Reading over some of my chapters, I think this fic is really taking a lean towards Gureru. So I'll clarify; it's not Gureru. Sorry to anyone who was holding out towards that. Shigure's pro'ly acting a little strange, but this will be clarified later. Now, reviews! (I got four! I'm so happy!)
cm1000; Mm-hm, I think that's why I like writing about Shigure. Just trying to figure him out is a challenge. I mean, he's not one of my absolute favourite characters in FB, per se (more Latin!), but I think he's the most interesting. Thank you for your wonderful review! I'm esp happy that Tohru is coming out ok, cause I found her hard to do at first.
crystalfeathers; Our wish came true . . . . . . my lucky number is 29, but I that's probably too ambitious, eh? Thank you!
tohrukun92126; Wow. You're pretty religious with the reviews. Thank you for reviewing all my chapters. Puts me to shame (I've got to review more!).
Chapter 5; Vos Timeo, Sed Quaere Id Faciam?
Running. Running. Running.
The pursued creature ran through the dark forest as fast as her tired, wounded body would allow. Branches grabbed at her like claws, the very mud trying to take a hold of her feet, bare of shoes as they were. She ran on, ignoring the pain that came from everywhere and nowhere in her at once. She ran like an automaton, driven by compulsion.
She ran because she had no choice.
A fall. A submission. A capture. A capture! He held her, and her struggles were as effective as a blade of grass standing against a gale. He held her fast, and the second man appeared, the executioner. Terror screamed in every fibre of her being, tears poured down her face, but she was powerless. Absolutely powerless.
A void came, and she was left completely alone with him. A dreadful gash of a smile contorted his otherwise handsome face, and a soft yet dangerous chuckle escaped his mouth. He approached her . . . . again? . . . . . and held both sides of her face, drawing it frighteningly close to his own. Somewhere in her mind, the girl wanted to pull away, but she was frozen – even the blood in her veins seemed to freeze in fear.
"Do you really think that will be enough?" His cold eyes leached the warmth from her chocolate orbs, but she was transfixed, she couldn't break free. "Do you think you can escape that easily? Did you really think I would have let you go, just like that?" The breath that fell from his lips, carrying all these threatening words, settled on her own; their breath mingling. "And as for that troup of yours . . . ." He snickered again in contempt. "One can't help. One won't help." She shook her head in protest, gasping when his hold tightened to still her, and jerk her eyes back up to stare into his own. His voice split then, into his own and another . . . both mingling, both petrifying. "And besides, am I not already close? Right beside you?" He leaned even closer, and their noses touched.
Her breath sped up, her heart raced in terror, but her eyes stayed frozen, locked in those cold . . . . . . . . cold eyes?
A push, and she was on the black ground, and he was gone, leaving her with nothing but the void, and cold eyes imprinted on her vision. Her entire body trembled, but she forced her tongue to utter the plea.
"Come back!" Being alone is the worst thing, the most frightening thing. Nothing is more frightening. "Come back! Come – uaa!" All of a sudden, it was as if she was pulled down into blackness. She flailed, but her arms stayed pinned to her sides, and she tried to pull away, but couldn't. It was dark, and in her panic she was almost blind, and thought that the void itself must be closing in on her, constricting and binding her, pulling her into the depths of loneliness and darkness. "L-let go, please!"
"No."
"Please! I don't want to! I don't! Please!" Tears flowed freely from her eyes; her arms were pinioned by an unseen force. She turned her head from side to side and her entire body was tensed.
"You don't have to. Nobody will make you. Calm down." Her protests stilled at this, and her struggles receded, but twitches of fear jolted her still. "Open your eyes." The girl obeyed. To her surprise, her surroundings were very bright, and she reflexively closed her eyes again, purple spots dancing on her vision. Slowly, she separated her lids again, and a face came into focus.
"Shigure-san?" She was lying on a bed in an unfamiliar room, and Shigure was standing over her, holding her forearms tightly in either hand, effectively pinning her down. "Shigure-san?" she whimpered, unsure of his intentions.
He released her and sat onto the side of her bed. "I know what you're thinking, and that's not it. I think you were having a nightmare. You were writhing so much I thought you'd hurt yourself. So I held you still." He looked up, and was dismayed to see terror in her eyes again. "Tohru-kun . ." He extended his arm, but she pulled back, flattening herself against the headboard of the bed.
Tohru gasped loudly when his hand came close, recoiling as if his touch was poisonous. Her eyes clenched shut, and she whispered furtively, "Forgive me. Forgive me, please Shigure-san."
"Forgive you?" Shigure stared at the girl in front of him. He barely caught the next words that escaped her trembling lips.
