Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate Sg1 or any of it's characters, I post this strictly for entertainment purposes.

Chapter 2

Sam rolled over, unable to find the sleep she so desperately desired and needed, wanting the pain in her heart to be forgotten until morning, but no matter how hard she chased after it, it kept slipping away from her. She hadn't slept more than a couple hours at a time the past five days and the effects were draining her mentally and physically.

'Has it really been almost a week since this nightmare began?' She thought. It felt like an eternity and yet at the same time it seemed like it was just yesterday that Jack was sleeping next to her, snoring contentedly.

She closed her eyes again, but the same images from that morning came flashing to her mind. She was coming home from the gym, still sweaty from an intense workout, yet still found the energy to bound up the stairs to wake Jack up. Only, when she went through the door to their bedroom she found him not in the bed, but on the floor, gasping for breath, his hands clenched to his chest and lips turning blue. She dropped to the carpet by his side and grabbed his hand. Recognizing that he might be having a heart attack, she desperately reached for the phone on the bedside table and dialed 911.

Crying as she held his hand, she begged for him to hang on, to not leave her behind. But when he mouthed the words 'I love you.' and closed his eyes, she knew that he was letting go.

"Don't you even, Jack!" She ordered him. She wasn't about to let him die without a fight as she started CPR and battled to get his heart to beat again. She continued desperately to save him until the EMT's arrived and shocked him with the defibrillator, breathing a sigh of relief when she heard them announce that they had a heartbeat again, staying with him as they loaded him onto a gurney and drove off to the hospital.

Hours later and after countless tests and procedures that Jack surely would have balked at had he been awake, she sat by his bedside contemplating a decision she had hoped she would never have to make. The doctors had informed her that he had been deprived of oxygen for too long, that his brain was damaged and while not technically brain dead, if he ever did open his eyes again, he would be in a persistant vegetative state and the Jack she known and fallen in love with would be gone. His heart too was weakend and dying, the ventilator pumping oxygen into his lungs was the only thing that stood between him and certain death. So now the choice was hers. She could allow him to stay on the ventilator and live a little longer, but with virtually no quality to his life or she could have them turn off the machines and allow him die sooner rather than later.

She knew the answer that he would have wanted her to give them, that he would rather be dead than be a vegetable, but the selfish part of her wanted him to stay a little longer. After an hour of holding his hand and feeling his warmth in her fingers she knew what she had to do and told the doctors to switch off the machines. She had to let him go in peace.

She laid her head over his chest and listened to his heart after they removed the breathing tube, closing her eyes when she felt it stop beating, the high-pitched whine of the heart monitor informing them that his life had ended.

"Good-bye, Jack." She told him, hoping he would hear it. "I'll always love you." She began to cry, tears pouring over his still body. She laid there for some time, the nurses and staff giving her space and allowing her to stay until she could no longer feel his warmth anymore.

So, now she was a widow and had been one for the last five days. Her friends and family had had been supportive, but none of them really knew what she was going through. Hell, even she didn't know what she would say to herself if she had been them. The only one who truly knew how she was feeling had been Daniel and she still wasn't sure where they stood as friends. He had shown her kindness and support after the funeral, standing with her out in the cold until everyone had gone home, but it had been so long since she had seen him that she wasn't sure if he was still the best friend she had known before. He had withdrawn himself from most of their lives, burying his grief in his work, taking off for Atlantis so he wouldn't have to be confronted with the reality of Vala's absence.

She recalled how Jack had tried his best to get Daniel to stay and to recognize that his friends would always be there for him, but Sam knew now what she didn't understand then, that it's so much easier to hide from pain than face it head-on. That's where she was now, wanting sleep to come and take her to that hiding place, at least for a little while.

Giving up on her fruitless attempt to find some rest, she got up and headed for the kitchen, grabbing a mug, filling it with water and placing it in the microwave to heat it for some tea. Hoping that some chamomile might help her to calm down, she pulled the hot mug out of the microwave, but it was hotter than she expected and it slipped from her hands to the floor below where it shattered into several pieces.

"Dammit all, for crying out loud!" She muttered, bending to the floor to pick up the shards of the broken mug before she realized she was crying again. She had unconsciously used one of his favorite colorful expressions, sending off another wave of heartache that tore her from the inside out. Why did everything have to remind her of him? How long would this go on?

Feeling helplessly alone and just as shattered as the cup that remained broken at her feet, she sat down on the cold tile floor and drew her head to her knees, sobbing uncontrollably. She had to get a grip, she couldn't continue on like this.

After several minutes she regained control again, her breath shuttering as she inhaled and exhaled several times. Wiping her tears, she stood again on shaky legs, exhausted. Perhaps now she would finally be able to sleep. Stepping over the broken mug and leaving it on the floor to clean up in the morning, she walked into the living room and laid down on the couch, not wanting to go back to their bed again where his scent still lingered in the sheets and his absence was magnified ten fold. She curled up with her head on a throw pillow and pulled the afghan draped behind the back over herself.

Still, despite her weariness, she couldn't close her eyes without seeing his face and before she could stop herself she reached for the phone, her fingers dialing as if they had minds of their own.

"Hello?" She heard the raspy and sleep laden voice on the other end answer. She open her mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

"Who is this?" He asked curiously.

"Daniel..." She began, her voice cracking as she tried to talk.

"Sam? Is that you? Are you okay?" He asked, the tiredness in his voice disappearing with concern.

"Um, I ah.."She wasn't sure how to ask him to speak, just so she could hear another person's voice to reassure her that she was completely alone in the world. "I'm sorry, Daniel. I didn't mean to wake you up, I'll call back later."

"No, Sam. It's alright. You know you can call me anytime. What's wrong?"

"You mean besides the obvious?" She stated flatly. "I just couldn't sleep and I'm feeling kinda foolish for getting you up at this ungodly hour."

"Like I said Sam, it's okay. I wasn't really sleeping all that well either. If you want to just talk, you know I can listen pretty well."

"Actually, I don't want to talk."She told him, sighing. "I just want to hear another voice besides the one in my head. I need a distraction...I just need to forget how shitty everything is right now" The other end was silent for a moment. Maybe this was a bad idea, she thought "I'm sorry..."

"No, I understand, Sam. I really do." He paused briefly again "What do you want me to talk about?"

"I don't know." She started. "Pyramids, Ancients, Atlantis, anything but...you know..." Anything but Jack she had meant to say. She could sense that he understood her need.

"Okay, well, I guess I could fill you in on what's going on in Atlantis. Rodney found some kind of device you would find fascinating, I don't know much about it specifically..." As he talked, Sam listened to his voice, his words successfully blocking out the memories and thoughts that kept her from slumber and she found herself drifting off, finally able to embrace the rest she most desperately needed.

"Night, Sam" He spoke into the phone, though he doubted that she heard him. He had only been speaking to her for a few minutes before he heard her deep and even breathing over the phone. Satisfied that she had fallen asleep, he hung up the phone and placed it back on the nightstand. Unable to go back to sleep himself, he stared at the ceiling for some time before deciding that he would stop by her place in the morning and make sure she was okay.