We interrupted your regular life to bring you the following fiction…
A/N: We are so sorry. It's taken forever to get this chapter done. And that's because with Goldy where she is and me where I am…mix in life and it's been hard to catch each other on the net. But we finally got together…and this is the result. Hope you like!
Wolfy's Warning: The following fiction contains scenes that may lead to uncontrollable laughter. We ask for your own safety that you refrain from eating and/or drinking while reading this fiction. Reading this fiction while in the presence of others may lead to looks of complete confusion and questions as to what is wrong. Golden Wolf Productions are not responsible for injuries sustain by falling out of your chair or laughing until your sides hurt.
This fiction has been modified to fit your screen.
Hey Goldy, you think anybody can tell I'm a little hyper today?
"Come on, Zack, it'll be funny." Hodgins grinned as he handed the sign to Zack. He looked at it with a frown. This was the sort of thing that others did to him, not the other way around.
"You do realize that Agent Booth has a gun."
"Yes, but he also wouldn't want to shoot you because Dr. Brennan wouldn't appreciate it. Just do it."
"I don't know..."
"Hey guys, what's going on," Angela asked as she swiped her way up to the platform.
"Nothing," both Hodgins and Zack said at the same time. The younger one of the two quickly put the sign behind his back. The artist looked between the two males and then crossed her arms.
"Why do people insist on trying to lie to me?" she mused more to herself than to either one of her companions. She cleared her throat and held out her hand. "Hand it over, Zack." The assistant stole a glance at Hodgins before slowly handing Angela the sign. "A kick me sign?" she questioned after reading it over. "And just who were you going to put this on?"
"It's all his idea," Zack started as he pointed to Hodgins. "He dared me to place it on Booth's back."
"Tattle tale," Hodgins shot. Angela began to laugh, hard. A kick me sign on Booth's back? He'd shoot Zack...but this was too good.
"Oh, Zack, you're going to need help, and lots of it."
"Help? What kind of help?"
"You just leave that to me. You'll know when to do it. Trust me." At that moment, Booth and Brennan came into the lab from breakfast, bickering as usual. Angela handed the sign back to the assistant and grinned wickedly. As the dynamic duo got closer, Angela stepped toward the steps to the examination platform and proceeded to trip down them.
"Angela," Brennan called out. She and Booth ran to Angela, and knelt down. "Are you okay?"
"I think so," Angela answered, reaching out to rub her left ankle.
"Are you alright?" Hodgins asked, hurrying down the steps, Zack right behind him.
"I'm fine," she repeated. "I could just kick myself for being so clumsy. Tripping over my feet, like that." Hodgins gave her a quick nod, stuck out his foot, and sent Zack stumbling the rest of the way down. He landed behind Booth and reached out with both hands to steady himself.
"Jeez, kid, be more careful," Booth said standing up.
"Sor-sorry, Booth." Zack stood quickly, moving away from Booth as fast as he could. Hodgins looked over at his little buddy and gave him a hidden thumbs up. Booth helped Angela stand, and she clutched his arm as she tested the strength of her non-injured ankle.
"See, this is why I told you not to wear heels in the lab," Brennan said as she looked her friend over. Seeing that she wasn't hurt, she turned toward her office. "Booth, I'm going to need that report on my desk this afternoon."
"I'll be back with it later." He looked over Angela, gave a quick nod when he realized she was okay, and left the three standing there as Brennan went in the other direction to her office. The squints suppressed chuckles as Booth left the lab, the 'Kick Me' sign in place on his back.
XxXxX
Special Agent Seeley Booth walked down the halls of FBI headquarters. He had a cup of coffee in one hand and an open file folder in the other. As he brought the lukewarm liquid to his lips he heard a round of muffled laughing from behind him. He glanced over his shoulder and the agents in question quickly turned away from him. Something weird is going on, he thought. Suddenly an idea hit him. He tossed looks both ways, and when he was sure nobody was looking, he used the hand holding the coffee to check his pants zipper. Well, it's not that. He took the last swallow of his drink and tossed the cup in a near by trash bin.
"Agent Booth," the voice of his boss, Deputy Director Sam Cullen said. Booth turned toward him. "Care to explain what's on your back?" Booth tried to glance over his shoulder.
"Something's on my back?"
"Yes," Cullen said. He turned the agent around and yanked the paper off. "It seems to be a…kick me sign." Booth took the sign from his back and looked at it like it was a dirty diaper. Who could have gotten close enough to me to have...oh, Zack is so dead when I get back to the Jeffersonian.
"Sorry sir, just a little squint humor." Booth crumpled the sign tightly as Cullen watched, amused.
"Booth, may I remind you that you have to turn in a report any time your gun is fired off?"
"You don't need to remind me, but you did just give me an idea." Booth began to smile. It was the perfect way to get back at the young scientist, and he'd be expecting it too.
