Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate Sg1 or any of it's characters, I post this strictly for entertainment purposes.

Chapter 3

Daniel bolted upright from the bed, his sweat causing the tangled sheets to stick to his legs.

"Shit!" He panted, trying to catch his breath while throwing off the covers. It was that damn nightmare again. He swung his legs off the bed and sat at the edge, rubbing his eyes and face before reaching for the glass of water he had left on the nightstand before going to sleep last night. He downed the water in two large gulps and slammed the glass back onto the tabletop.

He hated this. It was always like this when he came back to Earth, that's one of the main reasons he hadn't been back in over three years. Being here brought back too many memories and feelings that he just didn't have to deal with when he was in Atlantis.

Finally, his heartbeat began to return to a normal rhythm and he looked to the clock, it was already 8 am. He wasn't completely surprised however, he hadn't been able to go back to sleep after Sam called, so he had laid in bed trying to read a book, but he couldn't keep his thoughts from wandering and thinking about Jack and what his friend had really meant to him over the years and how he felt guilty now for not being such a good friend in return.

Jack tried several times to reach out to him over the years, hoping to get the archaeologist to come by and visit more often, but each time Daniel had found some excuse to keep him on Atlantis. It wasn't that he didn't miss his friends, it's just that he found it hard to be in this place without the nightmares returning or feeling the emptiness in his heart grow.

It had only been a few months ago that Jack last contacted him, wanting him to finally take a vacation and go on that fishing trip that Daniel had been promising his old friend he would go on some day. He had been putting it off for years, not really wanting to go back to Earth, but now he wished he could take it all back and go on that trip with his friend, at least then Jack would have known that he still cared about him and his friends back on Earth. Perhaps if he had, he would have been able to tell him what his friendship had meant to him before it was too late.

Getting up from bed, Daniel took a shower and shaved before dressing and heading out of the VIP room he had occupied for the evening and headed to the commissary for coffee and breakfast. Walking the familiar corridors of the SGC, it felt strange to be in this place again. While it was physically the same as it ever was, the people had changed. There were quite a few more civilians since the IOA became increasingly involved with the program over the years, the uniforms the airmen wore were different as well from the ones they wore on Atlantis and he failed to recognize a single face that passed by him. That is until he heard his name being called from behind him.

"Dr. Jackson!" He turned around to see a young, dark-haired and excited man running up to catch him. He identified him right away as Dr. Brandon Chow, the Chinese-American archaeologist he had hand-picked to take over for him as head of the department before he left. Genuinely glad to see him, he shook the younger man's hand. Dr. Chow beamed at him and pumped his hand fiercely.

"It's so good to see you, I was hoping I would catch you before you headed back to Atlantis."

"It's nice to see you again as well, Brandon." Daniel was barely able to finish his greeting before the other man continued speaking at a rapid pace

"Wow!" he started, gesturing wildly. "I have so much to tell you about what we've been doing lately, I'd love to show you the new facility we had designed for document storage, I think you'll find it extremely fascinating."

"Uh..well..." Daniel began, as he just wanted to get some coffee, but before he could tell him that, Dr. Chow interrupted again without noticing that he had cut the older man off.

"I also have to show you the new lab, oh and the updated artifact catalog system...man, I can't wait for you to see it..." Giving in to his colleague's enthusiasm, he followed him towards the archeology department.

He had to admit he was impressed with all that Brandon had showed him after they were through with the impromptu tour. He told the younger archaeologist as much and couldn't help but grin when Dr. Chow's face was taken over by a gigantic smile, his pride in his work shining through.

"Oh, I almost forgot. There's one more thing I have for you. Why don't you come to my office?" Brandon beckoned for Daniel to follow him and before he knew it he was inside of his old office. He was a little surprised to find that nothing had really been changed. The bookshelves, the couch, even his old desk were the exact same ones he had used when he worked here, the only difference being the couch and the desk had switched locations. Dr. Chow pulled open the top drawer of the desk and pulled out a small manila envelope, handing it to Daniel.

"I found this a little while ago wedged up behind the desk while I was doing some re-organizing. I thought you might like to have it back, I was going to send it with the next batch of mail out to Atlantis, but I kept forgetting it was in here, sorry."

"That's okay."

"Well, it's been a pleasure seeing you again, but I got to get back to work. Take care Dr. Jackson."

"Sure, Brandon. You too." Dr. Chow smiled as he departed, leaving Daniel on his own in the office and going back to work. Curious to see what was in the envelope, he opened it and pulled out the photograph that was inside. Feeling his stomach drop, he hadn't expected to be confronted with the images of the two people he felt he had failed most in the world.

It was a picture taken just after he and Vala were married. Jack had insisted that they have a 'couple's retreat' as he called it out at his cabin. Jack had just retired and had finally asked Sam to marry him and he thought it would be a fun way to celebrate their engagement by taking them out to his cabin in Minnesota for a few days. The photo was one Sam took of Vala and Jack flanking him on both sides, arms around each other with big smiles for the camera as they sat on the dock to his pond.

Finding himself mesmerized by the picture he stared at it for the longest time. It had been a long time since he had seen a photo of Vala since most of his personal possessions, including all of their photos, had been placed into storage here on Earth.

He was reminded of her beauty, her soft, dark hair and alabaster skin. Seeing the coy smile on her face, he remembered how fun, but utterly mischievous she was and how she had pulled him out of his shell kicking and screaming, showing him how to live and love again. He placed a finger over her face in the picture and wished he could have that moment back again; to be back in that time when things were just right with the universe. When he and Jack were the best of friends and he had the love of his life by his side.

