Disclamer: Okay, okay, I admit it! I don't own Mai HiME.

(A/N: Warning: The following fanfiction is not for those who can't tolerate satire of their favorite Yuri titles. If you are one of those people, please read something else, probably by Tsuyazakura Kouyuki)

Long ago in a distant land,

I, Aku, unleashed an unspeakable evil.

But a foolish Samurai warrior wielding a bamboo sword

Stepped forth to oppose me.

Before the final blow was struck, I tore open a portal

In time where my evil is law.

Now, the fool seeks to return to the past and undo future that is

Aku.

Gotta get back. Back to past.

Takeda Jack.

Watch out, now!

Gotta get back. Back to the past.

Takeda Jack.

Priestesses of October

It wasn't long before the gang trailed the couple heading into a movie theatre. When they entered the doors together, the caravan of stalkers looked up at the list of movies now playing.

"What movie are they going to see?" Mai turned to the group, trying to find an answer that wouldn't be there.

"Who knows?" Tate shrugged his shoulders.

"Oh! Oh!" Shiho pulled on Tate's arm furiously, "I bet they're going to see the new Pokémon movie, right Onee-chan?"

"Is that what they want…or what you want?" Chie asked with a smirk. Shiho responded by sticking her tongue out at Chie.

"No, no," Nao chimed in, pointing at the screen. "If they want each other so bad, they're probably going to see how it's done. It's probably Shoujo Sect."

"But that's hentai!" Aoi cried out loud.

"Lion King," Mikoto urged.

"Well whatever it is, we'd better-"

"Tokiha-san?" Mai turned around only to find Reito looking at her with a smile.

"Reito-san!"

"What are you doing here with this big group? Hello, Tate."

"Hey."

"Well, we're going to-"

"Going to spy on Natsuki and Shizuru, Mai HiME?"

Mai simply cringed from hearing that sneering voice once more.

"Nagi? What are you doing here?" Mai asked the small boy.

Nagi cracked his knuckles and stretched his shoulders. "Well, it's been very boring for me these past few weeks so I thought I would stop by and check how things are going."

"So, you want to know about the president and Natsuki, too," Nao quipped. Nagi jumped back at this before gaining his composure.

"That's right. And as long as I'm here, I-"

It was at this moment that Nagi caught sight of Reito. As they looked at each other, they turned away, pretending that nothing was the matter. Even though the way they were acting clearly indicated such.

"Oh! Hey...Lord Kokuyou. How's it going?"

Reito rubbed his neck. "Good, good. I see that you're...ah...doing well."

Mai stared at them curiously. She whispered to the person at her side, "What happened?"

"Someone wrote a fanfic about them," Chie whispered back.

"So?"

"With lemon," Chie said without missing a beat.

"Oooh..." The group said in unison.

Mai snapped back,"Is there anyone who the fans won't write about?"

"Yeah," Nao smirked. "You and Tate."

"Well that's a relief-Hey!" Tate's train of thought paused, hearing this.

"What's wrong with us?" Mai shouted. "We've got plenty of appeal! I'm outgoing, smart, beautiful, responsible and helpful!"

"Yeah!" Tate yelled out. "And I'm conflicted, can't make a commitment, usually kind of slow on things and...don't usually-umm..."

"Just shut up, baka Onee-chan."

"And will you stop calling me Onee-chan! That's a mistranslation; you're calling me your older sister!"

"Really?" Shiho said, much to her disbelief. "I could have sworn three beta readers would've picked that up."

Mai had her complaints as well. "Yeah, why didn't anyone notice my name was mispelled earlier? My name's Mai Tokiha, not Tohika!"

Chie shook her head. "Forget about the writer's lack of attention for now! They're getting away! Quick, into the movie theater!"

Admittedly, Natsuki was starting to understand Shizuru. It seemed like the older girl took control of everything, when in reality she just kept a cool head. Natsuki thought that maybe Shizuru didn't act that way on purpose. Maybe she didn't know when to stop. As they walked up to the ticket vendor, they looked at all the potential movies to go to.

"What would Natsuki like to see?" Shizuru's voice came floating out of her mouth with ease. Natsuki, unsure, looked at the various movie listings.

"Did you have anything in mind?" She pulled her blue strands back, stumped at the situation.

"What about that one, Natsuki?" For the first time tonight, Natsuki felt in control. She didn't feel pressured and the decision was entirely hers.