"I don't want to know." Cullen muttered and wandered off to his office. Booth looked at his watch. Only about ten thirty, I should be able to find a good water gun before heading back to the Jeffersonian.
XxXxX
Booth walked into the Medico-Legal Labs with determination in his steps. A quick scan told him that Zack wasn't in the main part of the lab. "Hey, you," he said as a lab tech passed by. "Do you know where Zack Addy is?" The white coated techie looked Booth up on down before she recognized who he was.
"Yes, sir," she said. "He's in the remains room."
"Thanks." He gave the young woman a slight nod before moving on. He pressed his ear to the closed door. Nothing. Good, he's by himself, he thought. He pulled the water gun from under his jacket. He threw the door open and stepped in.
"You're so dead, Zack," he said and let go with a stream of water. Zack screeched, a rather un-manly sort of sound, and stumbled around the room trying to hide from the continual streams of water that were aimed at him. As he got closer to the door, he panicked, knowing Booth was still standing there. Booth began to laugh and left the soaked Zack alone in the room.
Hodgins watched as Booth walked back into the main area of the lab. He was whistling and twirling a water gun on one of his fingers. Hodgins barely suppressed a laugh, until Booth turned toward him. "You might want to go check on your little buddy, Skipper." Booth chuckled as Hodgins first looked completely uninterested and then hurried off.
"What's so funny?" Angela asked.
"I see your ankle is all better," was Booth's answer.
"Oh, that. Yeah. Nothing a little pain medication couldn't handle. What's with the gun?" Booth flashed her a charm smile.
"Oh, just got Boy Wonder back from earlier, and now that I think about it, it seems like there was more than just one person involved in that little set up."
"Oh," Angela said, looking at her watch, "look at the time. I need to be going."
"Not so fast, Ange," he said as he reached out and grabbed her arm. "If you were kind enough to help Zack, then I'm sure you're more than kind enough to help me out."
"Haven't you made Zack suffer enough?"
"Who says I'm going after Zack? Do you have any black paint in your office?"
"You know, normally I don't but at the moment...why do you need it?"
"I'll just let you be surprised. Now hurry." Booth swatted at her rear to hurry her along. He clapped his hands together, then winced, having forgotten about the gun. Which microscope to use?
Angela returned with a small jar of black paint. "Are you going to tell me why you want it?" she asked handing the paint over. Booth simply smiled at her. He opened the jar, dripped the end of a pen into the paint, and then ran it around the eyepieces of one of Hodgins' primary microscopes. "Oh, that's low, Booth," Angela said, but the smile on her face gave way her excitement. He handed the jar back and they both walked away as voices reached their ears.
"There's no need for you to take a look," Hodgins said, as he and Dr. Camille Saroyan came around the corner.
"Of course there is," she answered. "I'm the boss."
"Really, you've never been interested in gamaphyda before. No need to bore you with the details."
"It's not that I find it boring, and since this is a primary part of the investigation, I want to take a look." She scanned herself onto the platform and walked toward the microscope. From Angela's office, Booth and the artist hid below the window line and watched in fascinated horror. Cam bent to look at the specimen as Zack rounded the corner, dripping water onto the floor. He stopped next to Hodgins. The entomologist looked at his friend in surprise.
"Dude, what happened to you?" The question reached Cam's ears and she looked up from the microscope. All activity in the office froze, the only sound coming from a few crickets Hodgins had in a jar by his desk. Her eyes were rimmed in black paint, like oversized spectacles.
"Well?" Cam asked, turning her raccoon attention to Zack. The young man looked at his boss with wide, worried eyes.
"Um, the toilet exploded," he lied with a shaky voice.
"Well, go get cleaned up, you're beginning to pool." Zack dropped his eyes to the ground and then lifted them to Hodgins.
"Can I talk to you, please?"
"Sure," Hodgins said slowly. He looked at Cam and then started off after his friend. Booth and Angela tried hard not to make a sound as they suppressed their laughter, but it only got harder when Brennan stepped from her office, reading a file. She looked up at Camille, back down at the file, then once more at her boss.
"What happened to your eyes?"
"What do you mean?" Dr. Saroyan put a hand up to her face and felt the wetness from the paint. She pulled her hand away and cursed under her breath. "Someone's going to pay for this." Brennan watched in mild amusement as Cam stomped down the steps of the platform and across the lab. When she was around the corner, Brennan shook her head and then began on her way out of the lab.
"If she finds out that you did that," Angela began, as her and Booth stood up. "You're in so much trouble."
"Me?" Booth questioned. "Hate to tell you this, Sweetheart, but you're in it just as deep as I am." Angela looked at Booth and then took a deep breath.
"So what's the next plan?"
"Next plan?"
