A/N: So here it is. The long a waited for update!! (okay, maybe not 'long a waited for' but could you at least humor us a little??) Goldy and I both hope you enjoy.
Words from Goldy: This chapter takes a bite at well, you'll see.
Words for Wolfy: Oh, and a shout out to fireandice226, who sent me a PM last week telling me to, well, basically get my butt in gear and put a new chapter up. If you have something you want to see, or an idea you think would make a good chapter, then please feel free to PM myself of Goldy. Hint-- For this fiction...we like funny (or at least something we can make funny).
So that's all from us. We hope you enjoy. And that it's all that you wished it would be. I guess the bottom line is that we write for you, so get reading!
Booth scanned in to the medico-legal lab's examination platform, anxious to know whether or not the team had any information on the remains that had been sent. A body had been discovered inside of a sea cave in La Jolla, California and it was obvious that there had been predation on it from sea life. That, however wasn't Booth's concern. He wanted to know if there was any sign of foul play.
"Okay, so are we looking at murder or not," he asked as he approached the examination table.
Brennan glanced up briefly from the remains, and then dropped her eyes again. "I don't know yet," she told him.
"Then what do we know?" Booth asked, leaning back against the railing and crossing his ankles and then his arms.
"I know that shopping for a new mattress was very...um...interesting on Saturday," Hodgins said from his workspace on the far end of the platform.
"And what does that have to do with the body?" Cam asked, from her position at the end of the metal examining table.
"Well, nothing, but Booth did ask what we know," Hodgins grinned, earning him a groan and an eye roll.
"Fine," Booth said. "I'll bite. Why was mattress shopping such an 'interesting' experience?"
"Well, there I was, trying out some mattresses and in comes this girl in a really short skirt. She could pull it off too, not like those ones that wear them and have rolls hanging over the waistband, you know?"
"Jack," Angela warned, her voice lowering to disapproving.
"No, let him go on," Cam said.
"Yeah," Booth agreed.
"Okay," Hodgins started, rolling his chair closer to the group. "So like I was saying, she could so pull it off. Skinny, legs that went on forever and those boots that came up just over the knees. You know what I'm talking about right, G-man? Anyhow," he went on not waiting for an answer. "There she is with her boyfriend or whatever, coming right at me.
"So I'm just sitting there, contemplating whether or not to drop something on the ground so I can get a peek under the skirt. Well, God must have been smiling at me because just then, she decides to try out a bed by jumping onto it."
"No way," Sully said, from his laid back position in a chair close by.
"Oh, yes way," Hodgins answered with a cheesy smile. "And let me tell ya, a big fat thank you to whoever invented G-Strings. Little pink ones. She hit the bed, her skirt flipped up and I got a full on view of the most perfect butt I've ever laid eyes on."
"See, that's the problem," Angela commented. "You just don't see that many perfect butts on guys."
"Well, that's just because you haven't seen mine," Sully commented. Brennan looked up from the remains and looked at her boyfriend.
"Doesn't matter," the forensic anthropologist said, "It's not that perfect."
Everybody on the platform tried to hold in the snickers, as Sully looked at Brennan with wide eyes for a moment, before moving one hand over his heart. "Doc, I'm hurt."
"I'm just saying that," she began.
"That," Angela interrupted. "In order to be a perfect butt, it must meet certain criteria."
"This ought to be good," Hodgins said.
"First," Angela continued. "It must be a certain size."
"It must have a certain firmness," Cam threw in, pointing to something on the remains for Zack to take a closer look at.
"And nothing like what would be referred to as a 'buddle butt'," Brennan added. Booth sighed and shook his head.
"That's bubble butt. So in other words, a male butt can't look like a girl's butt would?"
"Exactly. The muscular tone of the gluteus maximus must be just enough that it doesn't jiggle when a man walks," Angela said.
"It can't jiggle," Hodgins said. "So no Jell-o. Right."
"So who has a perfect butt?" Zack asked, lowering the tweezers from his line of sight.
"Well," Angela said, moving around the platform, and glancing toward the other two girls. "I think you have a pretty nice one," she said sweetly to Hodgins.
"Just pretty nice?"
"Of the specimens here," Brennan piped in, her eyes focused on a piece of bones. "I would have to say that Booth comes the closest."
"What?" the agent in question asked.
"Oh, I agree," Angela said, grabbing him by the arm a forcing him to spin. "Check out the shape." She grabbed his butt to emphases her point.
"Hey, whoa, there," Booth said, stepping away from the artist.
"It fits nicely in the palm, has just the right firmness when squeezed, and we all know it definitely has no jiggle to it."
"Not to mention the definite muscle tone," Brennan commented. Sully looked at her in surprise.
"When did you see Booth's hind end?"
"I'm just saying that scientifically speaking," Brennan began but was cut off by Zack.
"Speaking of the gluteus maximus," the young doctor said. "Our remains seem to be missing theirs."
"Our dead person has no butt?" Sully asked to clarify.
"Yes. Apparently during the predation on these remains, the gluteus maximus was torn off."
"It must have been done by a leopard shark," Hodgins said as he scooted close by to take a look.
"Leopard shark? Why a leopard shark," asked Angela.
"Because, it's a notorious bottom feeder."
Oh, come on...YOU know that was funny!!
So, we just had to add Sully into this fiction. We did need someone to be the butt of the joke!
Oh, somebody stop me...