Chuck's POV

Life is heady.

Life is hectic.

Life..is strange.

I am literally living my life at an obtuse angle today. I know what you're thinking.

"Dude, get a clue. Your life is sweet as hell."

Believe me when I say, I know.

Im out of my dead end job, I got a deal with Rockstar, Im moving in with my unrequited love of my life and I finally get to do something more than sit in the car.

My dead end job.. My 11 dollars an hour job. My stupid, idiotic but sweet job. The only job that would allow you to see your fellow employees dying on Twinkies and RedBull overdoses. The only job where our biggest project was to dethrone our Assisant Manager. A job which helped me survive my funk.

I'll miss it all.

The love, the strange bonds we shared, removing those viruses and Trojans.

I'll miss Morgan and our dreams of making it big selling corn jam. Our game-a-thons, his support, his friendship. Lester, Jeff and their hopeless chances in ever finding a girl.

Big Mike and his strange antics, his marlin and all those hotdogs he consumed without being hospitalised.

Sure, there is that sense of elation at finally achieving success in terms of the social parameters the society sets. I can actually move out (which I already am doing). Perhaps, most importantly I wont be a burden on Ellie. I know she never thought like that, she was always supportive of her little brother but that was one thing always gnawing at me that I could never support her in any manner. I might be able to surprise her now by getting that Italian chapel venue for her wedding now!

In other words, I finally have a real job..

But now that I stand on the top rung, I look down below wondering if it is worth it?

I touched a gun for the first time, rather…

I killed a man.

The very words sound surreal..

I truly understand what Casey had meant when he had once told me, "Every shot your fire, rips a small part of your soul apart."

It did that to me too.

Every morning I wake up, and do everything the same way I used to but there's something different. Im just not the same anymore. I try to tell myself that I saved Sarah, I saved Casey and perhaps millions others by recovering those nuclear codes but whatever justifications I may put, there's only one truth.

I killed a man.

I finished off someone's life –bang bang – just like that. It scares me, to be honest. To think, I hold this control over someone's life but at the same time, it is like this adrenaline rush which I relish. I relish the thought of being a stereotype male for a change.

I actually was happy for a moment that no matter what I did, I ensured my unrequited love's safety by any means, and most importantly without stumbling on my shoelaces.

Finally, the issue I have been avoiding with great care..

Sarah. Im going to be living in and have the perfect fake relationship with my perfect fake girlfriend who also happens to be the girl of my dreams. My heart may melt and throb, but Im no closer to getting to her. She has those occasionally disarmed moments but then Agent Walker's back with a guarded look heavier than ever. It's going to be torture in a way living with her 24/7, but we wont have any bugs..

And who knows, stranger things have happened.

"It's time for the sun to break through,
It's time for the clouds to part,
Let me dance once more in the sun...
Let me bask in the illusion again."