Identified

Chap. 6

A/N: so the fifth chapter sucked ass. I hope this one is better. Thanks for bearing with me.

Some spoilers. Because I'm slowly (keyword) catching up by reading the online manga I've realized that I have been using some spoilers without even knowing it! I apologize! But now, I will be posting some better things, hopefully, in the future. I know that this fic is way off, timeline and arc wise… sorry. If I based this fic on the current arc I would have to completely change the whole fic so I'm just going to continue. You guys decide if you want to keep reading or not. I don't bother with details anymore. Four more chapters left depending on the choice you guys make at the end of this chapter.

Warnings: Umm… spoilers? After soul society?? Or the latest chapter in the manga?? I don't know… it's kind of too late now right? I don't even know what the hell I'm writing any more….

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Chapter Six

20. Torn Apart

Renji suddenly felt a funny feeling in his… "chestal" area… that's what he told Rukia while making that hand gesture over his chest. It was a weird feeling, like a sort of pressure being applied to his chest before it dropped down to his stomach where he would get that butterfly feeling right after. His face scrunched up as he continued to feel that, what Rukia called anxiety. It bothered him though he tried his best to ignore it as both he and Rukia walked to Urahara Shoten for a meeting.

"What exactly are you worried about?" Rukia asked while adjusting her furry Chappy the Rabbit backpack.

Renji shook his head. "Nothing really. Just…some things," he said while scratching the back of his head in nervousness, something he did often when he felt uneasy.

"I don't know about you but a few things have been bothering me."

Renji raised a tattooed brow. "Like?"

"Like how almost everyone around me is acting funny. Everyone is acting strange."

Renji gave Rukia a look that said "what the hell are you talking about?" and she frowned.

"I can't believe you haven't noticed," she said in disbelief.

"Mind explaining?" Renji continued to look at his old friend in question.

"Well," she started with a sigh, "both Matsumoto-san and Hinomori-san have told me that Captain Hitsugaya has been acting very strange for some time. They said his behavior is different from before, as if his mind was stuck on something. He would space out for long periods of time in deep thought while doing his paperwork or drift off during a conversation. Rangiku also told me that lately he has been leaving the office early, saying he needed to do some kind of research." Rukia explained, effectively leaving out the part Rangiku said about her captain finally hitting puberty. The thought made the female shinigami flush.

"I guess that is kind of weird," Renji said thoughtfully as he raked his mind for any kind of odd behavior from the small captain in the past couple of days. "I guess if both Rengiku and Momo are worried about him then there must be something wrong."

"And then there's Ichigo," she continued.

Renji felt his heart jump a little. He knew she was going to mention him. Ichigo had been on her mind for quite some time.

"I'm very worried about him. He hasn't been himself for a while now. It bothers me how he wont let me help him. I know there's something wrong. I can just feel it, Renji."

Said shinigami looked at the girl whose face was written with concern as she looked on ahead and held a small fisted hand over her heart as if the thought of Ichigo pained her.

Renji let out a deep sigh and scratched the back of his braided head again and reluctantly said, "If we have time, we'll go visit him."

Rukia turned her head and looked up at the tall male before smiling warmly and turning her head back at the road. "Yeah. That would be nice."

"Anything you else bothering you?" Renji asked, wanting to change subject as quickly as possible.

"Yep. You."

Renji suddenly stopped and looked at her. "Me?"

The blue haired female stopped walking once she noticed Renji was no longer next to her and turned around to him staring at her with a confused expression.

"Especially you."

"What did I do?"

"It's not something that you did," Rukia began as she placed her hands behind her back and linked her fingers together as she lowered her head and looked at the open-toed white pumps she wore. "It's something that you are doing and have been for a while."

Renji's red eyes were glued onto the girl as he waited for her to continue.

"I've known for a very long time. Since you're my best-friend, the one thing I want to do is help you. I know that something is bothering you, too. It kills me when you keep telling me that nothing is wrong when I know how you are. And I really hate it when you don't tell me what really going on."

