I've finished this one. This is mostly how Gaara deals with his newly found emotions. Well they're not new he's just now noticing them though. Anyways on with the story.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters. But if anyone needs a birthday present idea my favorite characters are Shikamaru and Gaara
Ch. 23: Avoiding Emotions
Gaara didn't know what to do now. He understood that what he felt for Kaoru was indeed love but what he didn't get was what did he do now? The next morning Kaoru walked into the meeting room for the council of Suna. They would discuss anything that needed to be brought to the Kazekage's attention and he would make decisions or hear suggestion and make the decision later. Gaara was sitting at the front table. When he saw her walk in all he could do was stare. Did knowing how you felt about someone make them somehow more beautiful or did you just notice it more with the knowledge?
The medic smiled at him and walked over, "Good morning, Gaara-kun."
For once he was glad he never spoke much. Gaara had a sinking suspicion that he would have stuttered if he did. Or maybe he would blush. God he hoped he wouldn't do either. Thinking this he nodded his head. That wasn't odd at all because that's what he always did when acknowledging someone. Kaoru however seemed to have sixth sense for his thoughts and emotions. She tilted her head and placed her hand on his forehead. Her voice held the same concern that was in her eyes, "Are you alright? You seem...nervous."
"Fine," he stated.
She was about to say something else when the rest of the council walked into the room. Kaoru let out a sigh and took her seat. She could talk to Gaara later. For now she had to listen to the rest of the council.
The council meeting ended for the day around lunch time. Kaoru started to go to Gaara since they always ate lunch together. But by the time she had finished gathering her papers and looked up again Gaara was gone. She went to his office figuring he had just gone to put his papers away but he wasn't in there either. For a brief moment she was worried but then shrugged. He was Kazekage after all. That meant he was a very busy man. So for the first time since she was twelve years old Kaoru went to lunch without her best friend.
Gaara watched her walk out of the building. He felt bad for avoiding her but he felt uncomfortable around her now. The young kage figured that if he avoided her then there wouldn't be any problems and he would have time to sort out his own emotions. He couldn't have been more wrong. If Gaara had realized what trouble it would have caused then maybe he would have done things differently. The only excuse I can give for his ignorance is that he didn't have much experience with emotions so he didn't know how Kaoru would react when he started avoiding her.
A week later Kaoru was cooking dinner for herself and Kohaku. The young boy was the top student in his class and always had a smile for her. Every day she thanked god for putting him in her life. He was currently sitting at the kitchen table studying for his next test. It was their tradition. He would sit at the table while she cooked and they would talk or he would study. With her busy schedule it was the best time for the two of them to spend time together. Speaking of traditions Gaara hadn't eaten lunch with her that day again. Now that she thought about it she hadn't seen much out of Gaara during the last week. It was almost like he was... No. Gaara wouldn't avoid her. Would he?
Kohaku had glanced up then frowned at the look in her eyes, "Momma, are you alright?"
"Huh? Oh, yeah. I'm fine," she replied with a smile.
He wasn't sure he was convinced. Kohaku knew his mother tended to downplay her own problems so no one would have to worry about her. The thing was he wanted someone to worry about her. The boy had hoped that someone would love his mother and make her happy. If he was honest he had hoped that Gaara-sama would have realized what a special person Kaoru was. Not many people would have taken in a boy when his own clan wouldn't or befriend the man everyone thought was a monster. The boy shrugged. It was bound to happen soon. Everyone said so. So Kohaku made a mental note to keep an eye on his mother to make sure she really was alright and went back to his homework.
Something was wrong. That was all Kaoru couldn't think as she knocked on Gaara's office door the next day. She knew he was in there so why wasn't he answering. Instead of walking away like she normally did she opened the door and walked in. He was reading a report. Maybe that was it. He could have been engrossed in the report and didn't hear her knock. She walked over and tapped his shoulder hesitantly. He glanced up with a slight frown. When he saw it was Kaoru the frown vanished and he nodded in greeting. She smiled in relief. He wasn't avoiding her. Gaara wasn't mad at her. He really had been just busy.
"Do you have time for lunch, Gaara-kun?"
Gaara glanced down at the reports on his desk. He was almost caught up on his paperwork. The Kazekage was about to stand and let her lead the way like he always did but when he looked up at her his heart started to pound and he couldn't take his eyes off her. He had a suspicion that part of what he was feeling was Shukaku's doing. The tailed beast really wanted Kaoru to be theirs and was doing everything in its power to make it so. Gaara wasn't being cooperative. He didn't know what to do with these emotions and they were threatening to boil over even when Shukaku wasn't doing anything.
