A/N: Thanks to those of you that are reading...I hope you are finding a little pleasure lurking, reading, and/or reviewing. All three mean the world to me! I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter, so your thoughts are appreciated...as always.

Disclaimer: Still own nothing SoN, but the idea...that's my brain child...I do still own my motorcycle though, and will likely own a different one in the next few weeks! Ahh, summer!

Ashley's POV

Ashley's thoughts are italicized.

Does that clock really say 7:10am? You have GOT to be kidding me…I mean, seriously. Who gets shrinked at 7:30 in the morning?

Sigh

"I guess I get shrinked before noon now."

Alright, fast shower…

Check

Hair up in a messy, yet stylish, pony tail…

Check

Shoes, clothes, backpack with notebook…

Check

"Alright, here we go, Ash…we're off to see the…hmm…nothing really fits."

"SHRINKZARD!" giggles

"I'm off to see the shrinkzard…the wonderful shrinkzard of OZ…"

Okay, why do all of these docs have the same stupid brown door, with nothing on it? No peephole to see who's creeping outside, no fancy knocker to spruce it up…just a door… with a nameplate off to the side. I wouldn't have a door like this…it's too…normal.

Laughs

"And we know I'm nowhere NEAR normal…"

knock knock knock

"Come on in."

"Hey Dr. Dean…how goes it?"

"Ashley, come on in and have a seat. I'm happy to see you."

"Well thanks Double D," giggles "It's always good to be seen."

He's laughing…maybe this session will be quick and then I can get outdoors and relax in the sand for bit.

"I wasn't sure you'd be up for such an early appointment, but you seem to be all jokes and smiles this morning."

"I haven't cracked a joke yet, Doc. I was serious, I do like being seen."

I can't help but laugh at that one though. I really don't like being seen, and in the music world, I have no other choice. So, I go with the flow, and pretend to enjoy being seen.

Hey, at least he's still smiling at me…even if he is giving me the ol' you-are-a-wacko-and-a-handful headshake.

"So what's on the agenda for today Dr. Dean? A little dive into the unknown? Ooo, or how about a teleport to my future?"

"Actually Ashley, I was hoping to talk with you about the here and now."

What?

"Umm…okay, Doc. I'm here…right now…so let's talk."

Atta girl Davies, flash him the 1000 watt smile of innocence.

"Well, you have done really well over the past 4 weeks Ashley. We are very proud of your progress."

"Thanks, but I can't help but wonder what comes after the 'but' Dr. Dean."

"Oh, there is no 'but' Ashley, I just want you to know that your dedication to recovery is something we commend."

"Well, thanks. It's not a cake-walk, but every day that goes by I count as another day sober."

"Seems to me you have a pretty good support system as well; I heard Kyla is on her way up to spend the weekend."

"Yeah, I can't wait to see her. She is my rock, you know? Without her…wow…it's hard to say where I'd be right now."

"And Dr. Carlin tells me that she's seeing you smile again, which is a plus."

Hide the goofy grin…hide the grin…hide the…oh forget it.

"Yeah. I am smiling more. I have something to smile about now, you know? I'm not numb anymore. Dr. Carlin has done a lot for me."

"Is everything okay with you and Dr. Carlin, Ashley? I know you don't really see her in formal sessions any longer and wanted to make sure there were no issues."

"Oh, she and I are fine. See, I know Dr. Carlin from a long time ago. We were good friends when I was young and she didn't want there to be a conflict of interest since we have a history."

"Mmmhmm…I see."

Wait a minute. "I see." What kind of snide mumbling is that?

"What is it you see, Doc?"

"Oh nothing, Ashley, just following the conversation is all. I mean, I can see why you wanted to see someone else, already knowing Dr. Carlin and all."

"Yeah."

"That could make for an uncomfortable conversation, with the history and all."

"Umm…I wouldn't say uncomfortable per se. I have never been uncomfortable talking with Dr. Carlin. She is really…actually…what's the point here Doc?"

"There is no direct point, Ashley. I just wondered why it took you 4 weeks to want to change to another doctor…if the reasoning lies in you previously knowing Dr. Carlin. I mean, if something else happened, I want you to know you can talk to me about it."

This sonofabitch has a lot of nerve. What's his fucking problem, anyway? What's he trying to say exactly?

"Okay Doc, it's no secret here, but I have taken a lot, and I mean A LOT, of drugs in my lifetime. Probably more than any one human should ever consume. So, not that it's any of your concern at all, but I didn't recognize Dr. Carlin until recently."

"But, Dr. Carlin knew who you were, right Ashley?"

Oh he is definitely up to something now. I have GOT to get over to Spencer's office as soon as I leave here and give her the 411.

"I don't know Dr. Dean. Maybe you should ask her yourself, because it's no concern of mine. She is a trusted doctor to me."

"I'm sorry if I've upset you at all Ashley. I just want to ensure that all of the residents here are comfortable and feel safe."

"Right. I'm sure. I can tell you I'm not comfortable right now Dr. Dean, and that's by your hands."

"I apologize."