She paused to let out a deep sigh. "I feel like everyone is hiding something from me. I wouldn't care so much about it if the two people I care about most would stop acting so abnormal; you, especially. I don't like it when I can't help my friends."

Renji's face contorted in guilt when he saw the concerned expression on Rukia when she looked up. "I won't force you to tell me what's going on. But at least let me help in some kind of way."

Renji looked away from Rukia's worried eyes and stuffed his hands in the pockets of his jeans. Renji thought that all he was good for was hurting people. Rukia noticed his change in attitude and behavior and it was bothering her. If he ever told her the full story of what was really going on between him and Ichigo, who knows how she would react.

"Renji," she called and he looked up. "Just remember if you ever need to talk about anything that I'll always be here to listen and help out."

"I know," Renji nodded, "if it was something horrible that I couldn't handle, I'd go straight to you." He smiled at Rukia reassuringly.

Rukia couldn't help but smile back at her old friend. "Good."

He started walking, his hands still in he pockets. Rukia turned around and began walking too, beside her best friend as they made their way to Urahara's in a comfortable silence.

--

When the two shinigami reached Urahara's shop, they met up with the rest of the group. The topic of the meeting was something that made Renji's heart wrench in guilt.

"I know that every one of you are here on some kind of specific assignment from Soul Society and all but the situation with Kurosaki-san is important as well," Urahara said.

"His troubled spiritual energy has been attracting more hollows than normal. I'm not sure if Sierite has noticed but with Ichigo in his current state will soon prove to be quite a problem in the near future."

"Yeah, I noticed Kurosaki-kun has already been purposely ignoring the hollows. Only when they get too close or when an Arrancar shows up does he ever really do anything," Ikakku said. "Other than that it's like he doesn't give a damn."

"If he refuses to fight then what good will he be in future battles against Aizen's army?" Hitsugaya said sternly, his gaze fixed on anything but the people around him. He seemed like he was in deep thought once again.

"We have to find out what's wrong with him. I suggest that whoever is closest to Kurosaki-kun should go and see him whenever you have time," Yoruichi said.

"The problem should be dealt with before it get's any bigger," Kisuke paused to look at the small captain. "Hitsugaya-kun. If Ichigo's state does not improve during your stay, then I ask of you to report the situation to Yamamoto and request an extension for you and your groups' time in the human world."

The 10th division captain looked up with his frost colored eyes at the shady shop keeper and nodded.

"Great!" the former shinigami bellowed happily as he waved his fan. "With that aside, I've asked Jinta, Ururu and Tesai to prepare dinner for us."

--

"Ichigo!" Yuzu called her brother for the umpteenth time today. She knocked once again, receiving the same response everyday. Nothing.

"Come on, your food's getting cold!"

"I'll eat later," came the annoyed reply from behind her brother's door.

Yuzu sighed in defeat and made her way back downstairs. She walked back into the kitchen to see her father already finished with his meal. He glanced at her with an almost hopeful expression on his face before it dropped to a disappointed frown when Yuzu shook her head.

"He wont eat anymore…" she said sadly as she took Ichigo's plate from the table to wrap it up incase he might want it later. He rarely ever did come down to eat like he said he would but there was a possibility.

Then there was a knock at the door. Yuzu put the plate away and hopped over to the door. When she opened it, there was Renji, looking annoyed as he idly adjusted his bright head ban.

"Renji-kun!" she chirped happily as she glomped him. "How are you?"

Renji chuckled and patted the girls head. "I'm good. You've grown since the last time I've seen you."

"I haven't grown that much!" she beamed and stepped aside to let the shinigami in.

"ABARAI-KUN!" Ichigo's dad came flying out of nowhere. "Good to see ya!" and delivered a karate chop to Renji's side, knocking the wind out of the man.

"Kuro…saki…san…" Renji struggled to say through gritted teeth as he forced himself to stay standing, but was failing miserable. Damn that man was strong.

"What brings you here?" Isshin asked while shooing his daughter off to make some tea.

"I came to see Ichigo. Is he home?" Renji asked as he rubbed his side where Isshin assaulted him.

