Soon Enough
A/N: yes, it's been awhile. But here's an UD. And please keep reviewing :)
Chapter 5
Brace Yourself
"I need your help." The door of Brooke's hotel room bangs open and Brooke barely has time to turn around in the desk chair before Peyton has flopped on her bed with a groan.
Brooke holds up a finger to the pouting blonde and speaks into the phone. "Okay, well thank you. Tell me if you find anything else…Great, bye." She hangs up. "What's wrong?"
Peyton sighs. "Lucas."
"Ugh…something's always wrong with Lucas. He's like a cursed rabbit's foot," Brooke jokes as she joins her best friend on the bed, propping Peyton's feet over the brunette's legs.
"He's just so…distant."
Brooke shrugs. "The only reason it should matter is if you want his attention. Do you want him back?"
Peyton shrugs, tracing the pattern on the bed quilt. "I don't know. I thought that being friends would be a good thing. And it is – it's been great. But in a way, I still kind-of feel like he's mine – you know?"
Brooke nods. She wonder's if she should tell Peyton the truth – that she doesn't know. She doesn't know the feeling of being "friends" with Lucas. Brooke and Lucas were never "just" friends. They could never be "just" friends. They'd tried it junior year. Of course, that ended with a long suppressed declaration of love on Lucas' part.
"I wanna' be with you, Brooke."
When they broke up senior year, neither of them really put in an attempt to keep a strong friendship. Brooke told herself that it was just cause they didn't have that much in common.
The truth was, it was too hard. Too hard to look at each other and not crack. Not break.
Right now is the first time in a long time that she's felt comfortable being friends with Lucas. Real friends. Friends who can help each other in a crisis.
Friends like her and Peyton.
Peyton continues. "I mean, he even forgot that we were supposed to have breakfast yesterday."
"When I drove him home he said he had a huge deadline. He was probably just really distracted."
There is a silence. Then, "he told me he was at Nathan and Haley's."
Brooke is confused for a second. "He was. We both were. I slept at their house the night before."
"So he was with you."
Now it dawns on Brooke what Peyton is getting at. "No," she says quickly. "Well, yeah. But I mean, we were eating with Nathan and Haley. And he didn't even know I was there until – "
"Until what?"
"I came downstairs." Brooke had come very close to revealing to Peyton that Lucas had walked in on her in the shower. Not that it was a huge deal or anything. "Anyway, I think he's just really stressed and – "
"Yeah," Peyton nods, cutting Brooke off. She stands up from the bed. "Listen, I've got to go."
"Okay," Brooke says slowly, handing Peyton her purse. "Are you sure? I was thinking we could get lunch or something."
Peyton shakes her head. "I've got a conference call in about a half an hour. I should get home.
Brooke nods. "Wait, Peyton." Peyton pauses at the door. "I forgot to tell you."
"What?" Peyton looks annoyed, bothered by the new information that Lucas had neglected to share with her.
Brooke opens her mouth. "Nevermind," she says with a short smile. "I'll talk to you later.
And then Peyton is gone.
She shouldn't be snooping, but she's looking for her favorite pair of jeans, and since they're not at her apartment in LA, they must be here. Lucas has gone off on some mysterious errand, but tells her to sit tight, that he has a surprise for her when he gets home.
Peyton is reaching into the top shelf of his closet when she finds the letters. Her hands bump into a cardboard box, and, curious as she always is, she pulls it down.
The shoebox is faded and worn at the edges, and at first she assumes it's his "Peyton box." This is before she remembers him throwing that box away as soon as he and Brooke had gotten together senior year. But maybe he has a new Peyton box.
She pulls off the lid and is momentarily confused. The box is filled with a stack of various colored and shaped envelopes.
Lucas Scott
1829 Burnette Drive
Tree Hill, NC, 01982
Lucas Scott
1829 Burnette Drive
Tree Hill, NC, 01982
Lucas Scott
1829 Burnette Drive
Tree Hill, NC, 01982
It only takes her a few seconds to recognize the curly floppy scrawl that covers all of them.
It's Brooke's handwriting.
Peyton stomach flips over. Her hands shake as she opens the letter on the very top of the pile.
June 21st, 2005
Dear Lucas,
We're flying over the Grand Canyon right now. The pilot just came on, telling us that we're going land in about an hour and a half. Good thing too. I can't wait to stretch out on the beach and get my summer tan going – don't worry, I'll wear sunscreen.
