Set between episodes 5 and 6 of series 7, so obviously *SPOILERS*.
Written before I've watched episode 6!
Pretending
Chapter 2
Ros smiles.
"It seems that you have quite a habit of resurrecting dead women Harry."
Ruth's eyes have fallen to an indistinct point on the floor as she tries to think of a response, but however desperately she tries, her brain seems to have temporarily shut down. In an instant, the vision of Ros standing in front of her has brought to mind the images of her last day on the Grid; with Ros sitting at her desk, and Oliver Mace behind her.
Harry feels Ruth shudder in his arms, and he leans his face over her head to kiss her hair in a comforting gesture.
For a few moments, there is only silence in the room as they all search for the appropriate words. Eventually, Ruth is the first one to move. Leaning her hand on Harry's chest, she looks at him before turning towards Ros.
"I'm glad to see you again Ros, but I'm sure you have questions to ask Harry. So, if you don't mind, I will have a quick shower and will be back in a few minutes."
Harry's answer is a quick kiss on her lips, a stroke of her hair, and he frees her from his embrace. As she turns around, her hand smoothes his arm and, with a little squeeze on his hand, she is gone: leaving them in silence, listening to her gentle footsteps on the stairs.
Those few gestures have spoken of something quite unexpected for Ros: a real complicity; a perfect intimacy; a true harmony; one you can only witness between people truly in love. Whatever their story was, Ros knew that tonight was not the first time that Ruth was in Harry's arms, or in his house.
Harry returns to his armchair, while Ros sits again on the couch. She can tell that Harry is more relaxed now; almost seeming relieved. Raising her eyes to him, she can see the satisfied smile on his face, but she also senses the anger gradually filling her.
"How long Harry? How long have been hiding Ruth? Why didn't you tell me? Did you think that I might report her again? For Christ's sake Harry! I know I made a mistake back then, but at that moment, I thought she was betraying you. I did it to protect you and the service, however stupid that sounds now!"
Ros' voice and eyes are expressing a real anger. She is hurt: hurt that he didn't confide his secret to her; that he didn't trust her enough. She thought that she was his best friend. He should have talked to her! But he didn't. Now it was her turn to feel the taste of betrayal in her mouth; it was a bitter taste.
"I know I owe you an explanation Ros," he begins, "...but, first of all, I want you to know that my silence has nothing to do with my trust in you. If I could have told you, I would have. But Ruth is still officially dead, and I haven't found a right way to clear her name yet. Telling you about her would have involved you, and if I can't clear her name, if someone, someday, as careful as we are, finds out about her existence, I want to be the only one to fall. I'm ready to lose my job for her, but I don't want you, or anyone else in Section D, falling with me."
"So why did you just change your mind Harry? Why let me know tonight?"
"Because there's something I can't explain right now, but I promise I will… in a couple of days. In the coming weeks, if anything happens to me, I want you to take care of Ruth. Everything is in a safe - I will give you the details later - and you have to promise me, Ros, that you will help her."
Harry's voice is broken by the end of his little speech, letting her see, with no doubt, the depth of his feelings for Ruth.
As with everyone on the Grid, she knew that there was an obvious connection between Harry and Ruth: she was his rose-tinted blind spot. But at the time of the Mace affair, Ros had not been on the Grid long enough to understand that it was not just an office infatuation, but something much bigger...a real story of love. She had been a tool in Mace's hand for Harry's dismissal, as well as Ruth's disappearance, and it was a regret she had to live with day after day. That was the reason of her anger right now: she was still filled with remorse over her actions of that day, whereas Harry, it appears, was enjoying nights of comfort in the arms of his beloved Ruth!
"I will Harry, I promise, but…"
Harry raised his hand to stop her questioning him further. He has already decided that he will tell her about Sugar Horse, as soon as he has enough detail. For now, he has something else to explain, to show his trust of her, and to show how fragile Ruth's situation is.
"When Zaf told me that he had managed to arrange a passage to France for her, I asked one of my old friends, who works at the British embassy in Paris, to make contact with her. Three months after her departure, I had to travel to Paris to organize a visit for the PM. My friend arranged a meeting for us. We…"
He stops for a moment, choosing his words carefully, visibly overwhelmed by his memories
"We got...closer."
He pauses for a moment, swallows hard to try to contain his emotions, and continues his story.