Gaara gave Kaoru a weak smile, "Sorry. Paperwork."
Those two words explained everything for the medic. He still had to catch up on the paperwork that had piled up during his time away from Suna fighting Orochimaru and the few days of recovery he had to take on Kaoru's orders. She nodded still smiling though it had dimmed a little. Gaara chose to ignore the sad look in her eyes. If he paid attention to it then he would have caved in. He couldn't do that. At least not until her knew what to do about what he was feeling.
"Alright. I guess I'll see you tomorrow."
Kaoru turned and left. She met up with Sasori, Temari, and Kankuro at the restaurant they usually ate lunch in. Kaoru wasn't happy but she pretended to be for her friends. Those same friends wondered why Gaara wasn't there but didn't say anything. There was a sad look deep in Kaoru's crimson eyes and they didn't want to push her. It was too bad the not everyone felt the same way.
Aimi was one of what Temari and Kankuro called Gaara's fangirls. She had long strawberry blonde hair and silver eyes. Her body was the kind that made most men begin to drool the moment they saw her. Gaara so far was one of the few men in Suna that hadn't dated her and one of the only two (Sasori being the other one) that didn't seem to want to. She was also a very strong shinobi and had been on many missions with Gaara before he became the Kazekage. Aimi swaggered up to Kaoru's table and smirked, "So where's Gaara-sama, Kaoru?"
Kaoru glanced up with a smile, "He's in his office. The paperwork piled up while he was away so he needed to catch up."
"Is that what he's been doing all week?"
The medic looked back at her food, "I guess so."
"You don't know?! And here I thought you were always the first to know what Gaara-sama was up to," Aimi said with false shock in her voice.
Kaoru didn't respond but Temari did, "Aimi, if you want to live to see tomorrow you'll leave...now."
Aimi didn't go anywhere. Instead she said, "I'm just asking what everyone is wondering about. What happened, Kaoru? Did you do something to make Gaara-sama made at you? Is that why he's avoiding you? You know you're the only one that hasn't talked to him all week."
Kaoru suddenly stood up and walked out of the room. Her three friends were giving Aimi cold looks. Sasori's fingers twitched slightly and Aimi suddenly went flying across the room. Only Temari had seen the slight twitch and she looked at Sasori. He just shrugged, "Kaoru doesn't deserve to be treated that way."
The wind mistress smiled at him. She then looked at the door Kaoru had walked out of with worry. She got up and ran after her friend. Once she caught up to Kaoru she asked if the medic was alright. Kaoru had smiled and said she was. Aimi just annoyed her a little that was all. Temari wasn't sure she was convinced but let it go. Kaoru would talk to Gaara if something was bothering her and he would make everything alright. That's the way things had always been. Well, that's the way they've been since they first became genin.
After that day Kaoru started working herself hard. She would miss council meetings and always came home exhausted. Her nightmares were back with a vengeance so she wasn't sleeping well. Her friends worried about her but none more than Kohaku. They didn't see Kaoru come home stumbling from exhaustion. They hadn't come rushing to her room when she screamed in her sleep from dreams that were suppose to be long gone. He didn't know what was wrong with his mother though. She would keep telling everyone that she was fine. Until they knew the cause there really wasn't anything they could do.
Kaoru knew she was worrying her friends but she didn't know what else she could do. Her nightmares of Gaara leaving were back and the only way she could sleep was to be too tired to dream. Even that didn't always work. She hadn't had these dreams for a long time and had prayed she had seen the last of them. No such luck. They came now that Gaara was avoiding her. Yes, she admitted it now. She just didn't know why and he wouldn't talk to her long enough to tell her. So instead she let him have his way. She stayed away. There was always plenty of work to be done in the hospital so she had things to keep her busy. She worked from can until can't everyday. Then one day she realized something. She hadn't even seen Gaara in over a week. She hadn't even caught a glimpse of him. Her emotions caught up to her and she ran. When she stopped she was standing on the top of the cliff over looking Suna. After a moment she came to a decision. She would go visit her father's clan in Kirigakure. She would even bring Kohaku. He needed to meet the other half of his family anyway. Maybe when she came back things would be better. Kohaku and Kaoru left the next morning. She told everyone but Gaara good bye and when she would return.
Gaara had heard from Temari that Kaoru was gone. He had frowned at that. Why hadn't she told him? When he asked Temari his sister had glared at him. She then said, "Could it be because you were avoiding her like she had done something wrong? Damn it, Gaara, you were hurting her. She thinks your mad at her. Tell me. When was the last time you saw Kaoru?"
