A/N: I have to ask, are you all getting bored with this story? Doesn't seem to be pulling much interest. Either way, it's still got a bit to go before it's finished...maybe I'll wrap it up earlier than planned. Thanks to those that continue to read and review...means the world!

Disclaimer: Don't own SoN, Mr. Lynch does...but I own the premise...so back up ninja!

Tears were starting to burn Spencer's eyes, but she kept her breathing even in an attempt to avoid their betrayal.

"What do you mean you don't have a choice, Spencer?"

Running a hand across her forehead, Spencer slowly turned away from Ashley and found herself staring out the window.

After a few minutes of complete silence, Ashley started to feel herself getting angry that Spencer wasn't acknowledging her presence at all.

Backing toward the door, Ashley started shaking her head, "Well, you obviously need to be alone so…"

"He knows about us, Ash."

Stopping in her tracks, Ashley's mouth dropped open some.

"I'm sorry, what does he think he knows, exactly?"

Turning around to look Ashley in the eyes, Spencer folded her arms across her chest, as if for protection.

"He knows about you and me, and our feelings for each other. He knows about us, Ashley."

"Spencer, please don't take this the wrong way, and I know it's going to come out wrong before I even say it, but…there is no us."

Cue the betrayal, tears started to freely flow down Spencer's cheeks.

"Wow, Ash. Could you be any more hurtful right now?"

Ashley saw the tears streaming down Spencer's face and took a step toward her, shaking her head furiously.

"No, no, no, no, Spence…I'm not saying I don't want you. I'm not saying anything anywhere near that…but let's be honest here, we haven't talked about anything pertaining to you and me, or an us, so whatever Dean thinks…is wrong. There, technically, is no us."

"It's not that simple, Ash, and you know that."

Ashley could feel her face starting to flush and she felt embarrassed.

"I'm sorry, Spence. I guess…I don't know. I just don't know what to think right now. I mean, you're going to leave and I feel like it's my fault."

Ashley flopped down on the couch in the corner of the office and stared at the floor.

Time continued to tick by as both girls avoided eye contact and conversation.

Spencer finally couldn't take the stand-off any longer and moved toward Ashley, sitting next to her on the couch.

Grabbing for Ashley's hand, Spencer ran her thumb across the girl's palm, trying to regain some kind of connection between them.

"Please look at me, Ashley."

Lifting her brown eyes to meet blue, Ashley immediately felt tears welling up and threatening to break free. She felt as though she could no longer breathe.

"I'm sorry I didn't talk to you about this. I'm sorry I didn't warn you that Dr. Dean suspected something more was going on between us. I should have come to you, I know that, but I was scared and needed to figure out what to do. My job is on the line here, Ash, but more importantly, my reputation."

"So, you regret this don't you? You regret allowing yourself to get close to me, allowing yourself to touch me, and kiss me," Ashley stated, pulling her hand away from Spencer and standing up from the couch.

"Ash."

"No! Save it Spencer. I get that your reputation is on the line, and I get that your job is on the line, but your dad gave you an out! Why are you now acting like your back is against the wall and you have nowhere to go?"

Spencer stood, stepping toward Ashley, only to have her retreat a little further.

"Ashley, you are taking this to the extreme. I'm just telling you what I'm feeling."

"Yeah, and none of those feelings thus far have been about me…in any way."

"Well excuse me, but don't you think that's a little presumptuous on your part, Ash? I mean...did you ever think that I'm trying to figure all of this out so there can be an us? Did you ever think about that?"

Ashley stood firm, her lips in a tight line, staring back at Spencer.

"No, you didn't. I have to be concerned about you, about me, about my job, about my reputation, and most importantly…about your recovery. But you apparently think I'm so shallow that I'm only concerned about one thing."

Ashley's head dropped, and her eyes remained fixed right in front of her feet. Spencer was right, she hadn't thought about anything but the words she was hearing. She was being presumptuous.

"Spencer," Ashley whispered.

"What Ash?" Spencer coldly replied.

"I'm sorry, it's just..."

Spencer turned and headed back for the window, swiping at the tears that betrayed her minutes earlier.

"Just save it, Ash," Spencer choked out.

"What?"

Ashley looked up from the floor, staring at the blonde's back as she gazed out the window.

In that moment, Ashley felt alone again. She felt her insides light on fire, and the bile start to rise up into her throat.

She was having a craving.

She was hurting, and wanted to be numb. For the first time in weeks, she wanted to run away and hide behind the needle, the bottle, and the blade.

Turning away from Spencer, she darted across the room to the adjoining bathroom, slamming the door behind her.

She immediately fell to her knees in front of the porcelain bowl and gripped the sides as she retched into the dark below.

Spencer immediately pushed through the door, kneeling behind Ashley's body that was now slumped over the toilet in front of her.

She ran her left hand over the brunette's back in small circles and ran her right hand through the brown locks in front of her.

Spencer was surprised when Ashley's hand came up and brushed her hand away from her face.

"Just leave it, Spencer. I don't want your help right now."

"Ashley."

"I said leave it," Ashley seethed through gritted teeth.

"You are having a craving, Ashley, I know…I've been there. Just let me be here with you, please."

"Get the fuck off me Spencer! I don't even want you to look at me right now. This whole conversation just makes me want to run…to be numb," Ashley choked out, starting to cry.

"Baby…I'm so sorry," Spencer stated, trying to soothe the girl she loved.

"Don't, Spencer…just…don't. Maybe you're right. Maybe it's best you do leave here."

Spencer stared at the side of Ashley's face as the brunette refused to make eye contact.

"Ash…Ash, look at me."

Ashley continued to stare straight ahead, ignoring Spencer's plea.

Spencer leaned in close to Ashley, whispering in her ear:

"I love you so much, Ash. I am NEVER going to leave you again. I hope you know that."

Spencer placed a lingering kiss directly below Ashley's earlobe before standing up and walking back into her office.

Ashley flushed the remnants of last night's dinner and rinsed her mouth with mouthwash that was on the counter. She exited the bathroom to find Spencer packing up her personal belongings.

She started to make her way to the door when she felt a warm hand on her forearm.

Spinning around, she was met with the stunning sea of blue that would forever mesmerize her.

Allowing herself to feel lost for a moment, Ashley didn't pull back when she was met with warm lips on her own.

Spencer pressed into Ashley, kissing her firmly. She ran her tongue across Ashley's bottom lip before nibbling on it ever so lightly.

"I love you," Spencer whispered against Ashley's lips before placing another chaste kiss on the lips she found herself so quickly addicted to.

Pulling away, Ashley nodded her head, reaching her hand out covering Spencer's heart in a simple gesture of love.

"You're right here, Spence. You always have been..."

"This isn't goodbye, Ash. I promise."

"Don't make any promises you can't keep, Spence. Not anymore."

Spencer stood staring at the girl she loved as she walked backwards to the door, before spinning and heading out in one fluid motion.

The tears came almost instantly, as Spencer took refuge on the couch Ashley has previously occupied.

What am I going to do? I have to leave before Dr. Dean forces Ashley out for misconduct and me for inappropriate patient relations. I just want her to be well, and to continue to heal. It's going to break her when I tell her that I can't visit.