"For the first year, we managed to meet every month or so: sometimes in Britain, other times in France. But it soon became obvious that is was too dangerous for both of us, so we decided that it would be safer for her to be in Britain...closer to me."
He didn't have chance to finish his speech. Ros couldn't believe what she had just heard, and she interrupted him abruptly.
"You mean she lives in Britain!? Harry, that's crazy! Surely that puts both of you at even bigger risk!?"
"Yes, Ros, she's in Britain. She works with one of my former officers who resigned from the service a few years ago, and now runs a private investigations firm. He's watching her back, but he would not be able to protect her from the service if something… something happened. I'm aware of the risks, as is Ruth, but it seems that, till now, we've been quite good at handling the situation."
Ros' anger was starting to dissipate at the sight of Harry pouting at her suggestion that he was being reckless.
"So," she smirked, "Sir Harry and Ruth Evershed, a couple at last! It must be the most well kept secret in Britain. Don't worry, Harry, I will keep it that way."
"Thank you, Ros. Now, would you excuse me for a minute please? I've forgotten to say something to Ruth."
Harry quickly leaves the room, and Ros, for the second time that peculiar evening, is left alone in Harry's living room, flabbergasted.
&&&&&
Ruth is relieved that the pain in her shoulders feels a little better, as the jet of hot water massages and relaxes the tense muscles of her back. The steam envelopes and protects her. She is feeling so confused tonight. She knows that something is wrong with Harry. He would never ask her to come to stay a few days at his house, unless it was for a very serious reason. Moreover, revealing the truth about her to Ros seems a very dangerous game to play. What was at stake to make him take so many risks?
On top of all those worries, if she is being honest with herself, there is something else niggling her. When she had seen Ros in his living room a moment ago, she had suddenly realised that Harry's new Chief of Section was a beautiful and intelligent woman. More beautiful than her. During one of their late night phone calls, he told her that he was really glad to be working more closely with Ros, since Adam's death. He had praised her abilities and told Ruth that Ros was really good at her job; far more than he had previously given her credit for. Now, seeing Ros after such a long time, she realised that her relationship with Harry, as intense as it was, was also very fragile. After all, it was Ros who was spending her days with him on the Grid. Ros was the woman accompanying him to meetings. Ros was the one he confided in about work, and relied heavily on during his working day. On top of all these doubts, Ruth was certain that she had caught a glimpse of disappointment in Ros' eyes when they had entered the room, together. She couldn't blame Ros for having feelings for Harry. After all, who could resist his charm?
She steps out the shower and begins to dry herself, while the nasty feeling of jealousy and worry constrict her stomach. Drying her hair with a towel, she doesn't hear the door open. A few seconds later, his arms are holding her close to him, in a warm and tender embrace.
Waiting for her to turn and face him, he then kisses her face and whispers.
"Are you alright Ruth?"
Looking at him, she is amazed that he knows her so well and that he can read her thoughts: the doubts, the worries, the fears. He is not going to let those thoughts overwhelm her. His hands are warm on her skin, and the way he caresses her back is more relaxing than anything the massaging shower could achieve. Her arms around his waist are holding him flush to her naked body, as she buries her head in his chest. She needs to re-affirm her love for him, and she needs to hear him re-assure her of his love for her. Their whispered words of love are vanishing in the steam of the bathroom and, for a short moment, nothing else exists in their universe: nothing bad can touch them or hurt them; they both feel secure.
&&&&&
Harry and Ruth are cuddled on the couch: Harry's arm is draped across her shoulder, and Ruth's hands are rested on his lap. Scarlet is contentedly curled up on Ros' knees, as she plays with the fur on her head. A second bottle of White Burgundy is now on the table, as well as a plate of crackers and cheese Ruth found in the kitchen.
There is an obvious awkwardness in the room, to say the least. The conversation should probably be easier between them - two spooks and an ex-spook - but too many things have been left unsaid to make the discussion flow.
Harry is the one trying to make conversation. He is the one dealing the cards tonight: the only one to control the situation. He decides to lead them to a safe field: general politics, the economical situation and crisis. He would resort to chatting about the weather, if it could break the uncomfortable silence. His bubbling mind is hidden behind the perfect mask of a calm smiling man, satisfied to have both his lover and best friend in his house. He is usually more than able at playing the waiting game, but now he feels a growing impatience to be alone with Ruth. Their moments together are rare and precious and, right now, he just wants Ros to leave.