He slipped the photo back into the envelope, unable to stand the memories it brought back with it any longer. Staring at it only made the fact that neither one of them was coming back again hit him harder in the gut.

He decided then he needed to get out of the mountain, he could get his coffee elsewhere, he just needed to get away from this place. He made his way to the surface and threw the envelope with the picture in it onto the passenger side seat of the rental car as he got in. He knew he wanted to visit Sam and make sure she was okay, but it was still early in the morning and she was most likely still asleep. Making up his mind to find the nearest restaurant that served breakfast and coffee, he put the key into the ignition.

A knock on the window prevented him from turning the key and he looked up to see Mitchell standing outside his door.

"Going somewhere?" He asked as Daniel rolled down the window.

"Just getting breakfast."

"Want some company?"

"Not really..." too late. Mitchell was already at the passenger side and opening the door. Seeing the envelope on the seat he picked it up with curiosity showing over his face.

"What's this?" He asked. Daniel snatched it from Mitchell's hands before he could open it and threw it in the back seat

"It's nothing." He lied.

"Sure it is." Mitchell picked up on the lie, but didn't push it. "Where we going?"

"I don't know. Where's a good place for coffee and food this time of day?"

"You know, we have a pretty decent chow hall here and you can't beat the price."

"I know, I just want to get some fresh air and have some coffee where I can look out a window."

"I gotcha. There's a decent donut shop around the corner, serves an okay cup of joe, but the donuts are to die for. Carolyn doesn't let me eat donuts at home anymore, says my cholesterol is too high, but hey, what she doesn't know won't kill her, will it?"

"No, but it might kill you. Besides, what did you expect? You're the one that married a doctor." Daniel grinned at him.

"Yeah, I guess I did kinda ask for it, didn't I?" He laughed.

"Kind of." Daniel agreed.

"Oh well. Take us to donuts, Daniel." Mitchell ordered pointing his hand towards the road leading off base.

"Man, get a couple of stars on your collar and you think you can order everyone around." Daniel told him, rolling his eyes.

"Yeah, it's pretty cool."

Daniel shook his head and started the car, driving them to the donut shop as Mitchell pointed the way. He hadn't been to this particular establishment before, but Mitchell had been right, the donuts were delicious and the coffee, while not gourmet, contained enough caffeine to satisfy his addiction.

"So, how have you been, really? I haven't heard much from you in some time other than the reports I get." Mitchell asked. Daniel could tell he was trying his best to just be a friend.

"Fine, just busy, as usual." He could read from Mitchell's face that he didn't really buy it. They had become pretty good friends while Mitchell had been in charge of SG1. But, they had their rough moments over the years, especially after Vala went missing. He knew intellectually that Mitchell hadn't been at fault for her disappearance, but emotionally he couldn't help the nagging suggestion that he would never have let anything like that happen to Vala if he had been with them. But, Daniel hadn't been there and he didn't know what happened exactly. He knew how things could get confusing when you were under attack, so he never blamed Mitchell for losing Vala, but still, it had affected them both. He knew Mitchell felt guilty because he had been the leader of the mission and had been the last one to see her alive, but he also knew that he had no cause to think that he blamed him.

Despite it all, Mitchell had tried to keep in touch with him over the last few years just as Jack had, but Daniel had pulled away from him as well. He was just another reminder of what he had lost.

"You going to see Sam today?"

"I was planning on it." Daniel nodded

"Good, she doesn't need to be alone right now."

"Yeah." He agreed.

"You know, you don't have to go back to Atlantis right away. She might need you around for a while."

"I don't know. The Daedalus is leaving tomorrow and if I'm not on it, I'll have to wait another six weeks for it to get back."

"You see, that's what's so good about having friends in high places. They can arrange for gate travel to Atlantis when you need it." Daniel gave him an appreciative nod.

"Thanks, I'll let you know after I see Sam. She was pretty upset last night, but it's only been a few days. She's pretty strong, but..."

"Yeah, I know. You do what you need to. You two where always like siblings, if there's anyone who can help her, it's you."

"I guess." Was all Daniel could say.

"Well, that was the best 600 calories I've had in a good long time, but I really should make an appearance at work today. Can you give me a ride back?"

"Sure." Daniel said as he policed up his coffee cup.

"Just don't let Carolyn know about this, she really will kill me."

"Sure." Daniel agreed. Mitchell held the door open for Daniel as the two left the shop. He thought about how fortunate the now middle aged General was. He wanted to tell him to never take his wife for granted, that one day she might not be there to pick on him about his eating habits or nag about his tendencies to overwork or stay up late reading a fascinating book. He remembered quite a few arguments with Vala about such things. Now though, he would give just about anything for those little things that drove him to distraction whenever she was around.

After dropping Mitchell off back at the base, he drove around aimlessly for sometime, not wanting to go back into that hole in the Earth that held the SGC. Before long, he realized he had driven to Sam and Jack's house. Sitting in the car, he looked at the nicely manicured lawn and flower beds that were obviously well tended by Sam and thought about how her life had now changed. Would he really be of any help to her? Was he really a good example of someone who had gotten over the loss of their spouse? He had been a widower twice over now, yet he still wasn't sure if he had truly recovered completely from either one of their departures from his life. What could he tell Sam that would tell her that everything would be right again? He wasn't sure, but he knew he owed it to Jack to try to help Sam through this, he may not have been there for him, but he would be for Sam as long as she needed him, no matter how much it hurt him in the process.