"About three weeks ago," he responded slowly.
"And why is that?" He looked away. Gaara had a sinking suspicion he knew where this conversation was going and he didn't like it. Temari wouldn't let him get away with it though. "Gaara, you're my brother and I love you but sometimes I want to beat you. Kaoru started avoiding you when she realized you didn't want to see her. You haven't seen her because she hasn't been coming to the meetings or walking around the village like she use to. Instead she works at the hospital and then goes home."
"Hey, Temari, we're going to be late," shouted Kankuro. Temari, Kankuro, and Sasori were teachers at the ninja academy and class started in a few minutes.
"Coming. Look, Gaara, I have to go. Kaoru will be back in two weeks. Why don't you talk to her when she gets back."
With that the three of them left Gaara alone with his thoughts. He did a lot of thinking.
--
Kaoru and Kohaku were back two weeks later. The little boy rushed over to his Uncles Sasori and Kankuro and his Aunt Temari to tell them all about his trip. Kaoru greeted everyone with a smile. She seemed better but no one was sure what to think. The group ate dinner together at Kaoru's house. Sasori and Temari went home. The two of them still lived together and everyone believed they were dating. Kaoru knew they were. Kankuro went to his own home after saying goodbye to Kaoru.
Kaoru tucked Kohaku in and then went into her own room. She sat on the edge of the bed and lifted the picture she kept next to her bed. It had her and Gaara in it. She was smiling at the camera and Gaara was smiling down at her. This picture had been taken earlier that year on her sixteenth birthday. Silent tears began to fall from her eyes. She missed her friend. He hadn't even come to greet her when she returned to the village. Kaoru placed the picture back in its spot but this time face down. She then grabbed the panda bear Gaara had gotten her for her birthday several years ago and hugged it as she cried herself to sleep.
At her door Kohaku felt his anger boil over. Now he knew what made his momma so sad and he had every intention of fixing it. So the next day instead of going to school he went to visit Gaara. He walked into the office that he knew Gaara was in and looked at the man standing by the desk. Gaara had glanced over when he heard his door open and now frowned at the boy.
"You should be in school, Kohaku."
"I don't care. Gaara-sama, I thought you liked momma."
Gaara flinched inwardly. It was the first time in that Kohaku had called him by his name. The boy normally called him 'dad'. Gaara never thought he would want to hear the boy call him that but for some reason he did. None of his inner thoughts showed on his face. All that showed was his usual emotionless mask. He drew in a breath and said, "I do."
"Then why are you making her sad?"
Gaara looked out the window, "What do you mean?"
"Momma is working all day and when she gets home she so tired she can't stand. She barely eats and her nightmares are back. Last night she cried herself to sleep," he explained. Then he added in as much a demanding tone as a five year old could have, "It's your fault. Fix it."
Gaara just stared at Kohaku for a moment. The boy was standing there glaring at him. The kazekage looked away from Kohaku, "I can't."
"You said that you liked momma. You said that you would protect her. You're not doing a very good job," Kohaku shouted then stormed out. He couldn't believe that Gaara wasn't going to do anything. His mother was hurting. When you hurt someone you're suppose to apologize or something, right? Then Gaara-sama should apologize to him mother. Then she wouldn't be sad anymore. If only five year old logic worked in the real world.
The next day Gaara looked up as someone else burst into his office. It was Kyo, Kaoru's cousin on her father's side, and he looked pissed. Gaara stood with a frown but never got to say anything. Kyo punched him hard enough to push Gaara to the floor. Gaara reacted quickly to the attack. His sand raced over and pinned Kyo to the wall. Gaara stood and wiped the blood away from his face.
"What was that for?" he demanded.
"If you don't know then you don't deserve to. You promised to protect my cousin. Who's protecting her heart from you? Do you know how miserable she is? She came to us two weeks ago and she wasn't the same. It was like something in her had died. Now either you fix it Gaara or I'll take Kaoru back to Kirigakure with me and if I have my way you'll never see her again."
Gaara felt rage build inside him at the thought of never seeing her again. His sand began to squeeze Kyo. Both Gaara and Shukaku were speaking when he said, "Just try and take Kaoru. You won't make it out of Suna alive."
"At least she'll be safe from you. At least then you won't be able to hurt her anymore."
Gaara's anger melted away into guilt and pain. Kyo fell to the ground coughing. He stood up, "You have until tonight to fix it Gaara. If she's still hurting tomorrow I'll take her back with me to Kirigakure."
With that Kyo left. Gaara just stood there for a moment. He looked out the window and saw that the sun was setting. He knew what he had to do.
