A/N: For those of you that reviewed, thanks. It means a lot. Sounds like you all are ready for the remembering…and you just might be in luck here. I didn't want to push things too quickly with this story…this is addiction recovery, and doesn't it seem like drugs and alcohol might not be the only addiction here? Hmmm…..
Disclaimer: Yeah, still don't own a single thing related to SoN, or the characters involved with the show. That's all T.L.
Ashley sat herself down in the middle of one of the round tables in the courtyard; right in the middle of the table, with her iPod, notebook, and pen sitting right in front of her. She folded her legs into a pretzel and practiced some deep breathing exercises as she enjoyed the sun shining on her face. From afar, she looked like a little kid preparing to color a masterpiece, the way she was sitting with things strewn in front of her.
It was a little cool outside, but totally manageable with the warmth from the sun. The way the sky looked, the sunshine wouldn't be sticking around for the duration, as clouds were rolling in from off in the distance. Even still, Ashley knew she had a good hour or so of warmth and relaxation, away from her room.
Exhaling and allowing her shoulders to slump forward a bit, Ashley rolled her head from side-to-side and reached for her trusty ear buds, turning on the music that would allow her to escape any outside noise for a little while. Scrolling through her songs, she stopped on something quiet and soft, Home, by Michael Buble.
How perfect, she thought, I would love to go home. This is just what I need to relax and focus on my writing. Seems like writing is the only time when my mind isn't running in fifty million directions these days…when I'm able to focus on something other than the drugs my body craves, or the memories of a past I've tried so hard to forget.
Ashley put pen to paper and started allowing all of her thoughts to pour out onto the blank pages in front of her.
Spencer was seated at her desk, thumbing through the files of the patients currently under her care. She knew she had so much to focus on right now, and she refused to allow her personal feelings to hinder anyone's recovery. That wouldn't be professional, or fair, and Spencer was the epitome of both adjectives.
Scribbling in a file, Spencer paused to push her glasses up on the bridge of her nose before they slid off her face completely. She shifted in her seat and then went back to the notes from her last session with Mr. Clarke, adding all her observations and suggestions for future treatment.
Before too long, Spencer found that she had completed the notes in the 8 files in front of her, and was ready to head out for a late lunch. Looking at the clock, she noticed time had flown by, as it was now 1:15pm.
Turning in her chair to look outside, Spencer noticed the sky had grown rather dark, and little drops of rain were starting to splatter against her window. She sighed to herself, wishing for the sun to reappear, but rose from her chair to survey the grounds before heading to lunch. What she saw elicited a warm grin: Ashley was sitting in the middle of one of the tables, nodding her head, and tapping a pen on the notebook in front of her. Spencer couldn't help but allow her smile to grow
Ashley was so lost in her own world that she didn't notice the rain until her notebook was dotted with wetness. She closed her book and slid it in her backpack, while taking out her hooded sweatshirt. Pulling the sweatshirt over her head, she felt the cool drops crashing against her face. Smiling, she allowed herself to get wet, relishing in the feeling her entire body received from the little drops from heaven.
She pulled the hood up over her head, but leaned back on her hands to stretch out and enjoy the cool rain for a few minutes longer.
As soon as she closed her eyes, her mind began drifting, causing the increased rain to go unnoticed.
"Look at the sky, Ash, it's all black."
"It looks neat, huh? I bet it's gonna rain real hard."
"Maybe we should start walking back to your house, before we get stuck out here."
"Okay, I'll race ya," and with that, Ash was half way across the park and headed home.
"WAIT UP, ASH!!"
The skies opened up and the rain started falling in sheets. The little brunette stopped running and turned to her friend…but found no one. She started to worry.
Running back in the direction she came, she found her friend sitting in the mud, cradling her knee.
"You're bleeding…oh my gosh, what happened?"
"I couldn't catch you, and I fell down, and then you were gone," the little blonde said between sniffs.
She helped her friend up and took her hand in her own.
"Come on, Spence, let's get you back to my house."
Ashley's smile quickly faded as a clap of thunder shook her from her thoughts. Sitting on the table, drenched, she suddenly couldn't move.
Panic started to set in as Ashley shook her head, looking all around, searching for answers.
Spence? No…no, no, no. There's no way, but…her eyes…that smile.
Ashley's hand flew up, covering her mouth, as tears began to mix with rain.
Oh. My. God.
Spencer watched Ashley sitting, enjoying the light rain drops, but noticed she was completely lost in her own thoughts.
