She had heard a very familiar sound. But it didn't stick in her mind, it was her past that was taken away from her. Seeing all her memories on the wall burn slowly as some of them are just destroyed as the faces of her family are just holes.

It was a strike into her heart, someone killed her emotionally

Padmé looked around the room seemed, smaller. Empty it felt like the walls were coming in on her. It was like the bed and the shelves made the room expanded. She was seated on the floor looking around looking at the empty walls. She wanted to get to her spaceship. It was annoying to get over the fact that someone tried to kill her own her home planet.

She was lonely, Sola and Obi-wan was at the lake house alone today. Her mother had left her alone for the entire week. She had loved that at first, but now.

She wanted something to do.

Something to get her going and get her mind of things. Her memories were coming back for her, from behind. And all she wanted to do was to escape. The dress wasn't killing her anymore. All her mind was focused on was the sound that nobody would explain it to her. There had been a sound she recognise, it had been. She was sure of the sound. She knew it like it had been her heartbeat in her ear. It was annoying to have everybody tiptoeing around her. It had been like this before. That was why she chose to be Freedom.

To get just that Freedom.

But right now she was waiting for someone to open her cage. A golden cage with her inside, and the only one who really could open her cage. For her he who was the one was dead. She didn't care any more.

But it was so disturbing, years later and that ache was there. She had a funeral for him, didn't she? And yet she was in pain.

Were was her bottle?

Standing up she felt the cold floor, remembering that she actually was alive. But right now she wished she was dead. Wandering around the house, made her feel small again. A few happy memories slipped through the hard and aching ones. Like the ones with her and her sister running through the hallway looking, laughing, for their mother. Now she was slowly walking, dead, looking for something much stronger then lemonade. Finding her fathers shelves with the bottles. She felt like a teenager, but much less exiting. She just took the biggest one with the most liquor in it. Grabbed a glace and walked away.

Sure one of the maids saw her, but right now she just wanted to have that substance inside her system.

Just wanted to sober up later and forget it all.

Garden behind the tall flowers, she never remembered the name of, tall enough to hide her long enough to get drunk. The wet grass under her feet gave her shivers. The dress got wet from underneath and she didn't care. She was alive, or she thought so anyway. Seemed odd, for some reason it felt like the hired murderer, according to Obi-Wan, actually killed her, and she lost the battle of her own life. The first real defeat she had in her life, and it was painful. No tears, she had no one left. So she at least thought she didn't feel any one anyway. Didn't care about the glace that was right next to her in the grass. Why waist it for something that so easy just could rush down to her stomach. Same as always it tasted afoul, but the second one smoothed out her throat and by the fifth time she had the bottle at her mouth, she didn't taste the taste. If she cried or if it was the rain. She would never know.

He could dedicate his entire life around that look.

Her angelic face.

And it made all the pain go away as he watched her take slow deep breaths and her eyes closed. He was to close he knew that, but it was getting dark and she hadn't moved since he had spotted her. He had remembered this to be her favourite hiding spot as a kid.

And after that attempt on her life.

Padmé felt strangely enough calm when she woke up. The soft sheets was touching her like small soft hands. The only thing was her head that kept spinning. Had a bad hangover that morning, slowly trying to get up in a sitting position. Silk, who had silk in their garden.

Silk and pillows.

Her head could spin all it wanted but she knew silk when she had her hands on it. This was defiantly silk underneath her. No one in her family would have found her out there.

She knew that.

Where was she?

Her eyes searched the room, empty, just the bed. No room she knew. Even though she had a bad hangover, this wasn't a place she knew. White, white curtains, white silk, wooden floor. Soft wind coming from the outside down to her cheeks. Felt like a dream. Next thought came up, was she dead? Maybe she died in the garden, and this is the door to haven. The covers were fluffy and easy to remove, felt real. The floor wasn't cold, not yet warm either, but real. This couldn't be haven, but it looked like it. Something that had been her dream a long time ago. A sudden strange feeling made her look down, a braid came down her chest, her hair was in a braid, a white short night dress. This was not how she looked yesterday. She had worn her purple clothing yesterday. This was weird, but yet she was calm as ever. Something about the room made her feel safe. First time in many years she had that feeling, like in her mothers arms. She walked towards the window, but stopped dead in the tracks. On the floor she stared at the hologram lying there. Pictures were shifting slowly from one to a other. Pictures she hadn't seen in years, pictures she didn't even know existing. She feel to the floor next to it. Stared at the pictures, didn't touch it. Afraid that it might disappear if she did. One single tear made its way down her cheek. The memories overwhelmed her, took her by surprise. Surprise that the feelings were still there.

He watched, the tears didn't come. She, his angel, was sitting on the floor crying. But he could feel the emotions she had. It was a weird mixture of sadness and love, in a whirl of other smaller emotions in one body. Just bubbling like a boiling water bottle. The emotions within him made the decision, not his mind, the body he was in was moving forward. Her sentence came with a small wind to him, all those forgotten feelings boiling and trying to get out.

A quiet footstep came up behind her. But her tear kept rolling down her cheek.

" P? " A soft voice asked her from behind.