--
Kaoru was walking home from the hospital. She was exhausted as usual so she didn't notice the person walking up behind her. When a hand touched her shoulder she jumped and let out a yelp. It was Gaara. She managed a small smile, "Hello, Gaara-sama. What are you doing out here?"
He frowned at the suffix she had used and said, "Kohaku came to see me today. He said you are exhausting yourself and that you're having nightmares."
"I'm fine."
"You've been missing the council meetings."
She looked away, "I'm sorry. I've been busy."
His sea foam eyes narrowed. She did look tired and stressed. It wasn't like Kaoru. Guilt swam through him at the sight of those usually happy crimson eyes looking so sad. She had leaned against the wall and he knew it was because she was too tired to stand. He knew Kohaku and Kyo were right. It was his fault. The problem was Gaara had no idea how to fix it. The Kazekage raked his fingers through his hair in frustration. He never slept so that usually didn't bother him but the stress of what to do with these feelings he had was bothering him.
She tilted her head, "Are you alright, Gaara-sama?"
He braced a hand on either side of her head and snapped, "Don't call me that, Kaoru." Then in a quieter tone, "Don't..."
Gaara didn't want her to call him that. He didn't want her to push him away. That would hurt worse that having a kunai stabbed through his heart. For Kaoru to hate him...Gaara couldn't even bare to think about it. Not only did he love her but she was his best friend...his only real friend. She was still the only person who could read him at all times. She was the only person who added the -kun to his name. She was the only one who could have melted his heart when he thought he didn't have one to melt. He couldn't lose her. He just couldn't.
Kaoru was confused but she was getting the feeling something wasn't right. reached up and touched his forehead. He didn't have a fever. Gaara looked so tired she realized. That made her frown. Gaara never looked tired because he didn't have to sleep. Kaoru's voice was barely a whisper, "Don't call you want?"
"Don't call me -sama. You never have to call me that and I don't like hearing it from you."
Kaoru really didn't get it but she wouldn't argue with him in the state he was in. Gaara was obviously tired and upset about something. She just didn't know what it was. Kaoru just smiled for him and said, "Alright, Gaara-kun."
He relaxed slightly and stepped back before he...did something. He wasn't quite sure what it was but his body was demanding something from him and he didn't want to act unless he knew what it was. It might not be an action she would appreciate. Kaoru may not anger easily but once she was she was just as scary as Sakura or Tsunade. Personally Gaara liked to avoid making his friend angry. He looked into her crimson eye. Then again he would rather have her angry then sad and tired. Kohaku was right. He should do something to fix it.
Kaoru watched relief flood his sea foam eyes. She tilted her head in confusion. And they say girls were moody. Whoever said that hadn't met Gaara. Then again he wasn't use to dealing with emotions. Even after eight years he still didn't handle them well. She was pulled away from her thoughts when Gaara suddenly picked her up. He carried her bridal style towards his home.
"Umm, Gaara-kun, where are we going?"
"To my home."
"Why?"
"So you'll sleep. You look exhausted."
She blinked then remembered that Kohaku had told Gaara about her nightmares. The medic had once told Gaara that he was the only person who could keep the nightmares away. She looked at him with confused eyes, "But I thought you were mad at me."
Gaara didn't respond until they were in his room. He set her down and walked over to the balcony and started at her reflection in the glass. The kage drew in a breath and said, "I could never be mad at you, Kaoru."
"Then why have you been avoiding me and don't tell me you weren't?"
He winced at the hurt and angry tone in her voice. Well, he deserved it. He should have known that avoiding her would cause her pain. She was a very sociable and kind person. People didn't avoid her unless they were angry with her. He turned to face her. What did he say? Should he tell her his reason for avoiding her or should he lie? He just stared into her eyes as his mind raced for an answer to his problem.
Kaoru walked forward and placed a gentle hand on his cheek. Her eyes were pleading with him as she said, "Please, Gaara-kun. Don't shut me out."
Frustration bubbled inside him, "I don't know how. I don't understand what's happening to me, Kaoru. All I really know is that you're at the center of it and I don't know what to do."
"Is it bad?" she ask.
"I don't know. I don't thinks so."
Kaoru wished he was more talkative. It was like pulling teeth to get him to talk about this. She said, "Well describe it to me."
He almost didn't. She would know then. Kaoru had magical empathy and she was very good with people. If anyone would be able to identify what he was feeling from just a description then it was Kaoru. Gaara found himself answering her anyway.