"Yeah, your joke kinda backfired," she pointed out. "How are we going to get Jack now?" A wicked smile crossed Booth's face. He clapped his hands together and rubbed them together with an almost maniacal glee.
"Hodgins has that pet scorpion, right? The one in the jar?"
"Yeah."
"That's perfect," he laughed and headed back out to the platform to better examine the creature in question.
Meanwhile, in the men's bathroom, Zack pulled Hodgins to a corner in case Booth came in.
"You have to help me get back at Agent Booth," Zack said as he puddled on the floor.
"Dude, you started this whole thing."
"No technically that was you. You dared me, hence this is your fault."
"And just how do you plan to get back at an ex-Army Sniper?" Hodgins asked. "Especially now that he knows what's going on? He'll be expecting it."
"I don't know," Zack said, throwing his hands in the air. "That's why I need your help." Hodgins scratched at his chin as he thought, his mind running through a list of practical jokes that really weren't practical at all.
"I bet those raccoon eyes of Dr. Saroyan were meant for me," he finally said. "Which means that Angela is in cahoots with the G man."
"So what are we going to do?"
"I have a few ideas," Hodgins said with a smirk.
XxXxX
"Booth, I really do have to draw the line at abject terror," Angela said as she watched Booth handle the jar with the scorpion carefully.
"Too bad, Angela. This will work better than anything else." He removed the jar from the desk, placing it gently into a small box. He then pulled out his newly acquired jar, screwed on a lid and promptly dropped it to the ground, where it shattered. He took the box that contained the gigantic scorpion and hid it in the artist's office. Once it was safely hidden he turned back to the artist. "Now watch a performance worthy of an academy award." With that, he sauntered back up to the platform to wait for the entomologist.
XxXxX
"I don't know about this," Zack said for the tenth time as he and Hodgins made their way down the hall.
"Don't be such a worry wart," Hodgins said. "All you have to do is keep a look out." Zack still didn't look too convinced as they stopped outside the women's bathroom. "Look, just knock on the door if you hear anybody coming." With that, Hodgins ducked into the bathroom and set to work. When he was certain each toilet had been covered with clear plastic wrap, he exited.
"Tell me again how this is going to work?" Zack asked.
"Simple. When Angela goes to the bathroom after lunch she'll get pee on herself."
"And how do you figure that?"
"Again, simple man, women do the stance and hover. Do you really think they touch a toilet seat with their bare bottom?"
"Okay, so that takes care of Angela, but what about Booth?"
"That, my friend is going to require a trip to the local pharmacy." Jack laughed and grabbed hold of Zack's arm, dragging him from the lab.
Angela finally made her way back up to the platform to join Booth as he waited for Hodgins and Zack. They both watched as the two boys raced through the lab on the way to the entrance. Seeley glanced at the direction they had come from and turned to Angela.
"You might want to be careful when you use the bathroom today."
"Oh really, and why's that?"
"I'm betting they put cellophane on the toilet seats." As he finished the sentence, Booth heard an outraged yell come from the bathroom, followed by a string of expletives. He and Angela glanced at each other before watching Brennan exit the bathroom, cursing under her breath, her clothing drenched in what could only be urine.
"Toilet explode?" Cam asked as she and Brennan passed each other.
"You could say that," Brennan snapped. She threw a glance at Booth and Angela before passing by Cam toward her office.
"Do you two know what's going on?" Cam asked, crossing the lab to face Booth.
"Can't say that I do," he lied. "Do you Angela?"
"Nope," she said. "Must be the storm that's moving in." Cam looked from one to the other and then turned on her heels and left.
XxXxX
Zack sighed in frustration as he followed Hodgins through the aisles of the pharmacy. With a loud 'Ha' Jack picked up the item he was looking for. Zack took a look at it and groaned.
"A laxative gum?"
"Yep. We just get a regular pack, replace a few of the pieces with this, and then, voila, the special agent's a goner."
"Do you really think he'll fall for this?"
"Yeah, because he won't be expecting something like this. He'll expect some complicated plot put together by us in order to get him back. This is paranoia 101, Zack. In order to fool your enemy, you have to know your enemy. Now come on, we need to get back before that storm rolls through."
XxXxX
Hodgins bounded up the stairs of the center platform of the Medico-Legal Labs with Zack close by. Booth and Angela stood off to the side leaning up against the railing. "Hey Angela, Booth."
"Hi, Jack," Angela smiled. Hodgins pulled out a pack of gum. He took out a piece, and then offered a piece to the two of them.
"Gum?" Booth and Angela both looked at each other and then reached for the gum.
"I think we have a problem," Zack said. Hodgins turned to look at Zack and then let his eyes drift down to the ground. The pieces of glass were spread on the floor.
"Twiggy."
"Twiggy?" Angela questioned.
"My scorpion."