"Nah, I've heard about that movie. Too much product placement," Natsuki stated while carrying her new Victoria's Secret undergarments, which were now 50 percent softer.

"Do you mind product placement?" Shizuru asked, checking on her perfectly applied L'Oreal face powder.

"I dunno. To me, seeing nothing but Pizza Hut signs really ruins the mood," Natsuki replied, swishing her beautifully tailored Calvin Klein dress around a bit. "I got it! We'll see that one!"

As she and Shizuru walked up to the ticket vendor, Natsuki made the choice of movie for the evening.

"Oh!" the vender spoke, "Hello, President Fujino. Here are the tickets you ordered."

Natsuki stood in horror as she looked at the tickets, seeing the exact movie she wanted at the exact same time stamped on them.

"You-! How did you-! You planned this all along, didn't you?" Natsuki shot an accusing look to Shizuru, her voice spluttering, trying to get a hold on the words before Shizuru managed to predict them, too.

"Yes, I did. But, if you had decided to see something else, I would've thrown away the tickets."

Natsuki paused for a moment, considering Shizuru's words. In a way, Natsuki chose the movie, not Shizuru. Who would've imagined that they ended up picking the same movie as one another? Natsuki didn't know whether to hit Shizuru over the head or invite her to the theatre. Luckily, the latter thought won out and they entered the building together.

Natsuki smacked her fist into her palm. "Okay! But I'm deciding on the snacks. You got that?"

"Where are they?" Mai asked, pushing against the crowd.

"Wait!" Chie hushed, concentrating on an invisible noise. "Several product placement ads were made, all without the permission of the original company!"

"The bastards!" Tate added.

"And if I'm correct, they're headed into theatre number 7!"

"Right!" Mai declared. "We'll go see the movie in theatre number 7! Let's go get tickets!"

As all the girls and Nagi left to get tickets, Tate whispered over to Reito.

"Reito, do you know this movie? I've never heard about it before in my life!"

Reito acted as calm as usual. "I heard it's based on a Yuri manga."

"Oh," Tate replied. "That's nice."

"By Kaishaku."

"Oh God no!"

Natsuki felt her senses being pummeled in with the chaos on screen. While the blue haired girl of the school began to revive the smaller blonde girl, the boy in the giant robot began to shout attack names. "Ichiru Kotoretsu: Thunder Destructive Wave!"

As the darkened sky began to glow due the fresh colored rainbow from the attack's aftermath, the blue haired girl on screen kissed her blond counterpart, whispering the words "Happy Birthday."

Natsuki leaned in. "Shizuru, what the hell is this crap?"

Sitting comfortably in the back, the group tried to keep a track on Natsuki and Shizuru…and failed. Rather, they were caught up in the events of the movie and began to give their opinions of it. Out loud. For everyone to hear.

Mai stared at the movie, her attention completely drawn to it, and whispered, "I really like these two girls, but I wish there wasn't so much mecha. It's really ruining the story for me."

Mikoto glared at the screen. "I don't like the nurse. She looks stupid, nyaa."

"Onee-chan-I mean, Onii-chan!," Shiho cried out loud. "I don't like that green-haired man. He thinks ecchi thoughts."

"Do something already!" Nao shouted, her gaze locked on screen. "Rip her shirt off again!"

"Jesus," Tate whined, rubbing his head. "Giant robots, magic AND schoolgirls? This movie makes no sense!"

"It could be worse, Tate-san," Reito smiled as he enjoyed himself.

"How?"

"We could be watching that new Yu-Gi-Oh! spin-off."

"...I'll shut up now."

The azure-haired girl had just restrained her blonde counterpart and began to force herself onto her. As the blonde's cries and protests filled the theatre, Natsuki's stomach churned, an uncomfortable knot forming. For the longest time, she remembered how afraid she was of Shizuru and how the situation could have turned out. The motorcyclist's hair began to stand on end as she watched the scene play out. At times, she her gaze fell off-screen, staring off into space.

As the president reached for her companion's hand, Natsuki pulled it away.

"Yeah!" Nao cried out to the screen. "Do her and do her good!"

Mai stared at the girl with one eye twitching. "Nao, did anyone ever tell you that you need professional help?"

"Several times. Take it off!"

Meanwhile, Shiho forced Tate's hand to cover up her eyes from the more explicit scenes.

"Onii-chan, is it over?"

"No."

"How about now?"