"Of course he's here. But he's PMSing right now," Isshin said, whispering the last part as if not wanting Ichigo to hear.

Renji could not believe what the man had said and simply stared blankly at him.

"Okay, seriously, let's talk it over with some tea."

Renji nodded, relieved to see the Ichigo's father serious for once as he followed the former shinigami to the table and sat across from him while Yuzu already began setting the tray of tea down.

"Renji," the older man began once his daughter left the room, his face stern as he looked at the other. Renji suddenly felt uneasy. How that man converted from goofy to humorless was something Renji did not want to think about. "I'm going to explain to you the situation with my son."

Renji nodded and the man continued. "I'm assuming you already that something is wrong with him, that's why you're here, right?"

"I want to help him," Renji replied, looking down at his cup in thought.

"I see. I have a feeling you might be able to, considering you are his friend."

"Yeah," he said solemnly.

"If you've come under the orders of Soul Society for him to fight, I can't let you take him for his is no condition. But, if you're here to speak to him, that's fine with me. But either way, I ask you, because you are Ichigo's friend, to help him."

Renji looked up from his cup to Isshin. "What if I can't help him?"

"Would you give up?"

Renji stared at the older man's question. He began contemplate. Would he give up? Would he help Ichigo? What if Ichigo figured out that Renji was one of the rapists? What if he does find out later on? What if Ichigo didn't want to see him because he already knew? What if Ichigo didn't know but gave up trying to figure it out? What if Ichigo gave up everything all together?

"I might just make things worse," was Renji's reply as his eyes fell to the table.

"Are you saying you don't want to help a friend in need? Or are you afraid?" Isshin's question made Renji wince.

He sighed deeply as he thought over his options. Maybe helping Ichigo would be the best thing. He started this mess… he might as well try to fix something.

"I do want to help Ichigo. He's… my friend," Renji finally said after some time. "I'll help in any way I can."

Isshin smiled. "Good. Glad to hear it."

--

"How did I get stuck doing this…" Renji groaned as he climbed up to the open window of the teen's room. He remembered exactly how he got stuck in the situation. He knocked for a while, just idly banging his knuckles against the wooden frame until his hand went numb. Then Karin passed by and suggested he climb through the window because Ichigo never closes it. Renji went with it, forgetting he was in his gigai. It took quite some time to actually get anywhere near the window for every time he applied pressure to some part of the house, it would give in and crack, causing Renji to lose his balance and fall, where he would have to start again.

With a huff, he finally reached the ledge. But there was a slight problem.

The window was not open.

Renji scowled. What now? He wasn't going to give up, not after an hours worth of climbing (it would've actually taken him less than a minute had he not been so clumsy… or maybe jumped.). He began knocking hard.

"Ichigo! Let me in!" he called through the glass.

He saw Ichigo shifting in his bed and knew he was being ignored as the teen pulled the sheets higher.

"Open this window or I'll break it."

Ichigo didn't answer. Renji frowned again as he pulled the window forcefully in an attempt to break it but was thrown off balance when the window easily opened. He gabbed on to the frame of the window to keep from falling. The thing was never locked…

He hopped into the room, stepping on the bed while avoiding Ichigo's legs. He sat on the edge of the bed and looked at the young shinigami who was completely covered in his bed sheets.

"How long are you planning on lying there?"

Silence was Renji's answer. He sighed and looked away, his eyes falling on the stuffed lion plushie on Ichigo's desk. Since the first time he came since the incident, Kon remained untouched. His eyes roamed around the room in search of Ichigo's shinigami license and found nothing. Ichigo probably hid it somewhere. Renji's eyes narrowed slightly as an idea came to mind. It should work…

He got up and shook off his gigai and placed it on the floor against Ichigo's bed before walking over to the desk and picking up the mod-soul. He walked back over to Ichigo's bed and forcefully removed the covers off of Ichigo's body. As soon as the boy was ready to lash out at him, Renji grabbed his chin with one hand and shoved the pill in his mouth with the other. His shinigami form was forced out and Renji grabbed him by the collar then jumped out the window, leaving Kon in Ichigo's body looking completely infuriated.