"Scorpion?" Booth looked slightly terrified. "Scorpion as in a big, ugly thing with claws and a stinger?"
"Yes. Oh, this is bad. Twiggy's an African scorpion, one of the most poisonous species on the planet." Hodgins' began to panic and bent to look under his desk. Zack, Angela, and Booth watched as he dropped to the ground and began to search under equipment frantically.
"Uh, Hodgins, you're actually going to crawl around to look for that thing?" Angela asked. He looked up at him, the panic evident on his face.
"Yes! Now I'd appreciate it if you guys would help me look for him. Check in dark crevices. He'll want to hide." Zack automatically dropped to his hands and knees and began to search. Booth and Angela however, hesitated.
"Dark crevices," Angela repeated. "Um, yeah, you see Jack, I don't do dark crevices. Especially if there's something that may be deadly hanging around."
"That goes for me too, man," Booth said. "Sorry."
"Oh, come on, Twiggy's not that bad. Please, guys?" With a heavy sigh they both nodded.
"Fine," Angela said. "I'll look over there."
"I'll take that-a-way." The two shared a quick glance before heading off in the aforementioned directions. As they began to fake a search, Dr. Goodman stepped up onto the platform, looking for a report left there by Camille. As he glanced over the paperwork, his eyes fell onto the pack of gum. Doesn't hurt to have a piece, he thought as he popped one into his mouth. As he began to chew, he noticed Zack and Hodgins on their hands and knees. "Would you two care to tell me what you are doing?" Hodgins and Zack's heads both came up with a snap.
"Dr. Goodman," they said together. They scrambled to their feet and looked at the larger man.
"I'm still waiting, Dr. Hodgins."
"Well, umm, you see," he said, stumbling over his words.
"It's me," Angela said, stepping forward. "I lost an earring and they're helping me look for it."
"I see," Dr Goodman said, his jaw flexing as he chewed. "Well, just make sure…" His words stopped and his eyes grew wide as his stomach churned. "If you'll excuse me." Hodgins, Zack, Angela and Booth watched as Goodman hurried down the platform stairs and out the lab.
"Wow, that was a close one. Thanks Angela." Hodgins let out a brief sigh, before dropping to the floor again. It was Zack's words however that drew his attention.
"Was Dr. Goodman chewing on gum?" Both of their heads snapped to the pack, and noticed that there was indeed a piece missing.
"Oh, we're going to be in so much trouble."
"And why would you be in trouble?" Booth asked.
"The gum," Hodgins said. "It's um… laxative gum." Booth and Angela looked at each other and began to laugh. "What's so funny?"
"Angela, go get…Twiggy."
"But…the jar," Hodgins began.
"Was all part of the joke."
XxXxX
Booth looked around the lab and then walked over to Zack. "Hey, Z-man, I have a deal for you."
"Do I want to know?"
"Oh, come on, you were so helpful the last time." Booth watched the conflict in the young assistant's face before Zack settled on an answer.
"What do you want me to do?"
"Well, I figure we need to end all of this joking around, so how's about some water balloons to toss Angela and Hodgins way?"
"But we don't have any balloons."
"Ah, but we do have latex gloves."
Hodgins approached Angela a bit sheepishly before glancing quickly at Booth. He was talking in low tones to Zack.
"Hey Angela, I think they're trying to plot against us. Any ideas on how to avoid it?"
"Oh, I may have a thought or two," Angela began but was cut off by Brennan.
"Who the hell put plastic over Angela's door?" Angela and Hodgins looked at each other.
"Oops."
"Angela, Hodgins, Zack, come here. You too, Booth." The four slowly made their way to Brennan and lined up in front of her.
"What's up, Bones?" Booth asked, his hands behind his back.
"What's up? There's plastic over the toilets, and over Angela's office door. Dr. Goodman went home earlier and I've noticed something has been going on. Now, what is it?"
"Just a little fun, Sweetie," Angela said.
"Fun? Angela this is a lab not a playground."
"Come on, Bones, no harm done."
"No harm? Booth, I'm surprised at you. At all of you." She was too busy fuming to notice the slight movement of the squints and Booth. "I'm going to pretend that you all have been working all day. Now get back to your jobs." Brennan turned and began toward her office. Booth glanced down the line at the squints and smiled. They each pulled out a latex glove full of water. Booth tossed his up and caught it.
"One," he said softly.
"Two," Angela said.
"Three," Hodgins and Zack said, and they all took aim at Brennan's back and threw the makeshift water balloons.
Brennan stood stock still as the gloves hit her, and exploded, releasing the water all over her. The group began to laugh, and as she turned around to kick some scientist and FBI butt, the group took off running, laughing hysterically as they did so. With an angry sigh, she turned and went back to her office. They'd all get it eventually, she'd see to that herself.
We now return you to your regular life...