A/N: Thanks for the reviews, we really appreciate them. Keep on reading. It's good for you. Remember three doses of fanfiction a day keeps the boredom away.
Detention
Charlie and Alex stumbled their way off one of the moving staircases. The girls were walking in zigzags. Charlie's tie was hanging loosely off to her side, her jacket was hanging off one shoulder and she was missing a shoe. Alex was wearing two robes, she had her tie around her head like a ninja, and when she woke up she had found an owl that was now perched on her shoulder.
"Can you feel your nose?"
"What nose?" They blearily made their way down to the great hall for breakfast, where they were met with Snape. He stood in the doorframe, his arms crossed, and an ugly scowl on his face. He smirked when he saw Alex's hair, which resembled an afro, and Charlie limping because of her lack of shoe.
"You two had detention last night, but alas, I see you had more….important things to do. You will both report to the dungeons tonight." He spoke in a low sinister voice, and Charlie shook her head.
"I'M SORRY, COULD YOU SPEAK UP?" Alex had her hands over her ears, and glared at her, while Snape growled.
"I said you have detention with me tonight!" He half yelled and Charlie ohed.
"I CAN'T GO, I HAVE DETENTION WITH UMBRIDGE." Alex cursed.
"Geez Charlie can you quiet it down a little?" Charlie shrugged.
"But I can't hear MYSELF SPEAK." She yelled the last part and blinked at Professor Snape.
"Fine, I'll reschedule you. But you---" He turned to Alex. "You I will see tonight at eight." Alex waved her hand and pushed past him.
"Fine, fine it's a date, let me go get my coffee." She and Charlie pushed past him, and he gaped at Alex wordlessly. The girls staggered to the Hufflepuff table and pulled two second years from their seats. Everyone in the great hall stared at the girls as they started drinking coffee.
"I think I'm still drunk."
"I still can't feel my nose." Umbridge walked over to where Charlie was sitting.
"Miss Brown you had detention with me last night. Why were you not there?" Charlie didn't look up from her coffee.
"I was being held hostage, and negotiating the house elves freedom for dance parties and rum."
"That's no excuse. You will report for detention tonight and every night this week."
"I have detention with Huggleton later this week. I can't go to your detention."
"UNACCEPTABLE!" Umbridge screeched. Charlie finally looked up at her. Everyone in the great hall started watching them.
"Okay you need to be quiet now."
"I am a professor and you will respect me!"
"You are a creepy cat lady who looks like a frog, and I don't have to do squat. You have no power over me."
"Detention!" Charlie sighed, and looked at Alex.
"You know I really thought the no power line would make her shut up, and go away."
"Yeah must only work on goblins." Charlie sighed again and looked at Umbridge.
"I already have detention. You'll be lucky if I show up at all now go away." She huffed for a second, before marching up to the staff table and talking to Snape, who looked over at Charlie and nodded curtly. She marched back over to her with a smug look on her face.
"Well! It's settled, you will have detention with me every night this week, and you will serve your detention with Professor Snape on Saturday. Is that understood?" Charlie nodded and went back to eating her porridge. Umbridge walked away, and Alex leaned toward her.
"Think you can sneak out?" Charlie nodded.
"Oh yeah, she's nothing." A small Hufflepuff boy was scooting toward Charlie, who stared.
"Can I help you?" The boy shyly handed her a dandelion, then scooted away again. She blinked.
"Huh. Thanks." She took a bite out of it, then blinked. "This isn't candy…" She stuck it in her goblet of pumpkin juice, and pulled out her schedule. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Alex's hair twitch menacingly and she gasped.
"Alex! Why? Are you trying to kill us all? For goodness sakes woman, take care of it!" Alex blinked, and patted the top of her head. Her hair tried to snare her hand, but she batted it away and it hissed.
"Right. I'll meet you at class." Charlie nodded.
"It's charms, now go!" Alex hurried out of the room to wash and tame her hair, which was reaching out and trying to grab random students. Charlie sighed.
"Constant vigilance…." She mumbled and grabbed Draco by the back of his shirt and pulled him along with her. He looked at Crabbe and Goyle and winked.
