A/N: Thanks again, to Hotcutii and jbs10, for the reviews. You two just may be the only readers I have left...and that's okay. I write because it's what I like to do...and this is my first attempt at fanfiction...so I appreciate your feedback along the way. (I think I may have even worked myself up a bit on that last chapter..haha). Only 2 more left, for sure...possibly 3...then we may need to think about a sequel...but I don't want to get ahead of myself. As always, don't be afraid to let me know what you think...enjoy...
Disclaimer: I don't own SoN, but I do own the storyline here...so leave it be, if you don't mind.
Day 51:
Well, it's been about a week since Spencer left Memories. I haven't fully adjusted to her being gone, but I'm dealing with her absence day by day. I guess that's part of the reason why I haven't written in here in so long. I guess, at first, it was because I was preoccupied with her being here, and now it's because of adjusting to her being gone. Regardless, I will probably be writing a little more.
The last day we spent "together" was incredible. Making love to her takes me higher than any drug I could ever dream of doing. I was scared, at first, that once she left me things would just fade between us but I don't feel that way at all now. That time we spent together solidified my feelings for her, and the way I KNOW she feels about me. It's love…pure and simple…love.
The cravings have died down to almost nothing. Granted, I know they're still there, but I've really found that writing helps dull the ache. (You should see the lyrics I have!) I was afraid what Spencer's leaving would do for my sobriety, but if anything, it's just made me want to get better even more.
Speaking of sobriety, I'm happy to say that I am 51 days sober and will be jetting from here at 90 days. That's just around the corner. 39 days…just over a month. I can do that. My new counselor is pretty awesome…not like that last jackass…the one SOLELY responsible for the love of my life needing to leave this place. Nah, she's NOTHING like that asshole. Ha ha. She is quite a bit older, but her clarity about life is infectious. I know we're going to stay in touch once I leave here.
Kyla is coming in 2 weeks…we're having a "family day," similar to what they did last time. I'm excited to see that bitch again. My relationship with her means so much more important to me now than I ever dreamed possible. I promised myself I would never take advantage of that again. Plus, she was a huge part of getting Spencer and me together. So I guess I kind of owe her!
I guess I'll leave things here for now…gotta continue working on my lyrics so I can start recording after I leave here.
A
Day 66:
Hello, again…hello. It's been longer than I planned…oopsie.
Kyla just walked out the door…LITERALLY. Ha ha. We had the best time this weekend. We decided I need to start thinking about buying a new place when I get out of Memories, so she's going to start looking around for me. I told her if she finds something she knows I would like, she could go ahead and buy it…but NO DECORATING! I'm screwed.
She brought me a letter from Spencer…I nearly fell out of my bed when she handed it over to me. I knew she wouldn't be able to write, but that is so awesome of her to send something with my sister. It included a picture of the 2 of us she must have taken with her cell phone when we fell asleep on the couch in her office the day before she left. She's kissing my jaw and I am completely asleep. It's perfect. Anyway, she's doing well. She misses me, loves me, and is counting down the days until we'll be together again. She told me, "Dad is having a bar-b-que the day you are released, so you and Kyla are coming straight over here from Memories. I can't wait to hear the doorbell, see your face, hug you, kiss you, and make love to you again. My world is a little darker when you're not around." Isn't she just great? I mean, really…and Mr. C: hell of a guy!
Anyway, only 24 more days until my life begins outside these walls. I'm hoping Kyla will find a place suitable for me and my baby girl. I mean, I haven't talked with Spencer about the details, but I'm really hoping she'll move in with me. I've been away from her for far too long now, I don't want to endure that kind of heartache again. We went years, were reunited…and I'll be damned if we go any longer than the 24 days we currently have left.
Am I whipped?
Don't answer that…
A
Day 70:
Oh man, oh man, oh man. Remember Dr. Dean? The asshole, shit-stirring, doctor that basically threatened Spencer with me? Yeah, well he's in deeeeeeeep shiznit.
Apparently, he has been having a bit of an inappropriate relationship himself. They arrested him today for something involving James, the 14 year old boy that was brought to Memories for his addiction to pain killers. Oops. My relationship with Spencer looks GREAT now. The bad press is already starting and some big money backers are threatening to pull their support. What a mess that guy's in. I told you he was building some bad Karma.
I spoke with my counselor about their funding today and she expressed to me that they have some major backers that have already pulled their support from the facility. Man, people just don't get that you can't judge the entire puzzle on one little piece. So, I did the only thing I could think to do. I wrote a check. I told Jeanie to keep it anonymous, but to make sure they knew it wouldn't be the only one they receive over the next few years. I just expected to be invited back to play sometimes, so I could see how much they are continuing to do for those around them.
There's nothing wrong with building some good Karma for myself, right?!
A
Day 84:
Soooo, it's been 2 weeks since my last entry. I know, I know. I'm a horrible journal keeper-upper. My bad.
My sessions have been going very well. Dr. Hamilton (Jeanie) has been a god-send, truly. Sometimes, she just pops over on her day off, just to say hi and see how I'm doing. She's also gotten me into Yoga. After all the shit I gave Kyla about her damn Yoga…I guess we'll be doing it together sometime soon. Ha ha. It's a great stress reliever, and it has truly helped me relax and stay focused on re-building my life. Who would've thunk it, right? That damn Kyla is a lot smarter than I ever gave her credit for, but don't you dare tell her that…I'll never hear the end of it; "I told you it was great Ash. You should have listened to me, Ash," blah, blah, blah. Ha ha.
Speaking of the little troll, I did talk to Kyla a couple days ago. She said she had lunch with Spencer (those 2 are getting awfully buddy-buddy these days) and took her by the place she found for me. I haven't seen it yet, but we are going to go by and see it after I come home. She also said that Spencer's new job is going very well, and is leaving her plenty of free time that she hopes I take up soon. God, I love that girl.
I'm starting to pack up some of my stuff, piece by piece, as I'm going to be going home in 6 days. WOW…only 6 more days. It's hard to believe my time here is coming full-circle already. I feel like a totally different person. Actually, I pretty much AM a totally different person…and I am so thankful for that.
Kyla is coming to get me on Saturday morning. We have a final group session at 9am that morning and then I'm home free!! WOOOOOO-HA!
Until then...
A
Day 89:
This is the last one for you…one of these days this book will fall in the wrong hands and I'll end up seeing excerpts in US Weekly. Maybe I'll burn you when I get home…you know, for complete closure. Only after I allow Spencer to read you…then it's into the flames!! Ha ha.
Kyla will be here in t-minus 6 hours and counting. I'm obviously having trouble sleeping. I told Kyla to be here at 8 so we could throw my bags in her car and sign me out before the last group session. That way, once it was all said and done, we could be rightfully on our way.
Spencer, I can't wait to see you baby. I've missed you so much these past weeks. Dreaming about you at night has kept me comfortable and safe. Knowing I will see you in less than a day now causes my heart to try and escape from my chest. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone, Spence. I can't wait to spend my every waking day with you.
This is it kids…tomorrow is a new day, and a new life. I'M 90 DAYS SOBER NOW!!
PEACE!
A
Ashley placed her pen down inside her journal and closed it, placing it inside her favorite backpack.
This time tomorrow, I'll be lying in my blonde beauty's arms again…and back in the real world…sober.
Leaning back on her bed with her hands folded behind her head, Ashley closed her eyes in an attempt to sleep away the remaining five and a half hours of time before she officially signed herself out of rehab and back into reality. She smiled big and soon fell asleep, unknowing of how truly special the next 24 hours would be for her.