"Ally…" John held up his hands. "Don't get pissy."
"Pissy? Oh, O'Neill, you haven't even begun to see pissy." She stood over him, hands on tiny hips. "I've had like some serious damage done to my self image and you tell me that kissing me feels wrong? You're supposed to be my best friend!"
"Pixie-girl… we went through this before… remember? It's not you… I'm the one with the problem."
"Damn straight you have a problem!" She snapped.
"There's something cruvis with my fron! I'm completely derentis!" He wheedled, knowing he could distract her at least partially with an intellectual joke.
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"Just a little latin I picked up from Daniel. Wrong. Head. Insane." He laughed nervously.
"Oh. Very funny." She almost smiled. Like when a pet dog does something vaguely intelligent.
"Ally, please don't be mad." He did his best puppy-dog eyes since the dog thing seemed to be working for him so far.
It seemed to do the trick because she gave a loud, annoyed sigh and collapsed heavily on the couch again. In a long-suffering voice she huffed. "So… explain to me exactly what is so cruvis with your fron."
God, how to explain this to her. "I… feel… like I'm too old for you."
"We're the same age, idiot."
"But I don't… feel… this age." He indicated his body.
"I don't feel like my age either." She shook her head. "That's sort of normal."
"In my case it's sort of not… normal."
"Do you mean because you were forced to grow up quickly doing whatever you were doing in your past? Being treated like an adult maybe and now you're forced back into high school where you don't feel like you fit in any more?"
"Sort of." He sighed. "Look, Ally… how old do you feel? I mean with the way you think about things and compared to the people in our classes and all that?"
"I don't know. I've never really thought about it." She mused for a moment. "Maybe… um… mid-twenties or early thirties? Is that being egotistical?"
"I don't think that's over estimating." He smiled. "It's one of the reasons I feel so comfortable with you."
"How old do you feel, O'Neill?"
John rubbed a hand over the back of his neck furiously before answering. "Fifty."
"What?" Ally laughed but then she saw he was serious.
"I told you I was insane." He waved his hand at her. "Fifty year old guy and fifteen year old girl equals ick factor into the high positives."
"No, no, no… I'm mid-twenties to early thirties… which makes me the ideal age for a fifty year old guy going through a mid-life crisis – and since you've been forcefully retired from your old life… I think that can qualify."
"You seriously want this?" John asked her. "I mean do you just want some comfort today? Or do you want more than that?"
"I haven't thought about it in any sort of detail, O'Neill. It just kind of happened – and it was nice and I want more. You're the most important person in my life and I guess I have feelings for you. I don't want to be with anyone but you. So, yeah… I wouldn't mind seeing how things went… if you can get over being derentis."
"And if I can't?"
"Then we stay friends." She shrugged. "Which I think we can manage."
"Sounds too easy."
"Oh, it won't necessarily be easy, O'Neill. Nothing worth it ever is." She smirked. "But we can make it work. One way or another. If we just keep talking to each other about stuff."
"What like… communication?" John made a horrified face.
"Yes!" She punched him. "I don't know why you're so worried about the age thing… you might feel 50 but with your maturity level being ten – twelve at most – it pretty much all balances out."
"Ya think?"
"I do! Much more than you do." She punched his arm again.
"Oh, is that a fact?" He shoved her back. She shoved him in return.
"Yes! Physically there is no difference in our ages. Psychologically we're fine. However, emotionally I'd be the cradle snatcher!"
"No way!"
"Way!"
"Kiss me then! I dare you!" She grinned wide, total manic pixie. "I double dare you! Unless you're too chicken!"
"Oh, yes… that is mature. I totally see what you mean now." He drawled.
Then she actually started making chicken noises at him! He grabbed her and she just smiled wider as if she was winning.
"C'mon, O'Neill… you know you want to…" She giggled.
And god help him he really did.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - -
Jack was still musing on his clone's extreme reaction to his entirely flimsy threat to stop Daniel and Teal'c from hanging out with him. It took him quite a while to notice that Daniel was glaring at him. Teal'c didn't look that happy either. Carter was working away at the computer looking uncomfortable and wishing she had an elsewhere to be.
"Daniel?"
"What the hell was that all about, Jack?" Daniel snapped.
"It was nothing, Daniel. Just a silly little misunderstanding between me, myself and I… well… uh… me and myself because the robot me wasn't involved. So, yeah…" He raised his chin as if he'd made complete sense.
"He wasn't trying to 'steal' us from you."
"Well, he is in high school… I wouldn't put it past him… me… they have all sorts of crazy dramas like that going on."
"Oh, please!" Daniel threw his hands up in frustration.
"It's true!" Jack insisted. "It's all about who is best friends with whom and so forth. You gotta know this stuff. You've gotta fight for it. It's CRAZY!"
"He's already got a best friend, Jack. And it's not me." Daniel smirked.
"Is it someone cool? It is, isn't it? I mean… he's me after all!"
"She's very cool actually."
"She?" Jack was stunned. "He's best friends with a chick? No way!"
"And what exactly is wrong with that, sir?" Carter's voice held a dangerous edge.
Jack smiled nervously. "Nothing! That's brilliant. He's not going to turn out gay at all!"
"You do realise you're talking about yourself, O'Neill." Teal'c raised an eyebrow.
"Well, I'm definitely not turning out gay. Too late for that!" Jack grinned. "And slightly frowned upon in my line of work unfortunately. Don't ask, don't tell and all that jazz."
"What the hell are you going on about, Jack?" Daniel asked wearily.
"I have no clue. I was hoping you were going to explain it to me."