Day2

God, I'm not sure I'm going to survive the withdrawal. My body craves what I REFUSE to give it, but that doesn't stop it from having a mind of its own.

I haven't moved from my current position in probably the last 7 hours. I don't really know how long I've even been here. I know it feels like forever, but that's not real. Nothing feels real right now, except the tremors, the cold chills, the sweating, and…the memories.

The memories are the worst. I would trade every memory I am experiencing for a double-dose of chills and sweats at this point. My knees are drawn to my chest as I rock myself back and forth near the head of my single bed. I shake, uncontrollably, but I can't shake her from my mind no matter how many tremors run through my body…I still feel her… Macy.

-Flashback-

1 year ago

"Hey Ashley! Great show tonight."

Ashley looked into the eyes of the girl in front of her and felt an immediate attraction. She was gorgeous.

"Thanks," she courteously replied, "What's your name?"

"Oh, I'm Macy. I've been coming down here to watch you play for a while now. You have an incredible voice," the girl responded.

"Well, Macy, thanks for coming out. Have time for a drink?"

The look on the girl's face was one of shock. It was like she couldn't believe her ears.

"Umm, I would love to have a drink with you."

"Great," Ashley mused. She slung her guitar bag over her shoulder and took the girl's hand in front of her, slowly backing her way to the bar, never releasing eye contact.

"Why don't you tell me a little about yourself, Macy?"

-End Flashback-

I saw her every day after that night.

What have I done?

I had everything…and I fucked it up in a heartbeat. I'm selfish, there's no other excuse. I could blame the drugs and alcohol, I could blame her for telling me we would be okay with the drugs in our life. I could blame the music, the rock star life…but the truth is, it's just me. I'm a walking train wreck…but the train's finally been de-railed. De-railed in the middle of nowhere, with no one around.

I have nothing. I had everything, but I will never again know what everything is. It doesn't matter…I can never go back.

I think the walls are closing in on me? Is this some kind of sick joke? Why would they smother me here? They can't squeeze the filth out of my system! Wait, the walls are making noise now too?! I can hear scraping and movement. Can't they make the pain go away?!

Dressed in a white lab coat, black pants, and a red shirt, the counselor assigned to assess Ashley's progress entered her room. Taking a seat, smoothing over her long blond hair, she opened the folder in her hands and began to look over the details of Ashley's addiction.

"Habitual cocaine and heroin user, drinks daily, found in a drunken stupor by her sister and brought to Memories for in-patient treatment. Willingly signed self in for 90 day treatment," she read softly to herself.

The doctor looked up from the file allowing her blue eyes to scan over the shell of a girl in front of her. She wondered how people ever got to this point. She is so beautiful…beautifully broken, she thought. I hope I can help her find herself again. Such a spirit and voice shouldn't be wasted.

Ashley began slowing her rocking and found herself staring straight at the girl in front of her, so comfortably positioned in the oversized chair across from the end of her bed. She started to feel oddly comforted staring into the bluest of blue eyes.

The doctor slowly stood and walked to the side of Ashley's bed, never breaking eye contact with the broken girl in front of her. She motioned her hand to the side of the bed, asking silent permission to sit near her. Ashley simply nodded in a slow, drawn-out fashion. The young blonde sat down and quickly brought one leg up under the other, making herself as comfortable as possible.

"Ms. Davies? I'm Dr. Carlin. You and I are going to be spending a lot of time together over the next few weeks," the young doctor spoke slowly, but in a very soothing manner, in hopes that Ashley would focus on the words she was speaking. "Do you know where you are right now, Ms. Davies?"

A small nod of her head, and Ashley began to rock a little more. Back and forth, back and forth, she rocked…but never relinquished eye contact with the blonde in front of her.

"That's good. You're a step ahead of some others that come through our doors," she offered with the faintest of smiles. "Are you in any pain right now?"

The broken brunette shook her head no, but a single tear found its escape from her eyes as she continued to watch the doctor with such intensity. As soon as Ashley recognized the cool tear tracing a pattern down her cheek she leaned her face against her shirt sleeve and wiped it away, promptly returning her gaze to the doctor.

Dr. Carlin frowned ever so slightly, seeing the pain etched on Ashley's beautiful face. She wanted nothing more than to reach out and hug the beautifully broken girl, but she knew she could do no such thing…not until she knew Ashley trusted her. Instead, she flashed a shy smile her way, with her head tilting on its own, and slowly rose from the bed.

"I'll come by in the morning, Ms. Davies, and we'll spend some time together, ok?" Ashley never budged, just continued to watch the movements the blonde made. So graceful and full of life. That's all she wanted for herself…a life worth living.

"I just wanted to introduce myself so we could put faces to names. If you need anything, please push that yellow button on the wall next to your bed. The nurses are here to help you as well. If you have any pain, they can help you find some comfort," Dr. Carlin stated. Ashley simply nodded.

As the doctor reached the door and place her hand over the knob to leave she heard the smallest voice behind her. Confused, she turned her head to the girl rocking on her bed.

"I'm sorry? Did you say something," she inquired.

"Ashley," the quiet voice repeated. "Please Doc Carlin…just Ashley."

The doctor smiled and returned, "Please Ashley…just Spencer."

At that moment, the brunette broke their warring eyes and looked down at the bed in front of her, continually rocking herself, with the faintest grin tugging at the corners of her mouth.

The brunette's smile did not go unnoticed. Spencer turned the door handle and left Ashley alone to rock herself to sleep, as so many people did their first few days at Memories.

Spencer found herself getting lost in the sound of her heels clicking against the cool tile floor as she made her way back to her office. She paused for a moment at her door before pushing through, entering her quiet office to take her place behind the mahogany desk.

She knew she was going to have her hands full with her newest patient, but couldn't seem to stop smiling about it.

She has so much potential for success in her life. I just have to find a way to break through those walls and get to the heart of her issues. I don't think she's your typical addict, at least not from what I see in her. I just have to keep my own personal feelings in check right now. Besides, I bet she doesn't even remember me…it's been so long ago.