"So are we going to go and hang more posters?"
"Later you need to show me where this Charms class is." Draco got out of her grasp and walked next to Charlie, slinging an arm over her shoulder.
"Loved the way you talked to Umbridge." Charlie yawned, and nodded.
"She's a creepy cat lady who has a stick up her ass, and needs to get laid but no one would touch her with a ten foot pole, which just makes her more of a bitch."
"Interesting way of putting it. So where were you last night, rumor is you were a hostage in the kitchen."
"Yeah but it's okay negotiations went well got dance parties and puppet shows then Alex and I got drunk and ended up sleeping on the moving stairs." Draco just looked at Charlie. Americans were so odd.
"I…see. So, about that club thing, we'll have to wait till after you finish your detentions, we can hold it in the common room." Charlie nodded.
"Yes, and that will give me time to sneak pictures of him, then put them on the posters. We don't want any misconceptions you know, lot's of kids with glasses around here…." Draco sighed.
"I seriously doubt anyone's going to think it's anyone else, considering you put 'stupid kid with stupid squiggle scar' on the posters."
"Oh yeah…is this it?" There was a small crowd of students around a door. Draco nodded and turned to leave.
"We'll have to hang more than posters later." Charlie walked into class with the crowd and located the twins and sat down with them. A short little man was writing instructions on the board. Charlie looked at the twins.
"So what are the chances this class consists of nothing more then eating lucky charms and catching leprechauns?" She looked at the professor. "I see we already caught one of them." They grinned. And Professor Flitwick cleared his throat.
"Today class, we will be working on-----" But Charlie had already tuned him out, and started doodling more poster ideas. She sighed. Goddamn she could use some more rum, Alex had better get there soon.
With Alex…..
After showering and taming her hair with gel, the now fresh as a daisy Alex strolled through the halls whistling a jaunty tune. Sparkles formed around her as she skipped along, birds chirping happily. Suddenly a cat appeared out of nowhere and grabbed one of the birds.
"Ah bad kitty! Drop it!" Alex started chasing the cat but the cat was able to escape, and when Alex turned around she was surrounded by cats ready to pounce. "Um good kitties." Alex started walking backwards when the cats lunged at the birds around her. She screamed and took off running, the birds flying after her, and the herd of cats following them. She turned the corner and ran up the stairs to the nearest door, pulling it open and running inside. Charlie looked up from her doodles to see Alex running through the room, followed by a mass of birds and snarling cats. People started screaming as random spells hit some of the cats. Desks were overturned, birds were getting tangled in girls' hair, and the cats were attacking everyone trying to get to the birds. Flitwick had disappeared, and the spells they had been casting turned out to be engorgement charms. Or at least Charlie thought so, as one orange cat was now as large as an elephant.
"ROAR!!"
"Oh shit." Charlie along with everyone in the class ran for the door trying to get out of the class room. The giant cat crashed through the door, knocking it down. It started chasing all the students. Students and teachers from other classes looked out of their classrooms and stared as the giant cat chased the seventh year charms students. Screams of terror were heard all through out the castle. Suddenly an Asian student screamed.
"RUN! IT'S GODZILLA!" Chaos broke out and all the students started running towards the exits. Alex had decided to try and placate the cat by trying to give it an offering of one of the birds she caught, but the cat simply ran straight at her, the entire corridor trembling from it's weight. Just as it was about to get to her, somebody jumped straight at her, and they rolled to the side, Alex, landing on said person as the cat rumbled past. She stared at the person who saved her and the person stared back.
"YOU!" They both shouted at the same time.
"What do you think you were doing or did you just happen to be in the right place again?" Alex glared at Harry.
"I thought you were a different person!"
"You mean you didn't save me because you're harboring some secret love of me?"
"What? NO!"
"It's okay sweetie. I think you're pretty cute too." Harry just stared at Alex in disbelief. She was just yelling at him and now she was flirting with him? She was a tricky death eater.
