I'm sorry for not updating sooner. I really meant to put this up around Tuesday or so but school pretty much spontaneously combusted and showered me with homework, so I didn't really have time. This weekend I had three essays and two projects, all due on Monday in addition to other homework. Anyway, I'll stop whining now and just let you read the second part of act 1. I'll try to get the next part up as soon as I can. Oh, and for the reviewer who asked, no, I didn't actually end up putting this on as a play. It didn't quite work out. But you never know for the future. Anyway, onward ho!
(Joseph Buquet is telling scary stories to Meg and a random ballet girl.)
Buquet: And do you want to know the worst thing about the Phantom?
Ballet Girl: (entranced) What?
Buquet: His face! It's horrible!
Ballet Girl: -screams-
Meg: -rolls eyes- Moooommm! Joseph Buquet is doing it again!
(Madame Giry comes over.)
Madame Giry: -sighs- What now?
Meg: He was telling stories about the ghost!
Madame Giry: -slaps him- You know, Buquet, you should really learn when to shut up or you'll get yourself killed someday.
Buquet: -sulks-
Foreshadowing: -is there-
(We are now in the manager's office where he is sitting at his desk being confused over the notes he has just received. And talking to himself.)
Manager: Hmm, I wonder what I'm going to do tonight. Pretty much the whole cast has walked out. That could be a problem. Meh. Oh well. At least it's publicity. -finds a note on his desk in addition to the one he had placed on top of a book- Where the heck are these things coming from? Let's see, this one says "Christine rocked. Great improvement from Carlotta. Also, the dancing sucked. Tell that Giry woman to do something about it." Hmm, odd. This other one says "Dude, where's my money? I want it. NOW." How rude. If I wanted to request something, I would do it in a much more pol-
(Raoul suddenly bursts into the office)
Raoul: Hey, manager person! What's up with this note? And where's Christine?
Manager: How should I know where she is? Also, I didn't send you a note.
Raoul: Riiight. Sure. Whatever. Anyway, it says "Don't worry about Christine. Go on a nice vacation to Cancun and never see her again."
Manager: Well that's just-
(Suddenly Carlotta bursts in)
Carlotta: (pointing at Raoul) Why did you send me this note?
Raoul: What note?
Carlotta: The one that says "You suck. Christine's taking your place tonight and you won't do anything about it if you know what's good for you."
Raoul: I sent nothing of the sort!
Carlotta: Of course you didn't.
Manager: Gack! I'm sick and tired of these blasted notes popping up everywhere!
(Meg and Madame Giry burst in suddenly)
Meg: Hey, ya'all! Christine's back!
Madame Giry: And the Phantom wants to tell you to put Carlotta in the silent role, Christine in the lead, and leave his seat in box 5 open.
Manager: -rolls his eyes- If one more note shows up, I will seriously lose it!
Carlotta: -pouts- No one likes me! I won't sing!
Manager: -experiencing a sudden change in priorities- No, Carlotta! Don't leave! Everyone loves you! I love you!
Carlotta: You said that last time.
Manager: Did I? Oh well, it's still true. Sing, Carlotta! Sing!
Carlotta: Fine, I'll do it.
Manager: -kisses her hand in a fit of excitement-
Carlotta: -glares at him-
Manager: -backs up- Oh, sorry...
(It's now Il Muto! The actual opera isn't really shown, due to cast shortages. However, Carlotta and Christine are there, Carlotta is stealing the spotlight, and Raoul is sitting in box 5. Clearly everything is headed for disaster.)
Phantom: (disembodied voice suddenly booming out) There is someone in my seat! Did I not leave instructions regarding this?
Manger: -Grumbles-
Raoul: -Tries to look innocent-
Christine: Oh, no! What's he doing here?
Carlotta: Shut up, toad. Your part is silent!
Phantom: Grumble, mumble, toad, mumble, mumble, double toad.
Carlotta: Okay, okay, everything's wonderful. Now, where did we leave off? Oh, yes she opens her mouth to sing but a loud croaking sound comes out instead Crooooaaaakkkk!
Audience: -stunned silence-
Quiet maniacal laughter: -comes out of nowhere-
Carlotta: Crooooaaaaakkkk! Croooaaak! Croak!
Maniacal laughter:- is loud by now- She's so bad, the chandelier is gonna come down!
Random stage person: -escorts the hysterical Carlotta offstage-
Manager: -rushing onstage from somewhere- Umm, well, hello everyone! Here's, uh, the ballet from act 3. makes dance pose Yes, the ballet! Enjoy!
(Most of the dancers seem to have missed the memo, because Meg is the only one who comes onstage, dancing around, trying to look happy as possible. A black cape keeps swishing around ominously in the background, somewhat distracting from Meg. Suddenly Christine runs onstage screaming her head off.)
Christine: -Screams- Oh my God! Someone hung Joseph Buquet!
(A limp hand falls around the edge of the curtain)
Christine: His body is backstage!
Manager: -rushes back onstage, leaving Meg to comfort Christine- Ladies and gentlemen! Please don't panic, because then I'll panic! So, um, sit down, and, uh, relax! It was just an accident, despite any evidence pointing to the contrary! We'll be back after a short intermission! Um, yeah! -Dashes offstage-
(Christine has retrieved Raoul from his seat and is dragging him off somewhere)
Raoul: Christine, where are we going?
Christine: To the roof! He'll never find us there!
Raoul: And why are going all the way up to the roof?
Christine: So he doesn't kill us!
Raoul: Oh, okay.
(They reach the roof and stop running.)
Raoul: So, um, you do know there is no Phantom, don't you?
Christine: No! He totally exists! I went to his lair, Raoul. I saw his face!
Raoul: His face? Oh, really? What was it like?
Christine: It was ugly! Well, I suppose it could have been worse. I mean, he had a nose and everything, but he definitely won't be winning any beauty pageants any time soon and that face isn't really something you'd want to meet in a dark alley...
Raoul: embraces her in a hug Aw, it's okay honey. Think of happier things. We can get married, and live together forever, and I'll keep you warm and safe and protected and AWAY FROM HIM.
Christine: Oh, Raoul, that sounds wonderful! When do we start?
Raoul: How about after this kiss?
(They kiss. The Phantom, who has been behind a statue the whole time, is upset.)
Phantom: -upset noise-
(They finally stop kissing.)
Christine: Oh, um, I guess I'd better go. The audience is probably getting bored by now. Wait for me with your pretty ponies after the show!
Raoul: Of course, sugar.
(They leave the roof being all lovey-dovey and hanging all over each other.)
Phantom: Christine, how could you do this to me? I thought you liked me! -cries-
(Happy sounds made by Christine and Raoul drift up to the roof and Erik loses it.)
Phantom: Agghhh! I will have my revenge! -Drops chandelier. Laughs maniacally.-