3:15 am - Day 5

The only light in Ashley's room was being provided by the moon gazing through her window.

Twisted in the sheets, Ashley was sweating profusely as she tossed and turned trying to shake the drug dreams that were haunting her sleep. Audible groans and whimpers could be heard outside her door as she fought for release from her nightmare.

"Come on baby, it's just one more hit. You know you want to feel that rush again, don't you?"

Trying to squirm from the offending girl's grasp, Ashley found herself pushed up against the wall with a finger trailing down her chest.

"Stop fighting this so much. It's who you are, baby. This is who WE are. Don't you remember how good the sex is when you're high? How every touch lights your skin on fire…and how good it feels when you start to tighten around my fing…"

"GET AWAY FROM ME, MACY!" Ashley screamed, placing both hands in the girl's chest to push her off. "That is the person you encouraged me…no, enabled me to be. I don't want to be that person anymore."

"Ash…"

"STOP! You don't call me that, ever."

"Ash…"

"LEAVE ME ALONE. JUST GO AWAY," Ashley screamed, with both hands grasping at the hair on the sides of her head.

"Ash…"

Spencer kept rocking the brunette's shoulder, ever so lightly, trying to get her to wake up.

"Ash, wake up. It's okay. You're okay," she repeated, over and over again.

Spencer turned to the nurse behind her for answers.

"How long has she been like this?"

"Since we called you, Doctor Carlin, so about an hour I guess," the nurse responded. "We were afraid she would end up hurting herself, with all the violent tossing and turning she's been experiencing. Do you want me to turn on the lights, Doctor, so you can see better, make sure she is okay?"

"No, I don't want the bright light to startle her out of her sleep. Just grab a cool wash cloth and let's get it on her head. She feels awfully warm and I don't want her temperature to continue going up," Spencer responded.

"Stop telling me you know me. Stop acting like you care, Macy."

"You need me, Ashley. You need us," the girl pressured, wiggling the needle in front of the broken beauty.

"I don't need anyone or anything…just please…leave me alone. Please."

"You're never going to forget, Ashley. We're a part of you forever."

"JUST GO!!"

Ashley started thrashing around in her bed again, while Spencer tried to hold her as still as possible. Her hair was matted to her face, held by the sweat she was expelling at a rapid pace.

Spencer continued to run the cool, damp cloth over Ashley's forehead while the girl fought whatever demons were haunting her.

She started to calm down some and Spencer took the opportunity to try and wake her again.

"Ashley," she whispered, "we need you to wake up for us, okay?"

Ashley's brows furrowed and relaxed like she was trying to hear what Spencer was saying.

Spencer ran her hand through the troubled girl's hair trying to soothe her awake, while repeating her name, "Ash…"

Spencer found herself lost in her own thoughts as well.

I wish things had been different in our lives. Maybe neither one of us would be where we are today…had things just been…different. She is so broken. It breaks my heart to see her like this. It hurts me to watch anyone go through what she's experiencing, but it's just so much more with her.

Spencer leaned forward running a hand down Ashley's cheek, pressing her lips dangerously close to the sleeping girl's ear. "Come on baby, wake up for me," she whispered with her eyes fluttering closed.

The labored breathing Ashley was having ceased. Her breath caught and Spencer, having heard it, immediately sat up on the bed, withdrawing from the girl in front of her.

Ashley's body stilled and she slowly started to relax, exhale, and open her eyes.

Smiling down at her, Spencer reached out and removed an auburn curl from Ashley's eyes.

"Hey you. Sounds to me like you were having one heck of a nightmare," Spencer lamented.

There was a far away look in Ashley's eyes as she nodded yes, slowly trying to push herself up into a sitting position on the bed.

"No, no…don't try to sit up. Just relax for a few minutes," Spencer said, placing her hand on Ashley's forearm, coaxing her to lie back down.

Ashley relaxed a little and allowed herself to sink back into the bed.

"What time is it, Spencer?"

Spencer looked at her watch, "It's 10 til 4."

Spencer turned to the nurse behind her, smiled and nodded her head, and the nurse soon turned and exited the room.

"Do you want to talk about your dream, Ash?"

Ashley started to speak, but her voice caught in her throat as tears started to run down her face. She couldn't seem to put together a coherent sentence, even in her mind.

"I…I just…," Ashley sobbed out.

"Hey, hey," Spencer said, tilting Ashley's chin up to meet her gaze, "It's okay. We don't have to talk about any of this right now. Just know that this is normal. When the drugs are no longer dominating your system, you may start dreaming about them…being tempted, in a way."

Ashley nodded and looked away.

"It just felt so real. Like, I could have reached out and taken the needle from her hands right that second."

Spencer nodded in understanding, and Ashley continued.

"But it was so weird. I kept yelling at her to get away from me, and she kept just whispering my name. It was like she was right here calling out for me, yet her voice was different…it didn't even sound like her."

Spencer smiled, knowing it was probably her voice that Ashley heard as she was trying wake her.

Ashley laid her head over to the side and lazily looked up at Spencer. She reached up and moved a strand of blonde hair out of her doctor's magical eyes. She could feel her exhausted body attempting to slip back into a restful slumber.

"You know, Spence," Ashley started, "When the moonlight hits your face like this, you look all kinds of beautiful."

Spencer felt her stomach jump and tumble at Ashley's words and touch. She covered the brunette's hand with her own, as it lingered on her blushing cheek, slowly bringing it back down to the bed. She watched as Ashley began to drift back to sleep.

"You're all kinds of beautiful, all the time, Ash."

Knowing she was asleep, Spencer slipped off Ashley's bed, pulling the comforter up and around the girl's trembling body. She smiled a tortured smile as she ran a hand down the troubled girl's arm before turning and heading for the door.

As she turned the handle to leave, she glanced back one last time, as if to burn the image in her mind of the broken beauty that kept stealing her breath away.

Spencer, once again, found herself lost in her own thoughts, as the melody of squeaking sneakers played on the tiles under her feet.

Oh, to love a lost soul, with a love so pure and unadulterated…yet you find yourself lost in your own sadness as that love can never be.

I can only hope to be found…yet feeling lost in sadness feels so good when there is love involved somehow. My heart aches for her…for her healing, for her remembering, for her requited love.

I need to get home and get some sleep. Tomorrow is another day.