"I didn't mean to do it, Shigure-san. I didn't."
"To do what?" She screwed up her face, looking as if each word of her next sentence was being ripped from her physically, and causing her terrible pain.
"To wake you."
Shigure processed these words silently. As he did so, he watched as Tohru raised her hands to her face in defence and her body tensed up completely. She thinks I'm going to hit her. This vulnerable, breakable, completely harmless creature. Shigure felt a little sick. It's true, you are defenceless, Nerva. If I wanted to, you couldn't stop me. His eyes rested briefly on her small, raised hands. No, you really weren't able to. If I wasn't used to choking down bile at the thought of myself, I think I'd be sick,he thought cynically.He extended his arm again and grasped both her wrists in one hand, trying to ignore her whimpers. He pulled her hands away, exposing her face drenched in tears and sweat. A shudder ran through her when his other hand caught her chin and turned her face towards his.
"Open your eyes." Tohru seemed confused at this, but she shook her head. "Open your eyes," Shigure said again. She hesitated, but complied. Shigure stared straight into her eyes and spoke very seriously. "Now, let me get one thing straight. I am not going to hurt you. Not now, not ever. In fact, on the subject, am I holding you too tight?" Tohru shook her head again. "Good." He smiled, half-joking.
"But – ", Tohru whispered, before Shigure cut her off.
Serious again, he said harshly, "If I were to do anything to hurt you, Tohru-kun, that would make me a monster. I'd be an evil person to do you any harm. There would be no excuse for such a thing." Tohru made no response. An evil person, she thought. He had said it with a look of such cold gravity. He released her again.
"What was the nightmare about?"
She looked back up. "Ode?"
"You had a bad dream. Tell me about it."
"Ano . . . . . i-it's nothing big, really. I'm sorr – "
"Don't try and tell me that. You were thrashing as if you were in pain and you were whimpering in your sleep. And you're drenched in sweat." Tohru's hands jumped to the neckline of her school shirt (she was still wearing her school uniform), which was sticking to her skin. The sweat was cooling by now, and she shivered. Very quietly, she protested, "I-I was just being stup – "
"You'll catch a cold." Tohru was about to panic when she realised she was bothering Shigure, but before she could apologise, he stood, and slipping his arms under her shoulders, he literally lifted her out of the bed and set the blushing girl onto her feet. "You're so tiny!" Shigure exclaimed with a grin. It was hard to feel afraid of him then.
But . . . . . . . .
Hesitantly Tohru followed the man out into the darkened landing and down the stairs of a traditional styled house, with shoji and wood panel walls. She wondered briefly where Hatori was. Shigure led her into a large living room and flipped a light switch. Tohru could see several travel bags dumped in a corner. "Sorry about the clutter there," he said good-naturedly. "It was pretty late when we got here."
Which brought a question to the forefront of her mind. "Wh – ." Tohru began, but her words leapt back down her throat when Shigure turned to her, she suddenly losing the courage even to ask a simple question. Biting her lip, she began again, choking out the words. "Wh-where are we? I-if I may know. Please." She summoned all her remaining courage just to look at him.
There was strange smile on his face, and he waved his hand in dismissal. "It's a surprise." Tohru was completely baffled at this, but just then her captor strolled right up to her and shoved a rucksack into her arms, turned her around holding her shoulders, and began to casually push her towards the stairs. "Everything in the bag is for you. You go right back upstairs and don't worry about anything. Go on, go on, dear. Up. Go. You'll catch your death standing around like this. And bring anything you want washed downstairs. There's a basket in the utility room for them." As he said this he pointed down the hall.
Flustered, Tohru did as she was told. Is he . . . teasing me? Returning to the room she set the bag down and began rummaging through it. She picked out some white cotton pyjamas and changed into them. There was an empty cupboard at one wall, so she began hanging up all the clothes she found. She didn't know how long she was going to be kept here. Wherever here is.
Tohru sat on the bed. What's going to happen to me, Okaa-san? Shigure-san and Hatori-sensei have been very kind to me, and I'm sure they mean it when they say they won't hurt me. I'm sure but . . . .
I'm scared. I'm really scared. I don't know why but being here makes me very scared. I'm frightened of them. I'm frightened of Hatori-sensei and Shigure-san. I – I wish I had your picture, Okaa-san.
Sitting here, for a while she stared straight ahead, all her fear and worries swirling in her head. Ah! Shigure-san told me to bring my clothes downstairs, I forgot. She picked up the bundle and scampered back downstairs. Following Shigure's previous direction, she found the basket and put her clothes in. Tohru then walked quietly back down the dark hall, trying not to disturb him, assuming he was still in the living room. She turned towards the stairs –
"Where do you think you're going?"
