills were good men. That was an undisputable fact but Daniel knew he was too. Except that there was this dark potential that he had seen in the vision Shifu had given him. How easy it would be for him to walk down that path towards evil. Daniel had seen himself, felt himself as that person. That utterly cold, heartless villain. Ruled by the mind, with no heart or conscience guiding him. Believing himself to be doing the right thing for everyone but in reality guided only by the belief that he had the right to play god. Sometimes he woke in a cold sweat remembering what deep down he was truly capable of doing.
Even now, he felt that chill settling down inside him. He felt this pull to get up and leave the SGC. To go find Frankston. To make him suffer. To pay for what he'd done. He felt his stomach twist as his mind came up with some truly dreadful punishments. And he could see himself doing these things quietly and without emotion. Simply a cold righteousness. He went to put his cup down on the desk and nearly missed. Teal'c deftly slid the cup out of his grip and to safety.
"Daniel?" Jack put a hand on his friend's shoulder.
"I'm fine. Just didn't get much sleep last night."
"We can all see that. You were taking care of this friend of yours?"
"Yeah."
"Anything we can do?" Sam asked.
"No."
"Do you wish to discuss it, DanielJackson?" Teal'c asked.
"Not really." Daniel took his glasses off and tossed them on his desk. He rubbed his forehead in agitation.
"Daniel… maybe it would help to talk about it." Sam pressed.
"Believe me, Sam. Talking about it is not going to change anything."
"We realise that, Daniel. We just want to know what's going on." Jack shrugged. "I don't think it's too much to ask for at least some idea since it involves all of us."
"How do you figure that? Just because the mission was postponed? Because you have to suffer through a few days of down-time?" Daniel demanded angrily. "You don't give a damn about anyone but yourself!"
"For crying out loud, Daniel. That's hardly fair."
"Well, life's not bloody fair, is it?" Daniel stood and turned, leaning heavily against the bookcase behind him. "Listen, thank you all… but I'd really rather be alone right now."
"If you're sure…" Jack frowned.
"Yes, I am."
"You know where to find us…"
"Yes."
"Okay. Come on, guys." Jack nodded to Carter and Teal'c.
"I shall follow in a moment, O'Neill." Teal'c said quietly, his eyes fixed on Daniel's back.
Jack nodded and Carter followed him out into the corridor. She gave a small squeak as Jack suddenly grabbed her and pushed her against the wall near Daniel's door.
"What?"
"Shh!" He put a finger to her lips. "We're eavesdropping."
"And why do I have to be here for this?" She shook her head.
"Because my Goa'uld is a tad rusty. And that's what they're speaking in there. Clever idea from Teal'c. Perhaps talking in another language will make it easier for our boy." He nodded his head towards the door. "Now concentrate and tell me what they're saying."
She frowned, still not happy about listening in on their friends' conversation but she did want to know what was going with Daniel. "Well, Teal'c started off with 'Pa'kree' which is like 'what's up?' Daniel said something like 'harek rel kree lo'mak onak rak shel'na' which basically means that there is nothing Teal'c can do to help."
"Good, good… keep going… what else?"
"Uh… something about 'krenol', an attack – and 'renek' which means honour and 'kalash' which refers to a person's soul."
"Well, that doesn't make much sense."
"I'm doing the best I can, sir. I'm not exactly fluent in spoken Goa'uld. Now Daniel is saying something similar to 'sha'lokma'kor'."
"Oh, I know that one. It means 'Kill them!' I wonder why I've heard that before." Jack grinned, then his grin faded. "Wait, Daniel wants to kill someone?"
Carter grimaced. "Teal'c is calming him down. Now Daniel is asking Teal'c if he'll come with him somewhere. That was the 'se'biu' part. Teal'c is agreeing and saying something about the spirit or substance of someone or maybe more than one person being stronger or more resilient than Daniel might think. That everything is going to be alright basically."
"Does Daniel believe him?" Jack wanted to know.
"Maybe a little. He wants to."
Out of nowhere, Daniel appeared at the door, Teal'c behind him. Their expressions were unreadable.
"And what does 'shak'ti'qua' mean, Sam?" Daniel asked, not too unkindly.
"Uh… 'what do you think you're doing'?" She blushed profusely.
"Daniel! Buddy!" Jack opened his arms expansively. "We were just…uh…waiting for Teal'c."
"O'Neill. Endeavouring to overhear a person's private conversation is not typically considered to be honourable." Teal'c told him.
"Probably not. Look, Daniel… we're just worried about you."
"I'm fine." Daniel said again.
"Yeah, so you said earlier. I'm not buying it." Jack shrugged. "Guess I know you too well. Now Carter worked out something about an attack on someone. Was your friend attacked? And you want to hurt the person responsible? If you can tell Teal'c why can't you tell us?"
"You want to know that badly?" Daniel snapped, his patience threadbare. He shoved Jack against the wall. "You want to know that six girls were raped? Over and over by someone they should have been able to trust? Do you need to know that? That J… my friend… walked in and saw it happening? That one of the girls was his best friend? That I know her? I don't want to know what I know, Jack. I can't stand it!"
"Oh my god." Sam said quietly, her face white.
"Daniel…" Jack's voice had softened. His hands were on Daniel's shoulders. He pulled his friend closer, one hand going to the back of Daniel's head, comforting him in that masculine way Jack had that should have seemed awkward but never did. He looked Daniel directly in the eyes. "If you and Teal'c are going on some mission to hurt the bastard responsible then you'd better count me in."
Still okay?