I know I'm kind-of avoiding the big thing on my mind right now – the whole reason I wrote this letter. But I'm stalling – because I need to figure out what to say.
I'm not an eloquent speaker. Everyone knows that about me. You gave me the words "Remember tonight for it is the beginning of always." You gave me "The courage of life is a magnificent mixture triumph and tragedy."
George Bernard Shaw once wrote: "There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your hearts desire. The other is to gain it." This is what we wrote our English essay about this year, Luke. And this quote is entirely true.
I lost you this year. I lost my hearts desire. And that was almost too much tragedy for me to handle. I brushed you off – got angry, got bitchy, got slutty. But realizing it now, these were all ways for me to fight off what I was really feeling. I was really feeling sad. Heartbroken. Angry. Because no matter how hard I tried – no matter how many times I slapped Peyton or talked back to you – I could never truly hate you. No, it was just the opposite.
If gaining your hearts desire is a tragedy, then you can see why I ran. I can see why I'm confused. My cab driver can see why I cried the whole way to the airport.
That kiss gave me everything I could've hoped for Lucas. It gave me you.
But I'm not sure how much more tragedy my heart can take.
Love,
Brooke
She stuffs the letter back into the envelope and slams the lid closed. Why did he keep these? She asks herself as she rummages through the rest of the letters, not having the heart to open anymore of them. She understands now how Brooke must have felt when she found Lucas' "Peyton box." Only this wasn't just a box of things from his and her best friend's relationship. This was a box of 82 declarations of love from Brooke Davis.
It's not often that Brooke Davis declares her love for anyone.
It now dawns on her what he must have been reading last night when Peyton had bounded into the bedroom and he had hurriedly stuffed something into his nightstand with a guilty look on his face.
She moves across the room in a rage and pulls open the drawer of his bedside table. There is it. One lonely letter. This one printed on white paper with blue ink. She opens the envelope and pulls out the stationary.
Dear Lucas,
It's the first day of the school year and I just made a complete and total fool of myself in front of you. Did I honestly think that seducing you was going to work? Well, yeah I did. I guess I just didn't think you'd have the power to resist.
Luke, this is my last letter to you. And who knows if you're ever going to see this. Your probably going to get sick of my non-exclusive crap and move on to better things. And I will be left alone, blaming myself for pushing you away.
I don't even know what I want from you. Do I want another embarrassing speech from you like you gave last week on the beach? Do I want your undivided attention every second of everyday?
I just want you, Luke. I want your broodiness. I want to watch you smile, hear you laugh, wake up to your blue eyes everyday. I want to be able to cheer for only you at the games, and to be able to tell people, "That's my boyfriend, Lucas Scott. It's our anniversary." I want us to be the couple. The one couple that everyone "aww's" at when they walk by. The couple that teachers have to tell to stop making out during class. The couple that holds hands when they walk down the hallway.
I want to be able to kiss you everyday. I want that terrified, yet amazing feeling of being in love. I want to be able to say that I married my high school sweetheart, and that he was the first and only boy I every loved.
I want you, Luke.
Love,
Brooke
She doesn't even realize he's entered the room until she looks up and sees the terrified look on his face. And then her eyes move to the tiny box in his hand.
And it dawns on her that he is going to propose.
Was going to propose.
"Peyton…" he tries to explain, but in only a few seconds she's yelling, and then he's yelling, and then she's crying. And she's trying to understand why he held onto those letters, and he can't give her an answer.
And now she's telling him that he can't propose just because their relationship is falling apart, and he tells her that that's not why he's proposing. But she can tell he's lying.
So she leaves.
"So my mom and Lily are coming home tomorrow," Lucas says into the phone.
Brooke squeals on the other end of the line. "Oh my god! I haven't seen Lily in so long!"
Lucas smiles. "I think we're having a joint birthday party for her and James on Saturday.
"Wow, thanks for the advance notice," says Brooke sarcastically. It's Wednesday afternoon and she'll have to spend the rest of the week buying them both tons of gifts to spoil them with.
Lucas laughs. "So any luck with the real estate hunting?"
Brooke sighs. "No. Every place I've looked at is either in the middle of nowhere, too small, too big, or not available for another year."
"So what's the rush?"
"It gives me an excuse to stay down here," Brooke admits. "I can't let my mom think that I'm here for any reason other than my job."
"So why are you here?"
Brooke blushes slightly into the phone. "For Nathan, and Haley. And for me. And for Jamie. For Peyton…and for you."
Lucas smiles.