The rain picked up and began to come down at a heavier pace, but Ashley never moved. She appeared lost almost, and Spencer began to worry.
She's not even budging. Why is she still sitting out there in the pouring rain? What's got her mind so pre-occupied?
Spencer continued to watch Ashley as she started to sit up on the table. She was shaking her head and looking all around, like she was confused.
Spencer was fidgeting with her hands, picking at her nails as she watched the scene in front of her unfold. She couldn't help the concern she was feeling at that moment, and wanted to run to her and make sure she was ok.
What if…what if she…what if she's remembering?
Before Spencer could move, she saw Ashley's hand go to her mouth and her head turn around at an alarming speed. Her eyes locked with Ashley's through her office window.
Oh. My. God. She remembers…
Spencer tore herself away from Ashley's gaze and ran down the hallway, heading for the closest set of stairs, and the closest exit to the courtyard.
Taking the stairs two at a time, Spencer rounded the corner in a hurry, heading outside into the pouring rain.
Just as she passed through the doors outside, she stopped instantly.
Ashley stood in front of her with her hands up imploring Spencer to stop. Her cheeks stained with mascara, and her body trembling from the cold rain, Ashley fought to find her voice.
"It's you."
Spencer nodded slowly, allowing her own tears to heat a trail down her cheeks.
"How…I mean…why…" Ashley sat back down on the bench, fighting to gather her thoughts.
"You knew it was me, all along, and you never said a word. How could you, Spencer? Knowing about my dreams and everything…how could you?"
"Ash…"
"NO! Don't you dare," Ashley yelled back, holding an index finger up to Spencer, "Don't you dare call me that right now!"
"I'm so sorry, Ashley. I needed you to do this on your own. I didn't want my being here to affect your recovery."
"MY RECOVERY? Are you serious, Spencer? You are part of my problem."
Spencer's head dropped, feeling as though she had been hit in the stomach with a bat. She knew it was going to be a struggle to break through Ashley's walls.
"Why? Just answer me that. Why did you disappear without a trace? Even when my dad died, I got NOTHING. Why?"
"I didn't know about your dad, Ash. I would have come back, but I didn't know."
Ashley scoffed, "Right. He was famous, Spencer, how could you not know?"
Spencer took a tentative step forward, rain dripping off her face, "I don't know Ashley, but please believe me when I tell you that I had NO idea. I mean, I know so much time had already gone by. I would have been there, but I didn't know. You have to believe me."
Ashley locked eyes with Spencer and felt her defenses slowly falling.
"I needed you, Spence. MY GOD, I needed you so much," Ashley sobbed.
"I know. I'm so sorry, Ashley. I'm so…so sorry."
Spencer moved forward, placing one hand on the side of Ashley's face, while the other grasped one of the hands on her legs…slowly pulling her up from the bench.
"We need to get you inside, Ash. You are soaked to the bone," Spencer said.
"I loved you, do you know that? I was 10 years old when you left, and I never loved anyone the way I loved you," Ashley confessed.
Spencer ran her hand down the side of Ashley's face, slowly tracing her jawline.
"I loved you too, Ashley. More than you know."
Spencer reached across Ashley and grabbed her bag, never relinquishing the hold she had on her other hand, and slung the bag over her shoulder.
She pulled Ashley towards her as she started to back up toward the building, "Let's go inside, huh? Get you some dry clothes, and we'll talk more after that, if you still want to."
Ashley exhaled the breath she hadn't known she was holding hostage and slowly made her way inside, never letting go of Spencer's hand.
As they made their way towards her room, Ashley slowed her pace and withdrew her hand from Spencer, immediately despising the cold that took over.
"I need some time, Spencer. I need some time to wrap my mind around this. Maybe…maybe I should talk with someone else from now on."
Spencer frowned, but nodded her head.
"Whatever you want, Ashley. Your being here is about you, and…nothing else," her voice choked out those last two words.
"Okay…but…will you come by later…just to…talk to me?"
Spencer felt a grin pulling at the corners of her mouth, "I would love that," she said.
"Okay," Ashley said, moving toward the door to her room.
"Wait," Spencer called after her, moving forward with Ashley's bag in her hands, "This belongs to you."
Ashley took the bag, shuddering at the warmth of Spencer's touch as the handed it over to her. After all these years, the feelings were still there.
"Thanks. Um…I'll see you later?"
Spencer nodded and turned to head back to her office, getting lost in the squeaking sound of her shoes on the tile beneath her feet, but allowing a grin to occupy her face.
I'll see you later, Ash.