"It only happens when you're around. I'm...happy. I like to make you smile and if anyone takes that smile away I feel like killing them. Hell, I feel like killing them if they hurt you in anyway. I want to protect you. " He also found himself watching her eyes for her reaction. He saw the moment she began to figure it out. Her eyes had widened and disbelief was plain in them. He just continued to speak, "I get pissed if another guy flirts with you but I won't say anything because that would make you unhappy. And I'd rather die than be the cause of your pain..."
He stopped. That was the most talking he had done in years. It felt odd. Not to mention he had been talking about his emotions something he rarely even thought about let alone discussed with anyone. He waited for what she would say.
Kaoru swallowed and asked, "What are you trying to say, Gaara-kun?"
Gaara decided to just risk it. Kaoru would know what to do about these emotions and he already knew how she felt...right? It wasn't like she didn't love him...right? What did he have to lose other than the only person that had ever accepted him without reservations? He drew in a deep breath and let it out again. This was harder than he thought. That's when Shukaku said, 'Come on boy. I've been trying to tell you the whole time what you should do. Now listen to me. All you have to do is...' Gaara blinked. He wasn't sure he should be listening to that advice but his heart and body screamed in agreement with the tailed beast and before he knew it he was doing exactly as Shukaku suggested.
Kaoru just continued to wait for his answer. She knew this was difficult for him. The best thing for her to do was wait for his response. Her mind suddenly shut down when she felt a pair of warm lips on hers. Everything in her focused on that alone. There was no room for any other thought. Her legs wouldn't support her weight any more and she would have fallen if an arm hadn't wrapped around her slim waist.
Gaara cupped her cheek and hesitantly deepened the kiss when she responded. He had never felt like this before. His body was on fire and he knew what that meant. As said before he wasn't naïve. The kiss had opened the doors to his emotions for his friend and now they were drowning him. He pulled back when the need for air became too strong to ignore and rested his forehead against hers. Both were gasping for air they suddenly wished they didn't need.
"I guess that means I was right," she said in between gasps. "You were saying that you loved me."
He didn't bother responding. Kaoru knew that she was right. His actions told others how he felt and what he had just done was a very telling action. His sea foam eyes snapped open and focused on her face. She felt his gaze and opened her own eyes. She saw it then. The emotions swirling inside those eyes that rarely showed anything at all. She also saw the fear in them. Whether he feared the emotions themselves or her reaction to them she couldn't say.
"Gaara-kun, is this why you've been avoiding me?"
"I didn't know what to do," he sounded apologetic. "I wasn't even sure what I was feeling. I guessed but that was it."
She watched him then smiled, "It's alright. I've already told you. I love you and have for as long as I can remember."
"Kaoru, I..." He stopped talking and just kissed her again. It was all he could do to keep control of himself. He wanted more and knew he shouldn't take it. If he did then neither he nor Shukaku would ever let her go. Gaara pulled away completely putting some space between them while he tried to regain control. Kaoru watched him wondering what was going on in his head and wishing she could feel emotions that were directed towards her. Gaara turned away, "You should probably go home. I... I'll see you at the meeting tomorrow."
Kaoru thought for a moment then gave a small smile. Contrary to popular belief she wasn't naïve either. Granted she was a bit slow on the uptake in this particular area but she understood it and what it meant. She also knew how to recognize it. The medic knew exactly what Gaara's problem was. He was trying to control emotions that demanded to be let loose. He wanted to protect her from even himself. If he let the emotions go he wouldn't be just Gaara. He would also be Shukaku. The two of them would be one at that moment because those emotions belonged to both of them.
Kaoru stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him resting the side of her head against his back. He stiffened then relaxed. She just stood there for a moment then said, "It's alright, Gaara-kun."
He stiffened again. He knew what she was talking about and was surprised she noticed what was going on in him. For a moment he thought about running but then turned to face her instead. She looked up at him with that sweet smile that never failed to make him give her a small answering smile. It was never much. Just a slight curve to his mouth that most people wouldn't call a smile but on him that's just what it was. He turned serious again and what little smile he had vanished.
"Are you sure about this, Kaoru? I won't let you go and neither will he. You'll be stuck with us."
"I was stuck with you the first time I saw you on that swing when we were five. I believe that's when I first started loving you too. At least it is if five year olds are capable of this kind of love."
Her crimson eyes were soft and freely showed her feelings just as they always had. He could see that she was very sure. Gaara did the only thing he could do. He kissed her again but this time, instead of the testing gentle kiss he had given her earlier, it was full of hunger and desire. Kaoru didn't fight him as he backed her towards the bed. In fact that was the last thing on her mind. For the first time in his memory Kaoru was in his bed but Gaara didn't sleep.
Finally. It's about time they got together. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Let me know what you think.