"See you around sweetheart I have to go take care of a small problem." Alex got up and pecked Harry on the cheek before running out to where the cat Godzilla was terrorizing the students. She met Charlie running down the stairs and they nodded to each other and took off in separate directions.
"Alright! Go into Formation Alpha Squadron 6!" The cat was now on the first floor near the entrance, and Charlie jumped down from one of the staircases and somersaulted underneath it. She opened the large oak doors and jumped behind them as Alex fixed her whip to the chandelier and swung down epically, landing on the cat's back. She grabbed its fur as it began bucking like a bull.
"YEEE HAAAA!" It snarled and tried to dislodge Alex from its back, when Charlie came back with what looked like a massive bag of cat nip. The cat started after her at once, and Alex leapt from its back as Charlie threw the bag out the open doors with as much force as she could muster. Alex pushed her out of the way just as the cat raced over the steps toward the flying bag. The cat ran after the bag as it landed somewhere in the forbidden forest. Alex and Charlie sighed in relief when Harry walked up next to them and stared as the cat ran away. Suddenly every student in Hogwarts ran out the entrance and hoisted Harry up on their shoulders.
"Harry you saved us!"
"Three cheers for Harry Potter! Hip Hip Horrah!"
"Harry you're the best." Charlie and Alex just stared in disbelief.
"You know I'm really starting to hate that kid." Charlie couldn't take it anymore.
"We did everything! Everything! We got the catnip, avoided being eaten or stepped on and we were the ones that defeated it! WE DID! Never mind we were the ones that caused it. We were still the ones that saved the day! That son of a bitch! We just saved the freaking school and he gets a parade! HE JUST STOOD THERE! He wasn't even there for the whole time!" Alex patted Charlie on the shoulder.
"I know Charlie. I know."
"British people are stupid."
"Do you wanna get some ice cream?" Alex tried making Charlie feel better.
"No."
"Do you wanna find the twins?"
"No I'm too mad to have fun with them at the moment."
"Do you wanna work on your club and plot his down fall?"
"Yes."
"Okay let's go plot his downfall."
"If he saved the day do you think we would get the credit?"
"It's worth a try."
"Stupid four eyes. Me and blondie have to have a meeting about this."
"Do you want me to come?"
"No our best meetings are with just the two of us. Anymore and it might get awkward." Alex wasn't even going to ask. Charlie stalked away and Alex stood in front of the Great Hall blinking. It was so close to lunch time that nobody went back to their classes, they just went straight in. She shrugged and followed. She could do with a bit of shepard's pie…..
Several hours later…..
"So…..that's it?" Charlie nodded. They were eating dinner at the Hufflepuff table.
"Yep. You can come too, except we're meeting next week cause we got detention all this week." Alex grabbed a tart and blinked as the tiny boy that they had seen that morning had come back and was staring at Charlie again.
"Hi." He handed her a piece of pie. Charlie blinked.
"Pumpkin? My favorite! Thank you small child!" The first year walked away, and Charlie started happily at her pie. Alex cleared her throat.
"That little kid totally has a crush on you, you shouldn't lead him on."
"But he gave me pie!" Just then, the twins sat down on either side of them and slung their arms around their shoulders.
"Hey." Charlie sighed. Why did they have to say everything in unison? Fred leaned over Alex to grab some food off her plate and she hissed. He grinned and whispered something in her ear, and she perked.
"Really? I've always loved that….so to your room?" Fred nodded. They took off, practically running to the doors. Charlie blinked and turned to George.
"So…" But at that moment Umbridge stood up and left the Hall and Charlie groaned.
"Dammit, I've got detention tonight!" George ran a hand through his red hair.
"With Umbridge? You better be careful." Charlie smirked.
"If she tries anything, I'll flog her into next Tuesday!" George patted her arm.
"That's the spirit." She looked at the clock and groaned. Oh well she still had sometime before detention.
"I got thirty minutes before I gotta go to detention with creepy cat lady. Got anything fun you want to do?" George grinned and got up from the table followed by Charlie.
Charlie sighed as she walked into the Defense Against the Dark Arts room. Detention sucks.