"Eep!" Tohru squeaked and jumped back when Shigure appeared behind her. She hadn't noticed him leaving th living room at all. "An-ano, I uh, a-a-a-ano, e-eto. I'm sorry, I uh." I'm not making any sense. She fell quiet, and lowered her head. "I'm sorry. I'll just go back to bed now. I'm sorry."
"Oh no you won't."
"Ode?"
"You never told me about the nightmare."
She panicked. Oh no! I'm making him worry! "Uh, it was nothing really. I was overreacti – "
"Come on." He almost had to drag her back into the living room, where he set her onto the couch, ignoring her fractured protests. "So what was it about?"
Tohru bowed her head meekly. "Shigure-san, you shouldn't be going to all this trouble for me. I woke you up, I'm still keeping you from sleep."
"No trouble. I was still awake anyway." She looked up in surprise. "As one of my relatives put it so eloquently, "His sleep pattern's insane"". Tohru protested further.
"But it really is stupid of me. I'd be wasting your time. It's stupid of me to get so upset over this."
"No fear is stupid, if it truly makes you afraid." Tohru didn't know what to say to this. "Did it make you afraid?"
Tohru stared at her feet and clasped her hands. "Yes." she admitted quietly.
"And what happened in the dream?"
"I . . . . don't know. I don't remember." Tohru's voice trembled as she made this confession, her eyes trained on her feet. "I, I've had it many times before, and I know it's stupid, but even though I never remember the dream, I always wake up feeling scared. All I can remember is that it's frightening – the most frightening dream I've ever had!" She kept looking down. It's a shameful thing, I know. "I'm sorry, Shigure-san. I'm so sorry for everything, for being so weak."
Shigure's hand pushed her chin up, so that she had to look into his eyes. "You," he began with a small smile, "have nothing to apologise for. It's alright." What did he say? "Tohru-kun, have you told anyone about these dreams? Anyone in your family?"
"N-no, I didn't want them to worry."
He frowned slightly. "That might have made it worse." He held up his hand quickly, "And you don't have to apologise. It's just better to let it out there. Tell people about these things." He smiled. "We're clouds. We absorb everything until we have to cry it all out. Ne?" A pause followed. "I think I'll tell Hatori about this in the morning, if that's ok. He might have some advice. For now, try to get some rest. Or is that ok? Will you be able to sleep?"
"Oh yes, thank you for worrying about me. I'll be fine. Are you staying down here, Shigure-san?"
"Mm? Yup. I'm reading."
Tohru scanned the open book on the table. She gasped. "That's . . . . English!?" It was. "But you, you speak English?"
"Not as well as I read, admittedly."
"That's really amazing!" He looked away. "Um, what book is it?"
"It's about the Roman Empire. Well, the entire thing is several volumes in length, but I own them all." Good old Mayuko. She'll find any book, any language, any publication date if it'll keep me from annoying her. "I just . . . don't like reading translations for some reason."
"Oh? Why not?"
"Nngh . . . . I suppose it's because they aren't the real words. Not the true essence of whatever the writer was thinking at the time. Not the bare bones of it. I read Mein Kampf when I was younger, eh, 16 or 17 I guess, and I was a couple of pages into the Japanese version when I realised "This person, who translated this into Japanese, he or she doesn't believe this stuff. These aren't the original thoughts"." Tohru thought she understood, but was finding it hard to follow. "I suppose I wanted to read the actual words, the original thoughts that went though the man's head and he committed to paper. I wanted the complete truth of it, I suppose. So I found a German version. It was pretty hard actually. Germany and Austria have banned further publication of it."
"Oh . . ." Tohru struggled between wondering if that was a strange thing to want from a book like Mein Kampf, and awe at Shigure's further ability to speak German, but mentally berated herself for thinking the former. "Shigure-san? If I may ask, why did you want that from . . . that book?"
He looked right at her. "You want to know the real reason?"
"Yes . . . please."
A shadow of a smile crossed his face, before giving way to that harsh, cold look of – loathing, almost. "I wanted to understand the thoughts of an evil person."
Tohru was surprised at this, and slightly frightened by the re-emergence of this side of Shigure. A silence descended and reigned for a long time before she spoke. "Shigure-san. Do you . . . . think you are an evil person?"
"Well of course I am! Remember?" He tapped her nose with a single finger, causing her to colour slightly. "I'm the big bad kidnapper, ne?" He chuckled at her reaction. "By the way, go to bed. You're going to be tired in the morning." She took in a breath to speak, but was stifled when he pressed his fingertips against her mouth. "Go upstairs, Tohru-kun. Be a good girl and do what I say."