Ruth is equally unsatisfied with the situation. There are so many questions to ask in her mind, and she is both aroused by Harry's physical proximity, and uneasy of Ros' stare directed at him. She doesn't want to talk about her life, because she is still not completely sure of Ros' loyalty, and does not want to offer too much information that Ros could used against her. So, instead, she is talking about the growth of unemployment she has witnessed in recent times, when all she wants, spirit, body and soul, is to be in bed, with Harry.
The main feeling in Ros' mind now, is the nonsense of all this. What game are they playing? Fooling themselves that this is a simple, innocent, late discussion between friends: sharing some good wine and discussing the latest developments in current affairs!? She came to Harry's home tonight to talk of truth, and to make sense of the last few days. Fortunately, they had managed that before Ruth appeared, but now, the pretence of a trying to hold a normal conversation is bordering on the ridiculous! She is certainly not naïve, and observing the ever-growing closeness of the couple sitting in front of her, she is left with only one impression: they need to be alone...soon. Knowing that Harry, ever the gentleman, will probably never directly ask her to leave, she comes to a quick decision to end this torment for all their sakes.
"Well, I think it's time for me to go home," Ros smiles, trying to hide her amusement at the poorly disguised expression of delight of both of her companions.
"Thanks for the wine, the talk, and the good company Harry. Ruth, it was a real pleasure to see you again. Take care," she says as she stands up.
"Are you sure you're going to be okay?"
The tone of his voice expresses a real sincerity in his words and, in a split second, she remembers why she came here in the first place: to say aloud her most intimate feelings and worries of loneliness to the one person she admires and respects most. To the person that, tonight, she would have liked to share a bed with, if only their lives had been different: if only he wasn't already very much in love with someone else.
Ruth feels ashamed and relieved at the same time. Ashamed to be so happy to see Ros leaving, and relieved that nothing had been said to compromise her position.
"It was a pleasure for me too, Ros. You take care too."
Ruth offers out her hand to Ros and, once taken and shaken briefly, she takes a step backwards.
"I'm going upstairs now," she adds, deciding to give some space to the leaders of Section D. With a final wave, she has disappeared up the staircase, leaving Harry to walk Ros to the front door.
"Good night, Ros, and don't forget, you're very good at your job, and you are making a difference; please don't doubt that. I'll see you in the morning."
Ros smiles as she realises that her ability to read Harry is something that has strengthened their bond in recent times. In one short sentence, he has explained everything that needs to be said: his trust in her, his re-assurance of her qualities, and his instruction that it is definitely time that she left now.
"Thanks again, Harry. Good night."
&&&&&
As he closes the door carefully, and checks every windows of the house – an extra precaution as he always does when Ruth is here - he ponders if Ros may have more feelings for him rather than just friendship. Did he catch a glimpse of something else? Was that jealousy in her eyes when he entered the room for the first time with Ruth in his arms? He sighs, thinking that the situation is complicated enough without having to deal with another dimension. He has to focus on Sugar Horse, and he has to find the mole. If it's not Connie, who could it be? He is pinning all hope on Ruth's cleverness and sharp mind helping him solve the mystery.
Despite his brief moment of doubt about Ros, as he climbs the stairs, there is only one thing on his mind: Ruth is here, in his house, and all he wants is to hold her in his arms. He wants to love her, be loved by her, and, for a few hours, forget everything about his job and saving the country.
Pushing the door of the bedroom open, he stops in his tracks, as he does each time she is in his bed. This is the most beautiful sight in the world. The woman he has been in love with for six years, his lover for two years, is lying down his bed, naked, waiting for him. His breath is caught in his throat, and he doesn't even try to stop the moan escaping. It expresses all his feelings in one single sound and, as he finally feels her skin against his, there is nothing more to say. He is alive again.
&&&&&
Pushing the door open, she stands in the hall, looking blankly at her home sweet home, which is nothing like a home, let alone a sweet one. She has to do something about it. Maybe re-painting the walls and a change of furniture would help?
Slowly, she takes a few steps into her room, while playing with her keys in her hands. After another few minutes of indecision, she throws the keys on the coffee table, and grabs the TV remote control as she collapses onto the couch. She knows what she is missing, and she has made her decision. She is going to buy a dog.
The end…for now.