A voice she didn't think was possible to hear again.

She swallowed the big thing she had in her throat, trying to stand up. But her balance failed her. Falling back on her butt, something took her in a grasp. Something strong, something that she felt so intense. Like it wasn't meant to feel. It became cold and warm in the same time. Tense. The arms pushed her in the direction of her feet's on the ground. Standing on her own, still facing the window, wind blowing in her face. Had no idea if she should turn around or not. Simplest thing was just to stand there.

Not to move.

But when the very familiar hand was put on her shoulder, something melted inside.

Tears, small tears came down her eyes.

" P? You okey? " The voice asked softly. This was emotions that run through her as she found herself on a pair of soft lips. Very soft, welcomed, felt so very right in those arms that hold her in a tight hug. It felt like all these years were never really there. The warmth were just what she needed against her cold skin that hadn't been touched like that in years. No one had touched her, not as if the hands was fire. Her fingers played with sand brownie hair, soft locks that hadn't been washed in a while, just as always. Always?

Her lungs had air once more. Her head down as her feelings came back running up her spine and hitting her head, the feeling of shame. This was not the feelings in her body, they were alien, suppose to be.

" Ani? " Although she already knew the answer, the question had to be asked. The hands followed her spine down to her hip where they stayed. She felt like the hands were burning on her hips, he was always her fire.

" Padm… "

" It is you! " She said in a very tiny voice. A sentence she never thought she would say to that man ever again. But the tone of voice wasn't what she was accepting, it should have been stronger, angrier. But it was weak and pledging. As if she had missed him all that time and like he never hurted her. But something in his arms, without even look into his eyes, made her vulnerable again. Melted away all that anger she had built up from her training and fighting, nothing was left in her body to scream out once he hold her again.

" … and it's you. " His soft words replied. She didn't look at his face, but in her memory she could remember how he would look like at that moment. Hurt confused that she didn't see him in the eyes. But she didn't feel his younger fire, that one that made those fast decisions she knew he made.

It was something wrong with Anakin, she felt it so very very real.

" Your gone! " He words couldn't been more true.

Slowly she looked up, there were no Jedi clothing on the body, black lather was what she was feeling beneath her fingers. As her eyes traveled up towards his face. Looking in to his eyes again felt like, like, like they never were gone more then a second.

Felt so real that she fainted.

His angel fainted into his arms. Yes, he was gone. Supposed dead in a battle. Supposed decided, dead and buried. He was a dead man walking, and she had not seen him coming back into her life.

It was a mistake, but he had felt her again.

She had kissed him, she had chosen to kiss him. That made his heart make a double twist around his brain and back to the chest. Watching her body fall back on the white pillows and her face, her beautiful face, just laying there. He had never thought he would feel that way again. Nothing in his world meant more to him then that moment. Nothing could even touch her. She was so way more worth his arm, more then his six senses. More then anything that he could come up with.

She was perfect in every way.

His hand fallowed her face structure, stroke her hair back from it. Let it fall back in thick brown curls. His angel was asleep. Just as a piping sound broke the silence, he had to move away from her. Just to the window, just so no one could see that she was there. He knew the sound very well, no one else had that tune.

" Yes, Master? " His voice remained cold and unbroken.

" Anakin, so pleased to finally find you. Where could I meet you in person? Our plans are changed, again " The cold and old voice told him in the form of an halo in his palm. The only thing Anakin wanted to do was to shut it down and go back to the bed and watch her. But without an answer, his master would come and find him.

" We can't and will not talk in person " Was the reply he gave, there were no way.

" Still shy Anakin? " The voice mocked him, laughing " There is no way you need to still be in hiding no more. You want to know why? " Anakin had for the first time, no idea what his master would say. He was always one step before his master, but not this time.

" Why? "

" Your mistress, she knows who you are. She did some research " The voice said still mocking him, knowing the younger man a bit to well.

" There is no way she could find out " He continued to argue, mostly within himself.

" Oh, but the young you haven't been careful enough lately, wonder why? "

" You keep on wondering old man. She doesn't know who I am, and if she would find out. What would she do with the info? "

" She could turn against you! "

" You know it didn't work for Palpatine, why are you even trying to convert me to your side this time? "

" You call me master " The voice added as a final line, before the halo disappeared. Leaving Anakin confused about the conversation. Why would the man make the effort to contact him, if only to mock him, it didn't add up. And he could search for him, easier then to talk to him. Something was very wrong with it, and right now it was jeopardizing Padmés safety. He had to move.

One eye open, one eye closed. Closing the open eye, back to darkness. Slowly opening both eyes. Wasn't like before, light blue was everywhere. It was smaller, smaller then what?

Pushing herself up against pillows and pillows behind her back, she looked over the room. Light blue in different dept of blue, everywhere, a sofa and table. Two large windows on both sides of the room, a door to her right from the bed she was in. Was almost like the flat on Coruscant she had before he left her. Before everything. Nothing more then a green carpet. Nothing more, nothing less to forget. She felt uncomfortable in the very soft sheets, lonely.

Just as the feeling came over her with loneliness, a hand reached for her. Her head switched target from the table to a familiar face. Almost fainted again.