--

"Ignoring me again?" Renji asked, annoyance hinted in his tone of voice. Ichigo kept his mouth closed and his eyes away from Renji as the older shinigami stared hard at him.

He sighed as he moved himself from the ledge of the building he and Ichigo were on top of before sitting himself in front of Ichigo who was sitting with his legs hugged against his chest. He only started to sit like that after Renji asked if anything happened while he was away.

"I have all night. Tell me what's wrong, tell me what's bothering you, what's making you feel this way. Tell me what's on your mind, how you feel, what you want to do, anything. I'll listen."

He saw Ichigo tuck his head more into his legs as he hugged them tighter. "I…" Ichigo's voice came out soft and shaky as if he trying to restrain himself from crying.

"I'm tired…"

Great. Got him talking. "Of?"

"Everything."

"Everything?"

"Life…. It sucks…"

"So what do you want to do about it?" One question at a time…

"I… I want to cry. I want to make the pain go away. I want…." Ichigo paused to sniffle. Renji knew he was trying his best not to fall apart. "I want to know why it hurts so much and what I can do to make it stop."

"Does it hurt a lot?"

He saw Ichigo nod followed with a shaky "yes."

"Do you want me to help you?"

"You can't."

"What?" Renji blinked and stared wide-eyed at Ichigo. He had expected he would say otherwise.

"You can't." he tried to repress a sob. "I don't need any help."

"Ichigo, how do you expect to get better without even the slightest bit of help?"

When Renji didn't get an answer from the boy, he moved so that he could push Ichigo by his shoulders and pin him against the wall. His red eyes, firm with resolve, observed Ichigo. The teen was shivering and his glassy brown eyes were full of fear and confusion.

"You shouldn't handle this by yourself, Ichigo. Let me help me you. If forcing it on you is the only way to do it, then I will," Renji stopped, leaving no room to argue. The red head made up his mind. He was going to help Ichigo no matter how much the substitute shinigami refused.

"I don't want you locking yourself away from the world like that. It scares me to see you like that. Tell me what's going on so I can help you."

Ichigo looked away and squeezed his eyes shut. "I'm scared…"

Renji released his hold on Ichigo's shoulders and sat back only to pull him to his body and hug him tightly. "I know. I'm sorry for breaking my promises."

"You said that you wouldn't leave me… that you wouldn't let anything happen to me…" Ichigo said as he as rested his head on Renji's shoulder, already breaking into tears.

"Would you give me another chance?" Renji asked softly.

Ichigo nodded and fisted some of his shinigami uniform. "Don't leave me…."

He hugged Ichigo tighter as if to show he'd never let go. "I won't leave you ever again."

---

(Deleted Scene)((couldn't figure out a place to put it…))

Ichigo's hollow stared up at the dark sky, grinning sadistically. Large drops of rain fell down on the world that was his kings. It was probably the worst storm his inner world ever had. Hichigo laughed when he heard thunder cracking. Zangetsu said nothing as he eyed the white hollow that seemed to enjoy the downpour.

"You know Zangetsu," the inversed form of Ichigo began, his eyes never leaving the black sky. "I only like to get wet… when I'm the reason for his suffering."

---

Endnotes: sooooo? Was this okay? I just had to show Renji's point of view and how Ichigo, being the way his is, is affecting everyone. REN ICHI in the next chapter! Yay!!

Okay, so… VOTING TIME. VERY IMPORTANT! Your decision will affect the outcome of the fic.

(1) Let the second rapist be the person I decided on and let the fic end with its remaining four chapters. A semi happy-ending.

(2) Let the second rapist be Aizen making the fic a little longer and ending tragically. A sequel will be written for it.

(3) Put both and make one of the choices an alternative ending or a separate fic.

(4) Whaaaaat?? You shouldn't even be allowed to finish this fic! You suck!

Yeah, I'm giving you guys only a couple of days before I post the next chapter. After that, the fic will reach its major turning point.

Thanks for reading! Review please! A cookie for all voters!