"Yo teach I'm here let's get this thing over with." Umbridge shot Charlie a nasty look.
"Well Miss Brown I'm so happy you decided to show up tonight."
"Yeah you are pretty lucky." Umbridge glared at Charlie.
"Miss Brown I want you to write 'I will not disrespect the professor' one hundred times."
"That's it. Well okay doky. Bring it on." Charlie pulled out a notebook and a pen and started writing lines.
"No no Miss Brown you'll be using one of my quills."
"I can't guarantee I won't steal it so if you're willing to take that risk…"
"I think I am Miss Brown. I think I am." Umbridge gave Charlie a quill and went to sit at her desk. Charlie started writing with the quill Umbridge gave her. She looked at her notebook and noticed the ink was red. Weird she didn't peg Umbridge as a red kinda person. Oh well. Charlie kept writing and she noticed her hand was hurting. She looked at her hand and noticed faint letters there. She decided she didn't like the quill Umbridge gave her, it was hurting her hand. She tossed it over her shoulder and started writing with her pen again. She was about twenty lines through when Umbridge came over and started yelling at her.
"Miss Brown where is the quill I gave you?"
"It was hurting my hand so I threw it away. Don't worry creepy cat lady I'll get your lines done, and I'll make sure I never disrespect Professor Huggleton again."
"You will write your lines with the quill I gave you! And I am the professor you are supposed to respect!" Charlie looked up from her lines.
"Huh? Did you say something creepy cat lady? I wasn't paying attention."
"Another fifty lines Miss Brown and use my quill!"
"Are you sure you don't want me to use that stick up your ass?"
"Fifty more lines!"
"God you're such a bitch alright I'll write your f-ing lines." She took the pen from Umbridge's hand and resumed writing her lines. Her hand started hurting and she threw the quill over her shoulder again. Damn thing kept hurting her hand. She started writing her lines with her pen again. Damn this sucked….
With Alex…..
"Miss de la Vega, so nice to see you…" Alex straightened her shirt and put her bag down on a desk. She sat on it and crossed her legs.
"So, what do I do for detention, just sit and be quiet and stuff? That's what they do back home, I think…" She drifted off, rubbing her chin. Snape put down his quill and stood up, ushering her toward the back corner of the classroom, where there was a large stack of dirty cauldrons. She blinked and turned to look back at him, only he was right behind her.
"I didn't know you liked things dirty professor. I'll have to keep that in mind." Snape blanched.
"You will be cleaning these cauldrons out by hand. And you will finish them all; no matter how long it takes." Alex held out her hands.
"Okay just get me the Mr. Clean." Snape regarded her.
"You will use what's on the table. And I would suggest putting on gloves. One of those cauldrons belonged to Mr. Longbottom." Alex shrugged her robes off and undid her tie. She shook her hair out of her face and put on the dragonskin gloves only to find Snape staring at her.
"What?"
"Is that your natural hair color?"
"Yes…does it matter?" Snape shook his head.
"Carry on." He went back to grading papers and Alex surveyed the stack of cauldrons. There was promise in this. She looked over at Snape, he was busy. Good.
30 minutes later….
Snape sighed for what seemed like the twentieth time. Longbottom had spelled dragonskin with a c. How he moved up a year he would never know…..Something suddenly caught his attention. From the corner of the room where the girl was working…..he'd been trying to ignore her. But something was moving up from the stack of cauldrons…wait…was that a flag? He turned and looked closer. A red flag with a Z cut into it was rising from the stack of cauldrons, which now resembled a castle, as well as a castle built out of cauldrons could.
"Miss de la Vega what is the meaning of this?" Alex peered at Snape from the top of her cauldron castle.
"What isn't the meaning of it?" Snape was stunned for a moment.
"What do you mean? Miss de la Vega dismantle this immediately and return to cleaning the cauldrons!"
"No! Besides I already cleaned them, and I like my fort you should come visit me in it some time."
"Miss de la Vega I will not tell you a second time take this down right now!"