"Be a good girl and do what I say."
Uh? Oh, deja-vu. Tohru was Tohru, so she didn't argue with this. Reluctantly, she acquiesced. "Ano, oyasumi nasai."
"Ditto."
Tohru left, and Shigure, alone, pondered his own thoughts.
"Hurt her again, Shigure, and Hippocrates will forgive me."
"I daresay he would, Haa-san," he muttered.
It had been about 3 o' clock in the morning when Hatori had woken him to alert him to their arrival. He had been sleeping, resting his head in a very uncomfortable position against the car door, and Tohru was still asleep on the seat, her head on his lap. He carefully got out and lifted her up, still wrapped in her blanket, and carried her to the front door.
Hatori unlocked it, picked up the bags of food from the boot and wordlessly went to the kitchen. "I'll leave her upstairs, Haa-san," Shigure whispered. Hatori grunted quietly. Shigure ascended the stairs with his light load, and nudged the shoji door of a bedroom open with his foot. He propped Tohru up on a chair by the bed and pulled back the covers. He took off her shoes and socks and deposited the travel blanket to the side, gently untied the ribbons in her hair, then laid the sleeping girl on the bed and quietly drew the covers up to her chin. Finished, he started towards the door, but stopped, looked over Tohru and said,
"I'm sorry."
Then he had left. Hatori had finished putting the things away by then, and was sitting tersely in the living room. Shigure entered and glanced at his friend, reading him easily. "You should go to sleep, Haa-san. I'll stay down here in case."
The silence was palpable. "Fine." It was the first word Hatori had spoken so far.
"You're angry." It was a statement, not a question.
"I've been continually angry with you for the past month. This . . . . isn't helping."
"I've apologised for the sake of your suffering. I'm not going to apologise for taking her away." Hatori didn't respond. "Which memory did you erase back there? When you brought her to the car?"
The Dragon's cold eyes bored into Shigure's. "I intended to do nothing more than cause her to have to study a little harder for her next history exam, but I found a different memory in there. One I thought better to erase."
Shigure leaned back against the doorframe, a shadow of a smile playing on his face. "I was expecting this."
"What were you doing, Shigure? Do you know what was in that memory? Fear. Terror. Of you. What were you trying to do?" Unspoken accusations clung to every word, showing that Hatori really did believe his cousin capable of anything.
"I did nothing. I didn't do anything to her, nor did I try." Hatori stared straight at him. "It's the truth. Listen, I saw her, I followed her, and yes, I grabbed her. I don't know what I was thinking, but that's what I did. And she was frightened, terrified, to a degree I found disturbing, actually. Even considering the situation." His friend pondered this. "I supposed it was her subconsciousness."
"That's most likely it. Assuming you're being honest." Shigure had no answer to this. "I'm going to bed."
Shigure stood back to let Hatori pass, but suddenly, the taller man forcefully grabbed his collar and pushed him against the door frame, emanating rage. "Hurt her again Shigure, and Hippocrates will forgive me. I just might have to kill you, but he'll forgive me."
His shock subsided, and Shigure matched his cousin's gaze. "Hatori, if I have to look at her face hurt like that again, I just might have to kill myself." Hatori let him go slowly, and left the room, pausing at the foot of the stairs.
"How am I supposed to know? Hm?" He exhaled heavily. "There's a kid up there and I don't know if it's safe for her to be around you, because I don't know you. I don't know anything about you." He left.
Back in the present, Shigure flipped through his book, searching. He sighed. "I feel that way too sometimes, Marce Aurelie." He turned a few more pages, before giving up and closing the book. "Which one am I, I wonder? Quis sum?"
"I just don't know. I'm so sorry. I just – I'm afraid. I'm afraid of you. Because that other person is gone and this one is here now instead. And I don't know anything about him or what he wants or what he's going to do. And . . . . .
I'm so sorry.
But I am afraid."
Notes:
Somehow, I can't help but think that Shigure would be good at languages, so excuse the liberties I took. (This is fanfiction).
Hippocrates was a Greek doctor, the "Father of Medecine" who is credited with drawing up the Hippocratic Oath. Many medical student today still take this oath or an oath very similar to it, in which they swear, among other things, to "prescribe regimens for the good of my patients . . . . and never do harm to anyone." (Btw, contrary to popular belief, the phrase "Do no harm" is not present in the Oath).
Marce Aurelie is Marcus Aurelius, but Shigure is using the vocative case in this instance.