"No."

"Now?"

"No."

Finally, Tate moved his hand away. "Okay, it's over."

"How can you tell?" Shiho asked.

"There's a giant robot on screen. Nothing happens when there's a giant robot on screen."

At long last, the scene became that of the dying girl confessing her eternal love to the other girl, being cradled in a loving manner as she died in an overly dramatic and extended fashion. "You're my number one, a real princess, and the sun that generously shines on me. The moon is able to be luminous because there's a sun. That's why it wishes to be more beautiful and elegant than anything else."

The group, supposedly stalking the president and her date, split into two groups similar to the movie audience: those on the brink of tears and those on the brink of leaving the movie theatre.

"That's so sad!" Mai sniffled, as she blew her nose into a tissue.

"Why is Mai crying?" Mikoto asked. "I thought sun priestess won."

"Wahahaha!" Shiho had become a blubbering mess as she wiped her tears with her pigtails. "I can understand her! Why can't she be with the one she loves?"

"'The sun and the moon, forever to be apart'," Chie recited. "Truly that is the way of forbidden love."

"Well said (sniff) Chie!" Aoi sobbed.

"Reito!" Tate whispered. "This movie doesn't make any sense! Why would they make the other girl the villain? Doesn't that sort of mess up their plans?"

Reito shrugged. "I think it was meant to be a plot twist."

"But think about it!" Tate's patience with the movie, worn extremely thin already, was starting to break. "If you get the other girl to join you, isn't that like having a double agent or something? The whole POINT is to kill her and they let her join? It's like letting someone you know that is unreliable see all of your plans! And further more, why is there so much mecha in a magically themed movie? And, why don't the people do anything after the giant robots attack? Isn't that sort of-"

"Shh!" Shiho cried out loud. "Baka Onii-chan! Your damn logic is keeping me from enjoying this movie!"

"Aren't we forgetting something?" Mai thought out loud for a second, only to break down in tears as the heart-rending confessional continued.

Though the more timid of the two, the girl on screen returned the feelings. "The sun will shine because it's with the moon. It can smile, it can be happy. Because the moon teaches the sun how to shine, it can work harder to become brighter. For the sake of the moon."

"God," Natsuki snickered in the comfort of her seat, "the dialogue here is so corny."

"I think it's sweet," Shizuru said with an arm slung around Natsuki's shoulder.

"I didn't say it wasn't sweet. I just think the way that they talk is really weird. You'd never hear that in real life." The femme fatale began to throw her snacks at the screen to show her displeasure.

"Really? I think it isn't meant to be real. Rather, they're expressing what all forbidden lovers want to say to each other." Natsuki paused. She really didn't think of it like that before. However, Shizuru was right in her own way. The dialogue had no place in the real world. Rather, the fantasy wrote all the feelings the people wanted to say to each other but couldn't. In a way, it was beautiful. It even touched Natsuki.

"Would Natsuki like to hear those words?" Shizuru suggested as she put her hand on Natsuki's thigh. Normally, Natsuki would've swatted away, but instead she looked into Shizuru's eyes and stared at the beautiful rubies. As their faces neared each other, Natsuki quickly grabbed a handful of popcorn and shoved it into her mouth. She sank back into her seat and stewed into her own cowardice.

"That movie sucked!" Tate complained as he exited the theatre. "I told you we should've went to see that movie by studio Sunrise. You know, Code Grease: The Douche of the Rebellion."

"Actually Tate-san, I believe it's Lelouch of the Rebellion."

"Douche, Lelouch, same thing."

Shiho pouted a little while walking in front of him. "Onii-chan's just jealous that the girl won out."

"No I'm not!" Tate yelled. "I'm pissed that the movie made no sense!"

Mai sighed and looked at Tate. "Really, you should be more open-minded and— …wait. Weren't we supposed to do something?"

The group quieted down and thought hard on the topic.

"Oh no!" Nao exclaimed. "We were so caught up by that crappy movie that we forgot about the president and her bitch!"

"Quick!" Chie declared. "Back to the car! There's only one last place they can go to at this time of night."

"A bar?" Aoi suggested.

"A coffee shop?" Reito asked.

"A strip club?" Nao inquired.

Everyone turned and stared at Nao, various expressions sitting on their faces.

"What?" Nao defended her thought. "It's reasonable. There's also a bath-house across-"

"No," Chie interrupted. "There's only one place left: home."