"Um…no if you want me to take down my castle you can come in and make me." Snape growled angrily. It was never easy when it came to this one. He waved his wand trying to return all the cauldrons to their proper place, but nothing happened. The girl put a spell on it to stop him from doing anything! He didn't think she was that smart.
"Miss de la Vega, remove the spell you have protecting your castle and return these cauldrons to their proper place."
"You can't make me."
"If you do not do as you are told I will come in and drag you out by your ear and make you take return the cauldrons without allowing you to use magic or your hands."
"Go away! It's my castle get your own." Snape walked over to what looked like the entrance of the castle Alex built and tried getting in, only to be stopped once again.
"Miss de la Vega let me in!"
"What's the password?" He growled audibly.
"You will let me in." Alex sat back and twirled her hair.
"Then you have to guess. Come on, guess!"
"I will not. You will get out of there right now and clean this up or you will have detention for the rest of your time at Hogwarts!" But Alex looked delighted.
"More cauldron castles? Yes, yes that will be good, very good." Snape blinked. He wasn't going to put up with this anymore!
"Miss de la Vega get out immediately!" Suddenly a cauldron shot out from Alex's castle and hit Snape squarely in the chest.
"Miss Brown, have you finished?" Charlie started and dropped her quill-pen and quickly put down the last few lines.
"Yeah, here." She handed Umbridge the parchment with her lines on it, then quickly untied the red pen she had from Umbridge's quill. The cuts on the back of her hand weren't that bad, so she went over them with red pen. Umbridge examined them.
"Yes, that will be all." Charlie ran from the room before Umbridge could examine her lines, she had gotten bored around 50 and started writing 'Creepy cat lady is a bitch' instead. But she ran down toward the dungeons, it was her and Alex's daily rum drinking and rowdy partying time in the kitchens and she couldn't be late. She zoomed down to the dungeons and paused before she opened the door. She heard giggling and thumping. Huggleton must have told a good joke and now they where rolling on the floor laughing. She opened the door to the dungeon to see Alex clutching a cauldron to her chest while Snape ducked behind a desk.
"Alex it's rum time! What are you doing? You can play cannonball with the cauldrons later. Wait, oh I see, you insulted her." Charlie looked back and forth from Alex to Huggleton. Cauldrons were scattered all over the place, some were broken and others left stains on the wall. It looked like Alex and Huggleton had gotten into a fight and were using the cauldrons as weapons.
"He tried to storm my castle. I had to defend Fort Alex at all costs. I have claimed this dungeon in the name of me!"
"You seem to be doing that a lot lately. But you have to get out of the castle Alex its rum drinking time." Snape was about to tell Charlie that if Alex refused to come out of her castle for him that there was no way that Alex would remove herself from her castle for her.
"Okay." Alex happily skipped out of her castle and over to Charlie. "Rum party time!" Both girls turned and started heading towards the door when Snape spoke up.
"Miss Brown there is to be no drinking on school grounds. Professor Dumbledore explained that to you yesterday."
"But it's rum time."
"You will return to your dormitory and you will not engage in anymore of your so called rum time." Charlie sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose.
"You guys just don't get it do you? Do you know what happens when a pirate goes without rum?" Snape merely stared.
"People DIE!" She screamed and Snape jumped back as Charlie grabbed Alex's hand, who grabbed her bag as she was pulled out of the room.
"Bye Professor, see you tomorrow!" Charlie dragged her up to the kitchen.
"You got another detention?" Alex blinked.
"Uh…yeah, not so good at cleaning out cauldrons, he's going to teach me the proper way tomorrow." Charlie stared at her suspiciously.
"I see." They climbed through the portrait and the house elves had a fancy table set up for them with the rum chilling in an ice bucket. Fred and George were already seated, both wearing top hats. Alex and Charlie seated themselves and the house elves ran to the other corner of the kitchen, shaking in fear, and protecting their pots and pans.
"I say, quite nice spread they've got here."
"Indeed."
"Quite." Charlie and Alex poured themselves glasses of rum and toasted with the twins.
"Well, tally-ho then." They downed their glasses and sat back on their chairs enjoying a nice English tea party with rum while the house elves brought them crumpets.