" Oh, no! Your not going to faint again P " Said his for now light voice. She stared at him in chock. What was he doing here, with her alone and without even shown a sign of life for years. He had a smile she loved on his lips, didn't help him at all, she was in to much chock to smile. Just kept on staring at him. Moving away when he took a seat on the bed

" Sorry! "

" Sorry...? " She was almost offended by his words. All he had to say to her, sorry?

" Yeah, sorry. I'm really sorry P! " He said with those eyes that could have moved mountains before, just a couple a years ago. Now, they just looked at her, and nothing happened to her.

" Yeah? Your sorry Ani? You can't be sorry now, your to late " She stated to him, watching the young Ani disappear from his face. And a older, tiered man take his place. It was obvious change, something that made her want to know him. Feel him again and know him all over. But it was to late, she had buried him, his last memory on Tatooine.

He was gone for her.

" I'm just a little late, but I'm here " He begged her in a calm voice " I'm here, must count for something? "

" Yeah, maybe that your late " Her voice said before her brain could react on anything " I left you on Tatooine weeks ago. I took your medallion off. I don't have anything left for you. I turned myself into Freedom because of you, I turned my back on democracy because of you. Because you were gone. All that for you. You can't be back! "

She fought mostly with her own brain, it was to much to ask of her. To take him back just because he begged her with his adorable eyes.

" I'm here " He kept on saying.

" You took my baby away, Ani! " That hurt just to say, to hear it was just plain torture. Must have been for him to as he looked away towards the window. Her own words echoed in her heart and head. That was her Achilles heal, her baby, no body knew of. But she knew about it, knew how it hurted to loose the heartbeat she had. It just stopped existing and she died a bit with it.

" Padmé, I have no words to say to you to make you take me back. But that man died when our baby died " He didn't look her in the eye when he spoke to her. She felt the anger come over her again, the anger she missed before, came with full force.

" Doesn't mean I wanted him back either! Ani, look at me! 2 She turned his head around to force him to look into her fires of eyes

" You took my baby, the baby I should have hold in my arms right now. I should have been a mother by now, you took it all. Because of what? Ani? You just took it! " She had no idea what to say more then that, but it was enough for him to look away again.

" I killed my baby. I don't even know why I'm alive "

She just stared at him, pushing away the urge to hug him and tell him everything was going to be okey " You just looked at me that time, and all I can do is to look back and wonder if you ever loved me. I have never hated someone as I hate myself. And, and, and all I want is to wake up and see you and the baby waiting for me when I wake up in your summer house here. But it's never gonna happen is it? " As he looked at her, something once more broke. Her heart this time. Just as that time. It broke into a thousand pieces, and no one tried to puzzle them together.

" You killed our child, Ani, you. You did that! " He closed his eyes and for a second it looked like he went through all the fires of hell. And then he just became calm and still, scaring her even more. She had no idea of what to do, or say.

" I know, and I'm sorry! "

" Why? "

" Why? How do you know if your… "

" No! No not that Ani, why where you even there? What happened to you that week? " This time he didn't even stay on the bed she was in. He almost run out of the bed away from her.

Then she knew it was right, all those stories she had heard from Obi-Wan that week after. He had turned to the dark side. He was the black rider.

" Black Rider? " Anakin just stopped and turned around and stared at her.

" That's what you call me? "

" They call you! If you are that man, thing, the Black Rider? "

" I'm not, but I was Darth Vader. But only for a day! " Padmé wanted to cry this was even worse.

" A day is just as bad as a life time, Ani "She said sad, without really understanding why she was " I just wanted that time, by the lake you and me alone and the lake house. That was all I wanted, I didn't want an universe to be queen of "

" I know that ... now " He answered back quietly and looked down on the floor.

" But now isn't then, I don't care about now "

" Yes, you do care. That is what make you special Padmé " He started and walked closer to the bed and came up to her, trying to catch her hand she pulled away " You do care, you always does. No matter what the person have done, you always try ... "

" That's what you think? " She screamed as she stood up from the bed, looking at him.

Not believing her ears.

" You think I will just take you back like that, after all the thing you out me through. First you take it all away from me. Then you take my old life away, and only to come back a few years later. Just so I can take back a different man. Is that what you think? " He looked so ashamed, if she wasn't so mad, she would have kissed him again and talk sweet to him like a kid. But not this time, she just looked at him and could decided what to do with him at all.

" No, no Padmé " Looking up into her eyes, he really looked like he meant the words he said

" I don't want you back for that. I want you in my life more then you are. I want you to know all those things I did in your name afterwards, all the things I tried to make right. I really tried to be a better man, all the things I did for you. Without your knowing. I want to give it to you, all of it! " He begged on his knees. But she didn't buy it. She couldn't.

" Don't. Your dead to me! "

Then she reached for the door, not caring what she might find. She just wanted away from him and his eyes. She couldn't stand it no more.

Long time since last maybe... but here it was, got a lot to do in school so it might take awhil between the chapters, but it is close to the end now,

tyring to have a end before chapter 20 :D at least Im trying anyway

Love

S anyway

TBC ---