"You know, maybe we should cut this short today Doc. I don't feel my talking to you is going to benefit my recovery in any way. Not when I feel like I'm facing the inquisition."

I was tired of sitting in that chair anyway. I need to get away from this psycho.

"Ashley, please sit down. I apologize if you feel bombarded…"

"No apologies necessary Dr. Dean, you're just doing your job, right? Patients first, right?"

Don't nod at me like you are a saint."Unfortunately for me, I'm not feeling first right now…so I'm going to excuse myself. Put a red 'X' in my file that I skipped out early, or whatever, but I just need some me-time right now."

"I understand Ashley. If you want to talk later, you know where you can find me."

"Of course. In the here and now, right Doc?"

Yeah, nod at that with your fucked up grin. Asshole.

They must have just cleaned these floors. My shoes don't usually squeak this loudly, do they?

Of course, I am traveling at a higher rate of speed, I'm sure…but I need to talk with Spencer now. This quack doctor is up to some bullshit she needs to know about.

Another ugly door. Jeez…you'd think Spencer would at least buck the system.

Sounds like voices inside…maybe she has a session this morning.

Wait, no, she doesn't until like 3 this afternoon.

Should I just knock? Hold up, did she just say I love you, too?

That is definitely another woman's voice in there with her.

What the…

Fuck it. Move door…

"Spencer…"

"Oh Ash…hey….umm...this is…."

"Someone you love, yeah I heard." Spinning on the heels, and away I go…

"Wait a minute Ash…hold on."

Fight or Flight, Davies…


Flight.

Damnit, 4 strides and warm hands are on me already.

"Will you wait a minute?"

"Why, Spencer? So you can 'explain'?"

"Well, yeah. You obviously have the absolute wrong idea here."

"Do I? Because she was really pretty…a little old for you I think…but pretty. So do tell, Spencer, what idea is so wrong here?"

"How about the idea that that woman in there is my step-mother? And if you had stuck around for a second, you would have seen my dad standing behind the door you swung open."

Shit

"Ummm…wow. I...uhh…"

"It's okay." Stop laughing at me with that cute laugh "But will you come back now? Dad wants to say hello."

Go ahead, pull me by my hand. I'm not worthy of an introduction, or re-introduction, but I know you're nice enough to give it to me.

"Sorry guys…slight misunderstanding there. Umm, Ash, this is my step-mom, Candace."

"Nice to meet you Ashley."

"Likewise. Sorry about that…display of…ignorance."

"No worries, dear."

"Ashley Davies, as I live and breathe! I am so happy to see your smiling face again."

"Hey Mr. C. Wow, you have gotten all sophisticated-dad on us."

"Thanks?"

"Yes, thanks! You look great, Mr. C. I've missed you."

I've missed these meaningful hugs as well.

"Well, Spencer tells me you ran aground and are getting things back in order here."

"Yes sir, I'm trying."

"And she's doing a bang up job, dad."

I miss her smile when she's not around.

"Well keep it up, kiddo. We want you two over for a bar-b-que as soon as you feel up to it."

"Thanks dad."

"Yeah, thanks, Mr. C. That would be nice."

"Ash, umm, I just realized something. It's 8:30…aren't you supposed to be with Dr. Dean?"

"Yeah, I left early to come talk to you about him. He's up to something Spence, and he was making me really uneasy."

Wait, why are Spencer and Arthur looking at each other like that?

"Yeah, I kind of figured that out myself, but I didn't think he would project his thoughts and feelings on to you. I'm sorry Ash."

"Hey, it's okay."

"Actually, that's why I came by today."

"I don't follow Mr. C."

"Well, Spencer called me to fill me in on some things and I came out here to talk with her about her options. And, truth be told, I wanted to see you as well."

"Well, thanks, sir…but what options are you talking about?"

Her blue eyes are a little cloudy. They always got that way when she was a little nervous.

"Well, Ash, dad has asked me to come work in his private practice as a drug and alcohol counselor."

Cue the goodbye music; she's going to leave again.

"Umm, well, what are you going to do?"

Don't stare at me like that, Carlin, with your head all tilted and looking cute.

"You know what girls, why don't we take off so you can discuss this together? Ash, I'm so happy your back in my daughter's life, and I will see you soon."

"Thanks…bye Mr. C. It was nice to meet you Candace."

Wait for the door to close…wait for it…wait for it…click.

"Spencer?"

"Ash, I know what you're thinking here, but don't read too much into this okay?"

"Read too much into it? Exactly how can I NOT read too much into this?"

"He's trying to protect both of our best interests, Ash."

"By you leaving?"

"Ash, I wouldn't be leaving you."

"Heard that before."

Damnit, I shouldn't have said that…please look at me again…

"Maybe it's for the best."

Look at me!

I'll just grab your hand…there we go…eye contact.

"But, I love you, Spencer."

"Ash."

"No, I do. I need you. I need you to be here with me."

"Ash, I will be here FOR you…just not with you."

"But…"

"Ash, stop. I don't have a choice in this…"

"Wait, what?"